Gillette Stadium To Halt Beer Sales To Rob Gronkowski After Halftime

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Updated: December 5, 2013

FOXBOROUGH, MA – Citing their “deep concern for the public welfare as well as the safety of all game attendees,” Gillette Stadium officials announced today a new policy to halt all beer and other alcohol sales to pro bowl TE Rob Gronkowski immediately after the start of the third quarter during all Patriots home games for the remainder of the season.

New England Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski Celebrating a touchdown

 

“Gillette Stadium remains committed to providing a wholesome, family friendly game day experience for all our ticket holders,” said a spokesperson for the Kraft Sports Group, who owns and operates the 68,000 seat arena. “We have heard our fans’ complaints about loud, drunken behavior, and inappropriate, alcohol-fueled actions, and have determined that over 90% of these complaints involve Mr. Gronkowski. By limiting Rob to the consumption of beer only through the first two quarters, we feel confident that we can diminish liquor based Gronkowski complaints by as much as 75%.”

 

“Additionally, we are encouraging fans to text 80085 to stadium security if they see Mr. Gronkowski drinking any alcoholic beverage or acting improperly in any way once the third quarter has begun.”

 

Stadium vendors are reportedly less than pleased, as some lower-level beer merchants expect their sales to drop by 35-40% as a result of the new policy. Kraft officials, however, insist the move is a necessary one.

 

“Recent years have seen an alarming increase in liquor-related incidents involving Mr. Gronkowski,” continued the spokesperson. “This new plan will not only improve public safety, but will also keep Rob from passing out during the late moments of the 4th quarter, which can only benefit those of us who picked him during the fourth round of our fantasy drafts.”

 

Gronkowski himself was reportedly passed out face down on the floor of McGreevy’s Irish Bar in Boston’s Back Bay region, and was unavailable for comment.

 

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7 Comments

  1. Nate

    December 9, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    ^Lol

  2. Chrth

    December 9, 2013 at 4:51 am

    Seth, you should sit down, I have some bad news for you …

  3. Seth

    December 5, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    Hope he gets at least 3 or 4 TDs before getting too wasted to play… Need them fantasy points, first week of playoffs for me

  4. Anonymous

    December 5, 2013 at 11:20 am

    Guess Gronk will have to stock up in the 1st half now. Might I recomend a beer funnel?

    BTW – Is there an app for this website? If not, there should be.

  5. Ben Roethlisberg

    December 5, 2013 at 8:08 am

    BECAUSE ROB GRONKOWSKI DRINKS WAY TOO MUCH, YOU SEE

  6. Anonymous

    December 5, 2013 at 7:55 am

    Thanks for pointing that out, Ben.

  7. Anonymous

    December 5, 2013 at 7:28 am

    80085 – boobs !!! freaking awesome

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