NFL QBs on FACEBOOK: “A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR ’13”

By
Updated: December 2, 2013

A WORD FROM SPONSOR 13 475

PEYTON MANNING

HOW’D YOU LIKE THAT KANSAS CITY KLOBBERING I GAVE YOU YESTERDAY, ALEX SMITH?

ALEX SMITH

SUCK A DONKEY DONG, MANNING!

PEYTON MANNING

HAHAHA. YOUR HOME CROWD WATCHED ME THROW FOR 403 YARDS AND 5 TDs!

PEYTON MANNING

To put that into perspective, if each one of my TDS was a large Papa John’s pepperoni pizza, you’d have FIVE PAPA JOHN’S PIZZAS FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF ONLY $59.73!

RYAN TANNEHILL

Or you could eat five cardboard boxes for roughly the same taste, at a fraction of the cost.

PEYTON MANNING

Hey Smith, it’s true about how loud the fans in your stadium are. My ears are still ringing from all their loud sobs yesterday. HAHAHA.

ALEX SMITH

DAMMIT! I can’t believe I lost to that pizza peddling, five-headed goon again!

ERIC DECKER

Don’t forget that I had 174 yards and 4 TDS.

DEMARYIUS THOMAS

And I had 106 yards, including a big 77 yard catch and run.

ERIC DECKER

That’s why they call us “Black and Decker”

ALEX SMITH

Well you are a couple of tools.

PEYTON MANNING

I TOLD YOU, ALEX SMITH. I told you that your 9-0 start would crumble into a 9-7 final record.

PEYTON MANNING

AND NOW YOU’RE 0-3 SINCE THEN. LOLOLOLOL

TOM BRADY

Meanwhile you’re 2-1 in the last three weeks Manning, thanks to me.

PEYTON MANNING

WRONG. I’m 3-1. Because I won this past Thursday.

TONY ROMO

You didn’t play last Thursday.

PEYTON MANNING

THE FUCK I DIDN’T. I won the annual “Manning Family Thanksgiving Backyard Touch Football Game” at my Dad’s place.

PEYTON MANNING

It was tied in the 4th quarter, until my Mom got her third interception of the game off Eli.

ELI MANNING

Well then maybe the Redskins should have signed Mama before last night’s game because I PASSED MY GIANTS TO VICTORY RIGHT OVER THE ROTTING CORPSE OF RGIII’S REDSKINS! BOOYA!

RGIII

EAT FRESH SQUIRREL SHIT, MANNING!

ELI MANNING

LOLOL Griffin. It’s so ironic that you’re a spokesperson for Subway. Because beating you yesterday totally gave me a footlong.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

HE’S TALKING ABOUT A 12 INCH BONER

DREW BREES

BIG GAME TONIGHT, BITCHES! My Saints versus Russell Wilson’s Seahawks in a battle for NFC dominance!

DREW BREES

And you know what? I’m feeling a little cough coming on. Think I’ll drink a cup of the most effective nighttime liquid cold and flu medicine you can find at your local pharmacy.

ALEX SMITH

Yes Brees. We’ve all seen your stupid Nyquil commercials.

DREW BREES

DON’T YOU DARE INSULT NYQUIL, ALEX SMITH. Unlike you, that shit performs exactly the way it’s supposed to.

MATT RYAN

So Drew Brees and Russell Wilson will be playing on the same field? Get ready for lots of “short QB” jokes.

ANDY DALTON

Don’t worry. Most of those gags go right over their heads.

RIMSHOT

BA-DUM-TSHHH

AARON RODGERS

I’M ROOTING FOR YOU TONIGHT, BREES! Take that midget Russell Wilson Sea-Dwarf down a few more notches wouldya?

AARON RODGERS

Remember Wilson you could take away a full four inches from my magnificent frame, and I’d STILL be taller than you.

RUSSELL WILSON

And you could take away a full four wins from our record, and we’d still be ahead of you in the standings.

AARON RODGERS

WILSON, I WILL ROLL YOU IN BATTER, DROP YOU IN A DEEP FRYER, AND MAKE YOU AVAILABLE IN UNLIMITED QUANTITIES AT THE SIZZLER BUFFET!

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE RUSSELL WILSON’S KIND OF A SHRIMP, YOU SEE.

DREW BREES

LOL THAT’S FUNNY LOL COUGH COUGH COUGH

DREW BREES

Uh-oh. Still coughing. Guess I better double my dose of Nyquil GLUG GLUG GLUG.

ELI MANNING

Be careful, Brees, too much of that stuff can make you groggy and incoherent.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THAT’S NOT TRUE. I’VE BEEN MIXING NITE QUILL WITH MY GATORADE FOR YEARS NOW AND IT HASN’T MADE ME GOGGY INCOHESIVE OR WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT AGAIN?

TOM BRADY

Hey you dildos, it’s SING-ALONG TIME!

TOM BRADY

THE HOUSTON “D,” GOT FUCKED BY ME… (CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP)

TOM BRADY

… DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!

CASE KEENUM

I always figured you’d have some form of the Clap, Brady.

TOM BRADY

Okay Matt Schaub. You know the rules. I beat you on the field. So now I get to bang your wife.

MATT SCHAUB

What?! Case Keenum started yesterday. I never even took the field in that stupid game!

TOM BRADY

Yes I know you didn't play. The fact that your team scored more than 6 points tipped me off.

TOM BRADY

But that doesn't change the fact that your wife is surprisingly hot. And judging by Case Keenum’s face, I’m guessing the only girlfriend he has is inflatable.

TOM BRADY

So you can drop your wife off at my place around 10pm tonight and wait in the driveway with the engine running. I won’t be long.

MATT SCHAUB

YOU’RE NOT SLEEPING WITH MY WIFE, BRADY. Not again, anyway.

TOM BRADY

You shoulda thought of that before your defense let me HAMMER THEM LIKE FRESH GROUND BEEF HAHAHA.

THAT REDHEADED WENDY'S COMMERCIAL GIRL

Did someone say fresh ground beef?

PHILIP RIVERS

The redheaded Wendy’s Commercial Girl? The one with the red hair, from the Wendy’s commercials?

TONY ROMO

Well expositioned, Rivers.

THAT REDHEADED WENDY'S COMMERCIAL GIRL

If you want REAL fresh ground beef, bite into a Hot ‘N Juicy Bacon Portabella Melt, now available at your local participating Wendy’s

TOM BRADY

Hey Redheaded Wendy’s Commercial Girl, you’re making my mouth water a little bit.

TOM BRADY

How’d you like me to be the Jack in YOUR Box?

THAT REDHEADED WENDY'S COMMERCIAL GIRL

I‘d sooner be a serving wench for the Burger King

TOM BRADY

Are you sure? I’d love for you to sample my meat.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

I want to get my hands on her nuggets

NICK FOLES

I’d really like to butter her buns

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

VAGINA!

ANDREW LUCK

Miss, I apologize. I am so sorry you’re being subjected to this awful sexism.

THAT REDHEADED WENDY'S COMMERCIAL GIRL

Quit trying to white-knight your way into my panties, Luck. I wouldn’t let you bang me with Ronald McDonald’s striped dick.

MATT STAFFORD

Well, I hope all you fellas enjoyed your Thanksgiving.

MATT STAFFORD

Me, I loved GOBBLING UP 330 YARDS AGAINST THE PACKERS TO MOVE MY LIONS BACK INTO FIRST PLACE IN OUR DIVISION. WHOO-HOOO!

AARON RODGERS

FUUUUUUUCK!

MATT STAFFORD

Sorry Matt Ryan and Matt McGloin, but Matt Stafford is now officially the LEADER OF THE MATT MAFIA! #BestQBNamedMattInNFL

AARON RODGERS

Meanwhile YOU, Matt Flynn, are the SHITTIEST OF ALL THE BACKUP MATT QBs!

MATT SIMMS, MATT BARKLEY,MATT SCHAUB, MATT CASSEL, MATT MOORE,and MATT HASSELBECK all breathe a sigh of relief

AARON RODGERS

YOU’VE RUINED OUR CHANCES AT THE PLAYOFFS WITH YOUR OFF-TARGET PASSING!

MATT FLYNN

YOU CAN’T BLAME ME! I’M ONLY GOOD AT THE “SIGNING BIG MONEY CONTRACTS” PART OF FOOTBALL, NOT THE ACTUAL “PLAYING” PART.

AARON RODGERS

FUCKITY-FUCK FUCK! OUR STUPID BACKUP QBS ARE THE MOST PATHETIC HUMANS ON THE PLANET!

BEARS SUPERFAN GUYS

DISCOUNT DAAAHHHHBLE CHECK!

AARON RODGERS

I stand corrected.

BEARS SUPERFAN GUYS

We know who you are, pal. You’re the State Farm Discount Daahhble Check guy.

AARON RODGERS

YEAH, NO SHIT NORM FROM CHEERS. I’M ONLY THE MOST RECOGNIZED AND BELOVED INSURANCE SPOKESPERSON ON TELEVISION!

FLO FROM PROGRESSIVE

Get fucked, cheesedick.

MIKE TOMLIN

KNOCK KNOCK?

JACOBY JONES

Who’s there?

MIKE TOMLIN

INTERRUPTING COACH

JACOBY JONES

Interrupting coach, wh….

MIKE TOMLIN

GET OUTTA THE WAY JIZZBUCKET! MIKE TOMLIN’S GOT HIS FOOT ON THE PLAYING FIELD! HAHAHA!

JACOBY JONES

THAT’S NOT FUNNY! I would’ve had a TD if not for your stupid “Coachus Interruptus”

SAM BRADFORD

I suffered from “Coachus Interruptus” once, when Jeff Fisher walked in on me having a thee-way with a couple of tackling dummies in the Rams hot tub.

JOE FLACCO

Well despite that illegal troll stroll of yours Mike Tomlin, my Ravens STILL beat your cheating Steelers.

MIKE TOMLIN

Only because Emmanual Sanders dropped that damn 2-point conversion in the end zone!

EMMANUEL SANDERS

On the plus side, I just signed a lucrative endorsement deal with Butterfinger.

RIMSHOT

Ba-dum-tsssss

COLIN KAEPERNICK

You know what, dum-dums? I should totally sign an endorsement deal with Scott’s Lawnmowers. ‘CAUSE I CHEWED UP 275 YARDS AGAINST THE RAMS. YUK YUK YUK YUK YUK!

DREW BREES

WHOA. TRIPPY. GONZO FROM THE MUPPET SHOW IS ON FACEBOOK?

RYAN TANNEHILL

That’s not Gonzo, Drew. It’s Colin Kaepernick.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Don’t count out my 49ers in the divisional race yet, Dickwads! If the Saints can just beat the Seahawks tonight, we’re right back in it!

DREW BREES

MY HANDS ARE MELTING. EVERYTHING’S MOVING REALLY SLOWLY. I THINK MY SCAR IS TALKING TO ME.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Yeah, we’re fucked.

PEYTON MANNING

Brees, you balls-tripping, Nyquil addict. You’re only supposed to take that stuff once every four hours.

DREW BREES

OR “AS NEEDED.” AND TRUST ME, DADDY NEEDS HIS COUGH-COUGH, SLEEP-SLEEP JUICE.

DREW BREES

FUCK IT. IMMA DRINK THE WHOLE BOTTLE GLUG GLUG GLUG.

DREW BREES

LOOKOUT EVERYONE, ‘CAUSE DREW BREES IS RIDING THE GREEN DRAGON TONIGHT, WHOOO!

MATT RYAN

POP QUIZ, CUMBOXES: Guess who’s the NFL’s only UNDEFEATED QB?

CARSON PALMER

Um, no one.

MATT RYAN

WRONG, PALMJOB. I am currently the NFL’s ONLY undefeated QB, assuming that we’re only counting Canadian games.

E.J. MANUEL

Choke on a pound of back-bacon, Ryan.

TONY GONZALEZ

Hey, I’ve got a better quiz. Which starting NFL QB is gonna get his skinny head bashed in for failing to get the all-time greatest TE in NFL history into the Super Bowl? WHO CAN ANSWER THAT QUESTION?

RAY LEWIS

I’ll take a stab at it.

PLAXICO BURRESS

I’ll take a shot at it.

TORONTO MAYOR ROB FORD

I’ll take a crack at it.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

I’LL TAKE AN ALLEGED MULTIPLE DATE RAPE AT IT.

NICK FOLES

CHECK ME OUT, RAISIN-DICKS!. I threw for another 3 TDs with NO picks to whip up on Carson Palmer’s Cardinals

TOM BRADY

Congratulations, Foles. You’re now officially the best QB in the NFL who also happens to be a Napoleon Dynamite doppleganger.

MIKE GLENNON

Goddammit.

NICK FOLES

I DEFY YOU TO NAME ANYONE WHO PLAYED BETTER THAN ME YESTERDAY!

JOSH GORDON

Hey! I had 261 receiving yards!

JUSTIN TUCK

I had 4 sacks!

ADRIAN PETERSON

I had 211 rushing yards to take the NFL lead. AND my Vikings beat the Bears!

JAY CUTLER

You SUCK, Robbie Gould. We would have won yesterday if you’d hit that chip shot field goal in overtime.

JAY CUTLER

HAS THERE EVER BEEN A MORE PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT A GAME WINNING FIELD GOAL THAN THAT?

NICK SABAN

Um…

JAY CUTLER

Just wait until I return to our lineup. I’ll get us back into that top wild card spot

RIVERBOAT RON RIVERA

WANNA BET?

PHILIP RIVERS

Panthers coach Ron Rivera? Whose daring style has earned him the nickname, “Riverboat Ron?”

RIVERBOAT RON RIVERA

DAMN STRAIGHT. My rambling, gambling defense sacked Mike Glennon FIVE TIMES yesterday

RIVERBOAT RON RIVERA

ROFL, HE'S GONNA BE SORE UNTIL NEXT WEDNESDAY!

THAT ANNOYING CAMEL FROM THE GEICO ADS

WEDNESDAY? You mean HUMP DAYYYYY!

THAT ANNOYING GEICO BANJO GUY #1

Tom, how happy are dumbasses who sign up with our crappy discount insurance agency?

THAT ANNOYING GEICO BANJO GUY #2

I’d say happier than Sam Bradford fucking a bag of puppies

THAT ANNOYING GEICO GECKO LIZARD

Blimey, that’s disgusting

FLO FROM PROGRESSIVE

FOR FUCK’S SAKE. WHY DOES GEICO INSURANCE HAVE SO MANY GODDAMN MASCOTS?

CAM NEWTON

You know Coach Rivera, I had a little something to do with that victory too.

NFL PLAY 60 KID

Yeah, but I’m still your Mom’s favorite player.

NFL PLAY 60 KID

(begins warming up arm)

CAM NEWTON

KID I WILL SMASH YOUR FACE INTO A CAR WINDSHIELD, AND THEN TAKE YOUR MOTHER, DOROTHY MANTOOTH, OUT FOR A NICE SEAFOOD DINNER AND NEVER CALL HER AGAIN!

Ron Burgandy likes this

WES MANTOOTH

DOROTHY MANTOOTH IS A SAINT!

ANDREW LUCK

Well, MY Colts beat Tennessee yesterday and are now almost guaranteed to win the AFC South! Hooray for me!

ANDREW LUCK

Forgive me everyone. I…I don’t know what came over me to become such a braggart like that.

TOM BRADY

Big deal. Beating the Titans is just like Geico insurance: So easy, even Andrew Luck can do it.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE ANDREW LUCK TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE A CAVEMAN!

FLO FROM PROGRESSIVE

My god, I forgot about the cavemen. THAT’S ENOUGH MASCOTS, GEICO INSURANCE.

PEYTON MANNING

Luck, you only won that game because Tennessee’s shitty QB threw 3 awful picks.

NICK FOLES

That’s why 4 out of 5 cornerbacks surveyed preferred the easily interceptable flavor of Ryan Fitzpatrick.

PHILIP RIVERS

DAMMIT! I CAN’T BELIEVE MY CHARGERS LOST TO THE BENGALS! We needed that win BADLY to stay in the playoff race.

ANDY DALTON

Don’t feel bad Rivers. You could still sign an endorsement deal with Secret Deodorant.

ANDY DALTON

“Philip Rivers: Strong Enough for a Man, But Plays Like a Woman.”

DREW BREES

HAHAHAHA. THAT PUPPY DOG'S ENGORGED RED PENIS IS CALLING PHILIP RIVERS A WOMAN!

RYAN TANNEHILL

That’s not the engorged red penis of a dog, Brees. It’s Andy Dalton.

ELI MANNING

Though to be fair, it is easy to confuse the two.

DREW BREES

HEY, DID YOU GUYS EVER THINK THAT MAYBE OUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS, LIKE, JUST A TINY ATOM IN THE SCAR OF A SUPER-DUPER ENORMOUS QUARTERBACK, LIKE, IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT DIMENSION SOMEWHERE?

RYAN TANNEHILL

Brees, I really think you need to put down the Nyquil now.

DREW BREES

POUR DOWN SOME MORE NYQUIL, YOU SAY? DON’T MIND IF I DO GLUG-GLUG-GLUG-GLUG ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

SEAN PAYTON

(lists Drew Brees as “Questionable: Coma” on injury report)

NFL QBs on FACEBOOK: “A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR ’13”

Leave a Reply

110 Comments

  1. Tom Riddle

    June 5, 2014 at 1:01 am

    Wow @anonymous you are fucking annoying bro like take a damn break. Let these fucking guys breathe your always the first comment. ” it’s good guys but it’s not abc prime time material”. it’s a funny website that does good on its purpose. Stop acting like it’s the one cable network show in Bosnia.

  2. Anonymous

    February 13, 2014 at 7:42 pm

    Awwww, they forgot the Gieco money stack. Was kinda waitng for that and another flow blow up.

  3. Pingback: NFL QBs ON FACEBOOK: 2013 - Page 5

  4. EAGLELUVA

    December 10, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    Colin Kapernick as Gonzo is hilarious to me.

  5. Dave

    December 9, 2013 at 7:11 am

    I can’t wait till the snow day one comes out!

    And I absolutely loved the grammar discussion! was highly informative with the exception of the aggressive attitude of involved. Since “correct English” was not given by God (or whoever),aggressively asserting correct spelling such that one would attack someone for lacking it in one instance is a tenuous proposal. There are conventional norms, most of which developed in in the aftermath of print technology, helping to sell books and newspapers to a broader audience. These norms of grammar and spelling were especially helpful in the bureaucratic administration for colonial powers . If these norms didn’t develop, there would have had to be multiple versions of books, newspapers, and and documents for every dialect.

    The idea of “correct” grammar and spelling is all fine and good in that it helps us communicate more efficiently and effectively with each other, and the norms of writing one adheres to will help determine how broad and what type of audience will read one’s work. Still, to make fun of someone for not sharing in it 100% of the time is just silly.

  6. DirtyBird221

    December 8, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    This whole convo was redeemed with the one-liner of Wes Mantooth, lol

  7. Anonymous

    December 8, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    It’s always nice to see someone so graciously take constructive criticism. PFM Staff, I like you guys even more now. Plus, you make me laugh my ass off every time.

  8. PFM Staff

    December 8, 2013 at 12:59 am

    For what it’s worth, I DEFINITELY appreciate the spelling/grammar corrections from you guys.

    I suck at proofreading in general, but I really suck at it when it’s 5am on a Monday morning, and I’m all bleary eyed from putting the finishing touches on the loose collection of dick jokes that is the QB convo. So by all means, please continue to keep me honest as to any typos or errors I make.

    Thanks also to you guys that come to my defense regarding the grammar corrections, but trust me, I’m not offended by it. Everyone that’s offered feedback has done it in a constructive and helpful way, so it’s totally cool.

    Happy week 14, y’all.

  9. waitwhatbruins

    December 7, 2013 at 10:20 pm

    First, I didn’t mean to start a grammar war here. My only reason for making the comment was because an earlier comment indicated that the author clearly has a respect for the English language and wanted to make the corrections. However, since the dumbass was (hilariously) made, I will state (even though Kong already did it quite eloquently) that even thought “till” looks strange, it is correct. ‘Til is generally considered incorrect, although it has been used so often that it has found a place in the English language. In the U.K., however ’til is considered correct usage. Not so in the U.S. But when somebody responds with “dumbass,” and then makes a dumbass comment, well, I had to respond.

    But enough grammar shit. Back to the mock, because another episode is coming in two days, and after all, that is all that really matters.

    http://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2006/09/on-til-and-till-and-until.html

  10. Anonymous

    December 7, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    Rw3 look it up, moron.

  11. ManBearPig

    December 7, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Great comment Kong. I with plus/minus options for comments would be added to the comment section. If you can get by the your team vs. my team battles, it gets pretty funny in here.

  12. Grammar Kong

    December 7, 2013 at 6:00 am

    He’s not a dumbass; it just depends on where he’s from. Till and ’til are actually two different words with two different etymologies. Till is the earlier form, attested as early as 1330; Until is actually derived from till, not the other way around as in ’til (a backformation which showed up much later). Both are common, so it’s up to you which one you like. Till is commoner in Scotland, where it can be used like dative “to” in some situations, while ’til is commoner in the U.S. Take your pick. Either is technically correct, but to U.S. eyes, ’til would probably be the best choice. Depends on how many worldwide readers you have. And bottom line, it’s YOUR page, so spell it however the hell you want to.

    Got to hand it to you, PFM Staff, for how gracious you are at taking grammar and spelling suggestions.

    And let me finish by saying I’ve been a football fanatic for 25 years now, and a writer for 20 years – your knowledge of football is a lot deeper than my own. Some of the references you make are almost esoteric but brilliantly done; the set-up for them in your writing makes these jokes almost blindside me when I read them. Outstanding work, each and every one. Thank you.

  13. Ryan

    December 5, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    Please add more russell wilson. he is only the QB on the best team in the nfl

  14. RW3MVP

    December 5, 2013 at 8:27 am

    Yeah the guy who corrected you on ’til is a dumbass. You were correct, till is incorrect.

  15. Pingback: NFL Quarterbacks Conversation on Facebook: Week 13 Round-up | Total Pro Sports

  16. Sherman Channing Humphrey III

    December 4, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    Too many fillers now. Gieco, Wendy’s, Rim-shots, Discount double checks… None of us write for PFBM so we cant tell them how do do what they do.. but I can say it was much funnier when they just stuck to football and insulting/bullying each other… etc. IMO

  17. Anonymous

    December 4, 2013 at 10:09 am

    On the geico part about the caveman, orakpo (who was on the geico commercial with the caveman) should have been included. That would be funny.

  18. Michael Heard

    December 4, 2013 at 9:33 am

    Can’t help but love… ERIC DECKER

    That’s why they call us “Black and Decker”

  19. Anonymous

    December 4, 2013 at 7:02 am

    Um…who cares about grammar on these? Most facebook posts have terrible spelling and grammar…some incorrect ones make it seem more realistic anyway.

  20. Dave

    December 4, 2013 at 5:37 am

    Hehe… you said “staff”…

  21. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    @PFM: I didn’t realize you had a staff of volunteer trolls to do after the fact proof reading for you

  22. PFM Staff

    December 3, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    @waitwhatbruins: I do welcome the grammar and spelling corrections, so thank you. Although I thought that as a contraction of “until” the “’til” spelling was correct, no? Regardless, I’ll make that change. Thank you for keeping me honest, and I hope to begin speeling better in the futore.

  23. waitwhatbruins

    December 3, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Awesome as usual. And I hate to be the grammar police, but since it seems that you welcome them and want them corrected, here’s another: The correct spelling is “till,” not ” ’til.”

    JAY CUTLER
    Just wait ‘til I return to our lineup. I’ll get us back into that top wild card spot

  24. bobman2

    December 3, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Always one of the highlights of my week, aside from watching Rivers lose, of course, or Brady whine to the refs, or the Jags try to resemble a football team. They’re so cute when they do that.

  25. Vee Grafstein

    December 3, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    i started reading these right before the manning bowl omfg had to back track and read them all. so funny

  26. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    I wish NFL QB’s were really like this! Would be hilarious to watch post game interviews!

  27. G

    December 3, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Loving the new characters

  28. Saints lost

    December 3, 2013 at 12:27 pm

    Maybe the whole saints team had too much nyquil cause the whole team was like half asleep, or they just suck in the cold

  29. anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Guess drew breed did take to much no quilt dude was half asleep yesterday

  30. Pingback: The reason Drew Brees was held in check last night - SportsHoopla.com Sports Forums

  31. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 10:05 am

    Rivers introducing the redhead Wendy’s girl, the Wendy’s girl with red-hair…absolutely hilarious…laughed out loud

  32. Tigerfire

    December 3, 2013 at 9:35 am

    I loved how they mentioned Gonzo.

  33. IFHSS

    December 3, 2013 at 9:23 am

    awkward…

  34. davelog (@davelog)

    December 3, 2013 at 7:41 am

    A Nyquil coma would indeed explain much.

  35. ben

    December 3, 2013 at 6:30 am

    “It would be funny if Brees sucked tonight. Then this would be prophetic, and probably warrant a Tuesday followup of some sort.”

    Well, he didn’t play great…

  36. Pingback: Official NFL thread!! - Page 62 - XDTalk Forums - Your XD/XD(m) Information Source!

  37. Guest

    December 3, 2013 at 3:52 am

    Sadly prophetic, after watching the Saints get whupped tonight. Still funny, tho! Loved the Saban interjection!

  38. Jason malamut (@Jasonmalamut)

    December 3, 2013 at 3:17 am

    If Nick Foles breaks Mannings record next week, I’d love to see a section of the comments focusing on these 2

  39. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 2:31 am

    Pretty sure the “GOGGY” was intentional, as Ben is an idiot you see.

  40. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 2:02 am

    2 more typos

    5 TDs = 7 pizza’s

    Ben says “GOGGY” not gRoggy

    Keep up the good work though reading these have become my monday night ritual

  41. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 1:08 am

    Tom Brady will win another Super Bowl when pigs fly

    Geico pig: he really just say that?

  42. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 1:05 am

    The NFL Play 60 kid coming after Cam Newton is awesome

  43. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 12:51 am

    Guess Brees really *did* take too much NyQuil…

  44. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 12:16 am

    cant believe no UGGS reference for tom brady

  45. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    The Tony Gonzo death threats are really good. Also: why is Jay Cutler not Smokin’ Jay Cutler? Figured that’d be the obvious gimmick for him

  46. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 11:08 pm

    You JINXED BREES!! WTF?!?!?!?!

  47. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    My favorite line was “THE FUCK I DIDN’T”

  48. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    Brees is playing like he is riding the Green Dragon tonight.

  49. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    Bree’s really is on NyQuil, isn’t he.

  50. Dave

    December 2, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    Tannehill had a few lines: he’s the straight man for a few of these jokes (which for a Miami fan is probably better than the alternative)

  51. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Happier than a pig in shit lol. Love pfm, great job as always, look foward to mondays!

  52. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    I feel bad I criticized about no Tannehill, i forgot to mention that i thiught this one was hilarious. Its hard to be a fins fan lol, I see tannehill have one line and im like

  53. Dave

    December 2, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    Oh, and the geico banjo line about bradford was f’ing hilarious

  54. Nemo

    December 2, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    Holy fuck, this one made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my Papa John’s pizza, or was it the taste? Either way, I coughed up a lung laughing.

  55. Dave

    December 2, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    So, Tannehill is now the some sarcastic straight man. Not bad. I like the different personalities

  56. Aaron Rodgers

    December 2, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    PFM needs to make an Alternate Universe where the Packers actually defeated the Seahawks last season.

  57. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    Been reading these since last year and I gotta say, I actually hope for the weekend to go by quicker just to read these. Amazing as usual guys!

  58. Blade Rogers

    December 2, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    One of the best yet! Couldn’t help but to laugh out loud more than few times. Keep up the great work!

  59. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    looks like brees still high on nyquil lol

  60. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 5:37 pm

    The Wilson troll and the Roethlisberger comments are the best parts.

  61. BVM

    December 2, 2013 at 4:35 pm

    The Geico guys’ names are Jimmy and Ronnie, there’s no Tom.

  62. DB0974

    December 2, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    Between this week’s mock and the comments, I am crying! Thanks!!

  63. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    Vagina! Brilliant as always. Love a Monday thanks to PFM!

  64. Vikings Girl

    December 2, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    I look forward to these every Monday. Thanks!

  65. Leo

    December 2, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    I just wanna shave my balls n hump flow leg while sniffing her dirty panties

  66. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Was a decent one this week… gave me a few laughs. I know some people love having the ‘guests’, but for me personally, too much non-QB talk slowly ruins it for me. Whether it be coaches, Archie/Cooper Manning, advertisement personalities, etc. A small interjection here and there is okay, but long sidebars that really don’t involve the QBs are just buzzkillers for me.

    Russell Wilson and Sam Bradford always make it worth it regardless.

  67. tent163phantoka

    December 2, 2013 at 2:47 pm

    No mention of Romo’s fever game?

  68. King D

    December 2, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Really? no one wants to acknowledge HOW FUCKING GREAT FLO was. She was so pissed it made me LOL pretty damn loud. I do agree though there were way to many funny parts. Good Job PFM keep it up.

  69. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Tannehill and Bree’s had me rolling

  70. Chuck Connolley

    December 2, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    Nobody gives a crap about the Browns or the Jags…

    Also, I can’t believe there are morons that read these and then have to nerve to criticize the writers for them not being funny. Every single one of these is absolutely brilliant!

  71. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    No Brandon Weeden? Guy KICKED THE BALL OUT OF BOUNDS TO GIVE UP A SAFETY. Not to mention that the Browns had the lead with under three minutes to go only to throw two interceptions, and a fumble in 2 minutes and 47 seconds letting the Jags not only catch up, but pass by TWO FIELD GOALS.

  72. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    The Roethlisberger I’LL TAKE AN ALLEGED MULTIPLE DATE RAPE AT IT.” line might have been the best line in any of these yet LMAO

  73. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    W
    W who?
    Exactly. Profootballmock.com can call them bagpipe guys if they want to, it’s their goddamn page!

  74. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    You missed that Geico Pig and the stack of money with eyes, not to mention all of the celebrities like Little Richard and Randy Johnson. Geico spends a fortune of advertising.

  75. KingdomOfFawg

    December 2, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    I think they ought to go a little farther with the Russell Wilson trolling. They could also turn him into a pervert like Bradford, because he is a big holy roller as well.

  76. W

    December 2, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    Neither of the “annoying banjo playing” guys play banjos in those commercials.

  77. Seth

    December 2, 2013 at 12:30 pm

    Good. My opponent is starting Brees in fantasy and I need to win that game to be in the playoffs.
    On another note, I can think of a more pathetic field goal attempt that’s been burned into every Raven’s fan memory :(

  78. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    Nick saban comment was my favorite, this weeks post might be my all time favorite, great stuff

  79. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    At some point you need to work in a Leo DiCaprio/Gisele joke for Tom Brady

  80. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    only thing missing was a JaMarcus Russell like for Brees cough syrup addiction.

  81. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    “I’ll take a stab it.” <——–Priceless.

  82. linus

    December 2, 2013 at 11:42 am

    This one was the best this year! Great Job guys!

  83. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Loved Eli’s Subway Footlong comment!

  84. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 11:31 am

    Where was the GEICO pig?

  85. rob

    December 2, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Also Eli should have mentioned that Tuck is also a subway spokesman LOL

  86. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 11:22 am

    How does five td’s = seven pizzas?

  87. Chris Barnes

    December 2, 2013 at 11:17 am

    No Romo bragging followed by the traditional beat-down he so richly deserves? Although I see Romo’s wife is both hot & pregnant…

  88. Nicole

    December 2, 2013 at 11:16 am

    This one made me laugh out loud several times. They just keep getting better this year!

  89. PFM Staff

    December 2, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Thanks for the heads up, Denver Land! As usual, 10 or 15 proofreads still weren’t enough to catch all the typos. Fixed ‘em! Thanks again.

  90. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:49 am

    Brees had me LMAO

  91. Denver Land

    December 2, 2013 at 10:46 am

    2 typos, fellas.

    #1: AARON RODGERS

    YOU’RE RUINED OUR CHANCES AT THE PLAYOFFS WITH YOUR OFF-TARGET PASSING!

    #2: MATT RYAN

    WRONG, PALMJOB. I am currently thr NFL’s ONLY undefeated QB, assuming that we’re only counting Canadian games.

  92. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:45 am

    This one was so good that I had to read it again. Love it when random non-NFL people are dropped into the conversation.

  93. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:36 am

    very meh

  94. Tony

    December 2, 2013 at 10:34 am

    “I’ll take an alleged multiple date rape at it” was priceless.

  95. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:28 am

    not so good…..sorry, i enjoy reading every week, no need for the insurance claims, just stick with the players

  96. Sharron

    December 2, 2013 at 10:27 am

    I live for Russel Wilson’s one liners! LOL

  97. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:26 am

    Everyone is always telling everyone else to eat something.

  98. Pj

    December 2, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Hahahahahaahhahaha. Freakin hilarious!!!

  99. IFHSS

    December 2, 2013 at 10:20 am

    HAHAHA I think this one was REALLY good!!!!
    too many funny parts to quote just one

  100. Tim

    December 2, 2013 at 10:20 am

    I love the troll jokes with Wilson. How about this one? Assuming Wilson wins again this week, he’ll make the playoffs. Have Aaron Rodgers say something like “it can take YEARS to make the playoffs twice.” Wilson responds with “unless you’re me…” and everyone threatens him xD.

  101. jiminnyc

    December 2, 2013 at 10:20 am

    At this point, Jets references would be just plain cruel…

  102. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:20 am

    Roethlisberger yelling “VAGINA!”
    Classic!

  103. lennydpocketqb

    December 2, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Maybe the best one ever!

  104. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Classic way of getting Bradford mentioned! Brilliant stuff.

  105. Ben Roethlisberg

    December 2, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Funny, as always

  106. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:15 am

    It would be funny if Brees sucked tonight. Then this would be prophetic, and probably warrant a Tuesday followup of some sort.

  107. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:09 am

    The Nick Saban reference was priceless.

  108. Geaux F Yourself

    December 2, 2013 at 10:07 am

    dude shut the fuck up, this was hysterical

  109. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:06 am

    No tannehill whipping the jets?

  110. Anonymous

    December 2, 2013 at 10:02 am

    Ehhh, this one was nto as good as the last few. Hopefully next week will be better

You must be logged in to post a comment Login