NFL QBs On Facebook: “Free Agency”

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Updated: March 21, 2014

FREE AGENCY 475

PEYTON MANNING

WHOO-HOO! THE DENVER BRONCOS ARE THE 2014 FREE AGENCY CHAMPIONS, BITCHES!

TOM BRADY

Manning, your nuts must be bigger than your grotesquely swollen forehead for you to show up here bragging after that ass-kicking you took in the Super Bowl.

PEYTON MANNING

ANCIENT HISTORY, TWATBAG. The Super Bowl was LAST season.

PEYTON MANNING

THIS YEAR, on the other hand, the Denver Broncos and PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING are running wild over the rest of the so-called competition.

JOHN ELWAY

That’s because JOHN ELWAY AND HIS BIG-ASS WALLET are signing the shit outta EVERY free agent there is.

JOHN ELWAY

Just lookit who I brought in so far: Aqib Talib. T.J. Ward. Emmanuel Sanders.

JOHN ELWAY

Not to mention DeMARCUS FUCKING WARE! HE’S GONNA CARRY US RIGHT TO THE SUPER BOWL!

AARON RODGERS

KEEP DREAMING TAINTLICKER. Signing some washed up former defensive superstar is NOT going to get your team back to the Super Bowl.

JULIUS PEPPERS

Ummm…

PEYTON MANNING

HAHAHA SUCKS TO BE YOU TOM BRADY. Once again, what was yours is now mine. WELCOME TO DENVER AQIB TALIB!

TOM BRADY

BIG WHOOP, DONKEYDICK. We don’t need him anymore. We got DARRELLE REVIS NOW.

PATRIOTS FANS

YES!!!! DARRELLE REVIS IS THE BEST CORNER IN THE GAME!!!

JETS FANS

Didn’t you used to say that he was extremely overrated?

PATRIOTS FANS

Yes, but he wasn’t on our team then.

BROWNS FANS

IT’S NOT FAIR! Darrelle Revis, we thought you were gonna sign with the Browns!

DARRELLE REVIS

Are you kidding? NO WAY do I want to play in Cleveland.

CAM NEWTON

Ooh, ooh! What is, “Things being said right now by Johnny Manziel, Teddy Bridgewater and Blake Bortles?”

PEYTON MANNING

HAHAHA. NO ONE WILL BEAT THE MIGHTY BRONCOS THIS SEASON.

JONATHAN MARTIN

Well hopefully the 49ers can. I was traded to them last week.

PHILIP RIVERS

Jonathan Martin? Lonely lunch eater and hazing victim of the '13 Dolphins?

COLIN KAEPERNICK

HOLY SHIT, AN ACTUAL MIAMI DOLPHIN? IN OUR LOCKER ROOM?!?! THIS IS THE GREATEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

JONATHAN MARTIN, I’M YOUR BIGGEST FAN. CAN YOU GET ME COACH JOE PHILBIN’S AUTOGRAPH?

JONATHAN MARTIN

Yeah, I think I have it on an affidavit here somewhere.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

MIAMI DOLPHINS RULE, WHOOOO!

JONATHAN MARTIN

Well I’m looking forward to playing with you guys.

VERNON DAVIS

Welcome aboard, J-Mart! As the new guy you have to bring in a dozen doughnuts to the next team meeting. LOL j/k.

JIM HARBAUGH

FOR GOD’S SAKE, NO ONE BE MEAN TO HIM!

VERNON DAVIS

I was just joking. It’s a good-natured tradition that we…

JIM HARBAUGH

DO YOU WANT TO BE SUSPENDED FOR HAZING? HUH? OR GET A BUNCH OF COACHES FIRED FOR ENCOURAGING LOCKER ROOM BRUTALITY?

VERNON DAVIS

I really just wanted a glazed cruller.

JIM HARBAUGH

WE MUST ALL TREAT JONATHAN MARTIN LIKE THE DELICATE FABERGE EGG HE IS!

JIM HARBAUGH

JONATHAN MARTIN, PLEASE DON'T REPORT US TO THE NFL's INTERNAL INVESTIGATION GESTAPO!

JIM HARBAUGH

I PROMISE YOU WILL NOT RECEIVE RACIST TEXTS ABOUT YOUR MOTHER OR SISTER. WE WILL ALL SIT RIGHT NEXT TO YOU DURING LUNCH! NO ONE WILL MAKE MEAN COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR FACE!

JONATHAN MARTIN

Look, you don’t need to treat me any differently. All I ask is to be shown basic human respect and... wait, what's wrong with my face?

JIM HARBAUGH

NOTHING! IT'S THE WORLD'S MOST PERFECTLY HANDSOME, RUGGED FACE. WHY, IT'S LIKE BRAD PITT AND TAYE DIGGS WERE SMUSHED INTO A BLENDER AND THEN POURED DIRECTLY ONTO YOUR SKULL!

JONATHAN MARTIN

Um, okay. Well, after what went down in Miami last year, I’m tired of being harassed, abused, and pushed around while at work.

SEAHAWKS DEFENSE

Then you’re definitely not going to enjoy meeting us.

ANDREW LUCK

Well I completely support you Jonathan. The racist texts you received last year were awful. NO ONE should have to be insulted because of the color of their skin.

NATIVE AMERICANS

Tell that to Daniel Snyder.

JOHN ELWAY

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE. I just signed J.J. Watt to a massive contract.

J.J. WATT

But I’m not a free agent.

JOHN ELWAY

YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT YOU’RE NOT. Because you’ll be a Bronco for the next 10 years.

JOHN ELWAY

I WANT ALL THE FREE AGENTS. GIMME GIMME GIMME!

JERRY JONES

You don’t get all the free agents, pardner. ‘Cause old Jerry Jones is scooping up some BIG TIME TALENT for his team too.

COWBOYS FANS

(crosses fingers) Please-please-please just for once be a halfway decent player pleeeease.

JERRY JONES

WELCOME TO BIG D, BRANDON WEEDEN.

COWBOYS FANS

FUCK. When do the Yankees open the season?

AARON RODGERS

HAHAHA DALLAS SCREWS UP YET ANOTHER OFFSEASON.

COWBOYS FANS

This isn’t fair! WE’RE AMERICA’S TEAM! WE HAVE FIVE SUPER BOWL TITLES!

COWBOYS FANS

We expect to receive magnificent, everlasting glory, but instead we’re stuck in this world of never-ending pain and suffering!

CAM NEWTON

Ooh, ooh! What is, “Things Fred Phelps said to the Devil upon arriving in hell?”

JOHN ELWAY

Hey, you know what we could use? Another red zone threat. JIMMY GRAHAM, I’M SIGNING YOU.

JIMMY GRAHAM

You can’t sign me because I’ve been stuck with this bullshit “franchise tag” as a tight end. EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT A TIGHT END!

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

YES YOU FUCKING ARE!

ALEX SMITH

Elway, I think the free agency period has you feeling a little drunk on power.

JIM IRSAY

What a coincidence. I’m pretty drunk on power too. Except I use alcohol. HICCUP

JIM IRSAY

(signs Trent Richardson to 15 year contract extension)

JIM IRSAY

(passes out in pool of vomit)

TONY ROMO

CONGRATULATE ME EVERYONE!

JAY CUTLER

Why? Did Justin Beiber finally answer one of your fan letters?

ANDY DALTON

Impossible. Whenever Romo tries to drop one in the mailbox it gets intercepted.

TONY ROMO

Haha, very funny, jerks. No, congratulate me because my wife just give birth to our second child. A bouncing baby boy named “Rivers Romo”

YES RIVERS ROMO is his actual name.

PHILIP RIVERS

“Rivers” Romo? I’m not sure if I should feel flattered or terrified.

CAM NEWTON

“Things you say when you get drafted by the Oakland Raiders?”

AARON RODGERS

Romo, you actually named your kid “Rivers?” What, saddling him with the name of one underachieving QB wasn’t enough for you?

DREW BREES

Why not just go all the way and name him “Rivers Ryan-Stafford-Sanchez-Cutler-Flacco-Bradford-Romo III?”

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE NONE OF THOSE QUARTERBACKS HAVE EVER WON A SUPER BOWL

JOE FLACCO

YES I HAVE, GODDAMMIT!

TONY ROMO

Well, we thought about naming the baby “Jacksonville.” But then we’d never be able to get anyone to watch him.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE THE JAGUARS HAVE A HARD TIME SELLING OUT GAMES, YOU SEE.

RICHIE INCOGNITO

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

PHILIP RIVERS

Richie Incognito? Infamous locker room bully and slinger of hateful racial slurs??

RICHIE INCOGNITO

This is BULLSHIT. Free agency has been going on for two weeks now. Yet no NFL team has called me.

MIKE GLENNON

It’s hard to imagine why.

RICHI INCOGNITO

HOW COME NO G.M. WANTS TO SIGN ME?

CARSON PALMER

Well they’re all pretty rich. Maybe they’re afraid to let you near their Ferraris?

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE OF THAT ONE TIME HE BEAT UP HIS OWN FERRARI WITH A BASEBALL BAT

RICHIE INCOGNITO

Look, I’m a nine-year veteran. I’ve been to a pro bowl. I can add stability and power to any team’s offensive line.

RICHIE INCOGNITO

WHOSE SISTER DO I HAVE TO SHIT ON TO GET A NEW CONTRACT AROUND HERE?

SAM BRADFORD

Wait, shitting on your sister gets you a new contract?

SAM BRADFORD

Huh. And all this time I’ve just been giving it away for free.

JOHN ELWAY

I WANT MORE PLAYERS! WES WELKER, REPORT TO DENVER. WE’RE SIGNING YOU AS A BRONCO.

WES WELKER

I already am a Bronco. You signed me last year.

JOHN ELWAY

FUCK IT. WE’LL CUT YOU SO WE CAN SIGN YOU AGAIN.

ROGER GOODELL

John, I have to step in here. You’re abusing the free agency system. I can’t allow you to just sign anyone and everyone you want.

JOHN ELWAY

HOW MUCH DO THEY PAY YOU TO BE THE NFL COMISSIONER? WHATEVER IT IS, I’LL DOUBLE IT. YOU WORK FOR THE BRONCOS NOW.

ROGER GOODELL

It doesn’t work that way John. The salary cap prevents you from…

JOHN ELWAY

I’M SO SICK OF HEARING ABOUT THIS “SALARY CAP” THING. IT’S HOLDING OUR TEAM BACK.

JOHN ELWAY

FUCK IT. WE’LL SIGN A NEW SALARY CAP. A BIGGER ONE. HOW MUCH DOES ONE OF THOSE THINGS COST ANYWAY? MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

ALEX SMITH

Look Elway, the salary cap exists for a reason. You can’t illegally manipulate it just to win a Super Bowl.

JOHN ELWAY

Why not? Worked in the ‘90s.

THE GREEN BAY PACKERS and THE ATLANTA FALCONS are still pissed about this.

TOM BRADY

WHO CARES what the stupid Broncos do with their salary cap? The PATRIOTS are clearly the most improved team in free agency.

PEYTON MANNING

Brady, have you been sniffing the glue in the lining of your cheap-ass Uggs again? Well put your hand up for a high-5 from reality, Snappypants. WE ARE THE MOST IMPROVED TEAM

TOM BRADY

NUH-UH! WE HAVE DARRELLE REVIS

PEYTON MANNING

YES, BUT WE HAVE DeMARCUS WARE

TOM BRADY

WELL WE HAVE BRANDON BROWNER

PEYTON MANNING

WELL WE HAVE AQIB TALIB

TOM BRADY

WE HAVE BRANDON LEFELL

PEYTON MANNING

WE HAVE EMMANUEL SANDERS

RUSSELL WILSON

We have Lombardi Trophy.

PEYTON MANNING

GODDAMMIT WILSON, I HOPE YOU GET TRAPPED IN AN ATLANTIC CITY ELEVATOR WITH RAY RICE!

TOM BRADY

WILSON I HOPE YOU WIN A BLIND DATE WITH DARREN SHARPER IN A DARK ALLEY!

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE THEY’RE A FIANCE-PUNCHER AND SERIAL RAPIST, RESPECTIVELY

ANDY DALTON

Congratulations Ben. Thanks to Darren Sharper, you’ve been bumped down to #2 on the NFL’s list of Accused Sexual Offenders

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THAT JUST MEANS I HAVE TO TRY HARDER.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

“HARDER” IN THIS CASE BEING A DOUBLE ENTENDRE FOR THE INTENSITY OF MY EFFORT AS WELL AS THE ERECTNESS OF MY PENIS

JOHN ELWAY

WHO HAVEN’T I SIGNED YET? I WANT MORE, MORE, MORE!

JOHN ELWAY

KOBE BRYANT, I SIGN YOU!

KOBE BRYANT

But I play basketball. Also, I’m injured.

JOHN ELWAY

STEFFI GRAF, I SIGN YOU!

STEFFI GRAF

But I’m a women’s tennis star. Also, I’m retired.

JOHN ELWAY

SECRETARIAT, I SIGN YOU!

SECRETARIAT

But I’m a horse. Also, I’m dead.

JOHN ELWAY

PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!

PIKACHU

Too late. I just signed with the Giants as Eli Manning’s throwing assistant.

DREW BREES

Makes sense. He’s used to tossing Piks.

JOHN ELWAY

ARVIND MAHANKALI, I SIGN YOU!

MATTHEW STAFFORD

Who?

PHILIP RIVERS

Arvind Mahankali is the kid who won the Scripps National Spelling Bee last year.

RGIII

He’s 13 years old and weighs 112 pounds.

RON RIVERA

Hey Elway, we’ll give you our next two first round draft picks for him. I’ll pencil him in as a starter at wide receiver.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

BECAUSE THE PANTHERS LOST ALL THEIR RECEIVERS IN FREE AGENCY, YOU SEE

CAM NEWTON

TELL ME ABOUT IT. So far we’ve lost Steve Smith, Brandon LeFell, Ted Ginn and Domenik Hixon from our lineup! Who the hell am I going to throw to now?

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS DEFENSIVE BACKS

Us, probably.

STEVE SMITH

ICE UP SON. Steve Smith’s moving on to the BIG TIME IN BALTIMORE.

STEVE SMITH

See, I’ve only got a year or two left as a receiver, so I signed with a Super Bowl contender to finally get a championship ring before I retire.

TONY GONZALEZ

Yeah, good luck with that.

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE MOTHERFUCKERS

MARSHAWN LYNCH

BEAST MODE STILL ENJOYING SPOILS OF SUPER BOWL VICTORY AGAINST PUNY BRONCOS.

MARSHAWN LYNCH

NOW BEAST MODE LOOKING FORWARD TO VISIT WITH UNITED STATES PRESIDENT BEDROCK PAJAMA. WARN HIM THAT ECONOMIC SANCTIONS AGAINST RUSSIA MOST LIKELY A FUTILE ACT.

MARSHAWN LYNCH

DISPLAY OF MILITARY MIGHT ONLY COURSE OF ACTION TO STAND UP TO RUSSIAN PRESIDENT BLADDER-BEER POOPIN’.

NICK FOLES

WELCOME TO PHILADELPHIA, DARREN SPROLES!

DARREN SPROLES

Thanks, happy to be here.

NICK FOLES

WHO’S GONNA STOP THE EAGLES NOW? We traded for Darren Sproles, signed Malcolm Jenkins, AND re-signed both Jeremy Maclin and Riley Cooper.

NICK FOLES

WHY, IT’S ALMOST AS IF WE’RE PUTTING TOGETHER A SORT OF ALL-STAR “DREAM TEAM.” WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

THE 2011 EAGLES can answer that

JOHN ELWAY

WHO’S LEFT? WHO HAVEN’T I SIGNED? I’LL SIGN ANYONE THAT FUCKING BREATHES!

RICHIE INCOGNITO

Me! Me! Sign me!

JOHN ELWAY

I’ll pass.

CAM NEWTON

“Things Tony Romo says right before a game-losing interception?”

NFL QBs On Facebook: “Free Agency”

70 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 8:30 am

    Don’t mean to be the error-correcting police, but Richi Incognito at the very end has Elway’s picture.

    Great week otherwise! I’ve been missing these. The “NFL QBs in the comments section” just don’t to them justice.

  2. PFM Staff

    March 21, 2014 at 8:35 am

    Photo fixed! Thank you, noble error-correcting police. We appreciate you letting us know, and will happily make a donation to the Error Policeman’s Ball.

  3. Mr. Wootage

    March 21, 2014 at 9:18 am

    Mike Glennon isn’t the starter right now, Josh McCown has replaced him. Great episode otherwise :)

  4. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 9:35 am

    Bucs did have a pretty good preseason too. probably second best to the broncos.

  5. Hapford Chappington

    March 21, 2014 at 9:38 am

    Lovie is off to a great start. People who thought he was done can suck on an orange.

  6. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Great Convo much better then these fake non-funny convos going on in the comments.

  7. John

    March 21, 2014 at 10:20 am

    The “throwing Piks” line was probably one of the best lines ever.

  8. Ben

    March 21, 2014 at 10:28 am

    This Free agency has been really awesome and great overall. But no mention of Eric Decker? You should of at least made fun of him from going from one of the greatest qbs to play the game to Geno Smith lol.

  9. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Yea i agree with you Ben. I mean seriously Decker should of atleast went to a good team but the freaking Jets? I guess he only cares about money more then winning. and making his “reality” show more famous in New York lol.

  10. William Shakespeare

    March 21, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Aww, you juuuuuuuuuuust missed Matt Schaub as a Raider.

  11. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 11:14 am

    Oakland Raiders where all careers go to die. Oh well at least they get good money right? LMAO

  12. Charla Breshears Brown

    March 21, 2014 at 11:19 am

    Darren Sproles…..hilarious. And Beastmode’s BEDROCK PAJAMA…….best thing today. Thanks guys!

  13. jiminnyc

    March 21, 2014 at 11:21 am

    Ah, Oakland…where careers go to die.

  14. Raiders Suck

    March 21, 2014 at 11:24 am

    Even with Schuab it won’t matter raiders will still be worst team in the AFC West they are going to lose twice to the Chargers, Chiefs, and Broncos. Not to mention they face the NFC West next season! So theres another 4 loses . So already that’s 10 loses. Enjoy having another losing season choke land faiders hahaha.

  15. Patriots Fan

    March 21, 2014 at 11:28 am

    @ Raiders Suck. They also play the AFC East were my Patriots are going to smash em and I’m pretty sure even the Dolphins, Jets, and yes even the Bills can beat em lol

  16. Bob

    March 21, 2014 at 11:34 am

    ^^^Well shit raiders are going to have a hard ass schedule next season. They will be lucky to even be 4-12 again lol. And that’s saying something.

  17. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    Well I guess we all know who will have the 1st pick in the 2015 Draft the Raiders.

  18. Chris

    March 21, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Guys, where is the love for the Giants? Tons of moves in free agency by essentially jettisoning everyone over 30.

  19. Chrth

    March 21, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Wow, over 15 comments and none of the unfunny fucks that pretend to be players have shown up yet. It’s a Free Agency Miracle!

  20. Chrth

    March 21, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    Regarding the article itself:
    COWBOYS FANS: FUCK. When do the Yankees open the season?

    Very nicely done

  21. @Chrth, I have to agree. It’s a refreshing change!

  22. Hunter

    March 21, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    What no giants we signed quality talent

  23. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    ….just five more months….insanity is beginning to set in.

  24. Kenneth Smith-Brady

    March 21, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    Don’t mean to be a dick, but in Roth’s first line about Darren Sharper, he says something about “Fiancee puncher, respectively”. Pretty sure that refers to Ray Rice, but there is no mention of him in the comment Roth is responding to. Just sayin. Otherwise this was great! Very original and funny

  25. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Smith-Brady….Looks OK to me, respectively

  26. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    NICE! The Broncos just signed Roger Goodell that makes Peyton Goddamn Manning as the new NFL Commissioner!

  27. Peyton Goddamm Manning

    March 21, 2014 at 3:34 pm

    Hey Guys no convos during the convos K

  28. Ha you wish

    March 21, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    You fake convo haters need to get real. It’s the comment sections of satirical news articles. Who the hell cares?
    .
    Grrrr I hate when da commentf have fake convov in dem.
    Give me a break.

  29. Kenneth Smith-Brady

    March 21, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Ohhhhhhh cuz Manning mentions Ray Rice. K got it. That vas und Roth moment

  30. Anonymous

    March 21, 2014 at 5:40 pm

    @Ha – I see where you’re coming from and I normally don’t mind people trying to imitate, but sometimes it’s nice to just have a conversation about the article or the content it mocks, but it usually gets lost in the sea of people (or for all we know the repeated 2 or 3 people) imitating the QBs on FB.

  31. nemo

    March 21, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    Who has two thumbs, is a QB and was the MVP of this edition of NFLQBs on FB? Cam Newton.

  32. Anthony Keadle

    March 21, 2014 at 7:31 pm

    Bedrock Pajama is gonna live on forever. Talk about the economy you say, well I feel that Bedrock Pajama is…this works on so many levels. Beast mode is definitely the favorite of these conversations for sure.

  33. alexgiobbi

    March 21, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    Had you waited a day, Vick and Smith would have been put in.

  34. James

    March 22, 2014 at 7:00 am

    Hey PFM, you forgot the part where the lowly Jets blinked and missed it when the Giants SWOOPED IN AND SIGNED DOMINIQUE RODGERS-CROMARTIE FROM RIGHT UNDER THEIR NOSES, CATCHING THEIR PATHETIC COACH REX RYAN YET AGAIN WITH HIS PANTS DOWN! AHAHAHA

  35. researcher

    March 22, 2014 at 7:01 am

    Geno? He was replaced by vick… and steve smith sign Baltimore for four years but I will gamble Baltimore win big one bez Baltimore has much injury this year so they will make sure no injury in fall

  36. Matt

    March 22, 2014 at 7:27 am

    I guess Cam Newton’s new meme is acting like he’s on Jeopardy.

  37. Anonymous

    March 22, 2014 at 7:35 am

    LOL Kobe and Pikachu

  38. Anonymous

    March 22, 2014 at 8:26 am

    Sorry, but Pikachu already sign with the Japanese’s World Cup Team this off-season.

  39. Anonymous

    March 22, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Always read these waiting for Russ’s one line did not disappoint bravo.

  40. Anonymous

    March 22, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    LOL. Loved that Sproles’s typing is small too

  41. Anonymous

    March 22, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    Although I must add I was surprised there was nothing about Malcolm Jenkins signing with Philly too.

  42. Anonymous

    March 22, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    Nevermind I sit corrected.

  43. tent163phantoka

    March 22, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    The Cowboys also signed some good defenders!

  44. James

    March 22, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    See its funny because in reality they signed a third string pick machine called Brandon Weeden

  45. AnonS

    March 23, 2014 at 10:10 am

    Should have named him Sanchez Romo. When I think of dumb turnovers the two of them are almost the same. Plus they’re both Mexican.

  46. Simba

    March 23, 2014 at 10:58 am

    FINALLY! It’s back!

  47. Kmart Smart

    March 23, 2014 at 8:23 pm

    Why wouldn’t you want to go to cleveland they’ve got Josh Gordan Jordan Cameron and Ben Tate plus a solid O line which is more than the Jets Texans Raiders and Jags can say

  48. a fox

    March 24, 2014 at 9:22 am

    Please keep these going for the rest of free agency and the draft. These are hilarious.

  49. Anonymous

    March 24, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    Am I the only one that thought a March Madness one was on the way? I can just see everyone giving Romo shit for picking Duke and Ohio State to meet in the final lol.

  50. ACW

    March 24, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    What’s with the Cam Newton Jeopardy thing?

  51. Anonymous

    March 24, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    @Anonymous dont forget about Romo and Garrett wearing Duke shirts too

  52. Anonymous

    March 24, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    ACW, its his thing. Kind of like Russell Wilson being a troll or Phillip Rivers introducing people.

  53. juliusanonymous

    March 25, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Beast Mode said more in this thread than he has in his entire career with the Seahawks.

    Further he would never waste time talking about Putin. Lynch would stiff arm the bitch through a space-time wormhole, back to 1952 where he belongs.

    This is where Tracy Porter tries to troll my comment.

  54. hishighness

    March 26, 2014 at 10:11 am

    “BEDROCK PAJAMA.” BAHAHAHAHA

  55. Manny Ramirez

    March 26, 2014 at 12:29 pm

    Still snapping the ball at the wrong time

  56. Anonymous

    March 28, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    I beat no one saw the Eagles letting go of D-Jackson

  57. Kenneth Smith-Brady

    March 28, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    So pumped to see what the rooks’ “things” are gonna be. Manziel can easily be a fratty, Gronk-esque partying douche. What are gonna be Bortles’ and Bridgewater’s things… Maybe one could be like an anti-Roth and be really geeky and smart. One that i’d really like is one of them to be really immature and childish, like how Flacco is depicted on The Draw Play comic, if anyone reads that

  58. Moos3

    March 29, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    But Manziel is already a fratty, Gronk-esque partying douche…. The PFM guys are more clever than that.

  59. NinerFaithful

    March 30, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    Good job PFM! :D really liked the Martin part xD

  60. Anonymous

    March 31, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    It’s a good thing Elway isn’t the President of the United States he would spend billions of dollars the U.S doesn’t have. Oh wait we already do that…

  61. Joe

    April 1, 2014 at 9:36 am

    ^^^^
    LOL

  62. KidCarolina

    April 1, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    not like anyone cares, but his name is Brandon LAFELL, not LEFELL.

    still an awesome convo yet again, PFM!

  63. John Elway

    April 7, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    Sign so hard Goodell wana fine me!

  64. Anonymous

    April 13, 2014 at 11:59 am

    That shit cray

  65. Nicole

    April 17, 2014 at 1:38 pm

    I’m crying at the Sproles comment. And still pissed the Saints let his tiny ass go.

  66. Anonynonynonouseee

    April 23, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    Oh man I died at secretariat “Also, Im dead.”

    Newton was great too

    Oh and Wilson’s troll was epic

  67. Anonymous

    April 25, 2014 at 12:07 am

    I can’t wait for some sort of Draft thing these make me cry from laughter I can read these over and over lol

    Keep this up you guys at PM are pretty fuckin awesome

  68. Anonymous

    April 29, 2014 at 7:51 am

    Hahahaha. 2014 schedules are out and in week 1 is Green Bay @ Seattle. I’m already waiting in anticipation on what the FB convo will be.

  69. Me

    May 3, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    as do i. I hope they come out with a schedule thing on here soon, and then after the draft’s over.

  70. Anonymous

    May 9, 2014 at 3:47 pm

    Where the hell is the one for the draft!!

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