NFL QBs on FACEBOOK: “SECRET SANTA”

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Updated: December 23, 2013

SECRET SANTA 475

PEYTON MANNING

Another week. ANOTHER PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING MILESTONE!

PEYTON MANNING

FIFTY-ONE TDS THIS SEASON! THE ALL TIME SINGLE SEASON MARK!

PEYTON MANNING

I TELL YA, I BUST THROUGH RECORDS LIKE BERNARD POLLARD PLOWS THROUGH A PACK OF PATRIOTS! HAHAHA

TOM BRADY

DRINK A GALLON OF CHLORINE EGGNOG, MANNING.

TOM BRADY

Just remember: I set that record during a season when I wasn’t thrashed by a studly QB named Tom Brady. Can YOU make the same claim?

ANDREW LUCK

Excuse me, Mr. Manning, sir?

PEYTON MANNING

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, LUCK? IMPORTANT QBS ARE TRYING TO TALK HERE.

ANDREW LUCK

I’m sorry to interrupt, sir. But I want to congratulate you on your historic achievement.

ANDREW LUCK

And, since I drew your name in our “Secret Santa” exchange, I’ve just had your present delivered to your front door.

PEYTON MANNING

It’s a gigantic oil painting. Of me.

ANDREW LUCK

Actually sir, it’s hundreds of small paintings composing one enormous image of you.

ANDREW LUCK

I painted 487 miniature portraits of you. One for each touchdown in your illustrious career

ANDREW LUCK

It took weeks of painstaking, miniature brushstrokes. But it was all worth it to capture your essence. I call it “Victory.” I hope you like it.

PEYTON MANNING

You made my head too big. I just burned it for firewood

ANDREW LUCK

Totally understandable. I hope it gave you a few moments of warmth, sir.

PEYTON MANNING

Oh, and by the way Luck, I was your Secret Santa too. Look in your mailbox for your present.

ANDREW LUCK

It’s a torn out coupon from the newspaper.

ANDREW LUCK

“50 cent discount when ordering 10 or more extra large Papa Johns pizzas at any of two local participating Denver area stores.”

ANDREW LUCK

“Expires November, 2012.”

PEYTON MANNING

Oh well. Looks like you’re paying full price then.

ANDREW LUCK

Mr. Manning, I will have this coupon framed, mounted, and I will treasure it forever because it came from you, my idol. Happy holidays, sir.

ELI MANNING

What the hell? You guys are doing a Secret Santa exchange? How come I wasn’t invited?

TOM BRADY

BECAUSE YOU SUCK MANNING, THAT’S WHY.

PEYTON MANNING

Yo Bro. What Brady means is that we only included QBs who are in, or are still eligible for the playoffs. So we had to exclude you.

PEYTON MANNING

Because of how much you suck.

AARON RODGERS

Hey Joe Flacco: did you get the gift I sent you at Ravens headquarters?

JOE FLACCO

Yeah, I’m opening it now, it’s… it’s… Oh my god.

JOE FLACCO

It’s an enormous, diamond studded, 24 karat pendant that reads, “Congratulations. You Are Finally Elite.”

JOE FLACCO

I’m speechless, Aaron. This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I… I don’t know what to say.

AARON RODGERS

Just say you’ll give it to Andy Dalton when you play against him next week. I’m his Secret Santa.

ANDY DALTON

Sweet!

JOE FLACCO

This is for DALTON?

AARON RODGERS

Hey, he’s earned it. After all, he’s taken his team to the playoffs in each of his first three seasons.

JOE FLACCO

I’VE TAKEN THE RAVENS TO THE PLAYOFFS IN EACH OF MY FIRST FIVE SEASONS. AND UNLIKE THAT GINGERBUST MAN, I’VE ACTUALLY ** WON ** PLAYOFF GAMES!

DREW BREES

Oh quit your boo-hooing, Flacco. I was your Secret Santa. My gift to you is in your locker.

JOE FLACCO

It’s a wad of aluminum foil that you shaped to look roughly like an imitation Super Bowl ring, upon which you wrote my name in black magic marker.

DREW BREES

You like it? I figured since you’re never going to win a real Super Bowl ring, I’d get you a fake one instead.

JOE FLACCO

I HAVE A SUPER BOWL RING, DAMMIT!!!!

TOM BRADY

Aww. Look how excited he is over his present.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Yo, Sam Bradford. I was your Secret Santa.

SAM BRADFORD

What a coincidence. I was yours.

ELI MANNING

Wait, how come BRADFORD gets to be in this stupid Santa exchange? He’s not in the playoffs.

PEYTON MANNING

Yeah, but he has experience at this type of thing. Apparently he plays Santa Claus all year long.

SAM BRADFORD

Actually what I said was that I’ve been cumming down chimneys since March.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Anyway, I got you something I know you’re going to like.

COLIN KAEPERNICK



SAM BRADFORD

An enormous library filled with thousands of wine racks?

COLIN KAEPERNICK

To house your extensive collection of industrial strength dildos!

SAM BRADFORD

I LOVE IT!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Merry Christmas, buddy.

SAM BRADFORD

But… the thing is, I sold my dildo collection to pay for your present.

SAM BRADFORD

I got you a set of custom-made turtle sex toys. Including a pair of solid gold turtle nipple clamps, furry turtle bondage cuffs, and a teeny tiny turtle cock ring.

SAM BRADFORD

It’s all from Frederick of Hollywood’s “Shell Bent For Leather” collection.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Whoa. That is so nice of you Bradford. Seriously, I’m touched. Thank you.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

But I don’t have my turtle anymore. I sold it to pay for your custom dildo-vault.

CAM NEWTON

Awww. This is just like that classic Christmas story.

PHILIP RIVERS

Which one?

CAM NEWTON

“Die Hard.”

AARON RODGERS

All this holiday warmth is NOT going to distract us from the important discussion of HAHAHAHA RUSSELL WILSON LOST AT HOME YESTERDAY TO THE CARDINALS! LOLOLOLOL!

CARSON PALMER

THANK GOD. We needed that win desperately to stay alive in the playoff chase.

RUSSELL WILSON

Merry Christmas from your secret Santa.

AARON RODGERS

Oh BULLSHIT, Wilson. Don’t try to claim that you lost on purpose as a gift to Palmer. I know your devious little heart better than that.

AARON RODGERS

You would NEVER lose unless you had some sort of evil trolling scheme in mind.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Well, his loss did prevent my Niners from clinching a playoff spot.

DREW BREES

My Saints too.

RUSSELL WILSON

Ho Ho Ho.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

WILSON, I WILL PISS IN YOUR CUP AND TELL YOU IT’S SPICED APPLE CIDER!

DREW BREES

JAM A SHARPENED ICICLE UP YOUR URETHRA, WILSON!

TONY ROMO

Oh hey Wilson, that reminds me. I’m your Secret Santa.

TONY ROMO

And since you’re going to be at home during the playoffs, I left you a gift in your locker that is absolutely essential for any postseason game played in Seattle.

RUSSELL WILSON

A jar of stickum?

TONY ROMO

Trust me.

NICK FOLES

That’s awfully thoughtful, Romo. I hope you like MY Secret Santa gift: A BOX OF KLEENEX TO DRY YOUR TEARS AFTER WE JINGLE-BOUNCE YOU RIGHT OUTTA THE PLAYOFFS THIS SUNDAY!

TONY ROMO

YOU MEAN LIKE MY TEARS OF LAUGHTER WHEN WE CANDY CANED YOUR ASS IN PHILLY JUST TWO MONTHS AGO?

NICK FOLES

THAT WAS A GIFT, ROMO! YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GET TWO LUCKY WINS OVER US IN ONE SEASON!

TONY ROMO

WHY NOT? AFTER ALL YOU’VE ALREADY HAD NINE LUCKY WINS SO FAR THIS SEASON!

NICK FOLES

YOU NEEDED A HUGE COMEBACK JUST TO SQUEAK BY THE 3-12 REDSKINS!

TONY ROMO

YOU ACTUALLY LOST TO THE NEW YORK GIANTS! AT FOOTBALL!

PEYTON MANNING

Wow, that’s gonna be a heck of a game. The red hot Eagles offense versus the unstoppable Cowboys defense.

DREW BREES

How is the Cowboys defense “unstoppable?”

PEYTON MANNING

They don’t get any stops. Duh.

ALEX SMITH

Hey Nick Foles. I got you a very special Secret Santa Gift.

ALEX SMITH

It’s a custom made plaque that reads, “Congratulations on your record setting performance this season.”

ALEX SMITH

“Of all the QBs who have thrown 7 TDs in one game during 2013, you are definitely the most recent, the youngest, and the most normal-shaped-headed of them all.”

NICK FOLES

Cool, thanks.

PEYTON MANNING

GET FUCKED, ALEX SMITH!

CARSON PALMER

Yo, Smith, I hope you like the Secret Santa gift I left you. I think it truly reflects your status as the Chiefs QB.

ALEX SMITH

How does a police sergeant’s hat reflect my status as the Chiefs QB?

CARSON PALMER

No, it’s a bus driver’s cap.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE MEDIOCRE QBs WHOSE MAIN PURPOSE IS TO HAND OFF, THROW SHORT, AND NOT LOSE GAMES ARE CALLED BUS DRIVERS.

ALEX SMITH

Palmer, you’re awfully mouthy for a QB who threw FOUR interceptions yesterday. In fact, I think I’m gona start calling you “Saint Pickalus.”

ALEX SMITH

Because during Christmas week, you deliver turnovers to all the good little DB’s in the league. Not to mention the bad ones too.

CARSON PALMER

AT LEAST I WON MY GAME, UNLIKE YOU!

ALEX SMITH

AT LEAST I’VE ALREADY QUALIFIED FOR THE PLAYOFFS, UNLIKE YOU!

CARSON PALMER

AT LEAST UNLIKE YOU, I’M NOT A GOOFY LOOKING FORMER #1 OVERALL DRAFT PICK WHOSE ORIGINAL TEAM TRADED ME AWAY IN FAVOR OF A YOUNGER, MORE SUCCESSFUL BACKUP!

ALEX SMITH

YOU ARE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE THINGS!

CARSON PALMER

WRONG! I’M REASONABLY HANDSOME!

TOM BRADY

Speaking of changing the subject, hey Drew Brees, check your inbox. I’m emailing you your Secret Santa gift right now.

DREW BREES

It’s a zip file.

TOM BRADY

Yep. A zip file with a couple hundred attached photos of me getting freaky with a very naughty, very naked little sex kitten.

DREW BREES

The hell? THESE ARE PICTURES OF YOU AND MY WIFE IN WHAT LOOKS LIKE A VAT OF LIME-GREEN JELLO!

TOM BRADY

Exactly. She told me she never does any of this kinky shit with you. So I figured you’d enjoy getting a peek at what you’re missing.

TOM BRADY

Don’t tell her I showed you these. She doesn’t like me showing pics of her to just anyone.

DREW BREES

I WILL DESTROY YOU BRADY!

TOM BRADY

Nah, I’ll just dress up like a Saints receiver in the Panthers secondary. That way you’ll never hit me. ROFL

CAM NEWTON

If you enjoy that, Brady, then you’ll really like the gift I left for you.

TOM BRADY

It’s a DVD box set of ”Gilmore Girls: Season 6” and a “Now That’s What I Call Music 2005” CD?

CAM NEWTON

Yep. So you can reminisce back to the days when you were still a championship caliber QB.

TOM BRADY

YOU’VE NEVER EVEN WON A TITLE, YOU ENGORGED CAMELTOE!

CAM NEWTON

WRONG. I WON THE TITLE OF “OFFICIAL TOM BRADY NUT CRACKER” JUST FIVE SHORT WEEKS AGO HAHAHAHAHA!

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

HI CAME NEWTOWN. DID YOU GET THE SECRET SANTA GIFT I LEFT FOR YOU?

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

I HAD A HUGE SYMBOL OF THAT GUY YOU LIKE SO MUCH INSTALLED AT YOUR HOUSE TODAY

CAM NEWTON

Wait, you mean that enormous twelve-foot tall SWASTIKA that I found bolted to the roof of my house today was from you?

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

DO YOU LIKE IT? IT’S ‘CAUSE YOU ALWAYS WEAR SOUP NAZI SHIRTS UNDER YOUR JERSEY!

CAM NEWTON

No, I wear SUPERMAN shirts under my jersey, Ben.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

You mean that guy who invaded Poland? Wow, that’s not cool dude.

ANDY DALTON

Ben, this is probably a good time for you to open my gift.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

“The Golden Treasury Book Of 500 First Jokes For Children?”

ANDY DALTON

That should keep you busy for a while. You can explain-rape these jokes for days, buddy.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

“Why did the football coach go to the bank? Because he wanted his quarter-back.”

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

I don’t get it.

MATT STAFFORD

MAYBE IT’S MEANT TO BE IRONIC POLITICAL SATIRE.

JOE FLACCO

Hey Ryan Tannehill. I left your Secret Santa gift in your locker for you.

RYAN TANNEHILL

This $15 gift card for Starbucks?

JOE FLACCO

Yeah. I figured you could, you know, get yourself a couple of lattes, or whatever. On me.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Okay. Thanks, I guess.

PEYTON MANNING

FLACCO, THAT IS THE MOST BORING SECRET SANTA GIFT EVER.

JOE FLACCO

WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? APART FROM HAVING A HOT WIFE AND LOOKING LIKE DANIEL TOSH, RYAN TANNEHILL HAS NO UNIQUE “THING” TO EXPLOIT.

JOE FLACCO

HE’S THE MOST BORING QB IN OUR CONVOS!

TOM BRADY

Wow. Joe Flacco is calling Ryan Tannehill boring? That’s like Flacco making fun of Tannehill for not having a Super Bowl ring.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE NEITHER ONE OF THEM HAS A RING, YOU SEE

JOE FLACCO

YES I DO, DAMMIT. I HAVE A SUPER BOWL RING!

DREW BREES

Again, you’re welcome.

JOE FLACCO

NO, I WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL RING IN THE ACTUAL SUPER BOWL JUST 11 MONTHS AGO.

JOE FLACCO

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS? HOW DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT?

ANDY DALTON

Zzzzzzzzz

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Snore

TOM BRADY

Never mind Tannehill. Turns out, Flacco’s WAY more boring than you.

RYAN TANNEHILL

That’s right. Because I actually put thought and effort into my Secret Santa present.

RYAN TANNEHILL

I asked myself, “What can I give Jay Cutler that he needs more than anything else in the whole wide world?”

RYAN TANNEHILL

So, merry Christmas, Cutler. My gift to you is, “a fuck.”

JAY CUTLER

A fuck?

RYAN TANNEHILL

Yes. Now you finally have one to give!

JAY CUTLER

Don’t care.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Aaand it’s gone.

JAY CUTLER

No, I’ll tell you what’s gone. THE PACKERS, FROM THE POSTSEASON, AFTER MY BEARS FA-LA-LA-LA-FISTFUCK THEM THIS WEEKEND!

AARON RODGERS

WRONG AGAIN, CLUSTERFUCK. I WILL BE BACK IN THE LINEUP COME SUNDAY. WHICH MEANS YOU WILL BE OUT OF THE PLAYOFF PICTURE, COME MONDAY.

MATT FLYNN

Wait, what? I’m going to be benched again?

AARON RODGERS

After the way you fumbled away our victory against the Steelers in the 4th quarter yesterday? You’re now officially 9th on our QB depth chart, right behind B.J. Raji.

DREW BREES

Hey Matt Flynn. Times Square called. It wants you to come drop the ball on New Year’s Eve.

PHILIP RIVERS

Well I still have to hand out MY Secret Santa gift.

PHILIP RIVERS

Philip Rivers? Ruggedly handsome Chargers QB with a rifle for an arm and a cannon for a cock?

PHILIP RIVERS

That's right. Now quit with the jIbber jabber and make with the presents.

NICK FOLES

Rivers, does that stupid self-intro mean that you drew yourself as your Secret Santa?

PHILIP RIVERS

I did. And let me tell you, it was not easy to keep me from finding where I hid my gift.

PHILIP RIVERS

But since my Chargers need the Ravens, Dolphins and Chiefs to all lose next week in order to make the playoffs, I bought myself 3 voodoo dolls in the images of Joe Flacco, Ryan Tannehill, and Alex Smith.

PHILIP RIVERS

A trio of well-placed pins should help me ensure the proper outcome.

TONY ROMO

Rivers your moron. Voodoo dolls don’t work.

JOE FLACCO

OW, MY SCROTUM!

RYAN TANNEHILL

OW, MY SCROTUM!

ALEX SMITH

OW, MY UPPER THIGH!

PHILIP RIVERS

Sorry, I missed.

ALEX SMITH

OW, MY SCROTUM!

ANDY DALTON

Hey guys? Look, I know these convos are filled with arguing and yelling and screaming and cursing and saying mean, nasty horrid things to each other.

CAM NEWTON

And that’s just Aaron Rodgers.

ANDY DALTON

But since it is Christmas and all, could we maybe end this convo on a positive, upbeat note?

TOM BRADY

True dat. Let’s take a moment to put aside our differences and appreciate the most wonderful part of this joyous season.

TONY ROMO

That the Giants aren’t in the playoffs to fuck everyone’s shit up?

TOM BRADY

Exactly

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Hear, hear.

AARON RODGERS

Amen to that.

ELI MANNING

I STILL WANT A SECRET SANTA GIFT!

NFL QBs on FACEBOOK: “SECRET SANTA”

Leave a Reply

52 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    December 30, 2013 at 9:52 am

    @Cygnia, yes, as a Dolfan, they unfortunately worked *cries in a corner*

  2. Dawn Adams

    December 29, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    “And that’s just Aaron Rodgers” OMG, that is good!

  3. Cygnia

    December 29, 2013 at 4:43 pm

    Holy crap, Philip Rivers’ voodoo dolls actually worked?!

  4. Anonymous

    December 26, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    I was wondering about the stickum… then I watched this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yh1DyvTuDA

  5. Anonymous

    December 26, 2013 at 9:39 am

    Romo – Oh hey Wilson, that reminds me. I’m your Secret Santa. And since you’re going to be at home during the playoffs, I left you a gift in your locker that is absolutely essential for any postseason game played in Seattle.

    Wilson – A jar of stickum?

    Romo – Trust me.

    Priceless!

  6. @MatthewStafford

    December 25, 2013 at 9:49 am

    @Anonymous The Flacco bit is always funny. I just wish they wouldn’t have killed my Twitter bit.

  7. Anonymous

    December 25, 2013 at 5:37 am

    The Flacco bit is getting old

  8. Pingback: NFL QBs ON FACEBOOK: 2013 - Page 5

  9. Jason O'neal

    December 25, 2013 at 12:17 am

    Geno isnt in playoff contention. The jets cannot get in no matter what. Jets beat Miami they are 8-8, they lost h2h to Baltimore, didnt play SD and Baltimore has conference tiebreak. They are eliminated either way. This was about contenders getting gifts and Bradford.

  10. alexgiobbi

    December 24, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    I wonder who Geno Smith’s secret santa was and what his gift was.

  11. Anonymous

    December 24, 2013 at 10:18 am

    Peyton throwing lucks gift in the fire made me laugh out loud.

  12. Celly C

    December 24, 2013 at 9:37 am

    “Ryan Tannehill: Aaand it’s gone.”
    Can’t read these while eating lunch anymore. Almost spit food everywhere laughing at that whole exchange.

  13. neightp3

    December 24, 2013 at 8:03 am

    “Just say you’ll give it to Andy Dalton when you play against him next week. I’m his secret santa.” First laugh out loud of many in this weeks convo. Flacco not being elite is priceless and never gets old. Another great one this week!

  14. toadofsteel

    December 24, 2013 at 1:05 am

    Romo did lose to Eli in the playoffs. In 2007. In true Romo fashion too… throwing a pick in the end zone at the end of the 4th quarter to end the game.

  15. Anonymous

    December 24, 2013 at 12:51 am

    Actually what I said was that I’ve been cumming down chimneys since March.

    best line in this convo

  16. AnonS

    December 23, 2013 at 11:11 pm

    I actually thought it was respectful of Eli. A whole bunch of QBs from top teams scared shitless of having to play Eli and the Giants in the playoffs, because they know they will just lose. Although I don’t know why Romo is involved in that, I don’t think he’s ever played the Giants in the playoffs because he never gets to the playoffs to begin with, and when he does he loses to someone else.

  17. Boltup

    December 23, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    @Kenny well actually they need KC to lose cause they play KC in the last game and obviously need a win.

  18. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    as a bars fan the “a fuck” was perfect lol

  19. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 9:13 pm

    Kenny the Chargers need the Chiefs to lose because they are playing the Chiefs. Looks like somebody had a Roethlisberger moment.

  20. BVM

    December 23, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    This one was really weak.

  21. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    What was Romos gift to Wilson

  22. Kenny

    December 23, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    Just thought I’d correct you on something. The Chiefs winning or losing means nothing to the Chargers. They just need the Ravens and Dolphins to lose.

  23. Vee Grafstein

    December 23, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    This is my favorite part of the week

  24. gutterballgt

    December 23, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    Oh, man. I discovered these last week and have made my way through this entire season (on my way to last season), and I entertained myself through the games yesterday thinking how each one would explain themselves (or be straight ripped) for all their flubs. This is priceless.

    And Cutler’s gift from Tannehill was perfect. JUST what he needed. Too bad he spent it so fast.

  25. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    Newton could’ve given Brady a high five. He badly wants one.

  26. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    Oh my god, Wilson is killing me this week. I love these!

  27. Seth

    December 23, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    BECAUSE NEITHER OF THEIR KNEES CAN TAKE MUCH MORE ABUSE YOU SEE

  28. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    I was hoping Rivers would stab Flacco and RGIII in the knee

  29. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    “Joe Flacco: OW, MY SCROTUM!

    Ryan Tannehill: OW, MY SCROTUM!

    Alex Smith: OW, MY UPPER THIGH!

    Philip Rivers: Sorry, I missed.

    Alex Smith: OW, MY SCROTUM!”

    This made my day, even though I’m a Chiefs fan and would prefer not to see Rivers’ dreams come true.

  30. maty

    December 23, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    Romo wins a game in the final minute in December and no mention?

  31. Annoymous T. Person

    December 23, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    @James… Someone is super defensive of Eli. Almost like you two are in a relationship. Its just a fake comedy convo. Also the reason why Matt moore, Case Keenum, RGIII and Chad Henne aren’t included in the convo(made fun of) are because they haven’t consistently been in the playoffs, unlike Eli, who usually IS in the playoffs. Anyway, great job on the convo this week, I laughed several time at the ben, eli, brady, and flacco stuff.

  32. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Romo is out for the season. Edits maybe?

  33. Go Pack Go!

    December 23, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    I think Cutler should have got a little more crap for the ass pounding they received yesterday…but being a packers fan makes it all worth while!

  34. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    The “Joe Flacco’s not elite” bit never gets old. And Russell Wilson never fails to make me laugh.

  35. claudelewis

    December 23, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    my fave was Alex Smith gift to Foles and the normal shaped head remark LOL

  36. NinerFaithful

    December 23, 2013 at 12:52 pm

    Funny! :D kinda awkward gifts with kaepernick and Bradford! Wow Wilson you troll ! -.- I liked Jay cutlers part! (: oh and lets beat the falcons at candlestick!!!!!!

  37. Big Ben Rapistburger

    December 23, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Big Ben – “Why did the football coach go to the Bank?, Because he wanted his quarter-back”
    “I don’t get it”

    This convo is the first one to make me cry laughing in a while. Keep it up!!

  38. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Ben : HI CAME NEWTOWN. DID YOU GET THE SECRET SANTA GIFT I LEFT FOR YOU?
    I HAD A HUGE SYMBOL OF THAT GUY YOU LIKE SO MUCH INSTALLED AT YOUR HOUSE TODAY

    Cam:Wait, you mean that enormous twelve-foot tall SWASTIKA that I found bolted to the roof of my house today was from you?
    4 hours ago . Like
    BEN: DO YOU LIKE IT? IT’S ‘CAUSE YOU ALWAYS WEAR SOUP NAZI SHIRTS UNDER YOUR JERSEY!

    CAM NEWTON : No, I wear SUPERMAN shirts under my jersey, Ben.
    BEN: You mean that guy who invaded Poland? Wow, that’s not cool dude.

  39. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Another very good one! I was hoping Rodgers and Wilson would be each other’s secret santa, but I love how Wilson is pissing off Kaepernick and Brees too.

  40. Hich

    December 23, 2013 at 11:55 am

    lol. The authors’ frustrations at trying to give Ryan Tannehill a niche pour out in the form of a Flacco rant. Nice!

  41. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 11:48 am

    Eh. They could’ve done more w/ Cutler since he got crushed yesterday.

  42. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Brilliant as always but could do with Ben explaining his superman is a nazi part. In his own words ‘I don’t get it’. Soup Nazi?
    I think we need a kids joke each week from his book.

  43. James

    December 23, 2013 at 11:38 am

    At least Eli is doing better than RG Knee, Chad Heene, Matt Ryan, Case Keenum. Maybe the teams that didn’t qualify can get signed pictures of Eli’s Super Bowl rings and vouchers for vials of Peyton Mannings future December tears of ineptitude and failure. Seriously though,what kind of a shitty quarterback do you have to be that you consistently fuck up if someone leaves the refrigerator door open?

  44. Sam

    December 23, 2013 at 11:38 am

    LOL!! While NFL QB’s on FB has admittedly been somewhat hit-and-miss this season, this week’s is pure comedy gold. Well done!

  45. Keshav

    December 23, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Russell Wilson is great in every one of these.

  46. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 11:35 am

    First one to make me actually laugh out loud in a while… Thanks!

  47. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 11:30 am

    Bradford makes me laugh. Saw him on the sidelines for the Bucs-Rams game yesterday and laughed for all I see now is him being sick as hell because of these LOL!

    Good read this week, but I can’t wait until next week, because if Romo blows it again in Week 17…

  48. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 11:29 am

    didnt think this one was all that funny. had some that made me laugh but kinda boring compared to all the others

  49. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 11:28 am

    MY SCROTCHUM

  50. AnonS

    December 23, 2013 at 11:26 am

    lol Russell Wilson. You could really convince me that was his plan.

    Ben cracked me up too.

    I really liked this one. I read all of them but I thought this one might have been the best of the year.

  51. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 11:22 am

    lol @ Big Ben saying CAME NEWTON

  52. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 11:06 am

    Lol this one was nice. I never really noticed that Tannehill kinda looks like Tosh lol

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