NFL QBs on SPACEBOOK: IN THE YEAR 2040

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Updated: January 27, 2014

NFL QBs ON SPACEBOOK 475

LUCY CROMARTIE-MANNING

3rd STRAIGHT SUPER BOWL WIN, BITCHES!

JOSHUA FLACCO-BRADY

I HOPE YOU GET A SPACE-YEAST INFECTION, MANNING!

LUCY CROMARTIE-MANNING

HAHAHA. I JUST SET A NEW SUPER BOWL RECORD! 796 YARDS, 12 TOUCHDOWNS, AND 88 POINTS. SUCK IT FLACCO-BRADY!

ARCHIE MANNING

WAY TO GO, GRANDDAUGHTER OF MINE! Good to see you took after your Pop-Pop, and not your worthless father

ELI MANNING

DAD, I HAVE TWO SUPER BOWL RINGS AND YOU HAVE NONE.

TOM BRADY

GODDAMMIT JOSHUA. How DARE you embarrass me by losing to a girl? And a MANNING girl, no less.!

JOSHUA FLACCO-BRADY

I TRIED DAD. I can’t help it that Wes Welker Jr. dropped that pass I threw right to him!

TOM BRADY

WES WELKER JR. IS A POPCORN VENDER!

JOSHUA FLACCO-BRADY

Oh. Well that explains the butterfingers then.

TOM BRADY

I BLAME YOUR WORTHESS STEPFATHER FOR YOUR FAILURE

JOE FLACCO

ME?! Look Brady, if he inherited any “losing-Super-Bowls-to-a-Manning” genes, he got them from YOU.

TOM BRADY

IF YOU HAD RAISED HIM BETTER, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED.

JOE FLACCO

IF YOU HADN’T BANGED MY WIFE A BUNCH OF TIMES, HE WOULDN’T EVEN BE HERE.

TOM BRADY

IF YOU HAD AT LEAST ONE SUPER BOWL VICTORY DURING YOUR CAREER YOU COULD HAVE TAUGHT HIM HOW TO DO IT!

JOE FLACCO

I DID WIN A SUPER BOWL DAMMIT! YOU’RE THE ONE THAT HAS NO RINGS!

TOM BRADY

ONLY BECAUSE COMMISSIONER PEYTON ASSHEAD MANNING FORCED THE PATRIOTS TO FORFEIT OUR VICTORIES AFTER COACH BELICHICK WAS CAUGHT USING N.S.A. SATELLITES TO STEAL THE JETS SIGNALS!

AARON RODGERS

(poof)

AARON RODGERS

It worked. IT TOTALLY WORKED! I’VE TRAVELLED FORWARD IN TIME!

PHILIP RIVERS

2014 Aaron Rodgers? Former Green Bay Packers QB whose career was ended by a vicious Ndamukong Suh titty-twister in 2018?

AARON RODGERS

Wait. What year is this?

DREW BREES

It’s 2040. You’ve travelled 26 years into the future.

AARON RODGERS

FUCK. THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

AARON RODGERS

My plan was to sabotage Russell Wilson from winning the ’14 Super Bowl. I CANNOT have that little shit winning a world championship.

AARON RODGERS

So I set my time machine to travel forward one week to Feb 2, 2014. But somehow I ended up here instead.

SKYLER GLENNON-BRADY

Looks like you overthrew your date.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Much as you did in high school.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE AARON RODGERS IS GAY AND HIS DATE TO HIS HIGH SCHOOL PROM WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE WIDE RECEIVERS ON HIS FOOTBALL TEAM.

AARON RODGERS

What? NO! I’m not gay!

DREW BREES

Your 2017 interview with “Out and Proud” magazine begs to differ.

MATT STAFFORD

Wow. It’s so cool that Aaron Rodgers has travelled here from the past!

MATT STAFFORD

Starfleet Commander Matt Ryan will get a kick out of that as he searches for the lost rings of Saturn.

MATT STAFFORD

RT @MattRyanNoRings: Hey Matt, you’ll never guess who showed up today.

JAYDEN SCHAUB-BRADY

DAMMITT STAFFORD, HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TELL YOU: THIS ISN’T SPACE TWITTER!

AARON RODGERS

So I’m actually in 2040, huh? Wow, I have so many questions.

AARON RODGERS

Let’s see. Who’s been the dominant NFL team of the past 26 years?

JOE FLACCO

Oh definitely the Browns. They’ve been unstoppable for almost three decades now.

AARON RODGERS

Really? So Cleveland finally gets a winner, huh?

DREW BREES

Um, no.

DREW BREES

After the Ravens moved to London in 2016, the Modell family purchased the Browns and relocated them to Baltimore.

ISABELLA FOLES-BRADY

And then the Baltimore Browns won the next five Super Bowls in a row

THE 2014 CITY OF CLEVELAND

Emits an ear-shattering “NOOOOOOO!” that echoes through space and time.

NFL COMMISSIONER PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING

FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP CALLING IT “THE SUPER BOWL”

NFL COMMISSIONER PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING

I told all you laserdicks that we’ve signed a deal to rename it “The Papa John's/Visa/DirecTV/Super Bowl and Hunger Games Extravaganza”

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE PEYTON MANNING LIKES ENDORSEMENTS

AARON RODGERS

Roethlisberger? What have you been doing all these years?

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

I RETIRED IN 2018 AND BECAME A BEST SELLING AUTHOR

ANDY DALTON

It's true. His textbook "HUMOR: The World’s Most Comprehensive Explanation Of Jokes, Puns, and Other Forms Of Comedy“ was a huge hit.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THE FOLLOW UP DIDN'T DO AS WELL THOUGH

MADISON MANZIEL-BRADY

"Flirting For Dummies"

AARON RODGERS

Geez, how many kids does Tom Brady have playing in the NFL?

CONNOR BRIDGEWATER-BRADY

There’s 8 of us in the NFC

ISABELLA FOLES-BRADY

6 of us in the AFC.

JAYDEN SCHAUB-BRADY

And 4 of us in the IFC

AARON RODGERS

IFC?

JAYDEN SCHAUB-BRADY

Intergalactic Football Conference.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE OF THE GREAT MARTIAN INVASION OF ’36.

AARON RODGERS

Wait, what? Aliens from another planet invaded Earth in 2036? What happened then?

DREW BREES

President Tannehill offered them all “universal” health care

AARON RODGERS

RYAN TANNEHILL BECOMES THE PRESIDENT?

DREW BREES

Um, no. Not Ryan.

LAUREN TANNEHILL

HAIL TO THE CHIEFTRESS, BITCHES!

First Mister Ryan Tannehill likes this

PHILIP RIVERS

United Stated President Lauren Tannehill? We thought you were at that symposium for drug abuse prevention ?

LAUREN TANNEHILL

Oh it’s cool. I sent Vice President Lohan in my place.

AARON RODGERS

So having all those kids playing in the NFL must give Tom Brady a pretty great legacy, eh?

JOE FLACCO

It hasn’t all been good. His run for Congress didn’t turn out the way he’d hoped.

AARON RODGERS

What happened?

ELI MANNING

I came from behind to beat him in a close election. Twice.

TOM BRADY

MANNING, I WILL STRANGLE YOU JUST LIKE ANDREW LUCK DID TO ALL THOSE HOBOS BACK IN 2020!

AARON RODGERS

Wait, Andrew Luck becomes a serial killer?!

RGIII

Yep. He murdered dozens of people during a nine-state killing spree before the cops finally caught him back in ‘21

AARON RODGERS

Wow.

RGIII

It’s always the quiet ones.

AARON RODGERS

So how have the Cowboys been doing?

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Not well. For the last 29 years, their final game of each season has been a “win-and-you’re-in” match for the NFC East title. They’re lost every game so far.

AARON RODGERS

Jesus. Every game?

CONNOR BRIDGEWATER-BRADY

Yep. 10 to the New York Giants, 9 to the Philadelphia Eagles, and 10 to the Washington Terrible Asian Road Drivers

AARON RODGERS

The Washington WHO?

ISABELLA FOLES-BRADY

Dan Snyder caved in to public pressure and renamed the Redskins the “Terrible Asian Road Drivers” back in 2017.

AARON RODGERS

But that name’s even more racist than “Redskins!”

DAN SNYDER

WRONG! OUR NAME TOTALLY HONORS TERRIBLE ASIAN ROAD DRIVERS!

DAN SNYDER

HAIL TO THE T.A.R.D.s!

AARON RODGERS

So how did Andy Dalton’s career turn out?

E.J. MANUEL

Great. He took the Bengals to the playoffs every season of his 17 year career

AARON RODGERS

And how many playoff wins does he have?

E.J. MANUEL

Exactly as many as you’d expect.

AARON RODGERS

Zero, huh?

ELI MANNING

Bingo.

AARON RODGERS

How about the Chiefs?

DREW BREES

They did pretty good for a few years. They just couldn’t seem to win a Super Bowl.

TIMMY WEEDEN

Not even after Andy Reid traded for Colin Kaepernick and started him in place of Alex Smith.

AARON RODGERS

Timmy Weeden? Let me guess: you’re the son of Browns QB Brandon Weeden?

TIMMY WEEDEN

Close. He’s my great, great, great, great grandfather.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE BRANDON WEEDEN IS OLD.

AARON RODGERS

So where’s Sam Bradford?

SKYLER GLENNON-BRADY

He became a world famous anti-pornography crusader.

AARON RODGERS

Really?

SKYLER GLENNON-BRADY

Haha. No, just kidding. He discovered over eighty new sex positions that he published in his manual, “The Kama Samtra” in 2028.

JOE FLACCO

But in his never-ending quest for exciting new perversions, he took an entire bottle of experimental virility pills. He died after experiencing a twelve-hour orgasm.

AARON RODGERS

That sounds like a horrible death.

LUCY CROMARTIE-MANNING

Worst one since Michael Vick got mauled by a pack of rabid poodles in ‘22

AARON RODGERS

So there’s actually female QBs playing in the NFL now?

GENO SMITH

Oh yeah. Once commissioner Manning made it illegal for any defensive player to come within 10 yards of the quarterback, female QBs thrived.

AARON RODGERS

So who was the first female QB to win a Super Bowl?

TOM BRADY

Tony Romo in 2016.

TOM BRADY

Haha! I’m kidding of course. Tony Romo's never won a Super Bowl.

AARON RODGERS

How about Drew Brees?

CAM NEWTON

His career fell apart after his operation.

AARON RODGERS

What operation?

MADISON MANZIEL-BRADY

He had his facial blemish removed in 2015. Then he led the league in interceptions the next three seasons.

ELI MANNING

Turns out the scar was the source of all his power.

DREW BREES

BLOW ME, MANNING. THE LAST TIME YOU WON A SUPER BOWL, THE EARTH STILL HAD POLAR ICE CAPS

ELI MANNING

WELL THE LAST TIME YOU WON A SUPER BOWL, JAY CUTLER WAS STILL ABLE TO SPEAK WITHOUT HIS THROAT BOX

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE HE SMOKES A LOT OF CIGARETTES

JOE FLACCO

SHUT UP ROETHLISBERGER. THE LAST TIME YOU WON A SUPER BOWL, THE NATION OF MEXICO HADN’T BECOME A GLOBAL SUPERPOWER YET!

AARON RODGERS

Wait, Mexico becomes a global superpower?

JOE FLACCO

Oh yeah. Once they discovered how to turn salsa into a renewable energy source, they became the richest nation on the planet

COLIN KAEPERNICK

In fact they just finished building a 2,000 mile long, 30 foot high electrified fence to keep all the Americans from sneaking across the border.

POVERTY STRICKEN ARIZONIANS

LET US IN, YOU RACISTS! WE NEED JOBS!

AARON RODGERS

How about the Eagles?

TONY ROMO

Still no Super Bowl wins. But they just drafted RGIV in the first round so they’re hopeful that he can turn their fortunes around

RGIV

(blows out knee during training camp)

RGIII

That’s my boy.

AARON RODGERS

What about Houston, Jacksonville, and Tennessee?

ALEX SMITH

They average 5 wins per season for 25 straight years.

AARON RODGERS

Which team?

ALEX SMITH

All three combined.

AARON RODGERS

Carson Palmer?

ANDY DALTON

The Cardinals trade him back to the Raiders for 2 first round draft picks in ‘15

2014 RAIDERS FANS

GODDAMMIT!

AARON RODGERS

How does he do during his second stint in Oakland?

ANDY DALTON

Horrible. So they cut him after one season.

ANDY DALTON

Then Buffalo picks him up and he goes 8-8 in ‘16.

ANDY DALTON

So Oakland trades another two first round picks for him again

2014 RAIDERS FANS

MOTHERFUCKER.

AARON RODGERS

Christian Ponder?

E.J. MANUEL

That name doesn’t ring any bells.

AARON RODGERS

Cam Newton?

ISABELLA FOLES-BRADY

Replaced Alex Trebek in 2017. Has hosted “Jeopardy” every since.

AARON RODGERS

Mark Sanchez?

TOM BRADY

Dies tragically when the hoverboard he’s riding collides head-on with the tail section of a Boeing 747.

AARON RODGERS

You’re telling me that Mark Sanchez dies by… slamming face first into the back side of a jet?

TOM BRADY

At least he died doing what he does best.

ROGER GOODELL

STOP TELLING AARON RODGERS SECRETS OF THE FUTURE!

PHILIP RIVERS

Roger Goodell? Former NFL commissioner who was appointed U.S. Secretary of Time Travel and Space Agriculture by President Bieber in 2034?

ROGER GOODELL

Aaron, you are in DIRECT VIOLATION of several state, federal, and interplanetary laws regarding time travel.

ROGER GOODELL

Prepare to be sent back to your own time just as soon as Assistant Secretary Favre gets the “Send Back in Time-inator” warmed up.

AARON RODGERS

Wait, wait hold on. Before you send me back, you guys know who wins the Denver-Seattle Super Bowl back in 2014 right?

JOE FLACCO

Oh yeah. That was one of the best Super Bowls ever!

RGIII

One hell of a game, that was.

AARON RODGERS

Tell me who wins! When I travel back, I’ll go to Vegas and make a fortune!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Do you guys remember how happy the winning coach in that game was to win his first Super Bowl?

AARON RODGERS

Which coach? John Fox or Pete Carroll?

ANDY DALTON

And it was awesome the way his team won the Super Bowl right after their state legalized marijuana.

AARON RODGERS

WHICH STATE? COLORADO OR WASHINGTON?

ELI MANNING

Yeah, I’ll never forget how the winning team’s nickname had an “s” at the end.

AARON RODGERS

NOW YOU’RE JUST FUCKING WITH ME.

ROGER GOODELL

Aaron Rodgers, our 2040 Space-time continuum regulations prohibit us from telling you who wins that Super Bowl.

AARON RODGERS

BUT THEY JUST TOLD ME LIKE A BILLION OTHER THINGS ABOUT THE FUTURE! JUST TELL ME THIS ONE MORE THING!

ALEX SMITH

Sorry, we can’t legally tell you which team wins the 2014 Super Bowl.

CAM NEWTON

But there’s no law that says we can’t tell you which team DOESN’T win it.

AARON RODGERS

Okay perfect. Which team doesn’t win it?

RUSSELL WILSON

The Packers.

AARON RODGERS

WILSON I WILL… (POOF)

NFL QBs on SPACEBOOK: IN THE YEAR 2040

Leave a Reply

97 Comments

  1. Ben Rothelisberger

    February 20, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT TOM JUST SAID.

  2. A Poverty Stricken Arizonian

    February 12, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    Speaking of Alternate Universe Ben Roethlisberger, an Alternate Universe NFL QBs on Facebook would be AMAZING for next year’s pro bowl week, or anytime it seems fit. Just a suggestion

  3. Tom Brady

    February 12, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    Yes, Ben, that’s literally what I just said.

  4. Alternate Universe Ben Roethlisberger

    February 8, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    THATS FUNNY BECAUSE BEN ROETHLISBERGER IS SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THE JOKES NOT ASK QUESTIONS.

  5. Tom Brady

    February 8, 2014 at 4:32 pm

    Ben, for the last time, your job is to explain the jokes. Not ask questions, just explain the jokes.

  6. Ben Roethlisberger

    February 8, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    WHY DOES ELI MANNINGS DAUGHTER HAVE CROMARTIE IN HER NAME WHEN ELI MANNING EJACULATED HER INSIDE OF HIS WIFES VAGINA? AND HOW DOES PHILIP RIVERS KNOW WHAT YEAR PAST AARON RODGERS CAME FROM??

  7. Kenneth Smith-Brady

    February 8, 2014 at 7:22 am

    For the people talking about the timestamps, the reason they go backwards is because i’m pretty sure they use a 3rd party software to make these, i think its another website. And i guess that site doesn’t allow them to make the timestamps go backward. They would have to have their own version of the software that allows them to edit that. So it’s not their fault

  8. Anonymous

    February 4, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    How come I can’t comment on the Sea champs one? I see comments but I can’t comment….

  9. BG

    February 4, 2014 at 8:04 am

    I gotta admit, for it to have been a blowout, I still wouldn’t call it the worst. 49ers-Chargers or Bucs-Raiders still take that honor. Hell, I’d argue the first Seahawks SB vs. Pittsburgh was a snoozefest too compared to this one.

  10. Anonymous

    February 3, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Well Bill I agree that game was no where as exciting as they hyped it up to be I was expecting a close game boy what a disappointment! But idk about one of the worst there have been a lot of boring/bad Superbowls in NFL history

  11. Bill

    February 3, 2014 at 11:56 am

    And @ Sam Bradford yes the pro bowl was a better and more exciting then the superbowl!

  12. Bill

    February 3, 2014 at 11:55 am

    Well of course hawks fans say it’s the best Superbowl it was there only win in franchise history after all. I didn’t care who won honestly but as a fan of football that was NOT a good game! The worst SB will always be #24 the one where San Fran beat Denver by 55-10 but this will go down as one of the worst Superbowls in history no doubt!

  13. #HawksFan

    February 3, 2014 at 11:46 am

    BEST SUPERBOWL EVER!

  14. Sam Bradford

    February 3, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Halftime show was better? Hell, the PROBOWL was better than what should be called the Subpar Bowl.

  15. Anonymous

    February 3, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Hurry up PFM! I’m suffering from a case of the Mondays and need a good laugh!!!!!

  16. Spanicatthedisco

    February 3, 2014 at 11:00 am

    where the hell is the superbowl one

  17. Bill

    February 3, 2014 at 10:53 am

    I agree anon that superbowl has to be 1 of the worst in NFL history I mean that game wasn’t exciting like you expect from a close game that shit was a complete blowout, the half time show was more exciting then the game. And that’s saying something lol.

  18. BGVA

    February 3, 2014 at 10:00 am

    The Cowboys gag made me laugh…then made me cry because it’s probably true. :-(

  19. Sam Bradford

    February 3, 2014 at 9:45 am

    Arrrrg. They need to get the Superbowl one up already! Can’t wait to see Wilson’s ultimate trolling

  20. Anonymous

    February 2, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    “Defensive players can’t get within ten yards of the quarterback.”

    That doesn’t really seem all that far-fetched.

  21. Anonymous

    February 2, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    One of the best Superbowls my ass! More like one of the worst super bowls in NFL history!

  22. Fred correa

    February 2, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Funny shit
    ANDY DALTON
    So Oakland trades another two first round picks for him again

    2014 RAIDERS FANS
    MOTHERFUCKER.

  23. TheStarLives

    February 2, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    I am a Cowboys fan. And support Romo. And I find this hilarious every week. So if I’m not offended, grow some balls and man up!

  24. Anonymous

    February 2, 2014 at 9:36 am

    Andrew luck is a serial killer XD

  25. Anonymous

    February 1, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    @JoeByrant suck it if you like sucking so much

  26. Blah!

    January 31, 2014 at 9:34 am

    I’m guessing the people who say this sucks are fans of shitty teams and QBs that are made fun of week after week. Go Broncos!

  27. Anonymous

    January 31, 2014 at 12:10 am

    manzeil- brady lmao

  28. Pingback: NFL Quarterbacks Conversation on Facebook: In The Year 2040 | Total Pro Sports

  29. Anonymous

    January 30, 2014 at 8:11 am

    not as much as you joe bryant. not as much as you.

  30. Joe Bryant

    January 29, 2014 at 11:46 am

    Wow, that just sucked.

  31. Sam

    January 29, 2014 at 11:27 am

    Can’t wait for Wilson’s trolling if he wins, but if he doesn’t I hope Wilson still finds a way to troll people even if he loses.

  32. NinerFaithful

    January 28, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    Lol Damn Wilson xD I hope the Broncos win ._.

  33. Anonymous

    January 28, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    Is there something Roethlisberger isn’t explaining about the time

  34. Anonymous

    January 28, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Why does the number of hours from now decrease as the time elapsed increases??

  35. DanDaMan

    January 28, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Great freaking job guys at PFM! One more for the ages! (And I mean literally)

  36. Anonymous

    January 28, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    It’s the little details… like Bradys bastard Glennon-offspring has the thin squished face too..

  37. TwoPutt

    January 28, 2014 at 11:05 am

    Even as a Packers fan, that last joke was hilarious. Never get tired of the Wilson trolls.

  38. ACW

    January 28, 2014 at 10:55 am

    Wait, I realized, the Ski-er, TARDS, win like 9 NFC East titles in like 30 years? Sweet!

  39. BEAST MODE

    January 28, 2014 at 10:29 am

    BEAST MODE BECOME PRESIDENT IN 2016 AFTER SUPER BOWL 48 MVP AWARD. BEAST MODE TRAMPLE PUNY IRAN NORTH KOREA AND DENNIS RODMAN IN THAT ORDER. THEN BEAST MODE BALANCE BUDGET WITH TEA PARTY POLICIES AND KEEP AMERICA SUPERPOWER UNTIL DEMOCRATS GIVE AWAY SALSA RENEWABLE ENERGY TO MEXICO! MEANWHILE BEAST MODE EVOLVE TO MEGA BEAST MODE THEN TO SUPER MEGA BEAST MODE AND IS NOW SUPER DUPER MEGA BEAST MODE RULER OF MILKY WAY GALAXY!

  40. Pingback: NFL QBs ON FACEBOOK: 2013 - Page 6

  41. Anonymous

    January 28, 2014 at 9:11 am

    But what happened to BEAST MODE?!

  42. A MEXICAN GUY

    January 28, 2014 at 9:09 am

    So… I’m mexican. Good to know we become a global superpower. I didn’t know the potential of salsa, so I guess there’s work to do

  43. Anonymous

    January 28, 2014 at 8:19 am

    @Rivers, what if he starts trolling multiple people per combo…IF they win

  44. Anonymous

    January 28, 2014 at 7:15 am

    ^Ha ha. I see what you did there.

  45. Anonymous

    January 28, 2014 at 6:13 am

    Fair ending, with Rodgers cursing at Wilson, while admitting that he is a ……………….

    POOF !

  46. Wacko for Flacco

    January 28, 2014 at 5:02 am

    This may be the best one yet. I’m dying reading this at work, getting strange looks

  47. pmc501

    January 28, 2014 at 4:52 am

    @Anonymouse

    The Doctor Benna says: “BECAUSE ITS ALL TIMEY-WIMEY YOU SEE SO IT SOMEHOW WORKS OUT”

  48. Pingback: Daybreak Doppler: On The Matt Garza Deal | PocketDoppler.com

  49. Ben Rothlesberger

    January 28, 2014 at 3:03 am

    BECAUSE DR. WHO SUCKS ASS YOU SEE

  50. The First 12 Doctors

    January 28, 2014 at 12:11 am

    Oh bollocks, if we knew Aaron Rodgers was going to be the 13th, then we would have just time-altered ourselves out of existence.

  51. bobman2

    January 27, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    Holy crap, I was crying with Andrew Luck serial killer, and then I came to the TARDS and almost died. This was pretty inspired, from beginning (Rodgers says “poof” which in British English means…. you know) right to the Wilsonian ending. Thanks so much.

  52. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Damnit. Cam hasn’t been giving Jeopardy responses. They’re from Pyramid. Know your gameshows people.

  53. Brendan Burke

    January 27, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    T.A.R.D.s? Considering this is a time travel post, shouldn’t it be TARDIS?

    (preemptive Ben post: BECAUSE THE THIRTY-SEVENTH DOCTOR IS STILL GAY)

  54. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    This is awful.

  55. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 7:15 pm

    I had a super Rothlisberger moment in the shower. I’m like “ohhhhhh the reason he had sex with all of the players’ wives was after he beat them!”

  56. Anonymouse

    January 27, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    @PMC
    Yeah, interesting point. Either that, or we read one post every hour, and by the time we get to the next post, we’re one hour closer to this entire conversation. Blegh. Head hurts. I need to call alternate universe Ben.

  57. MO Fugga

    January 27, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    One of the best yet…

    Quick suggestion for next week. Include a bunch of Super Bowl Halftime Show performers throughout the years bashing each other and the players, or make a special edition out of it!

  58. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    best one yet

  59. pmc501

    January 27, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    Shame the timestamps are backwards… would’ve been a funny additional detail, but not quite on the mark! If counting forwards from now, the comments further down ought to be more “hours from now” than those at the top, surely.

  60. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    LOL Wilson

  61. Heywood

    January 27, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    This has NEVER been funny

  62. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    YAY!! Russell Wilson – Epic Win!!

  63. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    This was absolutely amazing. LOVE the idea. And fuck ya Tannehill for president! Hope he won a SB b4 that

  64. nemo

    January 27, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    That…

    was…

    so…

    fucking…

    AWESOME!!!

  65. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    I love how cam newton and jeapordy is now a thing

  66. Cygnia

    January 27, 2014 at 3:22 pm

    Awww…I was hoping for BEAST MODE IN SPACE!

  67. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    LOL – Washington T.A.R.D.S. too funny!!

  68. ZCon

    January 27, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    Confirmed: Aaron Rodgers is the 13th doctor.

  69. SGT Caz

    January 27, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    I expected that to be cheesy and terrible. Instead, it was cheesy and pretty awesome. All hail the TARDS!

  70. toadofsteel

    January 27, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    Wait… does this mean Eli is a pedophile? I mean which of Antonio Cromartie’s kids did he bang?

  71. Darth Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    Good to see that granting Jerry Jones immortality has paid off so well. Now the Cowboys can go 8-8 FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  72. Seth

    January 27, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    Definitely better than a pro-bowl related one, good job guys X-D

  73. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Yeah win or lose Wilson is gonna have to talk next week.

  74. John Smith

    January 27, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    lol, this isn’t a big deal but I like the timestamps

  75. Hayley Brady-Wilson

    January 27, 2014 at 1:49 pm

    Why didn’t I get a line in this :/

  76. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Yes! Stafford’s Twitter reference!

  77. Jake

    January 27, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    I love how Wilson is great in these in part because his running back and defense provide enough material that he only needs to add one or two lines.

  78. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 12:40 pm

    OH MY GOD IM CRYING FROM LAUGHTER

  79. Al

    January 27, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    I’m Glad to hear cam newton kept doing the jeopardy thing

  80. lhpokemon

    January 27, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    Man, I haven’t laughed like that for ages.

  81. John Hussain

    January 27, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    That ending was perfect.

  82. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 11:32 am

    If the Seahawks win, I hope Russel Wilson starts off the convo with the perfect line to piss off EVERY quarterback in the NFL.

  83. Mark Anonymous-Brady

    January 27, 2014 at 11:23 am

    Well done Dave, QB’s on FB is an oasis of pure gold in an ocean of shit. Makes Monday almost bearable!

  84. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 11:12 am

    Hate to be that guy but “Tomo Romo in 2016″ :|

  85. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 11:10 am

    The anticipation of the Wilson troll was amazing. Just KNOWING it was coming….truly, you are as important to the NFL as “The League” is; THANK YOU for your service, gents!

    GO HAWKS!!

  86. Sam Bradford

    January 27, 2014 at 10:55 am

    I was wondering what you guys were going to do since you promised nothing to do with the ProBowl. You definitely did not disappoint. PURE GENIUS

  87. @MatthewStafford

    January 27, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Someone should have warned Rodgers about the evils of gambling. Did anyone catch ESPN9’s 90 for 90 special on Riverboat Ron’s battle with gambling addiction? He apparently went broke back in 2019. Now, Riverboat Ron lives in a refrigerator box.

  88. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 10:37 am

    So in 2040, Facebook is now Spacebook and Tom Brady has kids with practically every NFL QB’s wives. Seems legit.

  89. Phillip Rivers

    January 27, 2014 at 10:34 am

    How are you guys going to write it next week if the Seahawks win? The Super Bowl winning QB can’t just have 1 line in a convo! Even if he loses he needs to be featured a bit

  90. mrskvall

    January 27, 2014 at 10:33 am

    LMAO @ all of Brady’s kids.

  91. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Hail the T.A.R.D.s!!!! Omg!!! Laughed so hard!!!! This one was GOOD!!!

  92. pretim

    January 27, 2014 at 10:25 am

    Oh SHYT!!!!!! THAT WILSON TROLL WAS THE FUNNIEST ONE OF ALL TIME!!

    And a twelve hour orgasm..? Then death..? Seems worth it..

  93. @MatthewStafford

    January 27, 2014 at 10:25 am

    YES, the return of Stafford’s twitter gag! Thank you!

  94. ifhss

    January 27, 2014 at 10:20 am

    HAHAHAHA Good one guys…. lol all of bradys kids…

  95. Anonymous

    January 27, 2014 at 10:17 am

    lol the Washington Terrible Asian Road Drivers

  96. Seahawks Fan

    January 27, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Ah Wilson, never change(s).

  97. ACW

    January 27, 2014 at 10:10 am

    “You’re telling me that Mark Sanchez dies by… slamming face first into the back side of a jet?” XD XD XD

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