MAKE WAY FOR THE THREE-TIME “MANNING BOWL” CHAMPION. WOOP WOOP!
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
6 hours ago . Like
Way to go Bro!
Awesome job, Peyton. THIS IS WHY WE LOVE YOU BEST!
Fudge!!!!! I Can’t BELIEVE I lost that game
WAIT A MINUTE. WHO CHANGED MY FACEBOOK NAME TO “BIG STUPID LOSER?”
Gosh I don’t know. But I hope whoever did it didn’t lock out all future changes.
DARN IT PEYTON. THAT’S NOT FUNNY!
He’s right IT’S FRIGGING HYSTERICAL!
DAD! MAKE HIM CHANGE IT BACK!
Not a chance. Only WINNERS get to pick their Facebook names.
YOU ON THE OTHER HAND ARE OH-AND-THREE VERSUS YOUR BROTHER. YOUR WHOLE CAREER IS NOTHING BUT DISAPPOINTMENT AND FAILURE!
BUT I HAVE TWO SUPER BOWL RINGS!
WHOOP-DE-SHIT. Everyone knows that Super bowl wins are nowhere near as important as Manning Bowl victories. That’s why we only play ‘em once every four years!
It’s basically the Asshead Olympics.
I for one fully support the notion that regular season wins mean more than playoff ones.
Well I’m sure all you guys heard the big news this week. The Jets put me on the six-week Injured Reserve list.
BEAST MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS
BEAST MODE RUSHED FOR TWO TDS VERSUS PUNY 49ERS DEFENSE IN RAINSTORM
MEANWHILE PUNY 49ERS ONLY SCORE 3 MEASELY POINTS WHILE GETTING MORE SOAKED THAN JAY CUTLER MOTHER IN BUKKAKE CONVENTION
That loss was BULLSHIT! JUST WAIT UNTIL WE GET YOU SEA-SCHMUCKS AT OUR STADIUM IN DECEMBER!
YOU THOUGHT THIS GAME WAS LOUD? YOU’LL HEAR MORE SCREAMING AND SCREECHING ON OUR FIELD THAN YOU’VE EVER HEARD BEFORE!
And that’ll just be from Jim Harbaugh.
So, Kaepernick and Wilson. didn’t you two rectal warts have a bet on this game?
The loser was supposed to shave off an eyebrow, right?
We changed it. Now the loser has to say something nice about Aaron Rodgers
Pay up Kap.
Aaron Rodgers is really fun to watch when he loses a game in which an officiating mistake contributes to the loss
I’ll accept that.
I HOPE BOTH YOU READ OPTION RAT-TURDS CATCH PNEUMONIA OF THE DICK
AS I WAS SAYING, the Jets put me on Injured Reserve for six weeks. I assume you guys have something obnoxious to say about that?
Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt this Facebook conversation for an important weather bulletin.
The National Weather Service is informing us that due to strong winds, heavy rain, and scattered lightning, we will have to temporarily suspend this convo.
A layoff like this is really going to disrupt their rhythm, Al.
We have rain delays?
We have rhythm?
Let’s send it up to Dan Patrick, Tony Dungy, and Rodney Harrison in New York to awkwardly fill time while we wait out this storm.
Thank you Al. Coach Dungy, what do you make of the number of weather delays we’ve had here in the first 2 weeks of the NFL season?
It’s clearly a sign from God, Dan.
Interesting. Rodney Harrison, your thoughts?
Dungy’s a moron, Dan.
I see. Coach, if these recent extreme weather patterns are, as you say, a sign from God, then what do you think He’s telling us?
Dan, a storm of this magnitude can only mean that God Himself is preparing to unleash three Biblical signs of the apocalypse upon us.
Hey everyone. MY CHIEFS ARE 2-0!
Oh MAN does it feel great being undefeated! Not that you’d know the feeling, Kaepernick. HAHAHAHA.
LICK FAT-SWEAT FROM ONE OF ANDY REID’S NECKROLLS, SMITH
Dammit. * I * wanted to be 2-0!
Nice game Romo. Getting an early start on your December collapse to beat the Christmas rush, are we?
REAL FRIENDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MEAN TO EACH OTHER LIKE THIS!
Then it’s a good thing we all hate you.
Well Romo, you lost the game so now you have to pay up on our bet.
You guys made a wager too?
Yep. Loser has to pucker up and kiss a big fat pig.
To be fair, Tony Romo did date Jessica Simpson for like two years.
Okay Romo. I’ll let you off with time already served on this one.
SO ANYWAY, I’m on injured reserve for six whole weeks. Man, that sucks.
LISTEN UP DICKPICKLES! GUESS WHO JUST SET THE ALL TIME PACKERS RECORD FOR MOST PASSING YARDS IN A GAME?!
THE DOUBLE-A-BATTERY HERE, THAT’S WHO!
You tied the record Aaron. With me.
5 hours ago . Like
I’m as surprised as anyone, trust me.
DAMMIT! I CAN’T BELIEVE MY REDSKINS ARE 0-2!
HAHAHA. NICE GAME, GRIFFIN. HEY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET DR. JAMES ANDREWS TO DRAIN THE SUCK FROM YOUR ARM! LOLOLOL
I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I THREW FOR 320 YARDS AND 3 TDS!
Really? I don’t remember that
That’s because you suffered a concussion in that game, Lacy. A real nasty one too.
Don’t sweat it Lacy. From experience I can tell you that concussion symptoms don’t last forever.
How long do they take to fade?
How long does what take to fade?
You lost our bet Griffin, so now you have to dog-sit for me in January while we’re in the playoffs
I’ll do it!
The fuck you will.
Hold on a second. What if my Redskins are also in the playoffs in January?
HAHAHAHA. Good one.
So the key is under the cheesehead-shaped mat on the back porch. Don’t forget to express my poodle’s anal glands.
Seriously? NO ONE is going to give me shit for being on injured reserve?
HEY EVERYONE, MY WIFE HAD A BABY YESTERDAY!
Wow that’s great news Joe!
Yeah, that’s terrific, Joe. Congratulations!
4 hours ago . Like
Any idea who the father is?
It could be any one of us, really.
HAHA. VERY FUNNY, TWATHEADS.
I can’t wait to get to know my son. Gosh, I wonder what his first words will be?
Dada, you’re not ee-wite.
JOE FLACCO’S SON IS USING BABY-TALK TO CLAIM THAT HIS FATHER IS NOT ELITE
I like this kid already.
YOUNG MAN, JUST FOR THAT YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR THE NEXT THIRTY YEARS!
Which will be exactly how long it’ll take for the Ravens to get back to the Super Bowl.
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING TO ME?
But you know what’s weird? The baby has a strange birthmark on his forehead
Is it a 666?
No, An EEE.
My god. IT’S THE ANTI-ELITE
The anti-what now?
It is He who the Bible tells us will rise to use his heavenly powers of mediocrity to save us from hell on earth.
Man, what a day. I had a son, we beat the Browns, AND I won my bet with Brandon Weeden.
What was the bet?
Loser has to actually wear a Cleveland Browns jersey. In PUBLIC, for everyone to see.
That’s a stupid bet. Weeden already has to wear a Browns jersey anyway.
Don’t remind me.
CAN ANYONE SEE WHAT I’M TYPING HERE?
Oh-uh, Folks, it looks like the weather has flared up again. We may have to suspend the convo once more.
I think Coach Dungy may be on to something here, Al. This definitely seems to be leading up to another of the three apocalyptic signs.
Man, that Saints defense is TOUGH.
SEE? I TOLD YOU!
WE’RE TWO-AND-OH, PUSSYWILLOWS! And I proved that I can also win during a fierce rainstorm.
Too bad there’s no rain strong enough to scrub that hideous splotch from your deformed face.
OH, DON’T BE A SORE LOSER FREEMAN. Since you lost our game, you have to pay up in OUR bet.
We agreed that the loser would have to spend one entire day hanging out with Tony Romo.
YES! THAT’S SOMETHING THAT REAL FRIENDS DO!
NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
ROFL! JOSH FREEMAN AND TONY ROMO HAVE TO GO ON A BRO-DATE!
This is gonna be AWESOME Freeman, you’ll see! I’ve got the whole day planned out.
First we’ll play mini golf, followed by bumper bowling, and then we'll watch my collection of all the funny Adam Sandler movies.
All both of them?
ROMO, I WOULD RATHER SHOW UP FOR AN OFFICIAL BUCCANEERS TEAM PHOTO SESSION THAN HANG AROUND WITH YOUR DUMB ASS.
ANSWER ME. SOMEBODY! ANYBODY!
Hey did you guys see my Chargers play Mike Vick and the Eagles yesterday? I THREW FOR OVER 400 YARDS IN THAT GAME!
PLUS I DIDN’T THROW A SINGLE INTERCEPTION!
AND WE WON THE GAME!
That means you lost our “Cutler’s Mom” bet, Vick.
So does Vick has to have sex with Mrs. Cutler now?
Well techincally, we’re both gonna bang her. But now Vick has to pay the bill.
Hey Vick, can you get her to stamp my card? One more and a get a free handjob.
My god. Maybe I’m not on injured reserve at all. Maybe I’m actually… DEAD.
FUCK YOU PEYTON MANNING YOU BIG HEADED MANGALOID! I CAN’T WAIT ‘TIL ME AND MY COLTS COCKSLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND YOUR WORTHLESS HORSE RADISHES IN A FEW WEEKS!
Losing to the Dolphins yesterday seems to have given you an edge, Luck.
3 hours ago . Like
WHAT THE SHIT, LUCK?
I’m so sorry Mr. Manning, sir, I didn't mean it. Please know that I hold you in nothing but the HIGHEST esteem!
HAHAHHA. That was OUR bet. I told Luck that if my Dolphins whipped his team, he’d have to curse out Peyton Manning. ROFL
You’re just made a very powerful enemy, Luck.
Don’t worry Andrew. Just disguise yourself as an open receiver in the playoffs, and Peyton will pass right over you.
That’s it, isn’t it? I’m a ghost, and none of you crotchnazis can see a word I’m saying!
BIG WIN AGAINST THE RAMS YESTERDAY, BITCHES. WOOOO!
So Ryan, did you and Bradford also have a bet on the game?
Yep We said the loser had to jam a sharp needle directly into his leg muscles.
Oh wow. I totally misunderstood you when I did it.
You already settled the bet?
Yep. I impaled a calf 4 inches deep yesterday.
Boy, was he surprised.
OH MY GOD THAT IS SO SICK!
YOU’RE A DISGUSTING PERVERT, BRADFORD!
I JUST MADE ROMO IN MY HUGGIES!
I AM AN INVISIBLE SPIRIT OF THE NETHER WORLD!
I can apparently say whatever I want, and no one can see it!
I once tried to fart in the huddle, and accidentally pooped my pants.
Sometimes when I can’t find a tissue, I wipe my boogers on my cat’s fur instead.
I like to masturbate thinking about Gisele Bündchen having a 3-way with John Madden and the rotting corpse of Al Davis.
JESUS CHRIST SANCHEZ, YOU SICK BASTARD!
SERIOUSLY SANCHEZ, YOU NEED THERAPY, YOU TWISTED FREAK!
Wait, so you guys can see everything I say?
Of course, dumbass. We were just ignoring you.
Yeah, Sanchez. You’re not dead. You’re just irrelevant.
Well Eli it’s time to settle up on OUR little bet.
Peyton, no. I CAN’T DO IT.
Tough titties, broseph. You agreed to the wager, so now you have to actually EAT A SLICE OF PAPA JOHN’S PIZZA
THAT’S TAKING THINGS TOO FAR!
BECAUSE PAPA JOHN’S PIZZA TASTES LIKE ASS, YOU SEE.
3 hours ago . Like .
YOUR LOCAL PIZZA HUT FRANCHISE like this
Please Peyton, for God’s sake. I’m your brother. You CAN’T make me do that!
Wait Peyton, you mean that you don’t actually eat the Papa John’s pizza that you promote?
Only once. I took a bite of a Meat Lover’s Special back in 2011.
I gagged so violently I sprained my neck and missed the entire season.
All right, how bad could it be? I’ll just take one little nibble and…
OH MY GOD, IT’S HORRIBLE!
HAHAHA. HOW DOES YOUR DEFEAT TASTE, ELISHA?
LIKE SATAN HIMSELF JUST TOOK A BIG CHEESY SHIT RIGHT IN MY MOUTH.
WELL IT’S NOT GETTING ANY LESS RANCID . CHEW IT UP , BIG BOY
I’ll have you know that Papa John’s is one of the fastest growing pizza chains in the nation. Millions of folks eat our tasty food every day!
THERE’S NUMBER THREE!
IT’S THE PIZZ-ACOLYPSE FORETOLD IN REVELATIONS!
SAVE US, JOE FLACCO’S BABY!
ONLY YOUR ANTI-ELITE POWERS CAN RESCUE US FROM THIS FLAVORLESS PEPPERONI HELL!
We can probably rule out Papa John’s as a sponsor from this point on.
You must be logged in to post a comment
Hey, does anyone remember back in February when I wrote that I...
INDIANAPOLIS – Blake Bortles, Teddy Bridgewater, and Johnny Manziel, considered to be...