NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY!
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
HAHAHA MANNING. You went back to your old stadium and got HUMILIATED by Andrew Luck.
6 hours ago . Like
Serves you right Fuckbucket. That’s what you get for ONLY WINNING US ONE MEASELY SUPER BOWL IN THIRTEEN YEARS OF SERVICE!
DAMMITT! PEYTON FUCKING MANNING DOES NOT LOSE FOOTBALL GAMES, ESPECIALLY TO HIS OLD TEAM, AND DOUBLE ESPECIALLY TO ANDREW RATFACE LUCK
Well, it was a very exciting game Mr. Manning you SHIT PISS CUNT FUCKSTICK!!!!!
Oh Christ. Luck, are you breaking character again to try to mouth off to me? KNOCK IT OFF. I’M NOT IN THE MOOD
No Mr. Manning, I’m honored to have played against you. I wish you nothing but AIDS FUCK LICK MY COCK SHIT BUNGHOLES.
You’re not being a very gracious winner, Luck.
Or a very coherent one either.
Gentlemen, I believe I can diagnose this situation
Dr. James Andrews? Orthopedic surgeon to America’s most famous athletes?
Andrew Luck is clearing suffering from a rare case of “NFL Tourette’s Syndrome.”
FUCK FUCKITY FUCK CUNTFLAP FUCK
It occurs whenever an NFL QB leads a team to victory against its former starter.
Is it serious, Doc?
Well, Aaron Rodgers caught a case back in 2010 when he beat Brett Favre. He’s yet to shake it.
GET FUCKED, YOU COCK STROKING QUACK.
This is BULLSHIT. How could a worthless bootlicker like Andrew Luck beat me? There must be some rational explanation.
Hey Doc Andrews. Any chance I caught a 24-hour case of “Failure Fever?”
Doubtful. Ever since I quarantined Mark Sanchez, we’ve been able to prevent that outbreak.
For what it’s worth Mr. Manning SUCK MY COCK BALLS ASS PUSSY SHIT.
Luck, this new condition of yours is going to seriously damage your future endorsement possibilities.
On the plus side, he can write for us now.
Andrew Luck’s not the only one with an ailment. It seemed like EVERYONE got injured yesterday.
The Texans lost both Arian Foster and Brian Cushing to injuries
Don’t forget that I also missed that game with an ankle injury.
Yes, but we’re only discussing injuries that are bad for the Texans.
DAMMIT. I came so close to beating the Chiefs in my first-ever start!
TOUGH TITTIES, TEXAS TWATHEAD. You lost any chance of winning that game when you coughed up the ball near the end of the 4th quarter
Hmmm. Clearly a bad strain of “fumble-itis.”
Meantime, I’VE got my own winning affliction. DIAGNOSIS: 7-AND-OH-SIS. HAHAHA.
Symptoms include chronic touchdowns, massive erections, and THE ONLY PERFECT RECORD IN THE NFL.
Next stop: SUPER BOWL, BITCHES!
OMG, just thinking about Andy Reid winning a Super Bowl makes me nauseous.
I recommend you induce vomiting immediately.
Here, this should help:
Very funny, assholes. Hey, do any of you jizzrods know what the number “27,485” represents?
5 hours ago . Like
The amount of 4th quarter interceptions you’ll be throwing this December?
The number of feminine hygiene pads you go through during your heavy flow days?
The dollar amount, in billions, that Dallas is over the salary cap next year?
WRONG. It’s the number of yards I’ve now thrown for after my first 100 starts.
THAT’S THE HIGHEST NUMBER IN NFL HISTORY.
And yet your “Yardage to Super Bowl” ratio remains at zero.
THAT’S BECAUSE ANY NUMBER DIVIDED BY ZERO IS ZERO.
You can’t annoy me today, dickwads. Not when I’m ALL ALONE IN 1st PLACE ATOP THE NFC EAST!
Where am I?
Concussed Eagles QB Nick Foles?
The last thing I remember was getting sandwiched by 2 Cowboy defenders. Then I woke up and Michael Vick was attaching electrodes to my genitals.
Motherfucker, you steal my job, you get the “Rottweiler” treatment
Foles, you’ll be pleased to know that your replacement Matt Barkley somehow managed to spit up 3 PICKS in just NINE MINUTES OF PLAYING TIME! LOLOL
Sounds like he caught a raging case of “intercept-alepsy”
ALL RIGHT, WE GET IT DR. JAMES ANDREWS! You don’t have to diagnose every player with some stupid football-themed disease.
Hey, did you guys all see Matt Stafford and his Lions COUGH UP THAT GIANT SUCKBALL against my Bengals yesterday?
Sounds like you gave them a nasty case of “Gingivitis.”
I threw for 371 yards, 3 TDs, AND led the winning field goal drive to avoid overtime.
Quit being so cocky, Dalton. You know that kick was just barely good by the width of one of your curly red pubes.
Oh Flacco. Sounds like you’ve caught that strain of “Cincy-Envy” that’s going around the AFC North these days.
I recommend you drink lots of fluids, and get plenty of rest this January while you’re at home watching ME in the playoffs
DAMMIT LIONS. YOU HAD THAT GAME IN HAND! HOW COULD YOU CHOKE AWAY THAT VICTORY?
Maybe they have a… “Stafford infection?”
I HATE YOU
JOE FLACCO, YOU’RE JUST SORE BECAUSE MY STEELERS KNOCKED OFF YOUR BALTIMORE RAISINS! WHOOOO!
4 hours ago . Like
GET AIDS OF THE BRAIN, WORTHLESSBURGER
Do we know that Ben doesn’t have that already?
It would explain a lot
MY RAVENS AREN’T OUT OF IT YET, SHITLORDS! Just remember last year at this time, no one thought we were destined to win the Super Bowl. And what happened next?
You caught a hot streak thanks to Anquan Boldin, Ed Reed, Ray Lewis, Bernard Pollard, Cary Williams, and Dannell Ellerbee?
EXACTLY. SO… shit.
CHRIS JONES, YOU STUPID LATE-PENALTY COMMITTING MOTHERFUCKER!
YOUR PUSH IN THE BACK GIFT-WRAPPED THAT OVERTIME VICTORY FOR THE JETS!
HAHAHA SUCK IT TOM BRADY
THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. TOM BRADY DOES NOT LOSE TO THE NEW YORK JETS
GET USED TO BEING MY BEANTOWN BITCH, BRADY. BECAUSE THESE ARE THE NEW NEW YORK JETS.
Last year’s squad would’ve just butt-fumbled away that game. BUT NOW WE COMMIT GENO-CIDE ALL OVER YOUR ASS
IT’S NOT FAIR. No game should be decided in the closing minutes by an obscure NFL rule!
HAHAHA YES, YES TOM BRADY. YOUR WATERY PATRIOT TEARS OF FAILURE ARE LIKE SWEET, SWEET MEDICINE.
I HOPE YOU GET GONORRHEA OF THE ARM, SMITH
I HOPE YOU GET GONORRHEA OF THE BRAIN, BRADY
I HOPE YOU GET GONORRHEA OF THE DICK, SMITH
Wouldn’t that just be regular gonorrhea?
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS, CHRIS JONES!
I’M SORRY, OKAY? I’M SORRY I COMMMITTED THE GAME-LOSING PENALTY!
I’M SORRY I FUMBLED IN THE FOURTH QUARTER TO RUIN MY DOLPHINS’ COMEBACK!
I’M SORRY FOR BITCH FUCKER PUSSYBALLS SCROTUM!
I’M SORRY I INJURED BRIAN CUSHING WITH A LOW BLOCK!
WE’RE SORRY FOR LAST WEEK’S CONVO IN GENERAL!
Guys, I’m worried about Sam Bradford. We’ve had the word “overtime” mentioned twice now, and he hasn’t shown up to announce that a tie is like fingerbanging Hitler, or whatever.
3 hours ago . Like
‘Sup fellas? Ow.
You okay, Bradford?
No. I got hurt against the Panthers. I had to spend the night in ICU.
“Intensive Care Unit?”
“Incestually Conjoined Underwear.”
How did that help with your knee injury?
That’s exactly what my sister kept asking.
So is the injury serious?
Yeah. The doctors say I damaged my ACL
“Anterior cruciate ligament?”
“Anally Concealed Lube-dispenser”
What’s the prognosis?
Well, I’m scheduled for an MRI tomorrow morning
Let me guess: A “Massive Rear-end Intrusion?”
No. A Magnetic Resonance Imaging. Don’t be gross.
The buttsex doesn’t happen until mid-afternoon.
Well I’m glad you threw that pick to our defense before you got injured, Bradford.
A classic case of premature ejac-uception
ISN’T THERE A ROTATOR CUFF YOU SHOULD BE BUTCHERING SOMEWHERE?
Meantime, my Redskins squeaked by Cutler and the Bears for win #2!
2 hours ago . Like
HEY, HEY. Watch your mouth, Griffin. That name is VERY offensive!
We resent our species being associated with Jay Cutler in any way
YER DAMN STRAIGHT
I’LL CUT THE NEXT MOTHERFUCKER WHO USES THAT TERM
LEAVE ME ALONE. Those cheating Washington bastards injured me yesterday. I feel like crap.
Ah A nasty yeast infection, I assume?
NO, YOU WITLESS DOORKNOB. I have a pulled groin.
Which is a coincidence since your Mom’s been pulling on all our groins for years now.
HE’S TALKING ABOUT HANDJOBS
Tough shit, Jay Cutler. If you didn’t want to get injured, then you shouldn’t have been born with such a punchable face.
Yeah. So next time you see her, tell your Mom it’s her fault.
Wait, she’s here with me right now. I’ll tell her.
What was her response?
“Mmmgph rrppgg brggghhh.”
BECAUSE SHE HAS A MOUTH FULL OF PENIS, YOU SEE.
WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA
You know ladies, I think I’ve caught some new disease too.
See, yesterday I felt so brave and mighty that I wasn’t afraid to face the Buccaneers even without my 2 elite WR’s
So it’s pretty clear I have a massive case of SWOLLEN BALL SYNDROME. HAHAHA.
Matt Stafford also has “Swollen ball syndrome.” Only he has it on his face.
BECAUSE HIS CHEEKS ARE SO ROUND AND PUFFY
Enjoy your win while you can, Ryan. Because your playoff hopes are on life support, and I’m afraid they only have five more weeks left to live.
BECAUSE THAT’S WHEN YOUR FALCONS WILL BE LOSING TO MY SAINTS, YOU SEE. HAHAHA
Dude, the joke works better if you don’t over-explain it.
Hey speaking of medical nonsense, my doctor has asked me to keep track of my bowel movements.
So I hope he saw those BIG STEAMING PILES OF BROWNS I LEFT SCATTERED ALL OVER LAMBEAU FIELD YESTERDAY!
Ahh, the world is back as it should be. Jay Cutler is laid up with a case of infected ovaries, and my Packers are ON TOP OF THE NFC NORTH.
How’s Jermichael Finley? That looked like a nasty hit he took yesterday.
Who? Oh, whatever. I don’t need him. THE MIGHTY AARON RODGERS DOESN’T NEED ANYONE
STICK A HELMET ON ANY 6’2 HAT RACK, AND I’LL GET IT 9 CATCHES FOR 146 YARDS AND A TD
Those are exactly the numbers I had yesterday.
You guys. I don’t feel good at all. I think something is definitely making me sick.
The knowledge that the Browns are 3-0 when Brian Hoyer starts, and 0-4 when you do?
There it is.
Well we still have the Giants-Vikings game tonight to look forward to.
Should be great. Eli Manning and his Picks-lexia versus Josh Freeman and his raging case of Turnover Diarreah.
DON’T REMIND ME OF MY OFFSPRINGS’ LOSING WAYS
Isn’t it bad enough that now BOTH my NFL sons are bringing disgrace to my family?
I am still 6-1 Dad.
You are 6-and-out-of-the-will.
HAHAHA. SUCK IT ARCHIE MANNING
Oliver Luck? Former teammate to Archie Manning and father of Colts QB Andrew Luck?
Hey Archie? Remember when we were on the Oilers together back in ’82?
You forced me to be your personal SLAVE by driving your stupid brats back and forth to McDonald’s every day after practice?
WELL OLD OLLIE LUCK FINALLY HAS HIS REVENGE!
Are you saying that, as payback for Archie Manning making you run his errands, you raised Andrew Luck to become an NFL QB just so that one day he could ruin Peyton Manning’s perfect season?
Talk about holding a grudge.
IT WAS THE PERFECT LONG CON, BITCHES.
Oh, and I also rubbed “Super Miracle Forehead Grow” cream on that punk’s head every chance I got.
NOW YOU KNOW HOW YOU GOT THAT ENORMOUS BONERSKULL, FRANKENHEAD!
Technically, the medical term for that is “Elephantitis of the Noggin”
I HOPE YOU ACCIDENTALLY SIT ON A SCALPEL, ANDREWS!
You must be logged in to post a comment.
April 6, 2014 at 5:31 pm
I have tourettes syndrome and I was offended by that joke
November 30, 2013 at 10:55 am
I don’t get why Archie is so hard on his sons for losing. He never won even a playoff game in his career! I’m really hoping that in one of these convos Peyton or Eli will point that out to him haha
November 2, 2013 at 9:30 am
YOU so totally rock!
Screw them whining “…..but where is Russell Wilson” babies. I bet all those whines were actually written by 2 people. Who just don’t get it. ..the sea chickens haven’t ever won anything. Respect is only earned in Jan & Feb!
October 29, 2013 at 12:20 pm
I think the last two comments were Andrew Luck.
October 25, 2013 at 12:41 pm
agree with first firstclasspack
October 25, 2013 at 8:09 am
It’s impossible to please everyone every week. You guys keep writing what you think is funny and don’t get upset about the folks that will always find something to criticize about this free website that tries to give us a laugh. It may not always be funny but I always appreciate the hard work you put into it. Thanks.
October 24, 2013 at 1:09 am
best one in a while! needed some russell wilson
October 24, 2013 at 12:25 am
When will Peyton and Eli unload on old man Archie for being a failure as an NFL QB?
October 23, 2013 at 4:22 pm
I see ANdrew Luck more as a caveman instead of a rat face. Matt Schaub is the rat face.
October 23, 2013 at 1:11 pm
Mmmgph rrppgg brggghhh.
October 23, 2013 at 12:07 pm
I still like em. Lots of negative remarks but i appreciate the free comedy every Monday. Keep up the good work.
October 23, 2013 at 9:19 am
Love the site and always look forward to QBonFB but as the father of son with Tourette syndrome I just have to chime in on this one. Coprolalia is involuntary swearing or the involuntary utterance of obscene words or socially inappropriate and derogatory remarks. Coprolalia comes from the Greek κόπρος (kopros) meaning “feces” and λαλιά (lalia) from lalein, “to talk”. The term is often used as a clinomorphism, with ‘compulsive profanity’ inaccurately referred to as being Tourette syndrome.
October 23, 2013 at 9:08 am
You talked about matt stafford a lot but didn’t have him respond….I’d like to him in these more..
October 22, 2013 at 8:33 pm
I will miss the old Andrew Luck….
October 22, 2013 at 7:57 pm
Where is the “fuck you” button for the people saying this is “too blue” and written by a “particularly stupid teenage boy”. Also, I hope those people sit on scalpels.
October 22, 2013 at 5:59 pm
I don’t care what anyone says, these are still the highlight of my Mondays. Keep up the good work guys
October 22, 2013 at 3:53 pm
The Humor is too “BLUE”…I miss the witty comebacks, the sly comments, and snarky verbal abuse. This cuss word every other word is a bore. Hope you go back to being “smart” with your convos….with “colorful” language sprinked in.
October 22, 2013 at 3:37 pm
This was obviously written by a particularly stupid teenage boy ; nobody else would find much humor in gay slurs and a ton of cuss words for the sake of cussing.
October 22, 2013 at 12:22 pm
October 22, 2013 at 10:40 am
Does everyone one of these need a gimmick now? First it was the NBC guys, then the Red Zone thing, now Dr. James Andrews. Can we get some clarity again?
October 22, 2013 at 8:14 am
ALOT of Wilson fans here! Andrew Luck’s drooling of profanity is hilarious. I invite all you naysayers to write your own PFM and submit. Quit your F***ing bitching!
October 22, 2013 at 8:04 am
Too bad you made this before monday night… you could have had a field day with Archie having a knee-jerk reaction to Eli’s win…
Tommy A (@vtpack)
October 22, 2013 at 7:53 am
Yet again no mention of Mike Glennon, 4 weeks since being named the starter, and he has yet to show up
October 22, 2013 at 6:59 am
No need to apologize for last week–actually thought it was funny. Most people who complain about the quality of these can barely spell “humor”, much less write with some, so just ignore them.
October 22, 2013 at 5:18 am
October 22, 2013 at 1:45 am
Snuggles will fuck you up.
October 22, 2013 at 12:11 am
I miss Christian ponder/plunder/plumbtree etc…. !!
October 21, 2013 at 11:29 pm
Yeah I also miss Wilson! Just love how he pisses aaron Rodgers. I always enjoy diva brady and I love Drew Brees he’s always entertaining to me because sometimes u don’t expect some stuff from him! Great week guys.
October 21, 2013 at 11:24 pm
Love the convo- and lovin Drew Brees! His roethesburger line made me cry of laughter, Great stuff guys!
October 21, 2013 at 11:22 pm
Loving all the requests for more russell wilson. The 12th man is strong with this site.
October 21, 2013 at 10:50 pm
Great convo, but Tourettes Luck and no Russell Wilson are both a no-go for me.
October 21, 2013 at 10:05 pm
Winnie the Pooh classic! Wakka wakka wakka!
October 21, 2013 at 9:37 pm
Keep Tourette’s Andrew Luck! That shit was funny.
October 21, 2013 at 7:12 pm
More Russell last name Wilson!
October 21, 2013 at 6:16 pm
Hey, don’t know if anyone noticed…but there didn’t appear to be any Russell Wilson.
October 21, 2013 at 5:50 pm
You just had to add Archie Manning in there, didn’t you? Fuck I’m sick of seeing him appear in these convos. The lack of Russel Wilson made this one somewhat disappointing as well. I usually don’t care for Drew Brees, but I found him pretty funny this week. Especially when Dr. James Andrews was involved. The rotator cuff comment made me laugh. And you gotta love Big Ben as well.
October 21, 2013 at 5:40 pm
Peyton and Eli should just go off on Archie for not having a winning season
October 21, 2013 at 5:28 pm
Any Cutler injury is a groin injury.
October 21, 2013 at 4:39 pm
Oliver is my new favourite sporting dad..
October 21, 2013 at 4:26 pm
Tuck Rule reference was great.
October 21, 2013 at 4:06 pm
Luck of Russell
October 21, 2013 at 3:38 pm
No Russell Wilson? You even had 2 extra days to think about it.
October 21, 2013 at 3:29 pm
Hey kaepernick should have talked to his old teammate Delanie walker and bragged how he kaepernicked in the endzone! But this was way better than last week’s convo more kaepernick in this one good
October 21, 2013 at 3:19 pm
Hysterical!! Dumb Ben gets me every time.
October 21, 2013 at 2:06 pm
After watching Thursday’s game, is it not obvious Seahawk fans outnumber others five billion to two? You better some G’Damned Russell in these conversations. We’ve suffered through 25 years of no ESPN coverage, get us some more love. (The “Rodgers/Farve” comment was classic. Please keep up the great work)
October 21, 2013 at 1:49 pm
As was already stated, Wilson needs to be in there at least once a week. Also, more witty jokes and less random cursing for no reason would make this funnier. No need for every quarterback to say “eat a dick” just because…
October 21, 2013 at 1:42 pm
I had such high hopes for today guys…
October 21, 2013 at 1:04 pm
Better than last week for sure. Like them best when as many as possible are involved. Loved the Pooh line.
Nick Bacon Brady
October 21, 2013 at 11:52 am
super pissed that there was no wilson comment that sends rogers over the edge…clean that shit up, guys
October 21, 2013 at 11:23 am
Math is exactly wrong. Divide by zero = Infinity. Zero divided by any number = Zero.
Anna Gary Smith
October 21, 2013 at 11:20 am
Please, we need more Oliver Luck appearances. Hahahaha!
October 21, 2013 at 11:09 am
If a lot of you believe you can make better QBs on Facebook why not try your own instead of just hating on this one? Complaining fixes nothing!
where Russell. I did in enjoy the cutlers moms part made me lol in class.
October 21, 2013 at 11:07 am
where was russel wilson!!!??
October 21, 2013 at 10:59 am
Thank goodness… no Russell Wilson.
October 21, 2013 at 10:51 am
Picture of Romo to help with vomiting had me dying. Needs more Russell Wilson though. And Bradford with his sister joke was hilarious
October 21, 2013 at 10:31 am
Where was Russell Wilson!? C’mon man!
October 21, 2013 at 10:16 am
PROFOOTBALLMOCK – WE’RE SORRY FOR LAST WEEK’S CONVO IN GENERAL!
The boys are back!! Great one this week!!
October 21, 2013 at 10:10 am
No Russell Wilson! Your letting me down PFM.
October 21, 2013 at 10:04 am
Line of the day was from Winnie the Pooh. HAHAHAH!!!!
October 21, 2013 at 9:53 am
The Vick part made me burst out laughing. “rottweiler treatment” LMFAO
October 21, 2013 at 9:39 am
Where’s Russell Wilson’s comments? Lame!
October 21, 2013 at 9:30 am
2 weeks in a row of miss. Fix This!! Snuggles made me crack a smile. Other than that I read this with a straight face of disappointment.
October 21, 2013 at 9:24 am
Where’s the patented Russell Wilson trolling comment?? That’s usually the best part!
October 21, 2013 at 9:22 am
This one is better than the others.
October 21, 2013 at 9:20 am
Fuck all the rest drew is the best
October 21, 2013 at 9:16 am
BECAUSE RUSSELL WILSON WAS NOT IN THE CONVO YOU SEE
October 21, 2013 at 9:05 am
Still love these!
October 21, 2013 at 9:00 am
Did you swap the Drew Brees and Ben Roethlisberger comment or was it supposed to be a ironic switch of character?
October 21, 2013 at 8:50 am
You should apologize for this one not last weeks. This one was pretty bad…
October 21, 2013 at 8:47 am
Brilliant as always!
October 21, 2013 at 8:45 am
Usually Russell Wilson is only ignored in these updates where he only gets 1 line. TNF allowed #3 to be out of sight, out of mind when the east coast biased author constructed QB discussion.
October 21, 2013 at 8:42 am
Best one in a few weeks and the appearance of random bears was nice, but no Russell Wilson? Pffft!!
October 21, 2013 at 8:35 am
Thanks for seeing the Andrew Luck/ratface resemblance! I know you guys were listening to us! LOL
October 21, 2013 at 8:32 am
Nothing wrong with last weeks PFM… I liked it!!! Lol
October 21, 2013 at 8:29 am
Snuggles is BAD ASS!
October 21, 2013 at 8:27 am
Death of Profootballmock Facebook Chats…these are getting retarded!
Jay Cutlers first comment has Alex Smith’s pic
October 21, 2013 at 8:25 am
Where was Russell Wilson?
October 21, 2013 at 8:23 am
I hated Tourettes Andrew Luck and any number divided by zero is “undefined” or “no real numbers” not zero
Second week in a row you missed a picture. Jay Cutler with Alex Smiths photo… cmon guys! PROOF READ. Other than that, it was excellent!
October 21, 2013 at 8:20 am
you have an alex smith pic in a jay cutler blerb
October 21, 2013 at 8:17 am
LOL. Thank you. Now I can get back to my day with a smile!
October 21, 2013 at 8:16 am
How is there no mention of Russell Wilson at all? They couldn’t fit in ONE more line. Otherwise very entertaining as usual, good to see Sam Bradford back!
October 21, 2013 at 8:15 am
October 21, 2013 at 8:14 am
The best part about Ben R’s “explaining math” issue is that the math is wrong. dividing by zero does not equal zero. …Jeez, I hope that was intentional, PFM….
October 21, 2013 at 8:10 am
I like tourettes andrew luck!
October 21, 2013 at 8:09 am
No Russell Wilson
You must be logged in to post a comment
INDIANAPOLIS – Blake Bortles, Teddy Bridgewater, and Johnny Manziel, considered to be...
HAHAHAHA. SUCKER! Did you see this headline and think to yourself, “Gosh,...