INTERCEPTED TEXT: Tom Brady And Gisele Bündchen Make Valentine’s Day Plans

By
Updated: February 13, 2014

TOM BRADY GISELLE BUNDCHEN VALENTINES DAY 475

AT&T

10:33am
74%

Gisele

Happy Valentine’s Day baby. Love you so much!

Thank you meu amor. I love you too!

Can’t wait to see you. Save your energy because I’m gonna romance the shit outta you.

Ooh yes. So looking forward to it.

Yeah, I’m gonna go long and deep all night, baby. So get ready, ‘cause I’m gonna hit that hole, move around in your pocket, then split your goal posts and score.

Sounds hot baby.

What I’m saying is that we’re gonna get naked and do it.

Yes, I got that.

I’ll just need to sneak away from the wife for a couple of hours, and then I’m all yours.

I’ll just give her some bullshit excuse about a phony film study session or something.

Who… who do you think you’re texting with right now?

Only the FINEST piece of ass a man ever cheated on his wife with.

Tom it’s me.

Yes. In this scenario, you are the piece of ass. Geez baby, you’re kind of dense sometimes.

No, I mean it’s me. Gisele. Your WIFE.

Oh. OH! HAHA. HI GISELE SWEETHEART! How um, how did you get this number?

You texted me.

Yes, yes. So I did. Well my little German Strudel, are you ready for a red-hot Valentine’s day with your Dreamboat hubby?

Okay first of all, we’ve been over this a thousand times. I’m Brazilian. Not German.

Secondly, I get the impression you might have other plans on Valentine’s day.

What? NO! Sweetie the only plan I have for V-Day is to sex you up so hard that it'll knock that ümlaut right offa your name.

Just one thing though. I might need to split for a couple of hours around 10pm. Coach is having a mandatory late night film study session.

What a shock.

I know, right? SO DISAPPOINTING. I'm gonna be stuck in a film room for at least 2 hours with no cellphone access.

And I heard they're putting perfume in the AC vents that night. So don't be surprised if my clothes smell like Chanel No. 5 when I get home.

Uh-huh.

But then right after that it’s just me and ü, my hot little German Shepherd.

Still Brazilian. And not a dog.

Gotta run sweetie. Auf Wiedersehen for now!

Whoa. Baby, you’re not gonna believe this. I just accidentally texted my wife thinking she was you!

I covered it well, so I'm pretty sure she doesn't suspect a thing. But we gotta be more careful from now on

Wow. Just wow.

So anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow night around10-ish. I can spend a good hour giving you the old Tommy Rocket before Gisele gets suspicious.

It’s still me Tom.

Damn right it’s you. The one who’s gonna get her Uggs knocked off by riding on the top of my power poll all night long.

NO, THIS IS STILL YOUR WIFE THAT YOU’RE TEXTING.

Oh my God. HI GISELE! GUTEN TAG MY PRECIOUS LITTLE MÜLLEIMER!

GODDAMMIT I’M BRAZILIAN!

ALSO, “MÜLLEIMER” MEANS “GARBAGE CAN” IN GERMAN!

ALSO ALSO, I CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME!

What? NO! Gisele, how can you accuse me of such a thing?

Sweetie, you’ll change your mind when you see the SUPER SWEET Valentine’s gift I got for you. It’s a lock of my hair!

As your WIFE Tom, I really don’t need a lock of hair from your head.

Who said it was from my head?

You know, some men would be so happy to be married to supermodel that they would never cheat on her.

Suckers.

Excuse me?

SUCKER. That’s what I am for your gorgeous central European beauty. Which is why I would NEVER be ünfaithful to you, mein kleines nagetier

You just called me your “little rodent.”

Can’t wait to spend a romantic Valentine’s night inside you, babe. Ta-Ta sweetheart!

Hey girl. You are not going to BELIEVE the crazy night I’ve had. Check this out. Earlier tonight I tried to text a, um, buddy of mine, and accidentally texted my WIFE instead! TWICE.

Luckily I faked her out real good. She never suspected a thing.

(facepalm)

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I can sneak over to your place around 11ish. And then I’m gonna make you scream like you just saw Aaron Hernandez in a dark alley.

HOW MANY WOMEN ARE YOU HAVING AFFAIRS WITH?

What? NONE.

I mean, none besides you, darling. You’re the only one I would cheat on my boring German wife with.

SHE’S NOT GERMAN

** I ** AM NOT GERMAN, IS WHAT I MEANT.

Oh darling, you’re gonna LOVE the Valentine’s gift I got you. It’s a diamond encrusted push-up bra with little sparkly “property of #12” sequins all around the nips.

Girl, I LOVE motorboating those ginormous chesticles of yours Such a nice change from my wife’s Baltic flatlands.

How the hell are you so good at quarterbacking, yet so shitty at texting?

Oh my gosh. GISELE?! Hey sweetheart. How are you?

Doing less well by the moment.

I can’t wait üntil Valentine’s night, my limber little Bavarian pretzel.

I’m gonna penetrate right through your Black Forest, take aim down the middle to your slot receiver, and dive right into your end zone.

And then I might just spike your balls.

One thing Sweetie. Remember that little A-cup diamond bra I gave you with the “property of #12” sequins? Can you grab a sewing maching and stretch that out to a DD for me?

It’s, üm, for Vince Wilfork.

I’m a C cup, not an A, I’m not German, and so help me, If I didn’t make, like, 10x your salary I would dump your unfaithful ass.

Dammit, I KNEW I should’ve insisted on that prenup.

Happy Valentine’s Day, mein little sour kraut!

That’s it. I’m making a booty call to Eli Manning.

Leave a Reply

280 Comments

  1. Jim in NYC

    August 4, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    I’m not sure if it’s sadder that people take the time to make lame versions of the QB chat, or that they still think it’s funny.

  2. us police

    April 23, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    bradford i would be carefull you made the sexual offenders a record 1011 times

  3. Us police

    March 14, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    You want to know they also call it being a pedophile

  4. Tony Romo

    March 11, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    *vomit*

  5. Sam Bradford

    March 11, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    Oh come on Gisele! You know what they say about sex with minors? They’re like slot machines, you do them over and over again and they can’t say no.

  6. gisele bunchden

    March 4, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    yah i dont want to get arrested for sex with a minor sorry

  7. Johnny Manziel

    March 3, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Oh, by the way, is Gisele still available? I could use a good MILF.

  8. Rex Ryan

    February 26, 2014 at 4:41 am

    OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL NO YOU AIN’T SANCHEZ!

  9. Rex Ryan's tattoo of Mark Sanchez

    February 24, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Im still starting next year right coach?

  10. Michelle Ryan

    February 22, 2014 at 10:55 am

    One step at a time, just like my husband says!

  11. Warren, PFM fan

    February 21, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    I guess you got off on the right foot those weeks, eh, Rex?

  12. Rex Ryan

    February 20, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Hey what about the times i guaranteed victory against the patriots and won

  13. Phillip Rivers

    February 20, 2014 at 4:41 pm

    Rex Ryan? New York Jets coach known for making guarantees that he can’t live up to?

  14. Aaron Hernandez

    February 20, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    *immediately destroys phone and hires house cleaners*

  15. Aaron Hernandez

    February 20, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    SHIT, DID SOMEONE SAY POLICE?!

  16. Rex Ryan

    February 18, 2014 at 3:31 am

    I guarantee that the next convo will be “Super”

  17. The Comment Section Police

    February 17, 2014 at 7:41 pm

    Great. Another comment convo ruined by a combination of morons who can’t spell, fanfic writers who felt the need for a complicated future element, and idiots who ruined the pacing of the convo with their Anonymouses and hi’s and stuff. You’re all under arrest for ruining the comment section of this article.

  18. hi

    February 17, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    hi

  19. Rusty BlackMist Mustang

    February 17, 2014 at 4:56 pm

    It’s funny cuz Greg Williams set the bounty on offensive players, see?

  20. Every Offensive Player in the NFL

    February 17, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Fuck

  21. Anonymous

    February 17, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Greg Willians

    That’s right bitch

  22. Philip Rivers

    February 17, 2014 at 9:34 am

    Gregg Williams? NFL coach who only was suspended for 11 months?

  23. Gregg Williams

    February 17, 2014 at 9:30 am

    Don’t worry Rodgers I was suspended indefinitely and I am still coaching. I wasn’t even suspended for a full year.

  24. Aaron Rodgers

    February 17, 2014 at 9:26 am

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS ALL RUSSELL WILSONS FAULT IF HE JUST LOST TO THE 49ers IN THE NFC CHAMPSHIP GAME I WOULD OF NEVER USED THE FUCKING TIME MACHINE

  25. Rodger Goodell

    February 17, 2014 at 9:20 am

    Yes and it’s all Aaron Rodgers fault for using the time machine my future self and I have decided to suspend you indefinitely further notice.

  26. Anonymous

    February 17, 2014 at 9:15 am

    Yes this chaos is awesome the future must be so fucked up now

  27. Darth Anonymous

    February 16, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    I am so glad I invented that time machine. This chaos is more enjoyable than granting Jerry Jones immortality and knowing that he’s still the Cowboys owner/GM in 2040.

  28. Johnny Manziel

    February 16, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Gisele, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told the Houston Texans: You’ll regret passing on me!

  29. Joe Goddamn Namath

    February 16, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    Hicupp

  30. Wow Joe you very mean and you stole my fusing Vodka bitch too bad it became my tradition to slap your team out of the playoffs every year

    February 16, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    Terry Fucking Bradshaw

  31. Joe Goddamn Namath

    February 16, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    I couldn’t care less about you guys struggling

  32. SAMMY MOTHERFUCKING BURRAH

    February 16, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Yeah he did it in fuckin CLEVLAND AND I EVEN GOT ONE WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING EGALS FOR GODS SAKE

  33. Otto Motherfucking Graham

    February 16, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    Me dammit, modern QB’s suck! Only one QB actually has more championships than balls! None of you guys are fit to wipe my holy ass! I won 7 god damn championships in fucking Cleveland! Jesus! You have all disappointed your father!

  34. Anonymous

    February 16, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    Gotta have SOME fun during the offseason…

  35. All the Quarterbacks on this site

    February 16, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    Fuck their on to us

  36. Anonymous

    February 16, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    I think this is all fans trying to honor their favorite feature, but it’s devolved into a my little pony fanfic

  37. Anonymous

    February 16, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    I think some of this is just PFM guys having some fun. Definitely some posers though.

  38. Anonymous

    February 16, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    LOL

  39. Mark Sanchez

    February 16, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    What can I say…I LOVE BIG BUTT AND I CANNOT LIE

  40. Captain Obvious

    February 16, 2014 at 5:36 pm

    No shit Ben

  41. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 16, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    BECAUSE GIRLS CAN’T GET PREGNANT FROM ANAL YOU SEE

  42. Drew Brees 2040

    February 16, 2014 at 5:30 pm

    Mark Sanchez never had any kids he was always a ass guy so he never got a girl pregnant

  43. Random bystander

    February 16, 2014 at 5:27 pm

    Where’s Mark Sanchez’s kids?

  44. Andrew Luck

    February 16, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Uh, future me? You really don’t have to do that. You’re a nice guy deep down.

  45. Aaron Hernandez 2040

    February 16, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    Yes! I will kill all the Brady’s. Because Tom Brady never got me a ring before I went to jail, now I will kill all his children for revenge

  46. Andrew Luck 2040

    February 16, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    So many Bundchens and Bradys need to kill them all! Aaron Hernandez I need your help once we break out of jail we are going on killing spree!

  47. Carlos Bündchen-Bradford

    February 16, 2014 at 4:46 pm

    I had a threesome with my dad and Lindsey Bündchen-Rivers today it’s awesome to live these alternative lifestyles

  48. Carson Palmer

    February 16, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    No shit Ben

  49. Ben Rothlisberger

    February 16, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    It’s funny because Romo chokes in the 4th quarter

  50. Alex Smith

    February 16, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    I was gonna say Romo because it was in the 4th quarter

  51. Cam Newton

    February 16, 2014 at 4:12 pm

    The correct answer is, Tom Brady.

  52. Brett Bündchen-Romo

    February 16, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Jesus, Candice. You did not inherit your dad’s Jeopardy genes. Maybe he knows the answer.

  53. Candice Bündchen-Newton

    February 16, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Ooh! Ooh! I think I know this! Was it Ben Roethlisberger?

  54. Gisele Bündchen

    February 16, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    And whose fault was that?

  55. Jim

    February 16, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    It’s the Internet what do you expect! Especially when the comments are public

  56. No One

    February 16, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    We care about your opinion!

  57. Kenneth Bündchen-Tannehill

    February 16, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    Fuck you anonymous. So ya, good going mom, now all my half-brothers and sisters invaded Mexico against my step-mom’s orders, so now everything went to shit!

  58. Anonymous

    February 16, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    These comments are all fucked up now! it was funny for awhile until people started doing the 2040 crap.

  59. Billy Bündchen-Roethlisberger

    February 16, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    ‘Cept fer’ me!

  60. Gisele Bundchen

    February 16, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Aborted

  61. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 16, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    Hey Where are my kids

  62. Tom Brady

    February 16, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    WILSON, I WILL CUT YOU AND YOUR CLONE’S DICKS OFF AND FORCE FEED THEM TO GISELE FOR DINNER!

  63. Aaron Rodgers

    February 16, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    WILSON I WILL RAPE YOU, THEN DEEP FRY YOUR GENITALIA AND SERVE THEM WITH A SIDE OF FRIES!

  64. Geno Smith

    February 16, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    Wow, Brady and Rodgers are taking this Wilson trolling surprisingly well.

  65. 2040 President Lauren Tannehill

    February 16, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Goddammit Brady and Gisele! Your constant whorish ways have started World War III!

  66. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    So I effectively trolled Brady and Rodgers by fucking Gisele.

  67. Collin Bündchen-Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    Funny story about that… When cloning technology was invented, Russell Wilson made one so that he could play for the Packers. Coincidentally, that Wilson fucked Mom, so he’s got two love children with her in the future.

  68. Clay Mathews lll

    February 16, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Me

  69. Aaron Rodgers

    February 16, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Fuckin’ A!!! Then who did Gisele sleep with on the Packers?

  70. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 16, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE RODGERS IS GAY YOU SEE!

  71. Andre Rodgers-Sam

    February 16, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    *Poof* It’s me Dad, your adopted son!

  72. Aaron Rodgers

    February 16, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    Jesus Christ, Gisele! Your vagina must be the size of Jerryworld after all that revenge sex! Also, which one of you is my kid?

  73. Tom Brady

    February 16, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Oh no, Gisele “accidentally” fell down 3 flights of stairs. Hehehe.

  74. The 28 other love children of Gisele Bündchen and NFL starting quarterbacks

    February 16, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    *Poof* We’re heeeeeere!

  75. Chris Bündchen-Flacco

    February 16, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    *Poof* Boy, time travel sure is a pain in the ass.

  76. Brett Bündchen-Romo

    February 16, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    *Poof* Am I late?

  77. Tom Brady

    February 16, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    Note to self: throw Gisele down a flight of stairs.

  78. Matt Ryan

    February 16, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    Genius

  79. Xavier Bündchen-Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    And truth be told, the message reads I FUCKED GISELE. And I’m the proof that that happened.

  80. The conspiracy nut that interrupted Malcolm Smith.

    February 16, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Wake up Sheeple! Russell Wilson is still trolling! Read the first letter of everything he said today except the last one! Also the government is sterilizing us!

  81. Xavier Bündchen-Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    I’m your son, Xavier Bündchen-Wilson, I time traveled here because in 2040, you wanted to pull the ultimate troll on Tom Brady, since he didn’t get your secret troll.

  82. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Who are you?

  83. Xavier Bündchen-Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    *Poof* Hey, it worked!

  84. Stephen Wilson-Brady

    February 16, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    I hate you dad

  85. Tom Brady

    February 16, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    WILSON I WILL KNOCK UP YOUR WIFE 100 TIMES AND FORCE YOU TO RAISE EVERY SINGLE BASTARD!

  86. Drew Brese

    February 16, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    No one cares Bradford

  87. Sam Bradford

    February 16, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Dammit forgot my name

  88. Anonymous

    February 16, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    You know what they say about B.J.

  89. Aaron Rogers

    February 16, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    I WILL GET B.J RAJI TO SIT ON YOU AND CRUSH YOUR TINY LITTLE BODY WILSON

  90. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    Everyone have a great day!

  91. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:25 pm

    LOL!

  92. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Except Aaron Rodgers.

  93. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    Seriously though, I wish every one of you a long successful career.

  94. Aaron Rogers

    February 16, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    He must have Andrew Luck disease.

  95. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    I really am turning over a new leaf.

  96. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:20 pm

    Granted, I do have a long history of trolling, but I assure you Peyton, I’m not trolling you.

  97. Eli Manning

    February 16, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    This is literally scaring the shit out of me

  98. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    Dude, I’m not playing a game, I really do wish you the best.

  99. Peyton Manning

    February 16, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    This isn’t one of you first letter or something in what you say trolls, Wilson? Is it?

  100. Tom Brady

    February 16, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Bullshit Wilson, what’s your game?

  101. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    Everyone knows, you didn’t really mean that Cooper.

  102. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Kudos to you Mr. Brady.

  103. Riley Cooper

    February 16, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Nigger

  104. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:12 pm

    Candidly, I’m just wishing the best for you.

  105. Tom Brady

    February 16, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    What fucking troll angle are you getting at now you little pint sized troll?

  106. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Understand, I wish you guys nothing but the best.

  107. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Frankly, I think you two make a cute couple.

  108. Russell Wilson

    February 16, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    I really hope things work out for you and Giselle, Brady.

  109. Peyton Manning

    February 16, 2014 at 11:49 am

    Hehehehehehehe

  110. Glenn Quagmire

    February 16, 2014 at 11:38 am

    I am sorry my fellow Americans that I stuck my quaduglang in her galodity gigitygigtygigity

  111. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 16, 2014 at 11:10 am

    BECAUSE GLENN QUAGMIRE DOES A LOT OF WOMEN, AND SAM BRADFORD DOES ANYTHING THAT MOVES!

  112. Sam Bradford

    February 16, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Stay off my turf, Brady!

  113. Glenn Quagmire

    February 16, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Giggity

  114. Geno Smith

    February 16, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Christ almighty, Brady! Forget Tiger Woods, you’re fucking Glenn Quagmire! I swear to god, you’ll hump anything that moves.

  115. Tom Brady

    February 16, 2014 at 10:01 am

    BTW Tiger, I just had a threesome with that Swedish chick and Lindsey Vonn.

  116. Philip Rivers

    February 16, 2014 at 5:46 am

    Tiger Woods? Pro golfer and cheating husband to Elin Nordgren?

  117. Tiger Woods

    February 16, 2014 at 1:12 am

    He already has. Well done Tom! The student has become the master

  118. Andy Dalton

    February 16, 2014 at 1:10 am

    Seriously Brady you’re reaching Tiger Woods levels of cheating

  119. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 15, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    BECAUSE ANTONIO CROMARTIE HAS ALOT OF KIDS YOU SEE

  120. Eli Manning

    February 15, 2014 at 8:48 pm

    Brady, with the amount of wives you’ve fucked, you’ve officially Antonio Cromartie to shame.

  121. Tom Brady

    February 15, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Hey Rivers is I haven’t fucked you wife in about a week so yeah can’t talk just going to fuck her

  122. Philip Rivers

    February 15, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    Michael Richards? The guy who played Kramer on Seinfeld and screamed the N word at a heckler in a comedy club?

  123. Michael Richards

    February 15, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    Hey you assholes. Leave that “nigger guy” alone!

  124. Cam Newton

    February 15, 2014 at 7:25 pm

    What’s that souposed to mean

  125. Riley Cooper

    February 15, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    All you NOFERS get out of here

  126. Anonymous

    February 15, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    Because Cooper is not a QB you see.

  127. RGIII

    February 15, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    Cooper you don’t belong in this comment section/convo

  128. Mike Vick

    February 15, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    Cooper you fuckng racist bastard

  129. Riley Cooper

    February 15, 2014 at 5:47 pm

    Sup Homies

  130. Micheal Sam

    February 15, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Can I come over and make it a threesome.

  131. Aaron Rogers

    February 15, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    I’m not gay and if you keep calling me gay I will beat the living Romo out of you.

  132. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 15, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    AND BECAUSE AARON RODGERS IS GAY

  133. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 15, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE THE SAINTS ALLEGEDLY PUT BOUNTIES ON PLAYERS DURING THE GREGG WILLIAMS ERA.

  134. Bill belichek

    February 15, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Grumble grumble grumble

  135. Ben Rothlesberger

    February 15, 2014 at 4:41 pm

    Because Jay Cutler smoke a lot you see ?

  136. Jay Cutler

    February 15, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    Can I get a cigarette ?

  137. The QB Class of 2014

    February 15, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    Say with all those injuries does anybody need a QB

  138. Dr. James Andrews

    February 15, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Well I am not complaining RG3 is making me a fortune!

  139. Tom Brady

    February 15, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Hey RGNoKnees, while your doctor tries to fix that ungodly mess you called your legs, I’m going to make a quick stop at your wife’s house. I haven’t banged her since your surgey

  140. RGIII

    February 15, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    GODAMMIT

  141. RGIII

    February 15, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    * Both knees blow out *

  142. RGIII

    February 15, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Well thanks to highly aggressive rehab, I’m good to go for next season!

  143. Anonymous

    February 15, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    I find it funny how people continue the convos in the comments it’s going to be a long off season might as well laugh at something lol. Even if the shit that’s posted is complete shit at times.

  144. John Elway

    February 15, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Man it feels so good to be a Broncos Quarterback that, as of Febuary 3rd, 2014, has won more than 1 Super Bowl

  145. Joe fucking Montana

    February 15, 2014 at 11:37 am

    You all are all shirt ass QBs anyway

  146. Roger Goodell

    February 15, 2014 at 11:36 am

    AND WHO CHANGED MY NAME?

  147. Commissioner Douchebag Goodell

    February 15, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Did I hear BountyGate?

  148. Jay Cutler

    February 15, 2014 at 11:26 am

    Bad choice of words Rodgers.

  149. Aaron Rodgers

    February 15, 2014 at 11:24 am

    WILSON, I WILL RAPE YOU NEXT YEAR!

  150. Drew Brees

    February 15, 2014 at 11:23 am

    WILSON, I WILL PAY MY DEFENSE TO INJURE YOU SO THAT YOU WILL BE FORCED TO PLAY BASEBALL FOR THE REST OF YOUR ATHLETIC CAREER!

  151. Jay Cutler

    February 15, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Quit your snagglenosing, Luck.

  152. Russell Wilson

    February 15, 2014 at 11:20 am

    And then choke.

  153. Andrew Luck

    February 15, 2014 at 11:13 am

    Guys, I didn’t mean it. It was just part of a bet I made with Tom Brady. If I lost to him in the playoffs, I would have to say something mean, and today was the deadline to pay up. Please know I hold each and every one of you in the highest regards. My sincerest apologies.

  154. Drew Brees

    February 15, 2014 at 11:05 am

    If you don’t mind Gisele I want to eat you out like I chucg a Niquil

  155. Brett Farve

    February 15, 2014 at 11:05 am

    I’m making a comeback

  156. Kase Keenum

    February 15, 2014 at 11:02 am

    Fuck you Ben

  157. Ben Rothlesberger

    February 15, 2014 at 10:57 am

    Because Kase keenum never won you see

  158. Kase Keenum

    February 15, 2014 at 10:56 am

    What a win!

  159. Rimshot

    February 15, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Not going to touch that one.

  160. Unnecessary Fanta Reference

    February 15, 2014 at 9:56 am

    Nope, it’s a FantaSea

  161. Drew Brees

    February 15, 2014 at 9:28 am

    Wait Roger Goodell is sorry for something? is this real life?

  162. 2040 Roger Goodell

    February 15, 2014 at 9:27 am

    Sorry I meant in the year 2020.

  163. Manny Ramirez

    February 15, 2014 at 9:25 am

    (snaps ball)

  164. 2040 Roger Goodell

    February 15, 2014 at 9:23 am

    See Rogers thanks to you in 2020 years Andrew Luck will end up killing a bunch of hobos

  165. Colin Kaepernick

    February 15, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Uh-oh, looks like Luck’s “NFL Tourette’s Syndrome” is acting up again.

  166. Drew Brees

    February 15, 2014 at 9:22 am

    … What the fuck happened to you Luck?

  167. Andrew Luck

    February 15, 2014 at 8:55 am

    No you know what FUCK YOU and all the other shitty ass quarterbacks in this goddamm league. You can blow me Goodell and everyone else can go to fucking hell including Aaron Rodgers gay self and make sure he’s in hell trapped with Wison and also to all you other shitty people you can al have the ultimate punishment be nice to TONY FUCKING ROMO

  168. Andrew Luck

    February 15, 2014 at 8:22 am

    I’m sorry, sir. I will try to improve.

  169. Roger Goodell

    February 15, 2014 at 8:22 am

    QUIT YOUR BROWN NOSING, ANDREW!! IN FACT, JUST FOR THAT, I AM SUSPENDING YOU FOR TWO SEASONS!!

  170. Andrew Luck

    February 15, 2014 at 8:21 am

    Mr. Commissioner Goodell, I would like to apologize for the substandard behavior displayed by me and my fellow NFL players. I hold you in the highest regard and think you are making a tremendous impact on the game of football. I promise I will set a better example for my fellow NFL players, sir.

  171. Tom Bundchen

    February 15, 2014 at 7:47 am

    For goodness sake, Stafford, this is NOT twit- WILFORK!!!!!!!111

  172. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 15, 2014 at 6:37 am

    AND THAT’S FUNNY BECAUSE I’M NOT VERY SMART!!!!!!! hey wait a minute…

  173. @MatthewStafford

    February 15, 2014 at 6:35 am

    @BenBentheRapistBurger um… I think you put your name where your comment was supposed to be and your comment where your name is supposed to be.

  174. BECAUSE BRANDON WEEDEN IS OLD, YOU SEE!!!

    February 15, 2014 at 6:32 am

    Ben Roethlisberger

  175. Geno Smith

    February 15, 2014 at 6:31 am

    Weeden, you’d probably need Viagra to give yourself a good time.

  176. Brandon Weeden

    February 15, 2014 at 12:53 am

    I think Gisele needs an experienced man to show her a good time.

  177. Bill Belichick

    February 14, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    grumble grumble grumble

  178. Anonymous

    February 14, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    I guess I’m the only one that finds it annoying when random people try to be like the PFM writers, I think the convos are better left to them, but I digress.

  179. Ben roethlisburger

    February 14, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    Because the comments look like the facebook convos you see

  180. Anonymous

    February 14, 2014 at 10:15 pm

    Simply amazing! And here I was all sad that I have to go another 7 months without the QBs on Facebook convos, but I see they’ve just transferred to the comments!

  181. Sam Bradford

    February 14, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    Okay, we need a broken computer hard drive, a large wooden spoon, 40 or 50 gallons of chocolate milk, and a duck.

  182. Sam Bradford

    February 14, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    I’ve got some ideas for that in my Kama Samtra.

  183. That Girl From The Wendys Commercial

    February 14, 2014 at 9:44 pm

    Look tom just because i had sex with you does not mean ill go back to your little cock and giselle how about we have sex while we lock tom up while we go at it

  184. Tom Brady

    February 14, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    I’ll do you with Giselle in a smokin hot bacon 3 way

  185. That Girl From The Wendy's Comercials

    February 14, 2014 at 8:40 pm

    Does any not want to smash their face in my buns for V-Day cause my V is soaking wet

  186. John Jerry

    February 14, 2014 at 8:35 pm

    Yeah tell me boss

  187. Jonathan Martin

    February 14, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Wah stop bullying me or ill tell roger goddell

  188. Richie Incognito

    February 14, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Aww wook at the poor wittle pussy. He’s such a pussy, he can’t even capitalize his last name.

  189. Jonathan martin

    February 14, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    Wah you guys hurt my feelings im going to kill your family

  190. Philip Rivers

    February 14, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    Mike Pouncey, John Jerry, and Richie Incognito? The three ringleaders of the Dolphins Bullygate scandal?

  191. Richie Incognito

    February 14, 2014 at 8:11 pm

    Preach it, Mike!

  192. John Jerry

    February 14, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    Amen brother!

  193. Mike Pouncey

    February 14, 2014 at 8:09 pm

    Use my name again, you little David Spade knockoff, and I will stick a wiffle bat so far up where the sun don’t shine, you’ll be singing soprano.

  194. Reggie Goodell

    February 14, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    This conversation is funny. I’m going to overrule my evil twin and not only waive your suspensions, I’m also taking every QB except Plunger and Romo clubbing.

  195. Nick Foles

    February 14, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    Don’t push your luck, Pouncey

  196. Christian Ponder

    February 14, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    So since everyone that had participated up to now is suspended for the entire season, does that mean I can be a starting QB next season?

  197. Ben Roethlisburger

    February 14, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    Because roger godell is a little bitch you see

  198. Roger Goodell

    February 14, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    THAT DOES IT!! I AM SUSPENDING ALL OF YOU FOR FOUR WEEKS!! NO, MAKE THAT EIGHT WEEKS!!! ACTUALLY, MAKE IT THE ENTIRE SEASON!!

  199. Drew Brees

    February 14, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Blah blah blah… Go choke on a big fat dick, Goodell.

  200. Roger Goodell

    February 14, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that you guys have been using awful language on these threads. This is the type of behavior that reflects poorly on the shield. I order these threads to be shut down immediately.

  201. Philip Rivers

    February 14, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    Aaron Hernandez? Former Patriots TE who is awaiting trial on murder charges?

  202. Matthew Stafford

    February 14, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    @SamBradford

    Tee hee… I wanna see them!!

  203. Aaron Hernandez

    February 14, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    IF ANY OF YOU PUNKS TRY TO FUCK MY BOY TOMMY’S WIFE, IMA MURK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND DESTROY ALL OF THE EVIDENCE!!!

  204. Sam Bradford

    February 14, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    I once had a foursome with a german beauty. It was me, that german shepherd, a cat and a dolphin. I’ve got photos in case you’re all wondering.

  205. Ben Roethlisburger

    February 14, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    Because both aaron rodgers and michael sam are gay you see

  206. Michael Sam

    February 14, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    It’s Okay Rogers. Also according to Chris Kluwe the Packers is one of the teams that’s best for me so maybe we become teammates.

  207. Colin Kaepernick

    February 14, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    Oh, hey, that reminds me, hey Wilson, don’t you have Spring Training to go to with the Texas Rangers?

  208. Aaron Rodgers

    February 14, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    WILSON, I WILL YANK OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND USE THEMAS MY NEW GARDEN HOSE!

  209. Russel wilson

    February 14, 2014 at 4:35 pm

    I wish i knew how losing in the super bowl feels

  210. Aaron Rodgers

    February 14, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    NOOOOOOOO

  211. Colin Kaepernick

    February 14, 2014 at 4:19 pm

    YES!!! GO DOLPHINS! 2016 SUPER BOWL CHAMPS!!

  212. Roger Goodell 2040

    February 14, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    Now, you’ve messed up the future further, so now the 2016 Super Bowl you were supposed to win, you have now lost to the Dolphins!

  213. Rodger Goodell 2040

    February 14, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    See what you did Aaron Rodgers?! Now everyone is time traveling and it’s messing up the future!

  214. Anonymous

    February 14, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    These comments are hilarious there better then the FB convos lol

  215. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 14, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    SO I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE?

  216. Ben Roethlisberger 2040

    February 14, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    BECAUSE TOM BRADY HAS A BUNCH OF KIDS IN THE FUTURE YOU SEE

  217. Gisele Bundchen

    February 14, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    Fuck you Brady you unfaithful ass! I hope you go broke in the future with all those children you will have to give child support for. Because I will not give you a single cent.

  218. Phillip Rivers

    February 14, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Darren Sharper? The former NFL safety and current NFL network analyst who was recently charged with rape?

  219. Darren Sharper

    February 14, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    GIVE ME THOSE TITTIES!

  220. Tom Brady

    February 14, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    She doesn’t want any of you losers! She wants to be with her man on Valentines Day. Don’t worry Gisele my sweet I will be with you after I am done with a couple of the qb’s girlfriends and wifes that is.

  221. Sam Bradford

    February 14, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Perhaps Gisele wants to be the subject of a chapter of a new sex handbook I’m working on. I’m thinking of calling it the Kama Samtra.

  222. Marshawn Lynch

    February 14, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    BEAST MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

    BEAST MODE OFFER GISELLE A LONG HOT BUBBLE BATH FIRST. AND THEN BEAST MODE ASK GISELLE WHAT SHE’S IN THE MOOD FOR BECAUSE BEAST MODE RESPECTS WOMEN’S DECISIONS!

  223. Mark Sanchez

    February 14, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    Dammit, Roethlisberger, stop hacking my Facebook!!

  224. Mark Sanchez

    February 14, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE MARK SANCHEZ RAN INTO HIS OFFENSIVE LINEMAN’S REAR END IN A GAME LAST YEAR AND FUMBLED THE BALL AWAY.

  225. Mark Sanchez

    February 14, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    Gisele, you should spend some time with me. As soon as I get you in the bedroom, I will plow right into your ass!!

  226. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 14, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    BECAUSE MATT SCHAUB THROWS A LOT OF PICK-SIXES.

  227. Peyton Manning

    February 14, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    You know, I hate Rat-Face Schaub as much as anyone else, but he has a point.

  228. Matt Schaub

    February 14, 2014 at 11:58 am

    If Gisele is wanting action, why should he waste her time with any of you losers? Everyone knows you score when you’re with me.

  229. Alex Smith

    February 14, 2014 at 11:15 am

    I can bus drive you down a cliff with my 20 foot bus

  230. Tim Tebow

    February 14, 2014 at 10:22 am

    Okay, bye bye!!! 😀 😀 😀

  231. Peyton Manning

    February 14, 2014 at 10:21 am

    No one cares!! Get the fuck away, churchy!!

  232. Tim Tebow

    February 14, 2014 at 10:21 am

    Oh, I’m so sorry, I was just so excited about going on a date with you that I changed my name and forgot to change it back before I reposted. Silly me!! 😀 😀 😀

  233. Gisele Bundchen

    February 14, 2014 at 10:19 am

    Okie-dokie, bye bye!!! :) :) :)

  234. Gisele Bundchen

    February 14, 2014 at 10:19 am

    Go away, virgin boy!!!

  235. Tim Tebow

    February 14, 2014 at 10:18 am

    Hi, Miss Bundchen!!! I see Thomas is subjecting you to some awful treatment. How would you like to date a Heisman trophy winner like me?? I promise I will not have sex with you until we are married!! :) :) :)

  236. Drew Brees

    February 14, 2014 at 9:06 am

    On second thought, don’t answer that.

  237. Drew Brees

    February 14, 2014 at 9:06 am

    PUKE! What the fuck Bradford?

  238. Colin Kaepernick

    February 14, 2014 at 6:55 am

    BLEARGH! For fuck’s sake, that is so wrong! It doesn’t even make any sense, Bradford!

  239. Sam Bradford

    February 14, 2014 at 6:52 am

    No Geno, It’s like a prostitute with irritable bowel syndrome shitting on your chest in a seedy motel after you take her out to dinner at Taco Bell and proceed to have sex with her riding you sidesaddle.

  240. Geno Smith

    February 14, 2014 at 6:47 am

    Romo, your consistent failure to make the playoffs is like a guy shooting a load before he even puts a condom on.

  241. Jay Cutler

    February 14, 2014 at 6:46 am

    If that consistency is consistent failure to make the playoffs, I’m sure that Gisele would be happy to get fucked by you, Romo. Because women are so attracted to failure.

  242. Tony Romo

    February 14, 2014 at 6:44 am

    Hey Gisele, maybe you want to get in bed with someone who knows consistency, like me!

  243. Philip Rivers

    February 14, 2014 at 6:10 am

    Anderson Varejao? Center for the Cleveland Cavaliers known for being a big flopper?

  244. Tranborg#23

    February 14, 2014 at 12:55 am

    Themselves that is*

  245. Tranborg#23

    February 14, 2014 at 12:54 am

    Its like PFM’s making the comments into a facebook convo. 😀

  246. Joe Flacco

    February 13, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    Dammit you guys! I was the Super Bowl MVP last year! How many times do I have to tell you?!

  247. Anonymous

    February 13, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    Because Russell Wilson won the Super Bowl you see.

  248. Russell Wilson

    February 13, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    Like me.

  249. Drew Brees

    February 13, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    Please Flacco. She wants someone who has actually won a Super Bowl.

  250. Joe Flacco

    February 13, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    And goddammit stafford this isnt twitter

  251. Joe Flacco

    February 13, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    How would you like an elite quarterback like me

  252. Mathew Stafford

    February 13, 2014 at 7:51 pm

    @AndrewLuck you fucking brown nosed duchenugget. I hope @TBradythemaginificent12. Funky your whittle little gymnast. Also fuck @Tonynono

  253. Anderson Varejao

    February 13, 2014 at 7:50 pm

    Gisele would’ve called him ‘meu bem’ for future Brazilian Portuguese references

  254. Anonymous

    February 13, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    Nice try Aaron Rodgers but you’re not fooling any of us.

  255. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 13, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    AWW NOW I CANT GET AN ERECTION BECAUSE SHE GAVE HER CONSENT.

  256. Giselle Bundchen

    February 13, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Absolutely, Ben Roethlisberger!! I’ll gladly leave my cheating husband for someone who has actually won a Super Bowl post spygate.

  257. Tom Brady

    February 13, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    I know Ryan, I’m bangin’ Lauren as we speak.

  258. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 13, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE RGIII GETS INJURED A LOT.

  259. RGIII

    February 13, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    *tears ACL*

  260. RGIII

    February 13, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Hey guys. I think I have a concussion. At least that’s what Dr. James Andrews said. But at least my knee is healed though!

  261. Lauren Tannehill

    February 13, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    This is Ryan, sorry for using my wife’s account.

  262. Lauren Tannehill

    February 13, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    Only if Lauren gets to use her dildo again.

  263. Sam Bradford

    February 13, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    And here I thought I was the one with perverted tastes…

  264. Tom Brady

    February 13, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    I’m not worried, she’ll take one look at Eli’s putrid mouth breathing face, and rush back to me. Hmmm, maybe I should tag along, it would be funny as fuck to have a threesome with Giselle and Eli’s wife in Eli’s house. I should invite Tanny’s wife too, I haven’t had a foursome in almost 3 hours.

  265. Mike Ditka

    February 13, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    This is why Da Bears crushed the Patriots in the Super Bowl

  266. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 13, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    HI GAZELLE BOOTCHIN!!! ITS FIRST AND LONG IN MY PANTS!! SO SEX??

  267. Ben Roethlisberger's Lawyer

    February 13, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    ALLEGEDLY that is. How many times do we have to keep force feeding you xanax until you remember to say that Ben?

  268. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 13, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    BECAUSE I’M A RAPIST… …… HEY!

  269. Andy Dalton

    February 13, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Isn’t that what Roethlisberger would say?

  270. Tom Brady

    February 13, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    WILSON, I WILL DO YOUR WIFE, GIRL FRIEND, OR WHAT EVER

  271. Bill Belichick

    February 13, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    Grumble! Grumble! Grumble!

  272. Peyton Manning

    February 13, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    WILSON, I WILL FORCE FEED YOU PAPA JOHN’S PIZZA UNTIL YOU SHIT OUT CANDY HEARTS THAT SAY “PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING IS THE GREATEST QB OF ALL TIME.”

  273. Russell Wilson

    February 13, 2014 at 2:53 pm

    Or she can marry this years super bowl champion

  274. KingdomOfFawg

    February 13, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    He was going to call his old flame Wes Welker, but Wes’ phone dropped the call.

  275. Roger Goodell

    February 13, 2014 at 2:47 pm

    Ben do you want to be suspended again?

  276. Andrew Luck

    February 13, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Gosh Gisele, I am so sorry that you are being subjected to such awful treatment from your husband. A pretty girl like you deserves better.

  277. Matthew Stafford

    February 13, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    @BigBen Dude, I’m pretty sure she’s married. To the QB of the Patriots.

  278. Aaron Rodgers

    February 13, 2014 at 2:42 pm

    Gisele, want to be my Valentine’s Day date? It saves you from having to call Eli Manning, and maybe it would finally put to rest some of those untrue rumors floating around out there about me.

  279. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 13, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    HEY GISELE, WANT TO, UM, HAVE SEX WITH ME?

  280. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 13, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    BECAUSE TOM BRADY CHEATS ON HIS WIFE A LOT WITH OTHER WOMEN, YOU SEE.

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