Fantasy Football Owner Fails To Reach Deal With Girlfriend On Crucial Time-Sharing Agreement, May Be Facing Lockout
ROANOKE, VA – After negotiations on a time sharing arrangement stalled at the 11th hour, local couple Kevin Brody and Allison Schiff missed the 11:25 showing of “We’re the Millers,” at the Mill Mountain Theater due to Kevin’s insistence that he couldn’t leave his online fantasy mock draft until the final round was complete, “or else I’ll end up with some shitty kicker like Robbie Gould!”
Despite Schiff’s repeated cries of, “Jesus Christ Kevin, it’s not even a REAL fantasy draft! It’s a MOCK fantasy draft. Can we PLEASE leave now?”, the couple arrived at the theater too late to view the film, and now Brody faces a potential lockout that, sources say, could stretch well into mid-September or beyond.
While Brody is now attempting to return to the negotiating table with an offer of a more equitable 50/50 time split, inside sources report that Schiff is contemplating testing the open market in search of an opportunity to land a new role that will offer her more individual attention and increased playing time.