NFL QBs On Facebook: “HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER”

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Updated: August 4, 2014

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER 475

ELI MANNING

Now THAT is how to begin an NFL season. WITH A GIANTS VICTORY OVER THE BILLS IN A CLOSE GAME! HAHAHA!

Scott Norwood hates this

ANDY DALTON

Seriously Manning? You’re bragging about a meaningless preseason win?

DREW BREES

Oh, let him have this. Winning that game will probably be the highlight of 2014 for him.

JOE FLACCO

It’s already the highlight of his past couple of seasons, as it is.

ELI MANNING

SUCK IT, E.J. MANUEL. You spent all summer getting ready for the new NFL season, and now it’s already ruined

E.J. MANUEL

Our season is NOT ruined just because we lost one preseason game.

PHILIP RIVERS

That’s true. Their season is actually ruined because they have E.J. Manuel at quarterback

RGIII

Thank GOD football is finally back.

RGIII

I’ve been waiting all summer to get back on the field now that I’ve finally shed that rickety hunk of junk that held me back last year

PEYTON MANNING

Your knee brace?

RGIII

Mike Shanahan.

MATT RYAN

How about you Manning? Where were you during the summer?

PEYTON MANNING

In the Broncos gameplanning room, watching film non-stop.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Typical Peyton Manning. Always studying game film.

PEYTON MANNING

Game film? FUCK THAT.

PEYTON MANNING

I was watching “Silence of the Lambs,” “Friday the 13th”, and “Saw” 1, 2, and 3 on a continuous loop.

PEYTON MANNING

I'm looking for creative ways to gut, disembowel, and eviscerate Russell Wilson the next time I play that little bastard.

CARSON PALMER

“Gut,” “disembowel,” and “eviscerate” all mean the same thing.

NICK FOLES

Sort of like “failure,” “disappointment,” and “Tony Romo.”

TONY ROMO

Foles, I hope you get a paper cut on your pee hole.

PEYTON MANNING

Well this Thursday, I get my first shot at revenge against that annoying little Seattle Half-Hawk.

ANDY DALTON

It’s a meaningless preseason game Manning. Hardly a revenge match.

DREW BREES

Will the winner of this game receive a Lombardi trophy?

PEYTON MANNING

No.

CAM NEWTON

A couple of years from now, will anyone even remember the result?

PEYTON MANNING

I guess not.

MATT STAFFORD

See? This game will be nothing like the Super Bowl.

PEYTON MANNING

Geez. Now I just feel all crappy and sad inside.

RUSSELL WILSON

Okay so in that way, this game is exactly like the Super Bowl.

PEYTON MANNING

WILSON, I WILL CHOP YOU UP INTO FINELY SLICED CUBES AND SERVE YOU AS A TOPPING ON AN EXTRA-SMALL PAPA JOHN’S PIZZA!

JAY CUTLER

Can’t taste any worse than their regular pizza.

ALEX SMITH

And you Cutler? How did you spend your summer?

JAY CUTLER

Pretty much by not giving a fuck.

JAY CUTLER

Yep, this summer I kicked back and gave no fucks harder than I’ve ever not given any fucks before.

AARON RODGERS

Meanwhile, I spent my summer preparing for the playoff games my Packers will be scheduled in come January.

AARON RODGERS

NO MORE FIRST ROUND LOSSES FOR US!

JAY CUTLER

Hey Dicktoaster, all that planning’s not gonna help since you won’t even MAKE the playoffs this season.

AARON RODGERS

THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG, WOBBLE ARM. I play in the same division as you, Matt Stafford, and Christian Plunder.

AARON RODGERS

With creampuffs like that, the NFL might as well just have a big line crossing out weeks 1 through 17, with the word BYE written across it on our schedule.

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

AU CONTRAIRE, OH MUSTACHIOED CHEESE PUFF

ELI MANNING

Crap. Who gave the rookie our convo password?

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

As the celebrated 1st round draft selection of the historic Minnesota Vikings franchise, it shall be ME assuming my rightful place as the first team signal caller come the advent of the forthcoming season, not this “Christian Prancer” chap.

CHRISTIAN PONDER

I don’t have enough dignity left to even correct the spelling of my name anymore.

AARON RODGERS

LISTEN BRIDGEWATER, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL BE ASSUMING IS A HUNCHED OVER POSITION WITH YOUR HANDS ON YOUR KNEES WHEN MY PACKERS JAM A COUPLE OF 40 POINT DEFEATS UP YOUR ROOKIE ASS THIS YEAR!

SAM BRADFORD

Actually, grabbing your ankles is the more polite method to present your anus for rectal insertions. Typical rookie faux-pas.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

WHOO-HOO. IT’S ALMOST HERE! AFTER MONTHS OF WAITING, IT’S ALMOST HERE!

E.J. MANUEL

The NFL season?

COLIN KAEPERNICK

NO. THE “TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES” MOVIE. IT OPENS THIS WEEK!

FANS OF CRAPPY MICHAEL BAY FILMS like this

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Me and my pet turtle Sammy have been waiting all summer for this flick!

COLIN KAEPERNICK



JAKE LOCKER

You’re taking a turtle to the movies?

DREW BREES

Why not? He took 52 weasels to the playoffs last season.

CAM NEWTON

How did I spend MY summer, you ask?

RGIII

We didn’t.

CAM NEWTON

I went from bulletin board to bulletin board in the Charlotte area, hanging up flyers with little pull-off strips saying "WIDE RECEIVERS DESPERATELY NEEDED – PLEASE CALL IF INTERESTED"

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE THE CAROLINA PANTHERS HAVE NO WORTHWHILE WIDEOUTS ON THEIR ROSTER, YOU SEE

CARSON PALMER

So did you get any responses from those flyers?

CAM NEWTON

Just two. One from an illegal immigrant day-laborer, and the other from Santonio Holmes.

RYAN TANNEHILL

And…?

CAM NEWTON

Juan Carlos is now penciled in as our starting slot receiver.

DREW BREES

HAHAHA. Sucks to be you, Newton.

DREW BREES

Man, I sure am glad that I have one of the top WRs in the game catching my passes.

MARQUES COLSTON

That's awfully nice of you to say Drew.

DREW BREES

NOT YOU, BRITTLE-BONES. I'm talking about Jimmy Graham.

JIMMY GRAHAM

Me? One of the league's top wideouts? THEN WHY DID THE SAINTS INSIST ON ONLY PAYING ME A LOWLY TIGHT END’S SALARY?

DREW BREES

Because you suck at negotiating almost as much as you suck at blocking, Captain Turnstile.

JIMMY GRAHAM

THAT’S NOT TRUE. I happen to be a very good negotiator.

DREW BREES

You're the worst negotiator in the world.

JIMMY GRAHAM

At the very minimum, I'm an average negotiator.

DREW BREES

No, you're one of the three or four lousiest negotiators on the planet

JIMMY GRAHAM

Okay, I guess I can live with that.

MARK SANCHEZ

My summer was spent moving to my new home in Philadelphia.

MARK SANCHEZ

First thing I did was get an apartment up in Kensington.

NICK FOLES

KENSINGTON? Sanchez, that’s like the crappiest, most run down neighborhood in the city.

TOM BRADY

Leave it to Mark Sanchez to head straight for the ass-end of town.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE HE ONCE ACCIDENTALLY RAN FACE-FIRST INTO ANOTHER GUY’S BUTT, YOU SEE

TOM BRADY

Me, I took time off this summer to do some traveling. I went to London, then spent a few days in Paris.

RYAN TANNEHILL

That's a coincidence. My wife also took a vacation to London and Paris.

TOM BRADY

Then I hung out for a while in Rome, Madrid, and Vienna.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Wow, this is a HUGE coincidence. My wife also went to Rome, Madrid, and Vienna.

MATT RYAN

WAKE UP, TANNEHILL. It’s clearly not a coincidence. Brady was obviously banging your wife in all those cities.

TOM BRADY

Well it’s kind of a coincidence, Ryan. I also banged YOUR wife in Berlin.

TONY ROMO

I spent my summer just kind of sitting around. Not really doing anything.

NICK FOLES

Must've felt just like the playoffs for you then.

TONY ROMO

FOLES, I HOPE MARK SANCHEZ RUNS INTO YOUR ASS WITH A STRAP-ON STEAK KNIFE ATTACHED TO HIS FACE

TONY ROMO

Anyway, what I MEANT was that I was recovering from back surgery. So I just hung out on the couch and watched some sports.

GENO SMITH

Sports, huh? By any chance did you cheer for the Miami Heat?

TONY ROMO

I did, actually.

MATT STAFFORD

And the New York Rangers?

TONY ROMO

As a matter of fact, yes

JAY CUTLER

And the Kentucky Wildcats and Roger Federer and the Brazilian National Soccer team?

TONY ROMO

Yes, yes, and sí.

PHILIP RIVERS

I’m sensing a pattern here.

MATT RYAN

Did you also cheer for California Chrome?

TONY ROMO

Not in the Kentucky Derby or the Preakness. But in the Belmont Stakes, yes.

AARON RODGERS

HAHAHA TONY ROMO IS THE WORLD'S BIGGEST JINX!

TONY ROMO

THAT'S NOT TRUE. All the failures of the teams I cheered for is just a coincidence.

SEAN LEE

Come to think of it, you did pat my knee back in May and told me you were rooting for me to stay healthy this season

COWBOYS FANS

GODDAMMIT, ROMO!

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE MOTHERFUCKERS

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE RELUCTANTLY ABANDONED BRIEF HOLDOUT. REPORTED TO SEAHAWKS TRAINING CAMP DISPITE RIDICULOUSLY LOW SALARY.

DREW BREES

Nice going Lynch. Who taught you how to negotiate, Jimmy Graham?

JIMMY GRAHAM

BREES, I WILL SLAM DUNK YOU OVER THE GOALPOST AND GLADLY ACCEPT THE 15 YARD PENALTY.

MARSHAWN LYNCH

NOW BEAST MODE MUST SEEK ALTERNATE MEANS TO ENHANCE MEAGER PAYCHECKS

MARSHAWN LYNCH

THANKFULLY, BEAST MODE DISCOVER SEVERAL UNATTENDED SUPER BOWL RINGS SITTING IN LOCKERS OF PUNY DEFENSIVE BACKS.

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE PLANS TO TAKE SHINY JEWELRY TO LOCAL PAWN SHOP. SELL WHOLE LOT FOR THIRTY BUCKS OR BEST OFFER

LEGION OF BOOM

What? NO! PLEASE DON’T TAKE THEM AWAY FROM US!

CAM NEWTON

Ooh, ooh. “Things Buffalo fans will be saying when Bon Jovi announces he’s moving the Bills to Toronto?”

JOE FLACCO

Let’s all give some credit to Johnny Manziel for his amazing summer of embarrassing photos and immature behavior.

JOE FLACCO

I mean, the Cleveland Browns have set the bar for “total humiliation” pretty damn high, but Manziel somehow managed to clear it with drunken colors.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

Bro, I am so SICK of people like you hating on me.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

Sure I like to hit the occasional party. Or down the occasional drink. Or snort the occasional line of coke off the occasional hooker's asscheek. SO WHAT?

JOHNNY MANZIEL

I'M A YOUNG, RICH, GOOD LOOKING DUDE. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.

TOM BRADY

And now you've lowered the bar for "good-looking" as well.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

Look, all my partying, drinking, and drug abusing is not going to prevent me from being just as good as any other Browns quarterback from the past couple of decades

ANDY DALTON

He’s actually got a point there.

MATT SCHAUB

YO-HO, YO-HO, A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME!

MATT SCHAUB

I spent my summer becoming the new starting QB for the Raiders.

MATT SCHAUB

SO GET READY TO WATCH ME PULL OFF THE IMPOSSIBLE IN 2014!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Somehow keep Alex Smith from being the worst quarterback in the AFC West?

RYAN TANNEHILL

Somehow go one full game without throwing a pick-six?

TOM BRADY

Somehow not look like a shaved, bucktoothed, albino rodent?

MATT SCHAUB

WRONG, WRONG, AND FUCK YOU.

MATT SCHAUB

I'll be returning the Raiders to relevance this year. After this season, they’ll be writing about me in the team history books.

OAKLAND RAIDERS HISTORY BOOK

I’ll probably have you listed under “Free agent failure who lost job to Derek Carr in late September”

MATT STAFFORD

How about you Alex Smith? How’d you spend your summer?

ALEX SMITH

Watched TV. "Game of Thrones," mostly.

TONY ROMO

OMG, I was rooting for the Viper SO MUCH in his match against The Mountain.

TYRION LANNISTER

GODDAMMIT, ROMO!

MICHAEL VICK

My summer was spent settling in as a member of the Jets.

MICHAEL VICK

Man, I really love New York. The culture, the nightlife, the underground fighting pits, the cuisine. This city has it all.

DREW BREES

UNDERGROUND FIGHTING PITS? Vick, please don’t tell us you’re dogfighting again.

MICHAEL VICK

Oh no, not dogs. Just, you know, pigeons, rats, and hobos.

AARON RODGERS

YOU’RE OPERATING A HOBO FIGHTING RING?

MICHAEL VICK

Oh yeah, it’s a lot of fun. Vince Young won for three straight weeks back in June.

JOE FLACCO

Personally, I just took it easy this summer. Relaxed and tried to keep my stress levels low.

STEVE SMITH

ICE UP, RAISINDICK!

PHILIP RIVERS

Steve Smith? The hilariously short-tempered former Panthers WR who’s currently in his first training camp as a member of the Baltimore Ravens?

STEVE SMITH

Listen Flacco you monobrowed mangina. My celebrated career as a premier pass catcher is just about over, and I've changed teams in a last ditch effort to get a Super Bowl ring before I retire

TONY GONZALEZ

Yeah, good luck with that.

STEVE SMITH

SO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY JIBBER-JABBER ABOUT YOU "RELAXING”

STEVE SMITH

All I want to hear outta your mouth is "Here Mr. Smith, here's another perfectly thrown touchdown catch for you during yet another Ravens victory. Please enjoy your ride to the Super Bowl MVP title.”

STEVE SMITH

Because so help me Flacco, if you fail to get me that ring I will SCOTCH TAPE AN ANGRY WASP TO THE INSIDE OF YOUR JOCKSTRAP.

MATT SCHAUB

How can you tell if a wasp is “angry?”

ANDY DALTON

If it lives in Baltimore, it’s a pretty safe bet.

SAM BRADFORD

Don’t you guys want to know what I did this summer?

TOM BRADY

NO!

SAM BRADFORD

I spent most of my time fishing.

PEYTON MANNING

WE DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, BRADFORD

JAY CUTLER

Clearly “fishing” is some kind of pervo-code for “inserting a honey-covered dildo into your Grandma’s foaming vagina to catch venomous pinworms,” right?

ALEX SMITH

Or “dipping your dick in red pepper and chili hot sauce, then shoving it down the throat of a still breathing halibut,” maybe?

SAM BRADFORD

Geez, you guys just really think of me as some one-dimensional sexual deviant, don’t you?

SAM BRADFORD

I’ll have you know I was LITERALLY fishing with a LITERAL fishing pole down at the LITERAL lake near my house, okay? Sheesh.

MATT RYAN

Okay, okay. We’re sorry Bradford.

SAM BRADFORD

Thank you

SAM BRADFORD

Oh, and did you guys know that peeled anal scabs marinated in period blood make really good bait?

GENO SMITH

AUGHHHHHHH

ELI MANNING

MY EYES JUST EXPLODED READING THAT!

JOE FLACCO

THAT MENTAL IMAGE IS SO DISGUSTING, ROGER GOODELL JUST SUSPENDED IT FOR THREE GAMES!

ANDY DALTON

Impossible. Roger Goodell has a policy of not suspending disgusting things any longer than two games.

RAY RICE likes this

ANDREW LUCK

Well, I spent my summer trying to help those poor souls in society who are less fortunate than myself.

ANDREW LUCK

That's why in June, I baked several dozen poison-berry pies to deliver to various homeless shelters.

PHILIP RIVERS

Don’t you mean boysenberry pies?

ANDREW LUCK

Uh-oh.

PEYTON MANNING

HAHAHA. ANDREW LUCK MURDERED A BUNCH OF HOBOS

MICHAEL VICK

No wonder Vince Young never showed up to defend his title.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

You guys, I’m getting really worried about my turtle Sammy.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

He looks depressed and sad, and he can't seem to stop choking

CAM NEWTON

Ooh, ooh. “Things Cowboys fans say when they’re watching Tony Romo?”

COLIN KAEPERNICK

No, seriously. He’s acting really sick, and I found a weird tube in his pen with some greenish ooze inside of it.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

SURPRISE! HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY KOLLEN!

JOE FLACCO

What the hell did you do Ben?

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

I FED A VIAL OF RADIOACTIVE WASTE TO KOLLEN CAPERNIK’S TURTLE

COLIN KAEPERNICK

JESUS CHRIST, YOU DID WHAT?!?!? WHY?!?!?!

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

SO HE'LL DEVELOP SUPER CRIME FIGHTING POWERS JUST LIKE THOSE “TEENAGE MUCOUS NANCY TURTLES” THAT YOU LOVE!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

GODDAMMIT, ROETHLISBERGER! YOU MIGHT HAVE KILLED SAMMY! HE JUST PUKED UP A DISGUSTING GREENISH-BLUE PUDDLE OF BLOOD, PHLEGM AND SNOT!

DREW BREES

I hear that’s exactly how the Seattle Seahawks designed their home uniforms.

CARSON PALMER

You know, it dawns on me that we didn’t talk very much about, you know, football stuff in this convo.

RGIII

Well, there’s not much for us to talk about, since we didn’t watch any real football this week.

CAM NEWTON

Ooh, ohh. “Things Cleveland Browns fans say every week during the NFL season?”

NFL QBs On Facebook: “HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER”

Leave a Reply

48 Comments

  1. Seth

    September 3, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    As a Ranger’s fan, fuk u romo >_>

  2. Unemployed Guy

    August 27, 2014 at 6:55 am

    Come to think of it, Tony Romo also called me to wish me good luck at my last job. And wished me good luck on my current job search.

  3. Pingback: NFL Football discussion (2014/2015 season) (thread) @ Gamertag Nation

  4. T.O.

    August 9, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    Can I fill in for Vince Young? we can have VH1 film it as well.

  5. Ryan Leaf

    August 9, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    Man this summer was fun in the joint hanging out with all the he-she’s

  6. Anonymous

    August 8, 2014 at 11:40 am

    Its funny because Lebron James needs a bunch of all stars to help him win championships you see!

  7. Nobody Ever

    August 8, 2014 at 2:36 am

    Romo should win it all this year.

  8. LeBron James

    August 8, 2014 at 1:12 am

    I root for the Dallas Cowboys myself. The problem isn’t Tony, the problem is he doesn’t have any good players around him.

    Now if that crappy owner of that team could just get him Calvin Johnson, AJ Green, Jimmy Graham, Adrian Peterson, a bunch of OL as well, then Tony would be able to carry that team offensively. Like I carry my crappy teammates all the time.

    Why just yesterday I managed to get another scrub traded to Cleveland who I will carry to the Finals, but he will hold me back probably and I’ll lose again. I just need Kevin Durant, CP3, and maybe one other guy though and I’ll be good to go.

  9. Brandon

    August 6, 2014 at 11:34 am

    and IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT’S BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Love me some NFL QB’s on Facebook!

  10. Worlds biggest fan of the word Moist

    August 6, 2014 at 5:16 am

    This article makes me moist

  11. People Who Go On Message Boards For TV Shows When They're NOT Caught Up

    August 5, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    DAMNIT!! WOULD IT KILL ANYONE TO PUT “SPOILERS” BEFORE YOU COMMENT?

  12. Second Person

    August 5, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    Upon Closer Inspection, Wide Right.

  13. Scott Norwood

    August 5, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    THE LACES WERE IN!!! THEY WERE IN!!!!

  14. 1990 NFL Season

    August 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    I’m the last time the Bengals won a playoff game. Andy Dalton was likely a toddler, the Berlin Wall was still standing, the Cowboys and Bills were relevant, and Scott Norwood had the respect of Bill fans.

  15. Ben Roethlisberger

    August 5, 2014 at 11:29 am

    CUZ ANDY DALTON ALWAYS GETS ELIMINATED IN THE FIRST PLAYOFF GAMES EVERY YEAR YOU SEE

  16. Philip Rivers

    August 5, 2014 at 9:33 am

    It means that the Bengals won’t win a playoff game for at least the next six seasons!!

  17. Ryan Tannehill

    August 5, 2014 at 9:32 am

    How is that good news?

  18. Philip Rivers

    August 5, 2014 at 9:31 am

    Wow, that IS good news!

  19. Andy Dalton

    August 5, 2014 at 9:31 am

    Did you guys hear the news? The Bengals gave me a contract extension! SIX YEARS FOR $118 MILLION MOTHERFUCKERS!!

  20. TYPICAL EAGLES FAN!

    August 4, 2014 at 11:54 pm

    FOLES IF WE LOSE TO SEATTLE THIS YEAR YOU BETTER NOT GET TROLLED OR ILL HAVE MARK SANCHEZ HAVE A STEAK KNIFE STRAPED TO HIM TO SPEAR YOU WITH IT!

  21. Another PFM fan

    August 4, 2014 at 10:35 pm

    ^Spot on man! I’m glad Luck vs Romo is not a Monday night game cuz I’m looking forward to that exchange as well. The rematches of Wilson vs Rogers and Manning are two others that should be good. Roethlisberger could actually explain the meaning behind the trolling without knowing he’s being trolled and who knows it could piss Wilson off.

  22. An Actual PFM Reader

    August 4, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    I am actually looking forward to Romo vs. Luck this year. No matter the result, it will be interesting to see how that exchange pans out on PFM. Also, Wilson and RGIII will be interesting, Alex Smith vs Kaepernick, Matt Schaub vs the Texans, Brady vs Rodgers, Cutler, Stafford.. Manziel vs Brees (or any of the QBs he faces should be win the starting job), Cam Newton vs Roethlisberger should be interesting too, because Cam often corrects Ben when he says something wrong. Also, Brees vs all of the AFC North QBs. I just wish Roethlisberger and Wilson faced each other this year. It would be funny to see Roethlisberger’s response to being trolled.

  23. Ben Roethlisberger

    August 4, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    BECAUSE ALEX SMITH IS A BUS DRIVER

  24. Alex Smith

    August 4, 2014 at 8:12 pm

    WILSON I WILL FORGET TO STOP MY BUS WHEN I SEE YOU CROSSING THE STREET!!

  25. Russell Wilson

    August 4, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    I am also 1-0 in Super Bowls.

  26. Alex Smith

    August 4, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    I am 1-0 against Wilson, about to make it 2-0 this year!! He can’t troll me!!

  27. Josh Gordon

    August 4, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Check me out, everyone, as I make multiple appearances this season on the hit new show “Orange Is The New Blackmon”.

  28. Giants Jersey Forsalecheep

    August 4, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    Eli, put the phone down and go practice throwing completions. If I wanted a team to disappoint me this often I would be a Jets fan

  29. Questionaire

    August 4, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    Russell Wilson has trolled and got threatened by the following:
    Aaron Rodgers
    Tom Brady
    Drew Brees
    Peyton Manning
    Jay Cutler
    Colin Kaepernick
    Tony Romo
    Andrew Luck (Free Agency or Draft of last year, not after a game)
    RG3
    Mike Glennon
    Matt Schaub
    Jay-Z (only non-FB player to do so)
    Mark Sanchez
    John Skelton

    He has been trolled by and threatened both in the 2012 season:
    Matt Ryan
    Ryan Tannehill (yes they both have Ryan in their names)

    All that being said, who would you like to see him troll next or get trolled by in the event of a loss? He plays the AFC West and NFC East this year in addition to Green Bay and Carolina

  30. Russell Wilson

    August 4, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Not necessarily

  31. Shai Taylor

    August 4, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    Tyrion Lannister!! Awesome

  32. Not Liam

    August 4, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    Thank god actual convos are back. Now maybe the fake commenter will finally stop.

  33. First Person

    August 4, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    Andrew Luck killing hobos with poison berry pies, lol, great reference to Aaron Roger’s time traveling saga last season.

  34. KingdomOfFawg

    August 4, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    The pee hole papercut comment was one of the most disturbing things I have ever heard. Roger Goodell should suspend it for a maximum of 2 games.

  35. Ryan D.

    August 4, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    Angry Steve Smith is going to be my absolute favorite participant for this entire season.

  36. Nemo

    August 4, 2014 at 10:44 am

    Yes it is back! I almost died twice laughing!

  37. colin craperdick

    August 4, 2014 at 10:25 am

    we’ll choke again… and again… and agin

  38. mrskvall

    August 4, 2014 at 10:02 am

    “BEAST MODE PLANS TO TAKE SHINY JEWELRY TO LOCAL PAWN SHOP. SELL WHOLE LOT FOR THIRTY BUCKS OR BEST OFFER” OMG! Dying!!

  39. Colin Kaepernick

    August 4, 2014 at 9:00 am

    WOOO!!! GO DOLPHINS!!

  40. Ryan Tannehill

    August 4, 2014 at 8:56 am

    Um… Actually, the Dolphins are playing Atlanta.

    He’s right about them not knowing what hit them, though.

  41. Colin Kaepernick

    August 4, 2014 at 8:55 am

    What are you talking about? My team isn’t playing until Friday. AND ATLANTA WON’T KNOW WHAT HIT ‘EM, BABY!!!

  42. Joe Flacco

    August 4, 2014 at 8:54 am

    Hey Kaepernick, I hope you and your team are ready for a royal ass-whoppin’ this Thursday!

  43. Guy Who Whispers "Penis"

    August 4, 2014 at 8:34 am

    *whispers* penis

  44. Omaha

    August 4, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Eli’s 2 >anyone else’s 1. yuck it up turd boys, yuck it up.

  45. Anonymous

    August 4, 2014 at 7:51 am

    Loved the reference to Romo being a jinx especially the Tyrion Lannister line.

  46. Guy with a Keyboard

    August 4, 2014 at 7:29 am

    “FOLES, I HOPE MARK SANCHEZ RUNS INTO YOUR ASS WITH A STRAP-ON STEAK KNIFE ATTACHED TO HIS FACE”

    LMFAO that was brilliant!

  47. ACW

    August 4, 2014 at 3:55 am

    “Impossible. Roger Goodell has a policy of not suspending disgusting things any longer than two games.” XD

    Also, thumbs up to “I’ve been waiting all summer to get back on the field now that I’ve finally shed that rickety hunk of junk that held me back last year…Mike Shanahan.”

  48. colin craperdick

    August 4, 2014 at 2:08 am

    I didn’t get enough attention… but my poor turtle …. I certainly want to go see that new TMNT movie… but I’m such a choke artist..I just can’t help myself

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