Hey guys, I’m a little confused. I keep hearing that the Bears and Packers have a “rivalry.”
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
But to be considered our rivals, wouldn’t Chicago have to actually WIN a game against us once in while? HAHAHAHA.
6 hours ago . Like
STICK IT UP YOUR CHEESEHOLE RODGERS.
Hey there, Cutler the Clusterfuck. Did you enjoy watching me ring up 42 points on your hapless team… ALL BY HALFTIME?
LET THAT BE A LESSON TO ALL YOUR LESSER LOSERS. NONE OF YOU CAN COMPARE TO THE MIGHTY AA-ROD.
Oh, you’re definitely a rod, all right.
BECAUSE “ROD” IS ANOTHER WAY TO SAY “PENIS”
Hey Ben Roethlisberger, remember how you threw 6 TDs in each of your games the past two weeks? THAT’S SO ADORABLE.
I did pretty much the same thing last night. Except that I threw SIX-COUNT-‘EM-SIX TDs… IN THE FIRST HALF ALONE.
Yep. I pounded that defense like it was Jay Cutler’s Mom in a room full of certified accountants!
Why would a room full of certified public accountants have sex with Jay Cutler’s mom?
BECAUSE WHY SHOULD THEY BE DIFFERENT THAN EVERYONE ELSE? BAHAHAHAHAHA.
LAUGH IT UP, DISCONT DOUBLE PUTZ.
But just remember: after that game was over, I got to board a plane back to the major metropolitan city of Chicago, while YOU’RE stuck living in that podunk dairy-dumpster shithole of a town you call home.
SO WHO’S THE LOSER NOW, HUH?
Seriously though, when IS Green Bay going to get their 2nd stoplight, anyway?
Right after they get their first one, probably.
JIMMY GRAHAM! I’M CALLING YOU OUT, YOU GAME-LOSING, STONE-HAND HAVING, WEIRD ORANGE HAIR LOOKING DROPTICIAN.
ME? WHAT DID I DO?
What did you do? Oh nothing. Just got FLAGGED FOR OFFENSIVE PASS INTERFERENCE TO NEGATE MY PERFECT GAME WINNING TOUCHDOWN AGAINST THE 49ers YESTERDAY, that’s all.
THAT WASN’T MY FAULT! That cheating Perrish Cox of the 49ers FLOPPED on the ground to draw the penalty. IT WAS FLAGRANT OVERACTING ON HIS PART.
Oh WOE IS ME. I fear I have been MORTALLY WOUNDED by the viciousness of the shove I received when James Graham VIOLENTLY and ILLEGALLY threw me to the ground during our sporting endeavors which occurred just yesternoon.
QUIT YOUR MELODRAMATIC BULLCRAP, COX. Everyone who saw that play knows you were FAKING.
James? Is... is that you? Good sir, I fear my injuries from the brutal pushing you gave me yesterday have worsened and I may be slipping away from this mortal coil.
EVERYTHING IS GOING DARK. TELL MY FAMILY THAT I LOVE THEM.
Man, what a ham that guy is.
I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. WE HADN’T LOST AT HOME SINCE 2012!
THIS IS AWFUL!
THIS IS TERRIBLE!
THIS REALLY SUCKS!
Why are you pissed Kaepernick?
Why do you think? THE DOLPHINS LOST TO THE LIONS YESTERDAY. GODDAMMIT!!!
Yes, but aren’t you at least a little happy that your 49ers- the team you actually play for - beat the Saints?
Oh did we end up winning that game? Sweet. I was too busy trying to tune the Miami game in on my helmet radio to notice.
STOP EVERYTHING. We haven’t talked yet about that INSANELY bad game by Andy Dalton last Thursday against the Browns.
5 hours ago . Like
Good. Let’s keep it that way.
10-33 for 86 yards? Three interceptions? A QB RATING OF 2.0?!?!?!
DALTON, YOU SUCK IN PRIMETIME MORE THAN THE “CSI,” “NCIS,” AND “HELL’S KITCHEN” TELEVISION FRANCHISES COMBINED.
Okay, okay, so I may have had a slightly bad game…
BAD? Oh no Dalton, that game wasn't just bad.
That game was what happens when you mix "bad," "awful" and "horrendous" in a bowl, then spill it on the floor, and then a cat named "Terrible" licks it up, and shits it out later in a puddle of "fucking pathetic" diarrhea.
Dalton, I had a higher QB rating than you by completing just one pass for 4 yards
I had a higher QB rating than you just by attempting 2 passes, despite the fact that I’m a punter.
I had a higher QB rating than you just by tying my shoelaces without accidentally shitting myself
I’m actually surprised you pulled that off, Bortles.
FUCK ALL YOU GUYS.
Meanwhile, I still have a HOYER-ECTION from whipping up on Dalton and the Bengals.
AND NOW THE BROWNS ARE IN FIRST PLACE IN THE AFC NORTH WHOOOO.
IS THIS REAL LIFE?
Yep. So you can just call me butter baby, ‘cause I’m on a roll!
Geez, Hoyer. That “on a roll” joke is older than Brandon Weeden.
IMPOSSIBLE. NOTHING IS OLDER THAN BRANDON WEEDEN.
So Andy Dalton laid a gigantic turd in primetime? Not surprising.
But I’ll tell you what is surprising. The Jets actually WON yesterday.
DAMN STRAIGHT. WE BEAT THE STEELERS 20-13!
YOU SEE? I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE STARTER ALL ALONG! THE COACHES MADE A BIG MISTAKE KEEPING ME ON THE BENCH ALL SEASON.
But how can that be? I normally have such a keen eye for quarterback talent.
(tries to tie shoes, accidentally shits himself)
So much for that hot streak Ben Roethlisberger was on. The Jets defense CRUSHED him yesterday.
I FORGOT HOW TO FOOTBALL.
Ben’s numbers weren’t that bad. He had 343 yards and a TD.
Well, his 80 yard scoring pass near the end of he game saved his statline. Otherwise it would've been a shitshow of Dalton-esqe proportions
NO SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU GUYS.
WELL, IT WAS STILL NICE TO VISIT NEW YORK ANYWAY.
I ALWAYS ENJOY SPENDING TIME IN THE BIG EASY.
That’s the nickname for New Orleans Ben, not New York.
MOTOR CITY IS BEAUTIFUL THIS TIME OF YEAR.
That’s Detroit, Ben.
IT SURE WAS FUN TRAVELING TO EMERALD CITY.
That’s Oz, Ben.
Don’t look now Assbags, but the Cowboys are BACK.
4 hours ago . Like
THANKS TO MY GUTSY 14-POINT THRASHING OF THE LONDON JAGUARS ON THEIR SOON-TO-BE HOME CONTINENT. HAHAHA.
ROMO, I WILL GIVE YOU A SPINAL TAP WITH A JACKHAMMER.
I PASSED FOR 3 TDs! 0 INTs! And all with an annoying, nagging pain in my back.
HEY ROMO. I WAS THINKING ABOUT TAKING OVER THE PLAYCALLING FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR, WHADDYA THINK?
And there he is now.
Oh, calm your squirting mammaries there, BrokeBack Romo. You only beat the JAGUARS for God’s sake.
You should just be glad that you and that Jenga spine of yours got out of England in one piece.
Well if he HAD re-injured his back, he would’ve been in luck, because London has universal health care.
PLUS IN LONDON, PEOPLE USE DINOSAURS AS FORKLIFTS AND PTERODACTYLS AS RECORD PLAYERS.
You’re thinking of Bedrock, Ben.
Well I hope you scored some sweet British Monarchy tail while you were there, Romo.
HAH! Big mistake. When my Pats played in London, I DEFINITELY got my royal scepter polished, if you know what I mean.
HE’S TALKING ABOUT GETTING HIS FURNITURE CLEANED.
No, Rape Ape. I’m talking about having sex with the Queen.
QUIT LYING BRADY. There’s no way you had sex with the Queen.
THE FUCK I DIDN’T. I buttered Queen Elizabeth the First’s English Muffin the entire week we were in London.
I believe you mean Queen Elizabeth the Second. Queen Elizabeth the First died 400 years ago.
No, she’s the one I mean. I had her old bones exhumed from the royal graveyard.
See, I heard that she was a huge prude back in her day. So long story short, SHE AIN'T A “VIRGIN QUEEN” ANYMORE. HAHAHA.
JESUS CHRIST. You dug up a 500-year old corpse and had sex with her rotting flesh?
This story is getting awfully hard to fap to.
Speak for yourself.
HEY EVERYONE: MY LIONS ARE 7-2!
WE HAVE FOUR STRAIGHT WINS AND WE’RE STILL ON TOP OF OUR DIVISION, WHOOOOO!
Yep. So you can just call me “an entire box of jelly doughnuts,” Because I'M ON A ROLL, BABY.
Stafford, you idiot. You can't put an entire box of jelly doughnuts on a single roll.
NOOOO! WE NEEDED THAT GAME!
A win would’ve moved us up to 2nd in the division. WHY CAN’T WE SEEM TO GET PAST BUFFALO?
Ooh, ooh. “Things no NFC team has ever said in a Super Bowl?”
JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE FOOLING HERE, STAFFORD?
Your stupid Lions winning a few games was a cute novelty for a little while. BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
I AM THE MIGHTY AARON RODGERS, and everyone knows that the PACKERS will be the ones to win the NFC North.
So knock off all this ridiculous “top of the division” crap and GET BACK UNDER MY ASS WHERE YOU BELONG!
Ooh, ooh. “Things Brandon Moore’s butt says to Mark Sanchez’s face?”
4 hours ago . Like .
OKAY, THAT’S THE LAST BUTTFUMBLE JOKE maybe
What’s the deal with teams that are usually shitty suddenly getting good this year?
I know, right? The Lions are actually in first place? And the Browns too?
Hell, even the Cardinals keep on winning games somehow.
Who cares about the win? I SHREDDED MY KNEE YESTERDAY!
NOW I’M GOING TO MISS THE REST OF THE SEASON!
AND IT HAPPENED JUST DAYS AFTER I SIGNED A HUGE CONTRACT WITH OVER $20 MILLION OF GUARANTEED CASH!
You’re so lucky you signed that deal before you got hurt, Palmer. You should go out and spend that cash now that you have lots of free time.
When I got my new contract, I splurged on a big house
When I got my new contract, I splurged on a big car
When I got my new contract, I splurged on my big sister.
DON’T YOU GET IT? My Cardinals were cruising toward a Super Bowl berth in our HOME STADIUM! But now our offense will be stuck with some shitty 2nd string QB!
Could be worse. It could be a 3rd string QB.
Or worse yet. It could be a practice squad QB.
Or worse still. It could be Andy Dalton.
FOR REAL. FUCK ALL OF YOU GUYS
HO-HUM. A 24-POINT VICTORY FOR PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING OVER THE WRETCHED RAIDERS.
3 hours ago . Like
You know, no big deal. I just tossed FIVE PERFECT PASSING TDs like the unstoppable gridiron god that I am.
A MERE 5 TDs? OH, YOU’RE ADORABLE, MANNING. I THREW 6 IN JUST TWO QUARTERS OF PLAY.
TALK TO ME WHEN YOU HAVE OVER 500 TDs IN YOUR CAREER, RODGERS
AT THE RATE I’M GOING, I MIGHT THROW THAT MANY DURING THE FIRST HALF OF NEXT WEEK’S GAME.
BIG FUCKING WHOOP. I still lead the league this season with 29 TDs.
Meanwhile my "fucks given" stat remains the same as Derek Carr’s 2014 win total.
HE SAYING THAT HE GIVES ZERO FUCKS, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW MANY WINS THE RAIDERS HAVE.
And now that I’ve conducted my yearly disemboweling of the Raiders defense, I can get the hell out of their prison riot of a city.
THEY SAY YOU WILL NEVER FIND A MORE WRETCHED HIVE OF SCUM AND VILLAINY THAN OAKLAND.
You’re thinking of Mos Eisley Spaceport, Ben.
Actually no, it applies to Oakland as well.
DON’T COUNT YOUR AFC WEST TITLE JUST YET, MANNING. My Chiefs won our FOURTH game in a row yesterday. We’re still VERY much in the division race.
YOU, Smith? Please. DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH.
No seriously, don’t. The bolts in his neck will fall out.
There’s no WAY we’re not going to win the AFC West. After beating the Raiders, our division record is a perfect 3-0!
Just like my record against the entire Manning family in 2014.
WILSON, I WILL DRESS YOU IN A TODDLER’S OUTFIT THAT WILL LIKELY BE WAY TOO BAGGY ON YOU, THEN PAY ADRIAN PETERSON TO BABYSIT YOU FOR THE DAY AT “BIG HEAVY SWITCHES ‘R’ US”
Speaking of, it sounds like Adrian Peterson’s going to be reinstated any day now.
Wait, A.P.’s coming back? Then I WANT TO BE REINSTATED TOO.
YEAH, ME TOO. REINSTATE ME.
AND ME! REINSTATE ME ALSO!
JA! REINSTATUSTELLE ME N MICH AUCH!
Okay, that’s taking things WAY too far.
Yeah. There’s no WAY Ray Rice should be reinstated after what he did.
BEAST MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS.
BEAST MODE WAS EVEN MORE BEAST MODE THAN USUAL YESTERDAY, WHEN BEAST MODE WENT BEAST MODE ALL OVER PUNY GIANTS FOR FOUR TOUCHDOWNS.
“Puny Giants?” Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Yep. Sort of like “Raiders victory.”
IT’S A CONTRADICTION IN TERMS.
What’s that Lynch? You scored a mere four TDs yesterday? OH, YOU’RE ADORABLE.
Rodgers, for a guy who swears he's not gay, you sure do tell dudes that they’re “adorable” a lot.
Yes but only to elite NFL players.
What? But you’ve never called me ador… OH FUCK OFF.
Well I can’t WAIT to get back on the field next week. BYE WEEKS ARE SO BORING.
2 hours ago . Like
I spent my entire week “wrestling the giant anaconda.” And by that or course, I mean masturbating.
Meanwhile, I hear Andrew Luck spent HIS bye week in the film room going over tiny details.
In other words masturbating.
THEY’RE SAYING HE WAS MASTURBATING
I literally did just say that.
I’m looking forward to our game next Sunday night, Mr. Brady. It will be an honor to compete against your fine squad.
SAVE IT, LUCK. Your puny ponies don’t have a prayer against my mighty Patriots.
DON'T BE SO SURE, BRADY. The game is in Indianapolis after all.
THEY CALL THAT “THE STEEL CITY”
That’s Pittsburgh, Ben.
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Guy who kisses penis
November 12, 2014 at 3:18 pm
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November 11, 2014 at 1:15 pm
Thought it was pretty funny! Would like to see a Josh McCown reference.
November 11, 2014 at 12:51 pm
And I thought Sam Bradford was the onl disgusting pervert in the qb convos. But I stand corrected.
November 11, 2014 at 10:57 am
The Emerald City is Seattle.
Guy who kisses ass
November 11, 2014 at 10:55 am
November 10, 2014 at 9:10 pm
I don’t know why so many people are dogging this edition. I thought it was hilarious, and some of your finest work to date. Of course, I’m a Raides fan, so my judgment may be suspect.
November 10, 2014 at 5:41 pm
This would be much better if there wasn’t a sex reference every single line. I remember when these were funny on a regular basis. Last week’s was great. I thought that maybe we were going back to the point where these would be really good every week. But not this. This might be the single worst convo ever. (Although considering how great the first two Opposite Days were, I was expecting a lot more from the one this year.)
November 10, 2014 at 6:13 pm
Wilson losing his “trolljo” was pretty good.
November 10, 2014 at 5:16 pm
I really thought there was going to be a Russell Wilson and Golden Tate trolling of agrees and Graham for the Fail Mary.
November 10, 2014 at 5:45 pm
They probably won’t do that, Tate and Wilson aren’t on the same team anymore.
PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING
November 18, 2014 at 11:12 am
Why would it be Brees and Graham? The Fail Mary was against the Packers.
November 10, 2014 at 3:02 pm
To be honest, this wasn’t very good, in my meager humble opinion sir.
November 18, 2014 at 11:13 am
FOR FUCK’S SAKE LUCK STOP BEING SUCH A CONCEITED ASS. WE DON’T NEED YOUR DAMN OPINION ALL THE TIME.
November 10, 2014 at 2:51 pm
NCIS sucks? I disagree.
November 10, 2014 at 2:42 pm
This one sucked.
Jim in NYC
November 10, 2014 at 2:24 pm
And quite frankly, there were times when I wondered if Bradford had hacked Brady’s Facebook account…
November 10, 2014 at 6:12 pm
Right? I thought Brady was the egotistical type who prefer a live girl for the feedback.
November 10, 2014 at 2:22 pm
William Shatner. William Fargin’ Shatner.
I love you guys.
November 10, 2014 at 2:04 pm
It sure is good to have Ben back to ‘normal’.
November 10, 2014 at 2:00 pm
Technically, Russell Wilson is 3-1 against the Mannings in 2014.
43-8 in SB 48 v. Peyton, 21-16 v. Peyton in preseason (The SB48 Vengeance Bowl) 26-20 v. Peyton, and 38-17 v. Eli.
November 10, 2014 at 3:07 pm
The preseason game was decided by Brock Osweiler and Terrelle Pryor, not Russell Wilson and Peyton Manning. So 3-0 is correct,
November 10, 2014 at 3:10 pm
To be *really* pedantic, one could say Wilson is 3-0-1 because the preseason game was a 7-7 tie when Wilson and Manning were pulled.
But do we want to be that pedantic? I mean, let’s ask Bradford about a preseason tie game.
November 12, 2014 at 3:24 pm
You really want to know?
Guy Who Whispers Penis
November 10, 2014 at 1:53 pm
November 10, 2014 at 5:44 pm
Will you ever just shut the fuck up??? I know you probably think its funny but its not and you’re the ONLY person who thinks its funny. Go away. You are a big part of what is ruining this once great website.
November 10, 2014 at 6:11 pm
Just ignore it.
November 11, 2014 at 5:53 pm
In case you haven’t noticed, we HAVE been ignoring it. And has it been working? NO! Because this fucking dumbass can’t pick up the hint that NOBODY LIKES HIM.
November 11, 2014 at 12:04 pm
Actually, your whining is far more annoying than the juvenile penis comment. Just saying
November 11, 2014 at 6:02 pm
How clever. You create a second account to back up yourself. Nobody is falling for it.
November 10, 2014 at 1:52 pm
November 11, 2014 at 10:58 am
Is that you Sam Bradford?
November 11, 2014 at 6:06 pm
Leave this website. Nobody likes you. I speak for everyone on this website, and if anyone replies to this comment agreeing with you or calling me a whiner then I know you just made another account. The only reason nobody ever responds to your fucking retarded penis shit is because we all ignore you hoping you eventually go the fuck away but you don’t. Just fucking LEAVE already.
November 12, 2014 at 3:25 pm
Actually I enjoy his comments I get a boner every time.
Guy Who Hates The Guy Who Whispers Penis
November 14, 2014 at 8:06 am
*Whispers* FUCK OFF GUY WHO WHISPERS PENIS!
November 10, 2014 at 1:49 pm
First! On my birthday:O!
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