NFL QBs on Facebook: “KICKOFF”

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Updated: September 8, 2014

KICKOFF 475

PEYTON MANNING

CLIPPITY-CLOP MOTHERFUCKERS! FOOTBALL IS BACK!

MILLIONS OF NFL FANS will now begin ignoring their families for the next 6 months.

PEYTON MANNING

AND GUESS WHO WON BY A NOSE IN THE BATTLE OF THE HORSE TEAMS? PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING, THAT’S WHO!

ANDREW LUCK

Congratulations on a well-deserved win, Mr. Manning. It was an honor to compete against you.

NICK FOLES

Good god, Luck, You're got your face so far up Manning’s ass you must be tasting his breakfast.

PEYTON MANNING

HAHA ANDREW LUCK! I POUNDED YOU LIKE A KARDASHIAN!

PHILIP RIVERS

On a pile of money and cocaine?

PEYTON MANNING

No Wes Welker? No Eric Decker? NO PROBLEM FOR PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING.

PEYTON MANNING

MY RECEIVING CORPS IS MORE WELL-STOCKED THAN JIM IRSAY’S MEDICINE CABINET. WHOOO!!!!!

RYAN TANNEHILL

Hey, here’s a fun game: every AFC East QB who can still go 16-0 this year, step forward.

RYAN TANNEHILL

NOT SO FAST THERE, TOM BRADY. LOLOLOLOL

TOM BRADY

YOU SHUT YOUR BLOWHOLE TANNEHILL, OR I WILL SHRED YOU LIKE THE KNEE OF A ST. LOUIS RAMS QUARTERBACK.

GENO SMITH

Oh, don’t worry Brady. You can still go 0-16 and get that perfect season. ROFL.

2008 DETROIT LIONS

Yessss. Join ussssss.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Oh man, WHAT A GAME. We bullied the Patriots like they were 46 Jonathan Martins.

E.J. MANUEL

And the phrase “last place New England Patriots” sure does have a nice ring to it.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Good, because it’s the only ring they’ll be getting this season.

TOM BRADY

I HOPE YOU SWALLOW A BEE, TANNEHILL.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Don’t be so bitter, Brady. Remember, you’re just a lowly 6th round draft pick. You can’t possibly be expected to compete with a first round talent like me.

RYAN TANNEHILL

WHICH IS WHY MY WINNING STREAK AGAINST YOU NOW STANDS AT TWO GAMES HAHAHA.

TOM BRADY

TANNEHILL, YOU AREN’T WORTH THE CORN IN MY STOOL, AND YOU KNOW IT.

TOM BRADY

This isn't fair! I'm supposed to be the elite QB here, yet somehow I've now lost two straight games to a little 3rd-year upstart?

TOM BRADY

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THIS MAKES ME FEEL?

RUSSELL WILSON

Like Aaron Rodgers?

AARON RODGERS

WILSON, I WILL SEND YOU FLYING THROUGH THE AIR LIKE J.J. WATT SMASHING THROUGH A LINE OF FLIMSY REDSKINS BLOCKERS!

CARSON PALMER

Well you certainly can’t blame the replacement refs for your loss to Seattle this time, Rodgers.

AARON RODGERS

BUT I HAVE TO BLAME SOMEONE. THERE MUST BE A LOGICAL EXPLANATION FOR WHY THE SEAHAWKS KEEP WINNING.

PHILIP RIVERS

Because they have a talented young roster and outstanding team chemistry?

PETE CARROLL

(chews gum violently in agreement)

AARON RODGERS

Oh please. DOES AARON RODGERS HAVE TO DISCOUNT-DOUBLE CHOKE A BITCH?

AARON RODGERS

There HAS to be something more to it than that.

AARON RODGERS

I mean, look, the SheHawks got lucky last year and stumbled their way to a fluke Super Bowl win. Fine.

AARON RODGERS

But this is a NEW season, and those flappy bastards should be reverting back to their losing ways by now, not defeating THE MIGHTY AARON RODGERS.

AARON RODGERS

I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I SOLVE THIS MYSTERY!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Well I certainly enjoyed a nice, easy rest down in Texas this weekend.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Boy, it sure was nice of the NFL to schedule one last warm-up game for us against the Cowboys this week before our REAL games started. HAHAHA.

TONY ROMO

COLIN KAEPERNICK, I HOPE YOUR TURTLE CRAPS A BUNCH OF TINY LITTLE TURDS INTO YOUR BOWL OF RAISIN OATMEAL.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Hey, that sure was a nice game you had yesterday, Romo. Three picks in the first half?

COLIN KAEPERNICK

What, were you were trying to earn your Girl Scout badge for “Failure?” 'Cause if so, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

ELI MANNING

Aw, give Romo a break Kaepernick. It’s not easy to win when the entire crowd is cheering against you.

ALEX SMITH

But the Cowboys were the home team.

ELI MANNING

My statement still applies.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THIS IS A REFERENCE TO THE FACT THAT THE STANDS AT AT&T STADIUM WERE FILLED WITH A DISPROPORTIONATELY LARGE NUMBER OF 49ers FANS.

TONY ROMO

You were just lucky, Kaepernick! If we didn’t commit a bunch of early turnovers, then WE would have won!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Yeah, and if your ass was split horizontally, there'd be a clapping sound from your buttcheeks when you scramble.

NICK FOLES

Which would have been the only applause the Cowboys would have heard yesterday.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

AGAIN, BECAUSE THE CROWD IN DALLAS WAS DISPROPORTIONATELY CHEERING FOR THE 49ers.

AARON RODGERS

So Romo made a bunch of dumb mistakes and the Cowboys lost a game? Okay, that makes perfect sense.

AARON RODGERS

BUT THERE’S NO EXPLAINING HOW THE GODDAMN SEAHAWKS KEEP WINNING ALL THEIR GODDAMN GAMES!

ANDY DALTON

Look guys, it’s the first week of the regular season, and we’re all still getting warmed up here, so let’s try to keep things calm, respectful, and fuck the Ravens.

PEYTON MANNING

All I heard was “Fuck the Ravens”

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Me too.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

ME TOO. PLUS SOME OTHER STUFF BEFORE THAT.

JOE FLACCO

DAMMITT. You just got LUCKY, Dalton. We nearly came back to win our game against you yesterday.

JOE FLACCO

OH, IF ONLY I’D PULLED IT OUT IN TIME!

CAM NEWTON

Ooh, ooh. “Things Jay Cutler’s dad said when he first saw baby Jay in the delivery room?”

STEVE SMITH

GODDAMMIT, JOE FLACCO.

STEVE SMITH

I TOLD YOU, I'M ONLY HERE TO WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE I RETIRE. AND YOU’VE ALREADY MANAGED TO FUCK UP BY LOSING OUR FIRST GAME?

STEVE SMITH

SO HELP ME, IF YOU DON'T GET ME A SUPER BOWL RING THIS YEAR, I WILL TEAR YOU APART YOU LIKE JADEVEON CLOWNEY’S TISSUE-THIN MENISCUS.

MATT RYAN

‘Scuse me, Fellas. I just need to complete my check list after my game yesterday against the Saints.

MATT RYAN

VICTORY: CLAIMED

MATT RYAN

MAGNIFICENCE: ACHIEVED

MATT RYAN

SUCKS: DREW BREES

DREW BREES

Oh yeah? Well FUCK: YOU!

MATT RYAN

Hey Brees, remember when you threw that interception into the end zone that allowed my Falcons to mount our big comeback? ROFL

DREW BREES

Hey Ryan. Remember when your 13-3 record in 2012 was followed by a Super Bowl appearance for your team? Yeah, me neither.

MATT RYAN

What was that, Gash-Face? Sorry, I couldn't hear you from your pit all the way down there at the bottom of our division.

TONY ROMO

QUIT BEING RUDE TO HIM, MATT RYAN!

TONY ROMO

If you have anything mean to say to my buddy Drew Brees, than you can just say it to me first, buster!

MATT RYAN

Okay, fine. Both of you (a) look goofy as fuck, and (b) royally suck at throwing a football.

DREW BREES

DAMMITT ROMO, IF I WANT YOUR HELP, I'LL ASK FOR IT!

NICK FOLES

And if you do ask for it, Romo’s help will probably get intercepted on its way to you.

MATT RYAN

I hope everyone realizes that I set the Falcons SINGLE-GAME PASSING RECORD of 448 yards in that game!

SAM BRADFORD

And you know what they say about Atlanta Falcons single-game passing records, right?

ANDY DALTON

Let me guess: it’s something perverted like “installing a pop-up rotating dildo into the seat cushion of your paternal grandmother’s motorized scooter to give her an 11-inch vaginal surprise during her trip to Wal-Mart?”

SAM BRADFORD

No, silly. Your MATERNAL grandmother. Wow, I’ll bet you feel stupid now.

JAKE LOCKER

You know who doesn’t feel stupid? ME, AFTER COCKSLAPPING ALEX SMITH AND THE CHIEFS YESTERDAY. BOO-YAH!

ALEX SMITH

Enjoy your piddly little triumph, Locker. That lucky-ass victory is probably 50% of the total wins you’re going to get this season anyway.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

ALEX SMITH IS USING MATH TO COMICALLY PREDICT THAT THE TITANS WILL ONLY WIN THREE GAMES THIS YEAR.

PHILIP RIVERS

Two games, Ben.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

YES PHILIP RIVERS. TO THE GAMES, INDEED.

GENO SMITH

Meanwhile, I gave Derek Carr and the Raiders 1/16 of the total losses that they will have in 2014.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

NOW GENO SMITH IS USING A MATH FRACTION TO PREDICT, IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE CORRECT, THAT THE RAIDERS WILL GO 4-12 THIS SEASON.

CARSON PALMER

Ben, by any chance, were you out sexually harassing pretty girls the day they taught math in grade school?

MATT SCHAUB

WAY TO LOSE THE GAME FOR US, CARR!

MATT SCHAUB

That should have been ME out there starting at QB, not some snot faced rook-tard.

DEREK CARR

Oh, get fucked with a shovel, Schaub.

DEREK CARR

Seven years ago, you replaced my big brother as the starting QB on the Texans.

DEREK CARR

WELL PAYBACK IS A BITCH, AND SO ARE YOU, NIPPLEDICK.

DAVID CARR likes this

MATT SCHAUB

OH YEAH? WELL THE CYCLE CONTINUES, NOODLEARM. BECAUSE I HEARD THAT MY TWO-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER JUST REPLACED YOUR SON IN A GAME OF DUCK-DUCK-GOOSE AT THEIR PRESCHOOL!

DEREK CARR

YEAH, WELL I HEARD SHE THREW A PICK-6 IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT TOO!

ANDY DALTON

How do you throw a “pick-6” in a game of Duck-Duck-Goose?

PEYTON MANNING

She’s a Schaub. She found a way.

E.J. MANUEL

You know what I found a way to do? HUMILIATE JAY CUTLER AND THE BEARS IN OVERTIME ON HIS OWN FIELD. HAHAHAHA.

JAY CUTLER

Trust me Manuel, your feeble little mind cannot grasp the intensity of the fuck that I do not give about you.

CORDARRELLE PATTERSON

You wanna talk humiliation? Did all you weak-armed scrotum poles see my 67-YARD TD RUN yesterday?

CORDARRELLE PATTERSON

I BLEW RIGHT PAST THOSE RAMS DEFENDERS LIKE THEY WERE ALL BRAZILIAN GOALTENDERS. WHOOOO!

CORDARRELLE PATTERSON

I AM CLEARLY THE GREATEST PLAYER TO WEAR #84 IN MINNESOTA VIKINGS HISTORY!

ANDREW LUCK

Gee, I sure do feel bad for those poor Rams. Now that Shaun Hill is hurt, they’ve lost two starting QBs.

ELI MANNING

Sounds like they’re going to be in the market for a veteran free agent in the next few days.

TIM TEBOW

Really? Maybe I could…

JEFF FISHER

No.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

HAHAHA JOHNNY MAN-SEAL MY STEELERS BEAT YOU 30-27

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

SO GO EAT SOME MACKEREL AND BASK ON AN ICEBERG, MAN-SEAL BECAUSE NOW I’M 1-0 IN OUR DIVISION.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

Hey, don’t blame me. My dumbass coach started Brian What’s-His-Name at QB. That’s why we got shut out.

MATT RYAN

You didn’t get shut out. Hoyer almost brought your team back with a huge second half rally.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

Really? Huh. Boy, I guess you miss some stuff when you’re doing blow with the cheerleaders under the bench for most of the game.

PHILIP RIVERS

Wait, the Browns don’t have cheerleaders.

ANDY DALTON

Or any reason to cheer, for that matter.

ANTONIO BROWN

Well, allow me to show you what you missed, Manziel:

ANTONIO BROWN



ANTONIO BROWN

Hiiii-YAH! SPECIAL TEAMS-SPARTA KICK MAKES PUNTER GO BOOM!

ROGER GOODELL

Somehow, I’m going to figure out a way to fine Brandon Meriweather for that.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

SO GO AND BALANCE A BALL ON YOUR NOSE, MAN-SEAL, BECAUSE MY STEELERS DOMINATED YOU!

CARSON PALMER

Ben, you understand that Johnny Manziel is not actually a seal, right?

GENO SMITH

To be fair, he’s not actually a football player either.

AARON RODGERS

So Cleveland lost their opening game of the season? See, now, that is normal.

AARON RODGERS

BUT WHAT’S NOT NORMAL IS HOW THE STUPID SEAHAWKS KEEP WINNING ALL THEIR STUPID GAMES.

NICK FOLES

ALL HAIL THE 1-0 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES. SUPER BOWL TEAM OF DESTINY!

JAKE LOCKER

Fine, I’ll bite. What makes you a team of destiny?

NICK FOLES

Think about it: the Ravens won the Super Bowl after the 2012 season. Then the Seahawks won it after 2013.

NICK FOLES

And since these things always come in 3’s… IT’S TIME FOR A BIRD TEAM TRIFECTA.

MATT RYAN

Yes, but couldn’t that mean the Falcons will win the Super Bowl?

CARSON PALMER

Or the Cardinals?

NICK FOLES

Sorry, I should have specified. A bird team with a NON spazz-tard at QB.

CHAD HENNE

Okay fine, Foles. You dropped us to 0-1. BUT JUST WAIT ‘TIL NEXT YEAR!

ELI MANNING

A bit early for you to be throwing in the towel on the season, isn’t it Henne?

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Usually the Jaguars wait until they’re at least 0-2 before they start checking mock drafts for next season.

RYAN TANNEHILL

I THINK WE'RE GETTING AWAY FROM THE MAIN POINT HERE, WHICH IS: HA HA, FUCK THE PATRIOTS, THEY SUCK NOW, LOL!

TOM BRADY

GODDAMMIT. We only lost to those annoying Dolphins because I let my beard grow out.

TOM BRADY

I was just trying to give Matt Schaub’s wife a nice warm place to sit after I beat her husband’s Raiders in 2 weeks.

TOM BRADY

But instead I caught the Andrew Luck/Ryan Fitzpatrick “Ugly Beard = Losing Game” curse.

RYAN FITZPATRICK

That’s not fair. I WON yesterday.

NICK FOLES

True, but that was against the Redskins. Outscoring RGIII is not so much a victory as it is a mere formality.

RGIII

FUCK YOU WITH A POWER DRILL, FOLES

TOM BRADY

AND DOUBLE-FUCK YOU WITH A BUZZSAW, TANNEHILL

E.J. MANUEL

Aw, poor, poor Brady. It doesn't sound like you're handling your new role as the division doormat very well.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Oh, and Brady, we all know the rules. I kicked your ass on the field, so now your wife has to come to my house tonight.

TOM BRADY

Why? What are you going to do Tannehill, braid each other’s hair and watch Ryan Gosling movies? We all know your dick is as limp and useless as Alex Smith's right arm.

PEYTON MANNING

Well personally, I am STILL erect after my victory over Indy last night.

PEYTON MANNING

After 15 years in the league, Indianapolis was the only NFL team I had never beaten. UNTIL NOW.

GHOST OF JOAN RIVERS

It’s like I always said: I’ll never live to see the day that Peyton Manning beats the Colts.

AARON RODGERS

Holy crap, THAT’S IT. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before!

PHILIP RIVERS

See what?

AARON RODGERS

The most obvious answer to any problem is usually the correct one, right?

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

Indeed. My friend Occam told me that once while he was shaving.

AARON RODGERS

So what’s the most obvious answer as to why the Seahawks keep winning? Well, just look at the facts:

AARON RODGERS

On the morning of the Seattle-Denver Super Bowl, Philip Seymour Hoffman died.

AARON RODGERS

Then, the morning of my game against the Seahawks last week, Joan Rivers died.

CARSON PALMER

So what are you saying?

AARON RODGERS

Obviously, THE SEAHAWKS HAVE MADE AN UNHOLY BLOOD PACT WITH SATAN TO SACRIFICE CELEBRITY DEATHS FOR VICTORIES.

GENO SMITH

Hmm. That does sort of make sense, in a stupid, “no-sense-making” kind of way.

AARON RODGERS

WE HAVE TO STOP THE SEAHAWKS FROM WINNING ANY MORE GAMES SO THEY CAN’T MURDER ANY MORE CELEBRITIES!

ANDY DALTON

Unless of course the celebrity in question is Justin Bieber. In which case, GO ‘HAWKS!

ORLANDO BLOOM likes this

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Isn’t it nice that despite our differences, we can all agree that the Seattle Seahawks should definitely murder Justin Bieber?

JAKE LOCKER

Yep. And another thing that we can all agree on is WHOO-HOO, FOOTBALL IS FINALLY BACK.

RYAN TANNEHILL

And, naturally, we also agree that regardless of anyone else’s records, when the New England Patriots lose, we ALL win.

E.J. MANUEL

Hear, hear.

GENO SMITH

Enthusiastically concur.

TOM BRADY

FUCK ALL OF YOU! AND FUCK YOU RYAN TANNEHILL IN PARTICULAR!

NFL QBs on Facebook: “KICKOFF”

Leave a Reply

41 Comments

  1. AnonyMOOSE

    January 3, 2015 at 4:54 pm

    Wow they predicted the future.

    Alex Smith: “Enjoy your piddly little triumph, Locker. That lucky-ass victory is probably 50% of the total wins you’re going to get this season anyway.”

    The Titans only won two games this year, although only that one was the only one with Locker as QB.

  2. Anonymous

    September 10, 2014 at 7:36 am

    Someone should tell Ben that Derek Carr plays for the Raiders lol.

  3. Anonymous

    September 10, 2014 at 7:35 am

    Someone should tell Ben that David Carr plays for the Raiders lol.

  4. JJ WATT

    September 10, 2014 at 5:00 am

    All you quarterbacks souls belong to me. Also Texans play Oakland where I get to murder carr and Schaub in one game!

  5. Anonymous

    September 9, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    Can we please get rid of Heil Hitler guy. It was funny. Once. But now it’s just offensive and annoying.

  6. AnonyMOOSE

    September 9, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    And if it wasn’t enough for one guy to post Heil Hitler like 20,000 times, then Copycat had to do it too. WTF?

  7. Guy Who Hates Russell Wilson

    September 9, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    ^No I didn’t. Fuck you CD guy and Russell Wilson.

  8. Anonymoose

    September 9, 2014 at 6:45 pm

    The comments section needs moderation. Or a “report post to moderators” flag.

    Either way, it would be better if it was cleaned up some.

  9. Guy Who Hates Russell Wilson

    September 9, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    I confess; I was the asshole who posted the Hitler string. And I want to play the #2 hole to some hot man’s ground and pound game; maybe on a full sweep with frenulum flick.

  10. First World Problems

    September 9, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    Fuck that asshole who posted Heil Hitler a million times! Because of him I had to spend an extra 20 seconds scrolling just to put this comment.

  11. BELIEVE IN BRIAN

    September 9, 2014 at 4:55 pm

    Add Brian Hoyer to these convos!

  12. Keep Pounding

    September 9, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Not a mention about the Bucs getting owned by the Panthers backup QB?

    Also, I expected a Randy Moss line after Patterson’s statement lol

    Other than that, this convo made my day!

  13. Guy who Hates Russell Wilson

    September 9, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    Noooooo!!!!!! I love Justin Bieber.

  14. john

    September 9, 2014 at 11:07 am

    Ghost of Joan Rivers makes a guest appearance already?? Awesome.

  15. That Guy

    September 9, 2014 at 10:23 am

    I must concur, if Biebs is on the list GO HAWKS!!!

  16. Dave

    September 9, 2014 at 4:49 am

    Indeed. My friend Occam told me that once while he was shaving.”.

    Love it.

  17. WordUpThome

    September 9, 2014 at 2:28 am

    So when, if it hasn’t happened already, will Ben Roethlisberger pop in with a “Hi I’m Be- … Ben Roethlisberger”?

  18. Nick

    September 8, 2014 at 11:32 pm

    No mention of that rookie Josh McCown going down to a 2nd string QB in Derek Anderson?

    Other than that, great QB convo as usual.

  19. NFL

    September 8, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    Because you can hit Mary but not mary jane.

  20. wtf

    September 8, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    WHY THE FUCK DID IT TAKE A VIDEO TO GET THAT PIECE OF SHIT RAY RICE OUT OF THE LEAGUE

    WE ALL KNEW WHAT HAPPENED

    NFL KNEW WHAT HAPPENED

    DID THEY NEED TO GET COLD COCKED BY A VIDEO TO WAKE THE FUCK UP

    2 GAMES SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG

    OH SHIT VIDEOS OUT

  21. Baltimore Vens

    September 8, 2014 at 6:37 pm

    We’re now officially Ray-less.

  22. AnonyMOOSE

    September 8, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    I’m sensing a pattern here. The RAYvens have a lot of players called RAY who commit crimes. Okay, two. But that’s two more than most teams.

  23. Not Liam

    September 8, 2014 at 5:53 pm

    I’m a seahawks fan. I can confirm we sacrifice people so we win.

  24. Ravens Fans

    September 8, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    We won a Super Bowl after Ray Lewis murdered someone…Ray Rice’s left hook ought to be worth a playoff spot, at least.

  25. JJ Watt eats burritos bigger than Ray Rice

    September 8, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    No mention of Ray Rice?

  26. Anonymous

    September 8, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    I was hoping there would be a Beast Mode appearance after he torched the Pack. I guess not.

  27. Maverick Mopete

    September 8, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    Also, I thought Drew Brees would be more pissed that Marques LOLston gave the Falcons the game with that fumble in overtime.

  28. Strawberry

    September 8, 2014 at 2:22 pm

    I was hoping they would make a reference to Joe Flacco not being elite because he lost to the Bengals! But still pretty funny convo this week.

  29. mitchel44

    September 8, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    “Don’t be so bitter, Brady. Remember, you’re just a lowly 6th round draft pick. You can’t possibly be expected to compete with a first found talent like me.”

    should end with, “first round talent like me.”

  30. Maverick Mopete

    September 8, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    FINALLY! Now that the Football that counts is back, so are the NFL QBs on FB Convos that count!

  31. Tim

    September 8, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    Anyone else feel like you are almost reading the same thing week after week. Just fuck you… no fuck you. fuck you eat shit blah blah blah. Few good liners here and there but man could be shortened up. Less is more.

  32. Anonymous

    September 8, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    God that beard Brady has is fucking ugly as hell. If he wanted to look like a cave man like Andrew luck he sure as hell has accomplished that.

  33. Ryche And Roll

    September 8, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    Fantastic Opener! Rolling all the way through it…
    Russell Wilson – Classic as ever
    Ghost of Joan Rivers – a big “Wow, they went there” moment
    Antonio Brown to Goodell bit – Fan-freakin’- Tastic!

    Keep up the great work PFM!

  34. Colin Kaepernik

    September 8, 2014 at 11:58 am

    Oh yeah, i forgot! 1-0 in the AFC East after my team beat the Patriots

  35. Mike

    September 8, 2014 at 11:43 am

    The return of Johnny the Man-Seal! I’ve been waiting for that since the moment I read the intercepted texts!

  36. Lattimer

    September 8, 2014 at 11:28 am

    Minor correction – it’s Occam’s razor. But great reference!

  37. Celly C

    September 8, 2014 at 11:25 am

    Russell Wilson never fails to steal the show–had me ROLLING!

  38. Anonymous

    September 8, 2014 at 11:19 am

    (Chews gum violently in agreement)… That was the line of the week

  39. Am I First?

    September 8, 2014 at 10:55 am

    Dammit!

  40. Am I First?

    September 8, 2014 at 10:54 am

    First?

  41. Me

    September 8, 2014 at 10:46 am

    Great Season Opener! :-)

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