INTERCEPTED TEXT: Ben Roethlisberger Makes A New Friend

By
Updated: December 10, 2014

BEN ROETHLISBERGER TEXTING rev

Verizon

3:21pm
71%

+90 (008) 000...

VZW FREE MSG: Welcome to Verizon and to your new iPhone 6. Get started on America's most reliable network, Verizon. vzw.com/ new/mwelcome

HELLO HANDPHONE. THIS IS BEN.

VZW FREE MSG: Last reminder to put the finishing touches on your new phone. Get the accessories you want right from your device http://bit.ly/ VZWmasD30

DO YOU LIKE FOOTBALL? I LIKE FOOTBALL.

THAT’S WHY I FOOTBALL FOR THE PITSBERG STEELINGS.

FREE VZW msg: Get $2.99 off an Invisi-Shield Clear Glass screen protector for a limited time! 2 year renewal and upgraded plan required. Call 800.779.3225.

THIS WEEK I’LL BE FOOTBALLING AGAINST MATT RYAN AND HIS ATLANTIS FALCONES

Free VZW msg: Thank you for your loyalty! As a valued customer, you’re eligible for a FREE ringtone download! (Two year contract renewal required.). Call 877-602-8244 today!

COACH OMAR EPPS SAYS THIS IS A “MUSS TWIN” GAME FOR US.

I DON’T KNOW WHO THE MUSS TWINS ARE. I WONDER IF THERE’S A FAT ONE AND SKINNY ONE LIKE ROBB AND RECKS RYING.

VZW FREE MSG: You are eligible for a 3% discount on a three year contract renewal. Please visit verizonwireless.com, a VZW store or retail location.

DID YOU KNOW THAT JOHNNY MAN SEAL WILL BE THE QUARTERINGBACK FOR THE CLEVELAND ORANGES THIS WEEK?

I DON’T SEE HOW JOHNNY MAN SEAL CAN FOOTBALL GOOD WITH JUST FLIPPERS FOR HANDS, BUT COACH EPPS SAYS HE CAN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN BRIAN HOYLE-MURRAY LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH.

FREE VZW MSG: Get $20 VZW gift card w/eligible trade-in of iPhone 4, 4S, 5, 5S. (five year contract renewal required). www.trade-in.vzw.com

COACH EPPS SAYS WE HAVE TO MOVE AHEAD OF THE SINSINATTY TIGERS AND THE RAYVEN SIMONES IF WE WANT TO MAKE THE PLAYINGOFFS.

HE SAYS IF WE FOOTBALL GOOD IN THE PLAYINGOFFS WE CAN GO TO THE SUE PURBOLE.

Free VZW msg: Get $5.00 off purchase of new VZW car charger for your smartphone! (Nine year contract renewal required.). Call 877-602-8244 today!

I DON’T KNOW WHO SUE PURBOLE IS. I HOPE SHE’S PRETTY.

MAYBE SUE PURBOLE WILL GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME AND MAKE ME HAPPY IN MY PANTS.

FREE VZW MSG: Ready to trade in that old clunker phone? New iPhone 6Plus discounted to $289.99 (with five year contract agreement). www.trade-in.vzw.com

COACH EPPS SAYS I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET HAPPY IN MY PANTS WITH PRETTY GIRLS UNLESS THEY GIVE ME THEIR “KUN-SENT” FIRST

I DON’T KNOW WHAT KUN-SENT IS, BUT RODGER GOOD-L SAYS IF I DON’T GET IT, HE’LL SUSPENDERS ME LIKE ADRIENNE PETER’S SON.

VZW FREE MSG: Order great holiday gifts for everyone on your XMAS list today and get FREE SHIPPING (with 24 month prepaid contract extension) . vzw.com/ consumer/shop

I LIKE TALKING TO YOU HANDPHONE. YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND.

Verizon Warning: Your mobile number ending in 0707 has used about 25% of your data plan. You can track your usage or move to a larger plan at vzwmobile.com/usg

ARE WE PHONE-SEXTING NOW?

Verizon Warning: Your mobile number ending in 0707 has used about 50% of your monthly data plan. You can track your usage or move to a larger plan at vzwmobile.com/usg

I KNOW ALL ABOUT PHONE SEXTING. MY FRIEND BRET FARVER TOLD ME ABOUT IT.

Verizon Warning: Your mobile number ending in 0707 has used about 75% of your monthly data plan. You can track your usage or move to a larger plan at vzwmobile.com/usg

UNGH. UNGH. THIS IS FUN PHONE SEXTING.

YOU’RE MAKING ME HAPPY IN MY PANTS.

Verizon Warning: Your mobile number ending in 0707 has now used all 100% of your monthly data plan. You can track your usage or move to a larger plan at vzwmobile.com/usg

YAYYYY!!!! THAT WAS GOOD PHONE SEXTING.

NOW MY PANTS ARE STICKY.

FREE VZW msg: Please do not reply to official Verizon Wireless auto-texts. See user agreement details at vzwmobile.com/usg

YOU”RE MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, HANDPHONE.

IMPORTANT VZW REMINDER: Verizon Wireless will periodically send informative and helpful messages to VZW clients. These are merely marketing strategies and should not be construed as offers of friendship and/or sexual advances. Complete program details at vzwmobile.com/usg

I HOPE WE CAN KEEP PHONE SEXTING FOUREVER.

IMPORTANT VZW REMINDER: Verizon Wireless would like to encourage you to maybe consider switching to Sprint? They have some great deal right now on plans for your whole family. Check it out at www.sprint.com/ chooseplans

I’M GOING TO WRITE TO YOU EVERY DAY AFTER FOOTBALLING PRACTICE.

IT’S YOU AND ME FOUREVER HANDPHONE,

IMPORTANT VZW REMINDER: No seriously, Verizon thinks that maybe some of its customers are getting a little too clingy and feels that maybe we should start seeing other carriers? www.pleasegiveus somespace.com /restrainingorder

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5 Comments

  1. Ben Roethlisberger

    December 11, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    …I’M NOT THAT STUPID. THIS MUST BE FROM 2040 BEN ROETHLISBERGER’S PHONE.

  2. Jay Cutler

    December 11, 2014 at 10:44 am

    It was actually funny… Now time to smoke.

  3. Anonymous

    December 10, 2014 at 6:54 pm

    Omg freaking hilarious. Couldn’t stop laughing during the phone sexting part.

  4. PFMFan21

    December 10, 2014 at 11:58 am

    That last line had me rolling. Actually, this whole conversation had me rolling.

    • PFM Comments

      December 10, 2014 at 4:40 pm

      I literally LOLed several times reading this. It’s not that often I do that.

      Pure genius.

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