Howie Long’s Fantasies About Murdering Terry Bradshaw Growing Increasingly More Graphic

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Updated: September 16, 2012
Howie Long Wants To Kill Terry Bradshaw

“Urge to kill… rising….”

After working side by side as co-hosts of the “Fox NFL Sunday” pre-game show for the past eighteen seasons, former Raider all-pro Howie Long’s fantasies about brutally murdering his co-host Terry Bradshaw have grown increasingly more twisted and graphic, sources close to the set reported.

 

“You can see it in his eyes,” said one of the show’s junior producers, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal from the 6’5, 268 pound Long. “Every time Terry starts to act wacky, gets all fidgety, or uses that grating voice of his, you can just see Howie’s eyes sort of glaze over for an instant. He really wants to kill that guy.”

 

Bradshaw, the former Steelers QB and four-time NFL Super Bowl winner, has always played the show’s comic foil to the more serious analysis provided by Long, Jimmy Johnson, and Curt Menafee. But as the years have passed, Bradshaw’s antics have grown more cartoonish, and Long’s homicidal thoughts have increased in kind.

 

Howie Long forces a smile while posing next to Terry Bradshaw

One smiles to conceal his rage. The other smile because he’s a babbling loon.

“At first, it was fairly run of the mill stuff,” sources close to Long said. “Whenever Terry would act like a putz on camera, Howie would instantly have this brief moment where he’d visualize himself secretly pouring a little droplet of arsenic into the Raspberry Snapple that Bradshaw keeps just under the desk, so that he’d sputter and die during the next commercial break.”

 

“But as Terry’s become increasingly annoying, Howie’s fantasies have turned more gruesome. Lately, he’s been having daydreams about executing (Bradshaw) with a ninja sword impaled through his skull, or plunging his head into his chest to rip out his still beating heart. Sometimes, he likes to imagine himself slamming Terry’s head into the desk so hard that it shatters like an overripe cantaloupe.”

 

Added the source, “He’s been going to some dark places, man.”

 

While Long has to this point resisted his murderous urges, sources insist that if Bradshaw grabs Long by the shoulders and shakes him on camera while giggling like a hyena just one more time, then so help him God, Long won’t be responsible for what happens next.

 

 

2 Comments

  1. IFHSS

    October 11, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    Funny AF!

  2. Ben Roethlisberger

    December 16, 2013 at 9:11 am

    BECAUSE TERRY WASN’T AS GOOD AS I AM, YOU SEE.

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