Hoodie-Wearing Stranger Exits DeLorean In 1974, Offers To Pay For Archie Manning’s Vasectomy

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Updated: November 20, 2013

A frowning man, wearing some sort of baggy sweater/hood apparel, emerged from a futuristic looking vehicle that seemed to appear out of nowhere, then immediately approached New Orleans Saints QB Archie Manning, offering to pay for his reproductive sterilization vasectomy, sources from 1974 reported.

 

The man, who witnesses described as “gruff,” and “kind of villainous,” explained to Manning that he was prepared to not only pay the full cost of Manning’s surgery, but to also throw in an extra $1,000, “just for your troubles.” When Manning balked, the stranger quickly added, “Fine, five thousand dollars. Ten thousand. Whatever it takes to make this happen. Just get your ass in that chair because you’re getting that snip-snip, Manning, you hear me?”

 

Manning, the fourth year Saints QB who most analysts expect to lead his beleaguered franchise to a Super Bowl victory one day, repeatedly declined the man’s offer, explaining that he and his wife Olivia, already parents to one year old Cooper, were hoping to have more children at some point.

 

“Yeah, he was really insistent that I get that, you know, procedure,” Manning said to reporters. “I told him that we still had a lot of love to give in our family, and we wanted to have another baby or two. Boys, hopefully. That just seemed to make him madder, for some reason.”

 

While Manning’s interaction with the hooded stranger was certainly odd, it apparently was not unique. Leland and Shelly Welker of Oklahoma City, OK, reported that a man fitting the same description also visited them, asking them to, “please, please, if and when you ever have a son, just promise me you’ll work with him on his hands.  His HANDS. Just… promise me you’ll teach him how important it is to not… drop… anything!” before getting back into his strange vehicle and speeding off at precisely 88 mph.

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14 Comments

  1. Not Sam Bradford

    November 26, 2013 at 7:22 am

    This article is clearly fake. Peyton and Eli are obviously butt-babies, conceived by a Taco Bell 7-layer burrito.

  2. Anonymous

    November 25, 2013 at 7:13 am

    This is from the time capsule last year..

  3. Crux

    November 23, 2013 at 10:09 am

    And now reports from 2013 indicates that the New Orleans Saints will introduce former WR Cooper Manning for their Hall of Fame. The former Ole Miss Rebel has broken every record in the NFL for the position, especially after the arrival of his brother Peyton Manning in the 1998 NFL Draft (which was a blockbuster trade with the Indianapolis Colts, that now are lead by former Chargers QB Drew Brees). The highlight of the Cooper’s carrer was the MVP of Super Bowl XLIV, the third of his carrer and of HC Sean Payton in New Orleans.

  4. Anonymous

    November 21, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    I wonder what was actually updated then. Does anybody know?

  5. Anonymous

    November 20, 2013 at 3:11 pm

    It would be better if this wasn’t posted before. Even the Welker thing was in the older one.

  6. Anonymous

    November 20, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    I think the update was with Welker, but I didn’t think it was actually funny.

  7. Nicholas Colin Stanosheck

    November 20, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    He went to the future and reposted it after going to the past and imposing it.

  8. Gary Wayne Harris

    November 20, 2013 at 7:55 am

    Very funny article. Great job!

  9. IFHSS

    November 20, 2013 at 7:28 am

    Every part is funny of course.

  10. IFHSS

    November 20, 2013 at 7:27 am

    This is updated? I seem to remember every part.

  11. Mathew

    November 20, 2013 at 6:03 am

    That is awesome! But he needs to go make sure Hernandez is raised right!

  12. babar

    November 20, 2013 at 4:53 am

    one of the most hillarious article i have ever seen here :)

  13. Anonymous

    November 20, 2013 at 4:20 am

    BB?

  14. jsatpsc

    November 8, 2012 at 7:47 am

    awesome!!!!

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