NFL QBs on FACEBOOK: “WILD CARD SHUFFLE”

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Updated: January 6, 2014

WILD CARD SHUFFLE 475

COLIN KAEPERNICK

HAPPY WILD CARD WEEKEND, EVERYONE!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

And you know what the NFL Playoffs bring: THE ANNUAL “COLIN KAEPERNICK TRAMPLING OF THE PACKERS.” HAHAHA

AARON RODGERS

FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!

AARON RODGERS

I froze my heterosexual nuts off out there for three hours, just to LOSE ON A LAST SECOND FIELD GOAL? FUCK!!!!!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

WHAT A GAME! It was so cold at that freezing toilet of a stadium that my dick shriveled up to a mere 14 inches. But did that stop me? HELL NO!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

I just did what I do best: MADE AARON RODGERS MY PERSONAL BITCH.

AARON RODGERS

SCOTT TOLZIEN AND MATT FLYNN, I BLAME YOUR WORTHLESS ASSES FOR THIS LOSS!

AARON RODGERS

If you two douchegarglers hadn’t failed so spectacularly during my injury absence, we could’ve earned one of the top two seeds in the NFC.

AARON RODGERS

THANKS TO YOU MORONS, WE’LL NEVER KNOW HOW FAR WE MIGHT’VE GONE IF WE’D HAD A BYE THIS WEEKEND

JAY CUTLER

So Rodgers, I suppose that makes you sort of “bye-curious?”

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE HE’S GAY.

AARON RODGERS

I AM NOT GAY. WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS JUNK ALREADY

TOM BRADY

Sounds to me like you’ve been UNDER someone’s junk already.

MATT RYAN

LOL

AARON RODGERS

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY, WHICH I AM NOT.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Well there’s also nothing wrong with being a QB advancing to the 2nd round of the playoffs. Which is ALSO something you're not. ROFL

AARON RODGERS

CHOKE ON A SPICY WING, KAEPERNICK

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Hey Aaron, did you know that some people actually believe that your team is publicly owned by “stockholders?”

COLIN KAEPERNICK

THE REAL TRUTH IS THAT I OWN YOUR ENTIRE TEAM, AS PART OF MY “KING KAEPERNICK KORPORATION!”

TONY ROMO

So, KKK for short?

RILEY COOPER likes this

COLIN KAEPERNICK

This sure was a bad week for you, Rodgers. First you get exposed as a gay man. Then you get exposed as a crappy QB. HAHAHAHA

AARON RODGERS

I AM NOT A CRAPPY QB, GODDAMMIT!

AARON RODGERS

AND ALSO I AM NOT GAY!

AARON RODGERS

With the exception of Matt Stafford and Jay Cutler, I LOVE women!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Well gay or straight, your play yesterday was sloppier than Andrew Luck’s scraggly neckbeard.

TRENT RICHARDSON

LEAVE ANDREW LUCK ALONE.

TRENT RICHARDSON

He and I led our Colts to a THRILLING comeback victory over Alex Smith and the Chiefs!

JOE FLACCO

Richardson, you had a total of one carry in that game.

RYAN TANNEHILL

On which you gained zero yards.

MIKE GLENNON

And then fumbled.

TRENT RICHARDSON

I didn’t say our contributions were exactly equal.

ANDREW LUCK

Alex Smith, I just want to congratulate you on your superb performance on Saturday.

ANDREW LUCK

That was a truly a classic playoff match, and it’s a shame either of us had to lose that game.

ALEX SMITH

NO LUCK, IT’S A SHAME THAT **I** HAD TO LOSE THAT GAME. YOU LOSING THAT GAME WOULD’VE BEEN JUST PEACHY BY ME.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

HAHAHA. WAY TO DRIVE THAT BUS RIGHT OVER A CLIFF, SMITH!

ALEX SMITH

No way can you pin that loss on me, asshat. I had nearly 400 yards passing, 4 TDs, and no picks!

PEYTON MANNING

Yeah Smith, you got off to quite a hot start in that game. Then of course you stumbled and bumbled down the stretch to an embarrassing flop of a finish.

PEYTON MANNING

So, pretty much a microcosm of the 2013 Chiefs season as a whole, eh? HAHAHAHA

ALEX SMITH

GET FOREHEAD CANCER MANNING

CHIEFS FANS

Hey, we’re not complaining. Andy Reid did an awesome job this year.

CHIEFS FANS

We’re thankful he took us all the way to the playoffs, even if we didn’t go as far as we would have liked.

EAGLES FANS

Check back with us after about 14 years of that shit and see how you feel then.

ANDREW LUCK

Well, I'd like to give credit to all my teammates. Our victory was a total group effort.

ANDREW LUCK

I'd also like to thank our defense for allowing 44 points, thereby forcing our offense to score 45. It was a bold move but ultimately a successful one. Great call, guys!

ANDREW LUCK

And I'd like to give Donald Brown a shout out for fumbling the ball right where I could pick it up and run for a TD. Donald, you were clearly the hero of that play.

TOM BRADY

For fuck’s sake Luck, quit nut-fluffing the rest of your putrid team. Stand up and take credit for a game you won single-handledly.

TOM BRADY

In fact, the way you fell behind by that huge margin only to come roaring back for the victory reminded me quite a bit of Peyton Manning. Only in reverse.

PEYTON MANNING

I HOPE YOU GET HIGH-FIVE’D BY A MEAT CLEAVER, BRADY.

MATT STAFFORD

Gosh, that Colts comeback really was classic. I don't think anyone will ever forget that game.

JAMAAL CHARLES

What game?

DONNIE AVERY

We played in a game?

BRANDON FLOWER

Cool. Did we win?

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THAT’S BECAUSE THEY ALL SUFFERED CONCUSSIONS, YOU SEE.

EAGLES FANS

BOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

AND THAT’S BECAUSE EAGLES FANS BOO OPPOSING PLAYERS WHO GET INJURED

SANTA CLAUS

And then they wonder why I’ve cursed those battery throwing boobirds for all time.

PHILIP RIVERS

Santa Claus? Beloved childhood icon and worldwide distributer of Christmas cheer?

SANTA CLAUS

ANOTHER YEAR. ANOTHER FAILED SUPER BOWL BID, YOU PHILLY SCUM. SUCK MY YULETIDE BALLS!

SANTA CLAUS

You’ll sooner see Aaron Rodgers touch a female boob than a Super Bowl title being won by your crappy team, dickheads.

AARON RODGERS

I’M NOT GAY, CLAUS

JAY CUTLER

Hey Kringle. That reminds me. Where the fuck is the “JC” monogrammed lighter I asked you for at Christmas?

SANTA CLAUS

I left it in your Mom’s snatch yesterday Cutler. So maybe one of the dozen or so guys who have been there since took it.

JASON CAMPBELL

It’s amazing the cool stuff you can find when you’re spelunking in a big cave like that.

JAY CUTLER

GIVE ME MY LIGHTER, FAT MAN. MY TAX DOLLARS PAY YOUR SALARY!

SANTA CLAUS

THAT’S NOT HOW MY JOB WORKS, MOPEY!

DREW BREES

Well I know how MY job works: MARCH THE SAINTS TO THEIR FIRST EVER ROAD PLAYOFF VICTORY IN THE FECAL WONDERLAND KNOWN AS PHILADELPHIA!

DREW BREES

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. HAHAHA!

NICK FOLES

GODDAMMIT! A FIELD GOAL WITH NO TIME LEFT ON THE CLOCK?

DREW BREES

Yep. Just another day at the office for the greatest QB to ever graduate from Westlake High School in Westlake, Texas

E.J. MANUEL

Say Nick Foles, didn’t you also graduate from Westlake High School in Westlake Texas?

NICK FOLES

Shut up shut up SHUT UP.

ELI MANNING

Wow, that’s a pretty amazing factoid.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

What? That both Nick Foles and Drew Brees graduated from the same high school?

ELI MANNING

No, that Nick Foles actually graduated from high school, period.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THEY’RE CALLING NICK FOLES DUMB. THOUGH I’M NOT REALLY SURE WHY.

TOM BRADY

Your job is to explain the jokes, Roethlisberger. Not to question their logic.

DREW BREES

HAHAHA. SEE YOU AT OUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION FOLES!

DREW BREES

I’ll be the one collecting the award for “Alumnus with the most NFL playoff victories.” You’ll be the guy getting the “Alumnus with the most postseason ass rapings by the Saints.”

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THOSE SOUND LIKE MADE UP AWARDS.

TOM BRADY

Explain Ben. Don't question. Just explain.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

ALSO, WHY WOULD THEY BE AT THE SAME REUNION IF THEY GRADUATED IN DIFFERENT YEARS?

TOM BRADY

Getting real sick of your shit, Roethlisberger.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Ben, you’re as useless as a trophy case to the Philadelphia Eagles.

PEYTON MANNING

You’re as useless a can of hairspray to Matt Schaub.

JAY CUTLER

You’re as useless as girl-on-girl porno to Aaron Rodgers.

AARON RODGERS

For the last time I AM NOT GAY. I REALLY, REALLY LOVE WOMEN.

DREW BREES

I, on the other hand, really, really LOVE WINNIN'!

DREW BREES

WHO DAT? WHO DAT SAY THE SAINTS CAN’T WIN A COLD WEATHER ROAD GAME? WHO DAT? WHO DAT?

RUSSELL WILSON

We dat. About a month ago.

DREW BREES

WILSON, I WILL PUMMEL YOU TO WITHIN IN INCH OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE, AS LONG AS IT’S NOT RAINING OR SNOWING, AND THE CROWD ISN’T TOO NOISY OR ANYTHING.

CARSON PALMER

Well, I gotta give credit to the QB class of the 2012 draft.

CARSON PALMER

Nick Foles, Russell Wilson, and Andrew Luck all led their teams to division titles this year.

DREW BREES

Yep. The only duds from that draft turned out to be Brandon Weeden and RGIII.

RGIII

SHUT UP. NO WAY SHOULD I BE COMPARED TO BRANDON WEEDEN

TONY ROMO

True. He does have two working knees after all.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Hey speaking of QB classes, let’s talk about the 2011 class, and first overall pick Cam Newton.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

What do the Panthers have to show for that choice? Three mostly mediocre years and a total of zero Super Bowl berths. SOUNDS LIKE BUST CITY TO ME.

CAM NEWTON

You left out that part where I led my team to a bye this past week AND home field advantage against you this weekend, Baron Von Chinpube.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

IGNORING YOU. Because I, as a mid-second round pick, have emerged as not just the STEAL of that draft, but as the finest young QB in the NFL.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Therefore, logically, my Niners will steamroll your neutered kitties right outta the playoffs this Sunday

CAM NEWTON

Don’t forget, Inkspot: we whipped your ass just two months ago.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Yes but we beat the Jaguars by 32 points in October. And they beat the Texans by 7 points in December. And Houston beat Tennessee by 6 points in September. And the Titans beat the Jets by 25 points. And the Jets beat the Saints by 6 points.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

AND THE SAINTS BEAT YOU BY 18 POINTS!

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BY THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTY, SAN FRANCISCO WILL BEAT CAROLINA BY 94 POINTS

GENO SMITH

That’s not the way math works.

CAM NEWTON

Dream on, ScarBoy. My Panthers are a team of DESTINY

CAM NEWTON

Sure, we got off to a slow start this season. But then we turned RED HOT toward the end of the season. NOW WE’VE STORMED INTO THE PLAYOFFS ON A HOT STREAK. NO TEAM CAN BE STOPPED WHEN THEY’RE ON A SURGE OF MOMENTUM LIKE THIS!.

NICK FOLES

Apparently, sometimes they can.

ANDY DALTON

NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUNG QBS WHO HAVE WON PLAYOFF GAMES. LETS JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

PHILIP RIVERS

Andy Dalton? Three-time playoff loser whose Bengals got CAT-APULTED RIGHT OUTTA THE PLAYOFFS BY MY CHARGERS YESTERDAY? HAHAHAHAHA!

ANDY DALTON

I WILL SHIT IN YOUR HELMET RIVERS, YOU RUBBER FACED SHE-GOBLIN

PHILIP RIVERS

AHAHAHA. That was quite a fail-fest you put on in front of your mouth breathing fans yesterday, Dalton.

PHILIP RIVERS

Two interceptions, AND a lost fumble? BA-HAH-HAH. SEEING FAILURE LIKE THAT MAKES MY DICK DANCE.

CARSON PALMER

HAHAHA. ANDY DALTON CAN’T WIN IN THE PLAYOFFS!

MATT RYAN

THREE YEARS, THREE POST SEASON BERTHS, AND STILL NO VICTORIES!

TONY ROMO

PLAYOFF PRESSURE TOO MUCH FOR YOU DALTON? LOLOLOLOL.

ANDY DALTON

Oh, shut up. Each of you idiots only has one playoff victory.

TONY ROMO

Yep. Which means each of us has exactly 10,000 times more playoff wins than you.

GENO SMITH

That’s still not how math works.

ANDY DALTON

You losers can’t say jack shit to me. At least I made the playoffs. You insignificunts failed to even qualify.

CARSON PALMER

I prefer to think that I have 37 bye weeks in a row.

MATT RYAN

Well I’m just glad I got the “no-playoff-win” monkey off MY back last season and onto yours, Dalton.

THE MONKEY ON ANDY DALTON'S BACK

It’s pretty comfortable up here, Ginger Nuts. Think I’ll stay a while.

PHILIP RIVERS

Who woulda thunk it, eh ?

PHILIP RIVERS

Just 10 days ago, my Chargers were a long shot to squeak into the playoffs. Now we’re the hottest team in the AFC!

PEYTON MANNING

Whoa whoa WHOA. Calm your squirting mammories there, Rivers.

PEYTON MANNING

You still have to face PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING in the impenetrable battlezone known as Sports Authority Field.

PHILIP RIVERS

Where we just won a month ago.

PEYTON MANNING

DOESN’T COUNT. We didn’t give our full effort that day.

MATT STAFFORD

How do you define games with “full effort?”

PEYTON MANNING

They’re the ones we win.

PHILIP RIVERS

Oh please oh please Manning, give us your “full playoff effort” performance this weekend.

PHILIP RIVERS

‘Cause we all know how THOSE usually turn out.

THE BALTIMORE RAVENS and THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS certainly do

TOM BRADY

Don’t fuck this up, PeyPey. This is your big chance to finally pull into a tie with Tim Tebow in that coveted “Broncos Playoff Wins” stat.

PEYTON MANNING

Oh, don’t worry about me, Tombelina. You just hold up YOUR end of the bargain and get yourself to the AFC title game.

PEYTON MANNING

Manning vs Brady in the AFC Championship Game should be good for a fuckload of fat endorsement cash.

TOM BRADY

Trust me, this week’s match against the Colts is not gonna be a problem. I’m already well into my game prep.

MIKE GLENNON

Reviewing strategy and studying film?

TOM BRADY

PFFT. Please. I’ve been Googling “ANDREW” + “LUCK” + “GIRLFRIEND”

TOM BRADY

Luck, my research shows that your main squeeze is quite the hot little spitfire. She’s like, a gymnast or some shit right?

ANDREW LUCK

She is, Mr. Brady. She’s also my one true love and I care for her deeply.

TOM BRADY

Whatever. I’ll be impaling her deeply after I cockslap your Colts outta the playoffs this weekend.

ANDREW LUCK

Of course, I hope that we win the game, sir. But if we should lose, I’ll be sure to drop my beloved off at your mansion promptly after the final gun.

PHILIP RIVERS

Wait, you’re okay with Brady banging your girlfriend?

ANDREW LUCK

To be perfectly honest, no. I love my sweetheart more than anything. But I certainly don’t want to be in violation of any official NFL rules.

TOM BRADY

Well shit, Luck. If you’re gonna be all agreeable about it, you’ll make me limper than Flacco’s right arm.

TOM BRADY

I can only get erect if another QB screams and rants at me for spreading my man-mustard all over his woman’s honey buns.

RGIII

Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve discovered that I can’t get an erection without insulting Tony Romo first.

JAY CUTLER

I can’t get an erection unless the chick has an ashtray precariously balanced on the small of her back.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

I CAN’T GET AN ERECTION IF THE LADY GIVES HER CONSENT

RYAN TANNEHILL

I can’t get an erection.

DREW BREES

If….?

RYAN TANNEHILL

If what?

DREW BREES

It seemed like you didn’t finish.

LAUREN TANNEHILL

He never does. That’s the problem.

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE MOTHERFUCKERS

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE CHOMPING AT BIT TO FACE PUNY SAINTS DEFENSE SATURDAY

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE STILL VIVIDLY RECALL TRAIL OF PUNY SAINTS DEFENDERS LEFT IN WAKE DURING 2011 PLAYOFF GAME:

MARSHAWN LYNCH



MARSHAWN LYNCH

NOW BEAST MODE PREPARING MULTITUDE OF CREATIVE NEW POWER RUNS TO MANGLE PUNY SAINTS.

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE IS ARTIST. PUNY SAINTS DEFENSE MERELY HIS CANVAS.

ROB RYAN

Not this time, FreakMode. I shut down the birdshit Eagle offense on Saturday, I can sure as hell stop you flappy bastards too.

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT THREATS FROM FAT VERSION OF REX RYAN. BEAST MODE KNOW ROAD TO SUPER BOWL RUN THROUGH SEATTLE AND OVER BACKS OF PUNY SAINTS JERSEYS

JOE FLACCO

Well this truly was a great week of playoff football.

CARSON PALMER

Yep. Three out of four wild card teams upset division winners on their home field.

JAY CUTLER

Way to screw up the trend, Chiefs.

TONY ROMO

Also, three out of four games came down to the wire in thrilling last-second finishes.

JAY CUTLER

Way to screw up the trend, Cincinnati.

MATT RYAN

Plus, three of the losing QBs were heterosexual, definitely not-gay men.

JAY CUTLER

Way to screw up the trend, Aaron Rodgers.

AARON RODGERS

I’M NOT GAY, GODDAMMIT.

SAM BRADFORD

Seriously you guys, STOP IT with all the immature gay jokes!

SAM BRADFORD

Aaron has said he's not gay, I think we should take him at his word.

SAM BRADFORD

And of course if he, or any other NFL player did happen to be gay, it's not anything for them to be criticized or shamed over. Homosexuality is a naturally occurring, completely normal condition in our society.

SAM BRADFORD

As our species has evolved, human sexuality has taken on countless forms. It’s nothing but sad, small-minded bigotry that causes some people to label others as deviant just because they don’t adhere to some narrow-minded, antiquated definition of “decency.”

SAM BRADFORD

What any consenting adults do for sexual gratification in the privacy of their own homes is ABSOLUTELY no one’s business but their own, and it’s time we stop treating this important issue so childishly.

DREW BREES

Wow. That was… quite the moving speech, Bradford.

CARSON PALMER

Eloquent, compassionate and heartfelt, Bravo Sam.

SAM BRADFORD

Thanks. Since I’m currently naked and hogtied in my mistress’ dungeon, I had to type the whole thing on my phone with my dick.

DREW BREES

And the moment’s gone.

NFL QBs on FACEBOOK: “WILD CARD SHUFFLE”

Leave a Reply

83 Comments

  1. Pingback: **Official AFC Championship Game Thread**

  2. Jeremy Smith

    January 13, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Just a note to the PFM staff Westlake High School is in Austin,Texas not Westlake,Texas (Trust me it matters to us Austin-nites)

  3. james

    January 13, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Isn’t it time for Jan 13 edition?

  4. Anonymous

    January 10, 2014 at 7:50 am

    The Richardson comment killed me. Too funny!

  5. Pingback: NFL Quarterbacks Conversation on Facebook: Divisional Round Recap | Total Pro Sports

  6. Sam Bradford

    January 9, 2014 at 7:15 am

    I just couldn’t let any opportunity like the one at the end go by without saying something perverted.

  7. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 4:36 pm

    Love how helpful EJ is in pointing out the obvious lol (thanks for including the Bills, it’s the closest we’re gonna get to the playoffs this year)

  8. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    i cant get an erection if shes still alive

  9. Pingback: Pittsburgh Steelers Ben Roethlisberger As Game Of Thrones Character - Nice Pick, Cowher - A Pittsburgh Steelers Fan Site - News, Blogs, Opinion and more.

  10. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 11:36 am

    great convo again guys. agree that twitterStafford should come back. I also love coming on here to see all the bellends poitning out spelling mistakes :)

  11. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 11:29 am

    Spelunking……awesome

  12. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 10:02 am

    Once again the witty one-liners are far better than the rants of random insults. Subtlety is your friend, guys.

  13. Anonymous

    January 8, 2014 at 2:31 am

    BEN : I cant get an erection if she gives consent…

    that’s funny

  14. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    Lmao at fat version of rexryan and or some reason Brady telling luck to take the credit had me rolling lol

  15. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 7:09 pm

    “Gettin’ real sick of your shit, Roethlisberger” bahaha… as much as I can’t stand real-life Brady, PFM-FB Brady is awesome.

    Also, BEAST MODE REMAINS BEST PART OF CONVERSATIONS, MOTHERFUCKERS!

  16. Daniel

    January 7, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    always love reading these, even though my Bengals got raped Sunday I expected something bad for Dalton….

    that being said

    the part with Palmer, Ryan, and Romo mocking Dalton, you have Dalton saying that all of them have 1 playoff win… first I thought you meant all 3 combined have one playoff win, but I remember Romo having one win as well as Ryan….

    so um if it’s not one win between them all then your saying Palmer has one win…

    Palmer is winless in the playoffs, he’s had 2 playoff games, he got injured on the second play in 2005 and he choked in 2009… he hasn’t returned to the playoffs since then… He almost did this year with the cardinals

  17. Pat

    January 7, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    I think I shit my pants at the Riley Cooper like and the Beast Mode rants about fat Rex Ryan. Please keep this site up forever!

  18. Dave

    January 7, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Lauren Tannehill is becoming one of my favorite characters. Sadly, the comment was all too apt…

  19. Dan B

    January 7, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    Glad the QBs on teams in the playoffs with byes, and those guys on teams who missed out on the playoffs got to rip the losing QBs in the weekend’s games. It would have been dull with just the winning QBs and the losing QBs. Also, don’t sweat the occasional typo or incorrect reference. All those people who only comment to point out those errors should concentrate more on the content. This one was one of my favourites for a long while.

  20. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    More Cam Newton, Stafford, and Luck!!

  21. Mark

    January 7, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Pure genius.

  22. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 10:02 am

    This one was great. I really liked the Brady/Roethlisberger interactions, and the “that’s not how math works” lines. And Andrew Luck thanking his defense for allowing 44 points in order to prompt the offense to score 45 was genius.

  23. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 9:11 am

    The greatest contribution Jay Cutler makes by being a quarterback is being on here. LOL

  24. For realz, shut up guys

    January 7, 2014 at 9:02 am

    The eagles fans and chiefs fans lines were perfect. Absolutely perfect. That is exactly what every Philly fan feels

    Also. SPELLING ERRORZ!!!! IM GONNA MISS THE POINY OF A COMEDY ARTICLE BY POINTIG OUT A SKIPPED PERIOD IN THE THIRD.COMMENT!! AND THEY SAID ID NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS COMPLEEEEEEEEETE!

  25. Marty Mc Fly

    January 7, 2014 at 5:57 am

    @James: Phillip Rivers is an overrated choke artist, more so in playoffs than Tony Romo in the month of December. They will get trounced by the Broncos. So don’t worry, your Brady vs. Manning AFC Championship is still a lock. That’s an easy call. For a hard call, here we go: Saints beat Seattle, 49ers beat Carolina. The Saints beat the Niners to go to the Super Bowl where if they meet up against the Broncos they lose, or the Patriots they win. Broncos versus Patriots is too close to call. With the exception of the 49ers trouncing Carolina, and the Broncos decimating the Chargers, every game from here on out on the road to and including the Super Bowl will be decided by 3 or less points. And before anyone gives me shit about this, know now that these are actually spoilers, not guesses. You see, I stole Aaron Rodgers’ time machine and came back from halftime in the AFC championship game to ruin it all for you fuckers. And before one of you says “but the NFC championship will be played after the AFC championship” I will tell you that the networks switched the game times because they thought the Pats/Broncos would be more exciting, and thus garner more primetime ratings. Anyway, I have to go. The second half should be starting soon, and my velveeta and rotel tomato dip is getting cold. *POOF*

  26. Anonymous

    January 7, 2014 at 5:06 am

    this weeks was great, more of this

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  28. James

    January 7, 2014 at 2:49 am

    I hope someone hides a nest of poisonous tarantulas in Philip Rivers helmet. And pushes him. Off a 100 story building. Falling nuts first. Fucking bolt heads shouldn’t have even made the playoffs and now they stand to upset another chance at Brady vs. Manning in the championship, so please oh please someone read this and help me draw up a list of murder scenarios to make spider bites in a helmet and jumping off a skyscraper and flattened nuts an accident

  29. MC ClapYoHandz

    January 6, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    So many great things about this one…the multiple Smokin’ Jay Cutler references (finally!), the Rodgers gay jabs, the Dalton bashing by notorious “unclutch” QBs like Romo and Palmer, and of course the usual trash talking. This was one of the better ones of the season, great job guys!

  30. Anon

    January 6, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    Also… Westlake is in Austin… its not its own town

  31. Nigger

    January 6, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    Turbo fapped to lauren tanehill

  32. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    andrew luck being ok with tom brady sleeping with his girlfriend XD

  33. Panda

    January 6, 2014 at 8:28 pm

    DREW BREES
    WILSON, I WILL PUMMEL YOU TO WITHIN IN INCH OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE, AS LONG AS IT’S NOT RAINING OR SNOWING, AND THE CROWD ISN’T TOO NOISY OR ANYTHING.

    BECAUSE THE SAINTS AREN’T VERY GOOD ON THE ROAD, YOU SEE

  34. LIaK

    January 6, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    I seriously could watch that #beastmode run all day long…awesome highlight. BEASTMODE should also do more existential/introspective monologues on this site.

  35. Eaglette

    January 6, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    Wait for this convo every Monday. I said the same thing about Andy R as soon as the Chiefs started to loose–It didn’t even take him one season to f-up the team.
    An Eagles older female season ticket holder—just for demographics.

  36. Pingback: NFL QBs ON FACEBOOK: 2013 - Page 6

  37. Ant

    January 6, 2014 at 7:08 pm

    Loved it, as usual!!

    The ScarBoy comment from Cam, was that directed towards Brees? I ask because he was nowhere near that section of the convo, it was all Kapernick, Roethlisberger and Geno at that point.

  38. Tracy Lilly

    January 6, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    Not necessarily. Maybe his “mistress” is really a dude in drag.

  39. AnonS

    January 6, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    Bradford being tied up in a woman’s dungeon is actually the least deviant thing we’ve seen from him over the years.

  40. D-Money

    January 6, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    As usual, LOL!

  41. nemo

    January 6, 2014 at 4:56 pm

    BECAUSE ANDY REID COACHED THE EAGLES FOR 14 YEARS AND DIDN’T WIN A SUPER BOWL, YOU SEE.

  42. Sean Case

    January 6, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    As a Chiefs fan, I’m ashamed to admit I clicked to try and “Like” the Eagles’ fans “Check back with us after about 14 years” comment.

  43. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    I agree that Twitter Stafford needs to come back, Stafford doesn’t really have a thing anymore. Not sure why that ended.

  44. ifhss

    January 6, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    As long as denver comes out and plays good the cheating chargers have no chance. They don’t even have to go all out to beat them. BTW where is the article about Gonzalez destroying everything?

  45. gutterballgt

    January 6, 2014 at 3:59 pm

    Anyone else think it might be a sign of some sort of apocalypse that B-Rott is starting to question the jokes he explain-rapes? Freaky! Cracked up with Geno Smith’s “That’s not how math works” interruptions. Silly Geno. This is football math, not math math.

    Great job, guys. Been waiting for it all day, and it did not disappoint.

  46. tent163phantoka

    January 6, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    Favorite lines:
    The Riley cooper like
    BEAST MODE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT THREATS FROM FAT VERSION OF REX RYAN.

  47. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 2:59 pm

    PEYTON MANNINGPEYTON MANNING
    I HIOPE YOU GET HIGH-FIVE’D BY A MEAT CLEAVER, BRADY.

    misspelled hope but other than great read for today

  48. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Sorry ProFootballMock, you guys spelled “hope” wrong in, “I HIOPE YOU GET HIGH-FIVE’D BY A MEAT CLEAVER, BRADY.”

  49. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    Greatest run of all time
    #Beastmode

  50. Justin

    January 6, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    PHILIP RIVERS
    Andy Dalton? Three-time playoff loser whose Bengals got CAT-APULTED RIGHT OUTTA THE PLAYOFFS BY MY CHARGERS YESTERDAY? HAHAHAHAHA!

    This was the best line! Rivers’ introductions are always hilarious (and he had two in this one, hooray!), but the way he segued into ripping on Dalton in the same sentence had me rolling. Great one!

  51. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    Carson Palmer’s 0-2 in the playoffs. Not sure why they’re including him on mocking Andy Dalton. That’s my only complaint. Other than that, pure genius.

  52. joe

    January 6, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    This was worth the wait lol. But seriously grammar nazis shut the fuck up!

  53. alexgiobbi

    January 6, 2014 at 1:55 pm

    Also, I think I may have an idea for Geno’s thing. He should have a McElroy-ish Only Sane Man role, and the other quarterbacks make fun of him for it.

  54. anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    Hope this time it’s Brady vs. Manning in the AFC championship game always enjoy when they play each other. But the Ravens fucked it up last year hope the chargers or colts don’t screw it up this year. If they do oh well they play each other next year anyways.

  55. alexgiobbi

    January 6, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    When I read the Bradford speech, I was thinking. “He’s going to blow it, there’s absolutely no way that he’s going to leave it like that.” Then after I read the final line, I thought “Ah, there we go.”

  56. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    when Jason Campbell talks about finding cutler’s lighter, the word “stuff” is left out I think

  57. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    that was the best one yet, keep up the good work, and to all the English majors on here. Shut up!!!!!!!!!

  58. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    Philly forgot to eat their queeno patties.

  59. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    haha Ben is confused and Geno doesn’t think that’s how math works.

  60. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    poor Ben

  61. pretim

    January 6, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    best one in a long time!! You should, like, do this as long as you can. the whole nfl qbs on facebook thing PLEASE

  62. ACW

    January 6, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    “BEAST MODE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT THREATS FROM FAT VERSION OF REX RYAN.” XD

  63. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Pretty tame evening by Bradford standards.

  64. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Carson Palmer has a playoff victory?

  65. NinerFaithful

    January 6, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    xD loved the kaepernick and Rodgers part! And most of it ! :D

  66. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 1:02 pm

    This one wasn’t my favorite. There were so many references to explicit things that it sounds like it was written by 7th grade boys. On a positive note, Beast Mode and Russell Wilson (his deadpan one-liner) were hilarious as usual.

  67. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    I live for those Sam Bradford comments XD

  68. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    This one was beyond hilarious!!!

  69. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    ARSHAWN LYNCH
    BEAST MODE IS ARTIST. PUNY SEAHAWKS DEFENSE MERELY HIS CANVAS.

    Should be Puny Saints Defense.

  70. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    Brilliant!

  71. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    BEASTMODE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

  72. Alex

    January 6, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    We need twitter stafford back

  73. Paul D

    January 6, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Best. One. EVER. Close to the bone, crossed quite a few lines but laugh out loud hilarious from start to finish.

    Kudos guys, this was awesome.

  74. FreeRange

    January 6, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    BEASTMODE RUN ALL OVER PUNY *SEAHAWK* DEFENSE?

  75. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    This was a great one! Always love seeing Beast Mode in there.

  76. Fred

    January 6, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    Funny

  77. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    “Way to screw up the trend _______” LOL

  78. Cygnia

    January 6, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    BEAST MODE IS BACK~!!!!!

  79. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:18 pm

    Great Convo,
    You should change Peyton Manning’s name permanently to PETYON GODDAM MANNING.

  80. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    Lol @ Kenny

  81. Anonymous

    January 6, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    wow…. I’m shocked….I never thought that Sam Bradford would actually do a speech lie that… especially being hogtied in his mistress dungeon.

  82. Kenny

    January 6, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    BEAST MODE IS ARTIST, PUNY SEAHAWKS DEFENSE MERELY HIS CANVAS

    I think you meant Puny Saints Defense…well unless Lynch is gonna suit up for the Saints at halftime :p

  83. PFM Staff

    January 6, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Before the wave of “typo!” comments come in, we’ve fixed the dumb “Puny Seahawks” thing.

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