BRONCOS 21, SEAHAWKS 16. I GOT MY SUPER BOWL REVENGE, BITCHES!
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
Manning, are you seriously calling a preseason victory “revenge?”
6 hours ago . Like
Romo, are you seriously calling that floppy noodle hanging from your right shoulder an “arm?”
Anyway, the 2014 Denver/Seattle series is now TIED at one game each.
And you know what they say about ties, right? That it’s like fisting your sister.
“Kissing” your sister, Bradford.
Hey Peyton Manning, why don’t you shut up? You sound like an idiot bragging about a stupid preseason win.
The. FUCK. Did. You. Just. Say. To. Me?
I told you to pipe down. Because I’m hung over, and you’re annoying.
WHERE DOES A SCRUNCHY FACED, 1st-YEAR MAGGOT LIKE YOU GET OFF TALKING TO PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING LIKE THAT?
Holy crap, these rookies are getting WAY too big for their underpaid, dainty little britches.
Well, that’s because they haven’t been properly hazed yet.
Hazing? The time-honored tradition of initiating a young player through good-natured teasing and ridicule?
Plus some racism, extortion, and threats of physical violence.
So how should we haze Johnny Manziel?
I would think being forced to play in Cleveland is punishment enough
6 hours ago . Like .
BRANDON WEEDEN can confirm this
You can’t haze me. I AM JOHNNY FOOTBALL! THE NFL’S BIGGEST SUPERSTAR!
ESPN agrees with this
Oh, don’t worry, Manziel’s hazing has already been taken care of.
Yep. I had a stripper pole installed in his training camp dorm room last week, then I sent him an expensive hooker named Roberta.
That doesn’t sound so bad.
… whose real name is Robert, a hermaphroditic, transgendered, herpes-infested Taiwanese pleasure slave. HAHAHA
JOKE’S ON YOU GUYS. I BANGED HE/SHE ANYWAY
Oh, you guys are talking about Taiwan Bob, right?
Manziel, next time you see him/her, can you get my card punched? Two more deep tissue anal massages, and I get one free.
You guys, are you sure this is okay? Hazing can be a pretty awful thing to do to someone.
Yeah, I heard back in ‘04, the Giants hazed Eli Manning by making him get a terrible haircut, and it's remained that way ever since.
ALEX SMITH, I HOPE YOU GET YOUR TESTICLES STUCK IN A BLENDER.
Well I must say, I found the so-called “hazing” you ruffians imposed upon me to be most discourteous indeed.
What did you guys do to Bridgewater?
Oh, his hazing was classic.
Yep. We forced him to stand out under the blazing hot sun in the middle of a field for three solid hours doing nothing but holding a football out from his body and saying “here you go” over and over again.
Because as QB of the Vikings, that will be his only responsibility.
THE VIKINGS ARE PREDOMINANTLY
A RUNNING TEAM, YOU SEE
Hey, you guys wanna know why I’m feeling pretty good this week?
5 hours ago . Like
Because THE BENGALS JUST EXTENDED MY CONTRACT BY SIX YEARS!
WHOO-HOO! That news makes all of us feel pretty “extended” as well.
THEY’RE SAYING THAT ANDY DALTON IS SO BAD, THE IDEA OF HIM PLAYING IN CINCINNATI FOR SIX MORE YEARS GIVES THEM ALL ERECTIONS IN THEIR PENISESESESESES.
Ben, you call more than 1 penis, “penises.”
And you call 53 of them, “The New York Jets.”
Well I wish someone would haze Derek Carr. That slapdick rookie has been annoying me all training camp long.
Oh, that guy’s been taken care of already.
I hazed him by forcing him to walk through a parking lot full of violent Oakland fans wearing a t-shirt that reads, “Official Member Of The Committee To Relocate the Raiders To San Antonio, TX.”
Oh, cool. So I assume he’s dead by now?
No, I’m fine. Luckily for me, Raiders fans can’t read.
Don’t think you’re getting away without a good hazing yourself, Patriots rookie QB Jimmy Galapagos.
My name is Garoppolo, not "Galapagos." You’re thinking of that island with all the turtles.
LISTEN GALAPAGOS, I AM TOM FUCKING BRADY AND IF I WANT YOU TO BE A TURTLE, THEN YOU’LL WEAR A PLASTIC SHELL, CRAWL SLOWLY ON THE GROUND AND LET COLIN KAEPERNICK FEED YOU LETTUCE WITH HIS MOUTH.
Don't worry Brady. Galapagos's hazing is a three-pronged trio of terror.
Fine, I'm up for a challenge. Lay them on me.
First, you have to beat Rob Gronkowski in three straight games of beer pong.
I hear he's the master of that game, but sure, I'll give it a try.
Next you have to run a hundred yard dash in 10 seconds, while carrying Vince Wilfork on your shoulders.
Okie-doke. I'll give it my best shot.
And finally, you have to make Bill Belichick smile.
IMPOSSIBLE! THAT CAN'T BE DONE!
Sure it can. Just sneak up behind him during a game and tickle his love handles while screaming ‘COOCHY-COOCHY-COO” really loudly into his ear.
Oh man, I hope there's a camera on the sideline to record that.
Duh. It's a Patriots game. There’s bound to be a bunch of hidden cameras rolling somewhere.
BECAUSE THE PATRIOTS ARE CHEATERS
5 hours ago . Like .
Eric Mangini and Cary Williams like this
Well I can tell you that the "Matt" club is excited for the new season
Heck yeah! #MattBros4Life!
We always want the ball, and we ALWAYS score! Sometimes!
And now we have a new Matt to join our little group
He's sort of like our first round rookie!
So welcome to the club, Bengals QB Matt Scott.
From now on, when people think of Matt Ryan, Matt Stafford, Matt Hasselback, Matt Cassel, Matt Schaub, Matt Barkley, and Matt Flynn, they'll think of you too!
That's how I would take that news too.
Why do you have a black eye in your profile picture, Flacco?
Umm, no reason. I fell down the stairs, I think.
No, he walked into a door.
Right, right, I walked into a door. Gosh, I’m so clumsy!
Flacco … is Ray Rice hitting you?
It’s okay, you can tell us the truth Joe. This is a safe place.
NO, RAY LOVES ME. SOMETIMES HE JUST HAS TO KEEP ME FROM GETTING OUT OF LINE, THAT’S ALL. IT’S MY FAULT. I’M JUST SO STUPID SOMETIMES!
I WOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THIS IF YOU’D JUST (slap) LEARN (slap) HOW (slap) TO (slap) LISTEN!
STOP THAT! Domestic violence is NEVER okay, under ANY circumstance! Keep your hands off him, Rice!
PLEASE DON'T MAKE HIM MAD! HE MIGHT COME AFTER ME AND…
Flacco? Where did you go?
He's passed out in the elevator at our training camp complex. I have no idea how he got there. YOU CAN’T PROVE NOTHING!’
Moving on.. did anyone haze Blake Bortles in Jacksonville yet?
4 hours ago . Like
Oh, we hazed Blake Bortles by giving him the stupidest sounding nickname we could possibly think of.
That’s it? That’s all the hazing he got?
We let him off easy on account of his girlfriend, Lindsey Duke, currently has the hottest “Wife And/or Girlfriend” ranking in the league:
Wait, I thought my wife was the hottest WAG in the league?
Not anymore. Say hello to the NEW babe on the block.
BACK OFF BITCH! I am the sexiest arm candy in the NFL, and don't you forget it!
NOT ANYMORE GRANDMA. From now on, when your man bangs you, he’ll be thinking of ME.
SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW. RYAN CAN’T GET IT UP ANYWAY.
LAUREN, PLEASE! Ix-nay on the Imp-lay Ick-day, okay?
I AM THE HOTTEST WAG IN THE NFL!
NO, I AM THE HOTTEST WAG IN THE NFL!
You two skanks do realize that I actually am a supermodel, right?
BEAT IT, STRING BEAN. REAL WOMEN ARE TALKING HERE.
So have any non-QBs been hazed yet?
Oh yeah. We came up with a good one for Michael Sam
I had his eyes propped open with tiny metal clamps, and forced him to watch one of Sam Bradford’s sex tapes.
MY GOD. THOSE VIDEOS AREN’T FIT FOR HUMAN VIEWING!
RELEASE HIM QUICKLY! Exposure to that much porno fetish filth could drive Michael Sam completely insane!
Hey, do you guys know who I think is a darn good play-by-play commentator? Joe Buck.
BECAUSE NO SANE PERSON LIKES JOE BUCK
THAT IS ENOUGH.
Hazing is a punishable offense. So get your checkbooks out ladies, because I’m ‘bout to lay down some heavy duty fines, Big Roger Style!
It wasn’t us, Commish. Josh McCown is the one who actually did all the hazing.
Fine. Josh McCown, you are hereby fined 16 weeks worth of paychecks,
WHAT? NO! I THOUGHT ALL US QBs WERE IN THIS HAZING THING TOGETHER!
“Together?” Dude, we’ve never even heard of you before.
THEN WHY’D YOU MAKE ME CARRY OUT ALL YOUR STUPID HAZING PRANKS?
Because that was YOUR hazing, rookie. WELCOME TO THE NFL!
BUT I'M NOT A ROOKIE. I'M A TWELVE-YEAR VETERAN!
No, that can’t be right.
I WAS DRAFTED IN 2002! I’VE PLAYED FOR 8 DIFFERENT NFL TEAMS IN MY CAREER!
I STARTED 5 GAMES LAST YEAR WHEN JAY CUTLER WAS INJURED, WINNING 3 OF THEM!
I’m pretty sure he’s lying.
If I recall correctly, my backup last year was…hmm…? I wanna say Jason Campbell? Maybe Kyle Orton?
GODDAMMIT, NOW I’M LOSING MY ENTIRE YEAR’S WORTH OF PAYCHECKS?
Welcome to my world.
No Josh Gordon, I have news for you .
3 hours ago . Like
I’ve reviewed your marijuana suspension, and I’m prepared to reduce your year-long punishment.
To what? An 8 game suspension? 6 games, maybe?
Nope. I’m locking you inside a closet with 100 marijuana cigarettes.
AND MISTER, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED OUT OF THERE UNTIL YOU’VE SMOKED EVERY LAST ONE OF THOSE ‘DOOBIES.’
3 hours ago . Like .
RICKY WILLIAMS likes this
What is this, some kind or reverse-psychology tough love?
That’s right. If a player has a bad habit, I make them so sick of it they never want to do it again.
Yep. Back in 2006, he gave me a cattle prod and dropped me in a huge kennel full of pit bulls.
ONCE HE LOCKED ME IN A NIGHTCLUB WITH DOZENS OF PRETTY GIRLS WHO WERE INDIFFERENT TOWARD ME.
You mean that they didn’t want to have sex with you?
NOT AT FIRST, NO.
Okay, I’m done.
I finished the 100 joints. Do you have any more?
YOU JUST SMOKED 100 MARIJUANA CIGARETTES IN FIVE MINUTES, AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO GO GET YOU MORE?
Yeah. And some Taco Bell.
Well, once again, we barely talked about any actual football stuff this week.
Okay, here’s some actual football stuff for you: THERE’S A BIG PRESEASON MATCHUP COMING UP THIS WEEKEND BETWEEN THE BRONCOS AND THE 49ers!
HELL YEAH. Just look at these lineups:
DEMARYIUS THOMAS! VON MILLER
FRANK GORE! PATRICK WILLIS!
JULIUS THOMAS! WES WELKER!
MICHAEL CRABTREE! VERNON DAVIS!
THIS GAME IS LIKE THE PRO BOWL OF THE PRESEASON!
Or a lineup of our playoff victims.
WILSON I WILL HAZE YOU BY GIVING YOU AN ATOMIC WEDGIE WITH YOUR OWN SCROTUM!
AND THEN I WILL USE JOSH McCOWN’S NICE, FRESH ROOKIE CONTRACT TO GIVE YOU A PAPER CUT ON YOUR TONGUE!
AND FINALLY, I WILL BEAT YOU WITH A TIRE IRON UNTIL YOUR LIFELESS BODY IS AS LIMP AS RYAN TANNEHILL’S COCK!
GODDAMMIT, I'M NOT A ROOKIE!
GODDAMMIT, I'M NOT IMPOTENT!
GODDAMMIT, I’M NOT IN THIS CONVO!
You must be logged in to post a comment.
World's Biggest Fan of MOIST
August 17, 2014 at 11:22 am
This article made me MOIST
An Actual PFM Comment Reader
August 16, 2014 at 3:07 pm
Okay, you guys can stop with the Aaron Rodgers is gay jokes. It’s a short lived rumor that stopped being funny a long time ago.
August 16, 2014 at 4:06 am
Please share my site page your followers thanks
http://www.freelivesportstream.com for all kind of live sports streaming thanks
August 15, 2014 at 9:26 am
Great job, but you blew one major detail. Lindsey Duke is the second hottest WAG now that McCarron’s in the NFL.
August 14, 2014 at 10:01 pm
Goddammit, I wish I got the hazing Michael Sam got!
Not because I’m gay….I’m definitely not gay!
Pingback: NFL Quarterback Conversation on Facebook: 2014 Preseason Rookies Edition | Total Pro Sports
That Idiot Who Keeps Singing Songs From "Frozen"
August 14, 2014 at 12:39 pm
Do you wanna build a snowman?
August 13, 2014 at 11:47 pm
Ever wonder why there is a guy who whispers penis. (pauses). Because penis is the only thing that ever cums into his mouth!
Rimshot: Dude, didn’t i say it in that one convo. Bad jokes ain’t getting it broseph.
Bad Joke Guy
August 13, 2014 at 8:04 pm
Guy Who Whispers "Penis"
August 13, 2014 at 2:44 pm
August 13, 2014 at 1:46 pm
God I missed these lol RW’s line was epic haha!
Wocket in my Pocket Present Day
August 13, 2014 at 12:15 am
Theres a nipad on my ipad.
A CTS on my GPS.
A sexcocks on my xbox.
A slumtooter on my computer.
A flondom on my condom.
A hellclone on my cell phone.
August 12, 2014 at 6:22 pm
*Whispers* Cheese Nips
Guy Who Whispers "Cheese Nips"
August 12, 2014 at 3:16 pm
August 12, 2014 at 1:44 pm
LoveloveLOVE! ROFLMFAO over the ” and they call 53 of them the New York Jets.” Fucking genius.
August 12, 2014 at 12:55 pm
Get out of here churchy no one cares! And Romo you suck more then Cutler’s mom.
August 12, 2014 at 12:27 am
August 11, 2014 at 11:56 pm
I’m a much better QB now than I’ve ever been.
All the kids in class
August 11, 2014 at 8:35 pm
Oh Captain my Captain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 11, 2014 at 7:54 pm
Ding, dong, the witch is dead…
A moment of silence
August 11, 2014 at 7:16 pm
RIP Robin Williams. You will truly be missed. *holds up a glass* To one of the funniest people over the past 3 decades.
Ok. Fake QBs, complainers, commenters, and body part whisperers may continue.
August 11, 2014 at 6:36 pm
I’ll have you know my 4th quarter QB rating is the highest in the league. I can’t help it if my defense sucks.
August 11, 2014 at 5:57 pm
What you going to do Romo show them the art of chocking?
August 11, 2014 at 5:00 pm
I would honored to spend a day with the rookies. I would be an excellent mentor for them.
August 11, 2014 at 1:52 pm
Damn Lindsey Duke is hot as fuck! Them QBs are lucky as hell to get hot gfs and wifes. I’m sure 99% of them are just gold diggers, but who cares when your banging them hotties.
August 11, 2014 at 1:44 pm
What nothing about how awesome I was despite not having Arian Foster or Andre Johnson?
August 11, 2014 at 1:31 pm
I wish I could like some of these comments for real.
August 11, 2014 at 1:23 pm
You guys do know I still have access to the facebook page, right?
People hate Joe Buck because he sounds like he’s just reading from a prompter and couldn’t give two craps about the game he’s watching. He gets to commentate on NFCCG and the SB when it’s on fox and he’s barely even qualified to have the job. There are other people who almost everyone would rather listen to and he sits on top.
August 11, 2014 at 12:35 pm
I read QB convos then I lol lol lol lol!
August 11, 2014 at 11:30 am
Still don’t get the Joe Buck hate…
August 11, 2014 at 10:49 am
All rookies have to spend the day with Tony Romo
August 11, 2014 at 9:10 am
You spelled your name wrong rookie.
August 11, 2014 at 9:08 am
How many times do I have to tell you assholes? I beat the shit out of Wilson!
August 11, 2014 at 8:08 am
I wondered why McCown was getting so many lines lol
NFL QBs Fantasy GM
August 11, 2014 at 7:10 am
Hey guys! Check the link if you want to have an NFL QBs on Facebook Style Fantasy League!
August 11, 2014 at 7:03 am
Just go with it and don’t try to over-analyze it. Rookie mistake.
August 11, 2014 at 6:33 am
Right, some mistakes I noticed: when Dalton says “being forced to play in Cleveland is torture enough,” right under that it says “Brandon Weeden CON confirm this.” Unless I’m wrong, that should be can, right?
Also, Ben Roethlisberger has Andy Dalton’s picture on one of the lines.
The Dark Carnival
August 11, 2014 at 5:39 am
No, I think it’s their way of mocking all of the “Bens” in the comments section.
August 11, 2014 at 5:05 am
Best. Birthday. Present. Ever! Thanks PFM!
August 11, 2014 at 3:40 am
Is that a mistake? It says Ben Rothlisbergers on one of the lines, and the line has Andy Dalton’s picture.
August 11, 2014 at 3:01 am
I was wondering just how Peyton Goddamn Manning would crow over the Seahawks. Now I know.
He could have done better.
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