BOW DOWN, BITCHES. PEYTON FUCKING MANNING IS NOW FIVE-AND-OH-WHAT-AN-AWESOME-GAME-THAT-WAS-YESTERDAY!
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
I THREW FOR OVER 400 YARDS! 4 PASSING TDs! I EVEN RAN FOR A SCORE!
6 hours ago . Like
If we stretch the definition of “run,” maybe.
Seriously Manning. You scramble with the speed of a migrating glacier.
SUCK MY UNDEFEATED BALLS, DICKBAG.
Now where is Tony Romo? We have urgent matters to discuss.
He’s not joining us this week.
Say what now?
He sent me this note: “Deqr Matll Staffghejs. Please tell the otter C8s that I won’t be clrmng to the convgg this week becvuavse I’m afraid they’ll be meamnm to meouoe.
It was kind of hard to read the parts that were stained by tears.
Well, that’s preposterous. Why is he afraid to face us?
Tony, if you’re reading this, please don’t be scared to join us, dude.
Sure we tease you, sometimes. But we all care about you like the close friend you are.
Hear, hear. No one blames you for a loss in which your defense gave up 51 points.
Seriously, Tony. All I want to do is congratulate you on a record-setting performance and tell you how much I truly respect you, my friend.
Really? You guys mean that?
HAHAHAHA TONY ROMO YOU’RE A PATHETIC LOSER
BAHAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
OH GODDAMN YOU SONS OF BITCHES
Romo, I have to say that of all your epic Ro-Meltdowns, that was your most Romo-Tastic, Romo-Licious, most Romo-Tarded Romo-Fail in Ro-Mistory.
WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO MUCH?!?!
Because you suffer an enormous brain fart during every crucial Cowboys game?
How can you tell which games are “crucial?”
Those are the ones they lose.
Thanks so much for the gift wrapped victory, Romo. Gee, I feel bad that I didn't get you anything.
OH WAIT, I DID. I GAVE YOU A NICE SHINY LOSS TO WEAR AROUND YOUR NECK LIKE A STAR-SHAPED BADGE OF SUCKINESS FOR THE REST OF YOUR CAREER. LOLOLOL
YOU GUYS SAID YOU DIDN’T BLAME ME!
Well, we don’t completely blame you.
Yeah Tony. It’s not your fault your mother breastfed you a concentrated diet of pure liquid failure until your were twelve years old
LISTEN, I’M REALLY FRAGILE RIGHT NOW. COULD YOU PLEASE GO EASY ON ME?
Oh no. He’s “fragile,” you guys.
Don’t worry Romo. We’ll handle you with the same delicate care with which you handle late game leads.
Romo, it’s very appropriate that this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Since you’re basically as useless as tits on a bull.
We resent that.
Breast cancer awareness? Since when is that a thing?
Kaepernick, you idiot. Did you NOT notice the pink gloves and sneakers? The pink TV graphics?
ALL OUR PROFILE PICTURES ARE PINK, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE.
I just assumed it was in honor of “Matt Schaub is a Weak Armed Little Girl” month..
Oh wait. Silly me. EVERY month is “Matt Schaub is a Weak Armed Little Girl” month. HAHAHA
SHUT YOUR HOT WING HOLE, KAPTAIN CHIN-PUBES.
5 hours ago . Like
Way to Schitt the bed on national TV, Schaub!
Oh man, there were just SO many great moments of you failing yesterday. I can’t even pick one as my favorite.
Maybe you could pick-6?
THEY’RE REFERENCING THE FACT THAT MATT SCHAUB HAS THROWN A PICK-6 IN FOUR STRAIGHT WEEKS
SHUT UP WINLESSBURGER!
Well I for one have confidence that you will break your Pick-6 streak next Sunday, Schaub
Thank you, Alex.
After all, it’s pretty hard to throw those from the bench. HAHAHA
5 hours ago . Like .
T.J. YATES likes this.
Listen Kaepernick. You can NOT laugh at me. You only threw for a paltry 113 yards last night!
Yes, but I still did what I do best: throw a touchdown to my team.
And you did what you do best: throw a touchdown to my team. HAHAHAHA
I HOPE YOU CATCH TURTLE AIDS, KAEPERNICK!
You know, it’s been almost 45 seconds since we’ve mentioned Tony Romo’s epic derp-ception yesterday.
That is FAR too long without mentioning our resident grand failure master
Truly, he is the DaVinci of Defeat
The Shakespeare of Suck
The Beethoven of Blown Leads.
YOU KNOW, I DID THROW FOR 500 YARDS YESTERDAY!
Oh, Romo. If you looked up the word “Failure” in the dictionary, do you know what you’d see?
A picture of me?
Nope, you wouldn’t see anything. Because you’d flip to the page perfectly, scroll down the listings one by one, then right before you got to the definition you’d trip, drop the book in a fireplace, start a raging blaze, and burn your house down.
HE’S SAYING YOU HAVE A PROPENSITY FOR MAKING CRUCIAL MISTAKES AT THE LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT.
Well I am very proud of my Colts. We’re 4-1 and atop our division!
4 hours ago . Like
Hats off to Russell Wilson and the Seahawks. You fellows played a fine game yesterday..
NO NO NO NO NO.
Luck you festering gash. That is NOT how you gloat over handing Wilson his first loss.
I prefer to take the high road, Mister Rodgers.
NOT IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD YOU WON’T. Here let me show you:
HAHAHA RUSSELL WILSON YOU GOT BEAT BY A BROCCOLI-HEADED, PASTE-EATING SPHINCTER BISCUIT LIKE ANDREW LUCK!
MEANTIME, MY PACKERS KITTYRAPED MATT STAFFORD’S LIONS 22-9 WHOOOO.
So suck on THAT, pipsqueak. I got a big fat win yesterday. What do YOU have?
A division lead?
WILSON, I WILL TIE A ROCK TO YOUR FEET, DROP YOU IN A FOUR-FOOT DEEP BUCKET OF PINK DYE, AND WATCH YOU DROWN!
Hey, quick poll, ladies: who here threw a TD in their last game?
Yawwwwn. I did, at like 3 am last night.
Well congratulations shitstains, because each of you now have a “consecutive games with a TD pass” record that is longer than Tom Brady’s current streak of ZERO. HAHAHAHAHAHA
FUCK YOU AND ANYONE WHO LOOKS LIKE YOU, DALTON
Anyone who looks like him is pretty fucked already.
Don’t feel too bad Brady. This new streak you’ve started of “consecutive weeks with a Lloyd Christmas Dumb and Dumber haircut” will stand for many years, I’m sure.
So help me Dalton, I will seduce your wife into becoming my personal concubine just to watch your worthless red heart shatter like the Cowboys’ victory chances in a close 4th quarter.
TOO BAD BRADY. You had a chance to take my record from me when we play you next week.
Now my precious TD streak is intact, and my Saints’ won-loss record remains unblemished at 5-0
Unlike your face Brees, which remains horribly blemished at “Oh” and “My God, What is that disgusting thing on his cheek?”
CUTLER! Please do not interrupt me while I’m not giving a fuck about you.
EAT SHIT, DREW BREES. Maybe next month we should all wear brown shoes and gloves in honor of “Drew Brees’ Hideous Face Splotch Awareness month.”
Hey, did anyone else see that Donte Whitner of the 49ers is changing his name to “Hitner?”
3 hours ago . Like
So soon, he’ll have no “W,” eh?
Just like Eli Manning
Fine. Give me your worst. What can you do to me that my teammates and coaches haven’t already done?
Let you win a game?
Hmm. Name change, eh? I like it.
Eli, I’m filing papers this week to change your name to Elisha Bin Losin’
THAT’S NOT COOL, DAD.
No, I’ll tell you what’s not cool. YOU AND YOUR WINLESS WAYS.
YOUR BROTHER IS RUNNING ROUGHSHOD THROUGH THE NFL RECORD BOOKS, WHILE YOU CONTINUE TO BRING DISGRACE TO YOUR FAMILY NAME
I swear I couldn't be any more disgusted with you if you were a child pornographer or an energy trade consultant.
Dad, I'M an energy trade consultant.
Are you? Huh. All this time I've been telling people you deal kiddie porn.
Well guys, should we give Romo his surprise now?
I don’t want a surprise. Just leave me alone.
Aw c’mon, Turnover Tony. Don’t be like that.
Me and the boys all decided to get you a little something to commemorate your big stat day yesterday.
We’ve giving you’re the first annual, “Mark Sanchez Honorary Buttfumble Award For The Year’s Most Hilarious Play” trophy.
There are still 12 weeks left in the season. How do you know someone won't do something even worse?
Romo, you threw for 500 yards, 5 TDs, and STILL somehow managed to look like a complete loser.
We feel pretty safe handing it to you.
See if you can avoid dropping it on the way to your mantle.
ALL I DO IS TRY MY HARDEST TO WIN EVERY WEEK. WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO MUCH?
Chin up, Romo. At least your family still loves you.
I want a divorce
I wish you were never born.
I’m running away to live with Michael Vick.
YOU SEE? EVERYONE WHO LOVES ME WANTS ME OUT OF THEIR LIFE
And we do too.
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October 27, 2013 at 8:34 pm
Don’t blame Romo for his defence sucking, if his defence could even stop ANYBODY, Romo could have easibly won that game.
October 23, 2013 at 9:45 am
lol…I wonder why jay cutlers mom is singled out to be the everyones whore
October 13, 2013 at 2:10 pm
that Mister Rodgers line make me chuckle…
October 13, 2013 at 7:22 am
Yeah I stopped reading this halfway. Not a Cowboy’s fan, but the Romo bashing really is getting old. These aren’t funny anymore. Not wasting anymore of my time on this.
October 12, 2013 at 9:47 pm
I agree with cutting the Manning family stuff and the Romo crap- actually any non player convo, just cut it. Your first year was much wittier. I’m sure its difficult to replicate, but this season, beyond the fantasy football convo, hasn’t been all that original. The Wilson-Rogers bantering is still brilliant.
October 12, 2013 at 9:04 am
We really need to cut down on the Manning Family getting involved…
October 10, 2013 at 11:11 pm
lol Texas hates their QBs so much they actually gave RG3 an award in Congress. They claimed to be Cowboys or Texans fans but said they supported him.
Now he sucks too, but that was kind of funny.
October 10, 2013 at 3:14 pm
I am a Texans fan, not sure who is worse Homo Romo or Pix Six. Homo Romo only fucks things up when it counts. If they are winning comfortable then he is fine, but as soon as the game is on the line, here comes fuck up homo romo. Then there is pix six who is a fuck up too. Texas teams have sum crappy ass quarter fuck ups backs.
October 10, 2013 at 12:36 pm
it was an oddly short convo this week….
October 10, 2013 at 11:14 am
I loved in the original that stafford was always acting like he was on twitter, but love how Worthlessraper is the idiot now!
October 9, 2013 at 9:07 pm
*TJ Yates Likes This* – Hysterical
October 9, 2013 at 7:05 pm
I would of fired Schaub 2 years ago when he had Indi beat and all he needed was a first down to burn the clock instead Houston punts to Indi and they run the field and score a touchdown to win by 3.never beat Indi at home.
October 9, 2013 at 11:24 am
While I wrote this comment, matt shchaub threw another pick 6.
October 9, 2013 at 10:20 am
eli has 2 superbowl rings and has come thru in the clutch countless times. romo has 1 playoff win and rarely comes thru when it counts. eli deserves some flack for his poor season, but he’s not funnier to pick on then poor romo, who would prob be less ostracized and more succesful if he played for a diff team
October 9, 2013 at 10:02 am
Romo’s dog’s line was the best!
October 9, 2013 at 8:30 am
Kosar would be a good one to bring in, so much ammo, & you cant forget about his pornstar daughter
October 9, 2013 at 6:40 am
Have any of the real life QB’s read this? I honestly would love to see what they would say.
October 9, 2013 at 12:03 am
For a long while wondered if the author was a Giants fan cause of the Romo bashing and Eli doesn’t get bashed much. Eli bashing picked up a bit this year but still think this is being written by a Giants fan considering Romo played well with the exception of 1 throw and Eli is on pace for 38 INTS……38! How does that not get made fun of lol
October 8, 2013 at 6:42 pm
Tom Brady’s Lloyd Christmas haircut.. LOL
October 8, 2013 at 6:25 pm
Totally can’t wait to see the one in 2 weeks when Peyton heads back to Indy. That one’s gonna be great
October 8, 2013 at 3:40 pm
I kinda wanted Denver to lose just to see what the reaction to Tony Romo outplaying Peyton Manning would be.
Hint hint, PFM.
October 8, 2013 at 2:01 pm
For those who are defending Romo, I like him too, but you’re missing out on some great humor by focusing on what’s real, rather than just enjoying the humor here. I bet Tony Romo himself would find most of this funny. (Though I’m sure he would prefer to be a bully, rather than a victim.) enjoy this for what it is folks. Think of it as a oats for NFL QBs on a weekly basis.
October 8, 2013 at 12:23 pm
Romo bashing never gets old. Love you guys.
October 8, 2013 at 12:14 pm
Best Cowboy QB ever
October 8, 2013 at 7:37 am
Romo bashing was funny for a little while last year but it’s getting old. I used to like reading this every Monday but it’s always the same crap now. Fixin to forget about this site.
October 8, 2013 at 7:27 am
I don’t know if PFM knows about it but he is not the only one that has thrown for 500+ yards and for 5+ TD and still lose (Matthew Stafford)
October 8, 2013 at 5:43 am
I’m a Steelers fan but I’d enjoy seeing Ben get picked at and him fight back as opposed to seeing 2 comments every couple threads of him just spouting nonsense. Let all the QBs in on the fun!
October 8, 2013 at 5:17 am
funniest thing on the net ….they should do more than one a week ….why Bradford has the sicko pervy lines is beyond me but as a rams fan they crack me up …..the “likes this” comments are also funny
October 8, 2013 at 1:53 am
In case u folks haven’t figured it out I pro football MOCK. Has nuthin too do with the real players is a joke. Folks r so sensitive these days. GROW A PAIR people. If u don’t like it….don’t click the link and read it.
October 7, 2013 at 7:35 pm
I would like to point out that Romo is not the problem. over 5oo yards, 5 TDs and only 1 interception… That’s a passer rating of 140 out of 158.3. That’s better than any other QB in the league this week. Yet everyone still wants to hate. I’m not even a cowboy fan. Romo is the only reason the Cowboys were even in that game.
October 7, 2013 at 7:04 pm
I’m so over seeing the Manning’s that aren’t named Peyton or Eli featured in these. They need to go ASAP! But there needs to be more Russel Wilson. His trolling of Aaron Rodgers makes me laugh every week.
October 7, 2013 at 5:17 pm
Love Mondays for this also. But yea, miss the weekly Bradford post, and still loving the one liners from Wilson to Rodgers…. Fine job again!
October 7, 2013 at 4:59 pm
As soon as Romo pulled a Romo I was looking forward to this. And it amused me.
October 7, 2013 at 4:17 pm
A good turn would have Eli slip the knife between Archie’s ribs by pointedly reminding him of his disasterous career with the ‘Aints. “Gee dad just following your stellar example.”
October 7, 2013 at 3:59 pm
These make Mondays worth it.
October 7, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Tired of the Manning garbage…
If Archie was really that big a douche why’d he get Eli out of San Diego with the draft? The crap with Archie and Cooper is boring.
How did Brady not get more convo after losing the record?
Schaub has a record 4 straight games with pick6s he should be hated more than tony romo
Funny but you guys could do better
I thought Tremaine Brock would say something about that pick six? No Donte Hitner either? C’Mon pfm add more players to the convo! GO NINERS!
October 7, 2013 at 3:10 pm
“Running away to live with Michael Vick” almost had me in tears laughing.
October 7, 2013 at 1:22 pm
Seriously some anonymous guy says “At least try and make it believable. Peyton has not used that much profanity in his entire life.” Um the idea is not to make it “believable” tool box, I am pretty sure no one is like that in real life. You are not too good at the whole comedy fiction thing are you?
I think the closest QB character to you would be the Ben Rapelessburger “dumb guy” character. Please please, numbnuts explain to us what is wrong with each fictional persona. Derp.
October 7, 2013 at 12:18 pm
I secretly hope for a tie each week so I can see what Bradford has to say! Also the rodgers wilson convos are amazing!
October 7, 2013 at 12:01 pm
I come here every week to see how Wilson pisses off Rodgers, it’s the best part of the convo
October 7, 2013 at 11:59 am
I knew the moment Romo threw the pick at the end of the game yesterday that the PFM guys were going to have a field day with it.
I do find that too much of the non-QB interjections (like the entire rest of the Manning family having their own sidebar) kinda kill it for me.
And two straight weeks without a Sam Bradford comment. Where did he run off to??
October 7, 2013 at 11:56 am
Romo did lose the game.
October 7, 2013 at 11:49 am
Tony Romo is better than Manning
Aw, KC is undefeated and got no love. And where the hell is Bradford with his per line/lines? Although i love Romo’s niche on here of being everyone’s bitch, he isnt bad at all 500 yards 5 tds is something that Jax would love in 2 weeks of production.
October 7, 2013 at 11:44 am
I’d prefer Tony Romo over Matt Schaub
October 7, 2013 at 11:43 am
And hey, can we get some Bernie Kosar bashing in here? Arrested for a DUI and he blames his former OL for his inability to complete the field sobriety tests because of al his knee surgeries and “my offensive lines could not block.” Bashing him would be a great new meme for this season.
October 7, 2013 at 11:41 am
The best part of every Monday, whether my team wins or loses. Best lines for me today: Archie assuming Cooper dealt kiddie porn and Romo’s dog leaving to live with Vick.
October 7, 2013 at 11:32 am
Agreed…I think it’s more hate for Jerry Jones and the idea of having “America’s Team” shoved down our throats for so long.
I wouldn’t mind having Romo on my team. But I LOVE seeing the Cowboys make huge blunders. I LOVE seeing Jerry Jones get beat like a drum.
October 7, 2013 at 11:07 am
Romo, you are welcome to come to Houston
October 7, 2013 at 11:04 am
the Romo hate was funny at first but an entire convo of it? its getting old stop beating the dead horse from last season
October 7, 2013 at 10:39 am
At least try and make it believable. Peyton has not used that much profanity in his entire life.
October 7, 2013 at 10:15 am
Let’s not forget that Peyton always pulls a Romo in the playoffs. Broncos aren’t winning any rings anytime soon.
Miserable Giants Fan
Wow, you know you suck when your dog leaves you for Michael Vick.
October 7, 2013 at 9:50 am
giants 0-5 that should have been the topic of this convo
October 7, 2013 at 9:37 am
I love you guys. This is the best part of every Monday!
October 7, 2013 at 9:26 am
I’m from Dallas. Trust me we have plenty of Romo haters, too. He’ll always find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
October 7, 2013 at 9:05 am
October 7, 2013 at 8:46 am
Hell…..up here in Canada we wouldn’t want Romo in the CFL. Most games are down to the wire…. Cant be captain meltdown.
October 7, 2013 at 8:37 am
Yea the romo bashing really is getting old.
October 7, 2013 at 8:21 am
Romo is such a fucktard lol. He crumbles when the pressure is on every time. I love it! Mostly because of my hatred for the Cowboys! Hahaha! Go Broncos!!
October 7, 2013 at 8:18 am
Cowboys fans worship Romo. Did Romo kill the author’s parents?
October 7, 2013 at 8:17 am
Matt Schaub I don’t hate you because you throw pick sixes , you throw pick sixes because I hate you, signed from the chick from mean girls
October 7, 2013 at 8:15 am
poor Tony Romo. I have a newfound respect for him. He outplayed Peyton Manning and the defender that got the pick had a good catch. How is Tony Romo to blame for that game? His offense scored 48 points. Against anyone else, that would be a win.
October 7, 2013 at 8:05 am
I love bashing Romo. It just doesn’t get any better! Everyone hates him because he plays for the Cowboys!
October 7, 2013 at 8:00 am
LOL! The best.
October 7, 2013 at 7:56 am
He’s not a terrible QB. I think it’s really overflow hate for Jerry Jones.
You need to find another target, though, because I’m on the verge of feeling sorry for him. Sheesh!
Will Icon Jarman
October 7, 2013 at 7:34 am
Yes, yes we do, Tony.
October 7, 2013 at 7:27 am
It’s the Cowboys D that screwed the pooch.
October 7, 2013 at 7:15 am
Honestly–what DID Tony Romo do to make you guys hate him so much?????
Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
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