Hello? Um, Go Bills, I guess? Is that how you start one of these things?
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
What are you doing?
6 hours ago . Like
I heard that Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and all the rest of the starters are getting this week off. Something about keeping their fingers fresh for the regular season.
So I thought maybe us backups could get some much needed work in a convo this week.
Well if anyone needs extra work, it’s YOU, Mister “Can’t Decide If He’s Retired Or Not.”
6 hours ago . Like .
BRETT FAVRE likes this
Seriously, Orton. Why’d you quit the Cowboys, then un-retire to sign with the Bills of all teams?
They have no owner. They have no good linemen. They have no experienced receivers.
They also have no Jerry Jones.
Oh right. Okay, that’s a smart move then.
HISTORY LESSON TIME, DICKWEEDS!
First there was Sammy Baugh. Then Sonny Jurgensen. And Joe Theismann.
BUT THEY ALL PALE IN COMPARISON TO THE MIGHTY KIRK COUSINS. THE GREATEST QB IN WASHINGTON REDSKINS HISTORY!
You're not even the starting QB for the Washington Redskins, Cousins.
That’s just a matter of time, Spazzbasket. Robert Griffin has looked HORRIBLE this preseason.
Maybe it’s because he’s struggling to adapt to a new head coach. Maybe it’s because of the Extra Strength Nyquil I slip into his Gatorade before every game. Who can really say?
The point is that soon, I will assume my rightful place as the Redskins #1 signal caller.
Over RGIII? Do you know how much they gave up to get him?
SO WHAT? I’m more accurate than him. I have a stronger arm than him. I'm better looking than him.
THERE'S NOTHING RGIII HAS THAT I DON'T!
Except the starting job.
YATES, I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH MY CLIPBOARD!
I’M NOT AFRAID TO FIGHT YOU, SUCKTARD. Here in Georgia, fucking up our cousins comes naturally to us.
BECAUSE PEOPLE OFTEN HAVE SEX WITH THEIR RELATIVES IN THE DEEP SOUTH, YOU SEE.
Yes, we get the joke, Gradkowski.
Man, I’m starting to wonder if the Pittsburgh Steelers give some sort of stupid pills to all their QBs.
I CAN CONFIRM THIS.
THE PILLS ARE SHAPED LIKE FLINTSTONES CHARACTERS!
I STARTED EATING MINE DURING THE FOURTH QUARTER OF THE ‘96 SUPER BOWL.
LARRY BROWN likes this
THE JOKE HERE IS THAT THE STEELERS HAVE A HISTORY OF NOT-SO-BRIGHT QUARTERBACKS.
I dare say, I don't think I belong in the same class as you 2nd string ruffians.
My first round draft pedigree, coupled with my abundance of gridiron talent, clearly indicates that I will rise to the top of the Vikings depth chart in short order, indeed.
CAN IT, BUSTWATER. You’re stuck down here in Bench City with the rest of us. So get used to it like we have.
RUBBISH! What lowly manner of men are you that would accept the shame of a secondary position on a footballing club? HAVE YOU NO PRIDE, GENTLEMEN?
Trust me, Bridgewater, ANY QB can find himself stuck in the “backup zone.”
That’s right. Even a former high draft pick.
Or an experienced long-time starter.
Hell, you can even be part of an 0-16 nightmare, leave a team, and they’ll STILL hire you back as their 2nd stringer.
The Lions brought you back, Orlovsky? Weren’t they afraid you’d bring some of that 2008 “winless” stink with you?
Naw, The guards have strict orders to shoot Matt Millen if he comes within 500 yards of the team headquarters, so we should be okay.
Hi fellas. Listen, I don't mean to sound preachy here…
5 hours ago . Like
“Words you never thought you’d hear Tim Tebow say.”
…but I can't help but wonder if you guys aren't complaining about your situations a little too much.
Playing in the NFL, even as a backup, is an honor and a privilege, and you should cherish it like the blessed gift from God that it is.
SHUT YOUR CONFESSION–HOLE TEBOW!
The only reason your career as a backup QB is over is because you throw a football like a blind octopus.
“Like a blind octopus?” That insult makes no sense.
Well what was I supposed to say?
Just tell him he “throws like Tim Tebow" that's pretty much the ultimate put-down for an NFL QB.
GO SEAHAWKS!!!! WHOOOO!!!
THIS THURSDAY IN THE SEASON OPENER, WE’RE GONNA CRUSH THE GREEN BAY PACKERS!
Hey dumbfuck. You’re ON the Green Bay Packers.
Am I? Hang on, lemme do a Wikipedia check
Holy crap you’re right. I AM on the Packers. Honestly, I lose track sometimes.
MATT FLYNN HAS PLAYED FOR A LOT OF TEAMS, YOU SEE
Oh, you want to talk about journeymen? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TEAMS I'VE BEEN ON?
The Redskins. The Raiders. The Bears. The Browns. AND NOW THE BENGALS.
Geez Campbell. You're like the patron saint of crappy NFL teams.
The Bears aren’t crappy.
Oh yes they are. That's why THEY HAVEN'T BEEN BACK TO THE SUPER BOWL SINCE SEXY REXY LEFT TOWN!
No, the defense carried the Bears to that Super Bowl, Grossman. If anything, your shitty QB play is what lost the game for them.
WRONG, PUSSY SQUIRT!
My patented style of TOSSING BOMBS AND BANGING BITCHES is what carried the Bears in ‘06.
Browns fans should be thanking whatever God has forsaken their craphole city that their team signed ME for their "backup–soon–to–be–starter" position.
PISS OFF GROSSMUNCH!
The Browns already CUT your sorry ass over the weekend.
I am the only "backup–soon–to–be–starter" in this one-hooker town. So if there's any bomb-tossing or bitch banging to be done around here, JOHNNY FUCKING FOOTBALL will be the one to do it.
Does anyone else feel cheated that we didn’t get to see Rex Grossman mentoring Johnny Manziel for a full season?
Yep. Then they would’ve just had to sign Vince Young to hit “Shitty Party QB Bingo.”
LISTEN YOU EVERLASTING JOCKSLOPPERS, YOU ARE TALKING TO THE ONLY ROOKIE TO EVER WIN THE HEISMAN TROPHY!
NOT TO MENTION THE GREATEST PLAYER IN CLEVELAND BROWNS HISTORY!
SO CLEARLY, I AM THE MOST IMPORTANT ATHLETE TO EXIST SINCE THE DAWN OF MANKIND!
5 hours ago . Like .
ESPN apparently agrees with this
WHY, I COULD RETIRE RIGHT NOW AND BE A FIRST BALLOT HALL OF FAMER IN FIVE YEARS!
I didn’t know there was a “Massive Douchenozzle” Hall of Fame.
Oh yes. Terrell Owens is a charter member.
Seriously, how bad is the media nowadays that an oxygen thief like Johnny Manziel can become the most talked about player in the NFL before he's even taken one snap in the regular season?
Back in my day, you had to at least win a playoff game.
'Sup guys? I heard we're having a backup convo this week?
4 hours ago . Like
BEAT IT SHAUN HILL. YOU'RE NOT ONE OF US ANYMORE.
Yeah Hill. You hit the big time. Sam Bradford is out for the year, so now YOU'RE the Rams starting QB.
Ugh, don't remind me.
Bradford offered to "ease my transition" into the starter’s role by loaning me his “personal playcalling assistance equipment.”
You mean like one of those cheatsheet wristbands?
Close. A cheatsheet cock ring.
Ew. Does it help?
Sometimes. Depending on my mod, it either says, "pass," or "pass from a three-wide formation to Kenny Britt running a skinny post from the X–Flanker position."
HE’S SAYING THE COCK RING GETS LONGER OR SHORTER, DEPENDING ON WHETHER OR NOT HE IS SEXUALLY AROUSED.
WHICH IS NOT REALLY HOW COCK RINGS WORK AT ALL.
I heard that the Rams wanted to trade for Mark Sanchez to take over the starter’s job.
Boy, I’ll bet the O-linemen are glad Sanchez turned them down. Now their butts are safe from his head. LOL!
Orlovsky, terrible jokes like that are the reason why you’re a backup and not a starter.
Also because he can't throw a football very well.
Wait, why am I in this? I'm not a backup. I start for the Houston Texans.
NOT ANYMORE YOU DON’T, SQUID-DICK.
The Texans traded for “The Mighty Mallet” yesterday, since they have no faith in that flapping windsock you call an arm.
Seriously? Are the Texans just collecting all the crappy backup QBs named “Ryan” that they can find?
(immediately changes first name to “Matt.”)
GET USED TO HOLDING MY CLIPBOARD MALLET, ‘CAUSE YOU’LL NEVER GET MY STARTING JOB!
NO, YOU GET USED TO SENDING IN MY SIGNALS FITZPATRICK, ‘CAUSE THAT STARTING GIG IS MINE!
NOT LIKELY, SINCE YOU SUCK MORE THAN REX RYAN IN A WAREHOUSE FULL OF BIG TOES!
NO, YOU SUCK MORE THAN JIMMY CLAUSEN’S MOM AT THE “ALL-YOU-CAN-SUCK” SIZZLER PENIS BUFFET!
OH YEAH? WELL YOU THROW A FOOTBALL LIKE TIM TEBOW!
(GASP) YOU TAKE THAT BACK! THAT'S GOING TOO FAR!
See? I told you.
I forgive everyone here
BROCK AND ROLL, BITCHES!
THAT’S RIGHT, THE BROCK ROBSTER IS HERE TO SHOW YOU TWATHEADS WHAT A REAL QB LOOKS LIKE!
The fuck you boasting about, Osweiler? You completed a mere 11 passes last year for 95 yards.
That's one way of looking at it, sure.
Another would be to say that last season, Peyton Manning and I combined to throw for more yards and more touchdowns THAN ANYONE ELSE IN NFL HISTORY! BOOM! I JUST BROCKED YOUR WORLD!
BEAT IT OSWEILER. Not only do you suck, you also have the most ridiculous name of any backup QB in the NFL
And that’s coming from a guy named “Blake Bortles.”
Listen asswipes, don’t get used to seeing me in these little backup QB conversations of yours.
‘Cause pretty soon, Yours Truly will be sitting on top of my team’s depth chart!
Yeah. But in Jacksonville. Big whoop.
Being the starter for the Jaguars is like being the third stringer in New England.
You mean Jimmy Garappolo?
NOT ANY MORE, TURF LICKERS.
Say hello to the new SECOND STRINGER in New England. Now, I’m just one Tom Brady STD away from being the Pats starter!
Oh man, I don't envy you Garoppolo.
I hear Bill Belichick requires all his backup quarterbacks to bring snacks to every offensive meeting.
3 hours ago . Like
What kind of snacks? Donuts? Bagels?
If they're freshly extracted, and still beating, he'll give you an extra 10 reps in practice.
BECAUSE BILL BELICHICK DERIVES HIS POWER FROM THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT, YOU SEE.
You know what all us backups have in common?
The agony of “clipboard elbow?”
The soreness of “bench butt?”
No. We ALL DESPERATELY WANT TO BE THE STARTING QB FOR OUR TEAMS! THERE’S NOTHING ANY OF US WOULDN’T DO TO MOVE UP THE DEPTH CHART!
Yawwwwnnn. ‘Sup guys?
Well, maybe not all of us.
Vick, I heard that the Jets coaches are pissed at you because you didn’t try harder to take the Jets starting QB job from Geno Smith?
Yeah, they may have said something like that. I’m not really sure.
I sleep through most of those team meetings, to be perfectly honest.
GODDAMMIT MICHAEL VICK, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT PISSES ME OFF ABOUT YOU!
I BROUGHT YOU HERE TO CHALLENGE GENO SMITH FOR THE STARTING JOB AND YOU ACT LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN CARE
Meh. It’s not an act, trust me.
Dammit, I'm coaching for my job this season. WITH GENO SMITH AS MY STARTER.
YOU NEED TO PROVIDE SOME COMPETITION FOR ME!
Sorry Coach, but I mentally checked out on the Jets a while ago. There’s no going back now.
I couldn’t agree more.
Well, I certainly won’t be a backup much longer. Not after I threw THREE FLAWLESS TOUCHDOWNS for the Raiders the other night.
Congratulations, Derek. That preseason performance has earned you the title of, “Greatest QB in the history of the Carr family.”
BECAUSE HIS BROTHER WASN’T VERY GOOD.
I was a high draft pick. OAKLAND HAS TO ANOINT ME AS THEIR LONG-TERM STARTER NOW.
Yeah, it doesn't always work out that way.
Sometimes you can be a promising young QB drafted in the early rounds, then watch as your team STABS YOU IN THE BACK By signing a washed up, 12-year veteran like Josh McCown to replace you.
I thought Josh McCown was a rookie?
I also thought Josh McCown was a rookie.
As his brother, I've known Josh since childhood, so I'm an authority on this matter. And yeah, I'm pretty sure he's a rookie.
HE'S A JOB STEALING, NO ARM-HAVING, SWOLLEN ASSHOLE OF A MAN, IS WHAT HE IS.
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GO FROM BEING YOUR TEAM’S FUTURE AT QB TO BEING A LOUSY 2nd STRING NOBODY?!
‘Sup fellas? Sighhhhhhhh.
So Weeden. What's it like being the latest backup quarterback for the Cowboys?
I hate it. Jerry Jones keeps calling me "grandpa," and asking me what life was like back in the "good old days."
BECAUSE BRANDON WEEDEN IS OLD
So um, how do we wrap this chat up?
I don't know. What do the starters normally do?
Usually, someone make some kind of vague, obvious set up line so that Russell Wilson can close the convo with one of his sneaky troll comments.
Well, that's certainly not an option this week.
Too bad. It would've been fun to watch from the sideline while Wilson gives someone one of his patented beatdowns.
Which is what I’ll be doing this Thursday.
JACKSON, I WILL BURY YOU DEEPER THAN MATT BARKLEY ON AN NFL DEPTH CHART!
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Buck the Frowns
September 8, 2014 at 2:24 am
I love the Steeler QB jabs… Funny and Accurate!
September 5, 2014 at 8:55 pm
CAN’T WAIT UNTIL MONDAY, I WILL DRIVE A SPIKE INTO YOUR FOOT LIKE PERCY HARVIN!
Can't wait until Monday
September 5, 2014 at 5:51 pm
Now that the Seahawks have convincingly wrecked the Packers, I can’t wait to see how badly Aaron Rogers gets trolled.
September 5, 2014 at 1:17 pm
This was a great change of pace. Great job y’all!
September 4, 2014 at 6:29 pm
Man this was a very clever idea guys. Good job
September 3, 2014 at 3:01 pm
Because he’s not a starter.
September 3, 2014 at 1:32 pm
“I heard that Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and all the rest of the starters are getting this week off. Something about keeping their fingers fresh for the regular season.”
And yet Johnny Manziel is here…
Pingback: NFL Quarterback Conversation on Facebook: 2014 Regular Season Preview | Total Pro Sports
September 3, 2014 at 8:59 am
That was effing hilarious. So many hdden gems scattered throughout the article.
“I will beat you to death with my clipboard.” – because he’s a backup
“(immediately changes first name to “Matt.”) – to avoid being traded to the Texans
“BECAUSE BILL BELICHICK DERIVES HIS POWER FROM THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT” – because it’s true
September 2, 2014 at 6:20 pm
That last comment was really me.
September 2, 2014 at 4:03 pm
Hello. My name is Name and I am a recovering troll feeder. I would like to thank Troll Feeders Anonymous for helping me these last few days. I understand that there will be trolls along with people who post comments that I won’t like and that’s okay. From now on I will read the articles and if necessary post a comment that reflects how I feel about said article. I will leave the site and check daily for any new articles. Someone may impersonate me and slander my progress but trust me. I have changed.
Thank you Bob from TFA and thank you PFM for giving me the chance to post here stating my redemption. It’s a whole new world for Name!!!
September 2, 2014 at 3:17 pm
It would be funny if they use the Bridgewater bit on Nick Marshall if he goes pro. Have you seen him talk?
September 2, 2014 at 2:21 pm
Lol Bridgwater went to ul, ys he acting smart
September 2, 2014 at 1:20 pm
Bridgewater always cracks me up. I hope he gets lines with the regulars. It’s actually in retrospect amazing they didn’t use that gimmick already for someone else.
Guy who is bad at copying
September 2, 2014 at 12:17 pm
September 2, 2014 at 12:16 pm
September 2, 2014 at 12:15 pm
September 2, 2014 at 12:14 pm
Penis Who Whispers "Guy"
September 2, 2014 at 11:50 am
As a first round draft pick and former starter myself, a journeymen really, I was surprised that St. Louis or Buffalo, or even the Texans didn’t come calling for my services for QB help.
September 2, 2014 at 9:40 am
*throws up middle finger at anonymous*
September 2, 2014 at 9:20 am
I like it how Guy who hates Johnny Manziel isn’t hated at all. But when guy who hates Russell Wilson shows up everyone hates on him. I guess its because we all can agree that no one likes Johnny douchebag.
September 2, 2014 at 7:42 am
This isn’t a thread
You autistic fgt
Sage in all fields
September 2, 2014 at 7:06 am
Just meh… I guess I wasn’t in the MOD to read this today.
Guy with a really long username that is longer than his comment for no reason.
September 2, 2014 at 1:26 am
“Person” has terrible grammar.
3 more days
September 1, 2014 at 10:58 pm
Someone who says "yeah"
September 1, 2014 at 10:51 pm
Guy who hates Johnny Manziel
September 1, 2014 at 8:48 pm
Manziel will stay on that bench holding that clipboard for all eternity. Whats ESPN gonna say “This week in the NFL, Johnny Manziel held the clipboard with such precision, he is a definite superstar” Fuck you Manziel
September 1, 2014 at 7:46 pm
Even though Manziel got benched and Michael Sam got released. ESPN is still going to be riding their Dick all day long…
Reporter on the scene
September 1, 2014 at 6:54 pm
It’s Tarvaris not Tavaris. Not a huge gripe, but still present nonetheless.
September 1, 2014 at 6:31 pm
Tebow is right no shame in being a backup. You still get paid a lot of money.
September 1, 2014 at 6:30 pm
THIS THREAD IS FUCKING BORING!
September 1, 2014 at 5:09 pm
It says mod instead of mood.
Guy who is confused about what PFM is
September 1, 2014 at 4:39 pm
Wait, You can trade in the NFL??
September 1, 2014 at 2:41 pm
pfm staff mark sanchez’s backround is from spacebook in the year 2040
September 1, 2014 at 2:40 pm
September 1, 2014 at 2:38 pm
I was look for the same himmicks and they did that did not dissapoint
September 1, 2014 at 12:54 pm
Being “pretty intelligent” for a Pittsburgh Quarterback isn’t all that high a bar to clear.
September 1, 2014 at 12:43 pm
That’s not saying much Charlie. Also, you need a new girlfriend.
September 1, 2014 at 11:23 am
You know, I was actually pretty intelligent for a Pittsburgh quarterback.
September 1, 2014 at 10:36 am
@anonymous Tavaris’ name is spelled correctly.
49er Since '03
September 1, 2014 at 10:20 am
Ending was beautiful, thank you.
September 1, 2014 at 9:29 am
Spelled Tarvaris wrong
Real Person and NOT Spam
September 1, 2014 at 8:18 am
To the PFM Team.. that was really good. Lovely change of pace as well. Kudos to you all.
September 1, 2014 at 8:16 am
This wasn’t as good as the normal thing. But I guess I should have expected that. Seems like these guys are second string as more than just quarterbacks.
September 1, 2014 at 8:13 am
Did anyone notice that some of them used the same gimmicks that their starters usually do?
September 1, 2014 at 7:52 am
Apparently Wilson has been mentoring his backups in more than football.
You must be logged in to post a comment
Hey, does anyone remember back in February when I wrote that I...
INDIANAPOLIS – Blake Bortles, Teddy Bridgewater, and Johnny Manziel, considered to be...