49-17! A PRIME TIME PANTSING OF ROMO AND THE COWBOYS! BAHAHAHA!
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
Leave me alone!
6 hours ago . Like
Romo, you know what my rating was for that game? 139.0.
You know what yours was? ROF.L! HAHAHA!
STOP PICKING ON ME!
I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE ROMO!
Um… My what now?
THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME! SHOW ME THE MONEY! YOU’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT, BECAUSE I’M KING OF THE WORLD! WHOOOOO!
Oh, I see. “Movie quotes” is the thing here, apparently.
WE’RE 7-2! MY SAINTS ARE GOING TO INFINITY, AND BEYOND!
Brees, I really don’t see you as a “Buzz Lightyear” type.
If anything, you’re more of a “Scarface”
Okay fine, THEN SAY HELLO TO MY LEETLE FRIEND!
HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO COMPETE WHEN MY DEFENSE IS THE WORST IN THE NFL?
Whatsamatter Ro-moron? Gonna cry like a little girl?
THERE’S NO CRYING IN FOOTBALL, ROMO!
All right, that’s QUITE ENOUGH of that!
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell?
There’s been a lot of talk this week about bullying and hazing, and it’s not good for the league’s image.
While I investigate these awful allegations, I need you fellows to promote a culture of kindness and respect toward one another.
BOW DOWN BITCHES. THE NFL’S HOTTEST QB JUST KEEPS PILING UP TD PASSES.
“Bitches” is exactly the kind of term I wish you’d refrain from…
THREE TOUCHDOWNS! ZERO PICKS! NEGATIVE FUCKS GIVEN! YIPPEE-KI-YAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!
WAY TO GO FOLES! OUR TYPE HAS TO STICK TOGETHER!
Have y’all noticed how my stats have SHOT UP ever since the Eagles have been starting a “proper” QB?
Cooper, this is probably not a good time for you to express your opinions on…
THANK GOD WE KICKED MICHAEL VICK TO THE BACK OF THE BUS.
Cooper, you inbred hillbilly nutrag. That’s an UNBELIEVABLY racist thing to say.
Hey, no offense Griffin. But you people just don’t have what it takes to succeed as an NFL QB.
What do you mean, “you people?”
What do YOU mean, “you people?”
FOLKS, WE CONDEMN THE AWFUL PREJUDICE OF RILEY COOPER, EVEN IF HE DID TEAR UP THE PACKERS YESTERDAY.
Well that was definitely not the way I wanted my first game to go.
SENECA WALLACE YOU STUPID BENCH-LICKER.
WHILE MY COLLARBONE HEALS, YOU COULDN’T EVEN BEAT THE LOWLY EAGLES?
Aaron, I’m not Seneca Wallace. He got hurt. I’m Scott Tolzien, the 3rd stringer.
THE FUCK YOU ARE. I KNOW SENECA WALLACE WHEN I SEE HIM.
I promise you. I’m not Seneca Wallace.
WHAT DOES SENECA WALLACE LOOK LIKE?
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
Well, yes, now that you mention it, he does. Quite a bit, actually.
You’re right. Well you both suck ass.
I'm not bald!
Hakuna Matata, you guys!
What the hell does that mean?
I think it’s “No Super Bowls for the rest of our days”
No, it means that Detroit just SWEPT THE CHICAGO BEARS TO TAKE SOLE POSSESSION OF FIRST PLACE IN THE NFC NORTH!
Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a shit.
Boy, who would thought my Lions would be leading the division heading into the second half of the season?
Well, my Mama always did say, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
On the other hand, Cutler’s Mama says, “Life is like Christian Planter’s penis. It’s short, and just when it gets you excited, it starts spraying failure everywhere.
A), my name is Ponder, and B), LEAVE ME ALONE. I hurt my non-throwing shoulder last Thursday.
Which one is his non-throwing shoulder?
Both of them.
Say what you want. But I still started that game, and we BEAT THE REDSKINS!
YO ADRIAN! I DID IT!
No, I did it. You’re just a handoff delivery system with a helmet.
BEAST MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS.
5 hours ago . Like
BEAST MODE RUN FOR 145 YARDS AGINST PUNY FALCONS. NOW 2nd IN LEAGUE IN RUSHING.
BEAST MODE STARTING TO MAKE MAGNIFICENCE SEEM COMMONPLACE.
BEAT IT you metal-mouthed animal I’m not in the mood.
BEAST MODE NOT ANIMAL. BEAST MODE AM HUMAN BEING.
MATT RYAN YOU WORTHLESS SHITSTAIN!
I warned you Ryan. I WARNED YOU that if I un-retired for one last season, that you BETTER get me to the Super Bowl.
Tony, please. There’s still time. If we win the rest of our games, then maybe we still could qualify…
THERE’S NOT GONNA BE ANY SAVING RYAN’S PRIVATES WHEN I SLICE YOUR TESTICLES OFF WITH RUSTY HEDGECLIPPERS!
THAT IS EXACTLY THE TYPE OF THREAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO REFRAIN FROM, GENTLEMEN.
This entire HazingGate scandal could cause serious damage to the NFL’s reputation.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS BULLYING BROUHAHA?
Well I know who’s responsible for 33 TOUCHDOWN PASSES IN ONLY 9 GAMES THIS SEASON. PEYTON GODDMAN MANNING, THAT’S WHO.
And it certainly was fun beating whoever that team was that we whipped yesterday.
That was us.
Whatever. Now, America can get its popcorn ready for the feature presentation next week:
THE MIGHTY BRONCOS AND PEYTON GODDAMN MANNING VS. THE OVERRATED KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AND THEIR BUS DRIVER, ALEX SMITH
I AM NOT A BUS DRIVER!
Pop Quiz, hotshot: Your team’s undefeated, but your record’s been fattened up with a steady diet of cupcakes and twinkies.
Now, the Broncos Express is about to make you a speed bump on our road to the Super Bowl. WHAT DO YOU DO?
Simple. I tell Justin Houston and Tamba Hali to dive at your gimpy ankles.
NO, NO, NO. DIVING AT ANKLES IS FROWNED UPON, AS IS THIS HARSH BULLYING TONE OF YOURS, I MIGHT ADD.
Now I DEMAND that you boys begin treating each other with respect and dignity.
CAM NEWTON, I WILL MURDER YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!
You don’t scare me, Ink-stain. I’ll just dress my family up as 49ers receivers. YOU’LL NEVER HIT ‘EM! HAHAHAHA
Hey Kapp-A-Dick: Looks like neither of us won this weekend.
Of course, I had a week off. You just have a weak arm. LOLOLOL
Smith, I hope you get a case of explosive diarrhea on your flight to Denver this weekend, and the captain keeps the “fasten seatbelts” sign lit for four straight hours.
YOU ASSHOLES CAN’T IGNORE ME ANYMORE.
What the…? Are you still here?
Damn straight. I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE.
My Panthers have FIVE straight victories, and a 6-3 record. I DEMAND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AS AN NFC POWER.
If by “NFC Power” you mean “a killer defense and an offense that couldn’t pick up yardage at a sod sale,” then yep, that’s you.
THE STANDINGS SAY OTHERWISE, NANCY DREW!
Last week I skullfucked Matt Ryan’s Falcons and yesterday I dickpunched Colin Kaepernick’s 49ers.
And next Monday night, my Panthers will kick Tom Brady’s ass right back to his sad little corner of the AFC!
WRONG NEWTON. NO ONE PUTS BRADY IN A CORNER.
Don’t look now Sprocketholes, but my RAVENS ARE CLIMBING BACK INTO CONTENTION!
4 hours ago . Like
DIDJA SEE ME AND MY FLAC CLUB BEAT THE BENGALS IN O.T. YESTERDAY?
“Flac club?” What the hell is a Flac Club?
THE FIRST RULE OF FLAC CLUB IS, YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FLAC CLUB!
What’s the second rule of Flac Club?
That we hate Romo.
Well, that makes sense.
WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME?
I WANT TO KNOW WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CULTURE OF CRUELTY!
DAMMIT, ANDY DALTON!
I caught that AMAZING HAIL MARY TOUCHDOWN at the end of regulation yesterday, and you just pissed away our victory in overtime!
You know, since I threw that Hail Mary pass, I should really get some of the credit for…
I CAN’T BELIEVE WE LOST! THAT IS NOT HOW HAIL MARYS ARE SUPPOSED TO TURN OUT!
Tell us about it.
HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!
And the “problem” in this scenario is the fact that my Cardinals beat the Texans 27-24.
And “Houston” is, you know, Houston.
SON OF A BITCH! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
I PUT UP GREAT STATS WEEK AFTER WEEK, BUT MY TEAM HAS LOST EVERY GAME I’VE STARTED!
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO WIN A GAME? PUT UP LOUSY STATS?
Works for Alex Smith.
JUST WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK, MANNING!
I AM GETTING SO SICK OF THIS SHIT!
My team is going NOWHERE! I’ve been a defensive superstar for two years now, all in a wasted effort!
Only two years? You’re adorable.
Well I’m still in shock that the Rams beat my Colts so soundly in Indianapolis yesterday.
But I have to give St. Louis credit. You played a fine game and truly deserved that win. Kudos to you all.
Luck, while you were slurping the Rams’ collective nutsacks, Tavon Austin just scored on a 78 yard pass.
Well, Tavon Auston is a remarkable talent. I was honored to share the same field with him and watch…
Now he just took a punt return to the house.
SUCK IT LUCK. You got exposed as nothing more than the FLUKE you are.
And unlike me, you’re never getting out of that Indy hellhole. You’ll be in Colt Colors for the rest of your miserable career.
Yep. THE HORSE WILL BE WITH YOU, FLUKE. ALWAYS.
That was incredibly forced
Oh, you wanna hear about something being forced? This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute all the way…
NO ONE NEEDS TO HEAR THAT.
WE GOT OUR FIRST WIN, BABY!
4 hours ago . Like .
THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS win the Florida failure pool.
Chad Henne, you can’t brag about that win too much. Remember, you were playing a pretty bad team.
Do you remember? REMEMBER THE TITANS?!
Oh my god, shut up Stafford.
And now Jake Locker apparently has a serious Lisfranc injury that could end his season.
IT’S ONLY A FLESH WOUND!
Then I guess that makes him a “HURT LOCKER?!”
SHUT UP STAFFORD.
I said shut up, Stafford.
SAY “WHAT” AGAIN. I DARE YOU. I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER, SAY “WHAT” ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!
Hey, can someone remind me who was the defensive player of the year in 2012?
WILSON, I WILL STRIKE DOWN UPON THEE WITH GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER!
YOU SEE RICHIE INCOGNITO! THIS IS WHAT YOUR BULLYING WAYS HAVE DONE TO THE NFL!
Hey don’t blame me, ya half-ginger piece of crap. I was just following orders to toughen up that Jonathan Martin kid.
Wait, WHAT? Whose orders were you following?
I’d rather not say.
YES YOU WILL! I AM ENTITLED TO KNOW!
YOU WANT ANSWERS?
I WANT THE TRUTH!
YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin?
Goodell, we live in a world that has QBs, and those QBs have to be guarded by men who block.
Who’s gonna do it? You? You Lieutenant McKinnie?
I have a greater responsibility than you can POSSIBLY fathom. You weep for Jonathan Martin, and you curse the locker room culture. You have that luxury.
You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That the Jonathan Martin scandal, while tragic, also makes him kind of a pussy. And Richie Incognito’s bullying, while mean-spirited and racist, was supposed to make Martin LESS of a pussy.
You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about in huddles, you want tough guys on that line. You NEED tough guys on that line.
NFL players say things like the “N” word, the “F” word, and the “R” word.
They say these things because… well, because there’s still a lot of small-minded, terrible bigotry in the world, I suppose. But you use them as mob-inciting buzzwords.
I have neither the time, nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who profits as a result of the very protection that I provide, and then QUESTIONS the manner in which I provide it.
I would rather you just say, “thank you,” and write me a check. Otherwise, I suggest you put on some pads, and learn to pick up a blitz.
Either way, I don’t give a DAMN what you think you are entitled to.
Did you order the Code Teal?
I did the job I had to do…
DID YOU ORDER THE CODE TEAL?!
YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!
All right already. You can stop now.
We all get it. It’s pretty obvious what’s going on here.
YOU’RE REENACTING THAT FAMOUS SCENE FROM “THE GODFATHER”
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June 18, 2014 at 6:44 am
So many good ones here, but Wilson’s “Watt” still makes me laugh everytime
April 16, 2014 at 8:02 am
The R word is Romo, not Redskins people.
November 23, 2013 at 10:28 am
I LOOK AT THEESE EVERYDAY IN COMPUTER CLASS NEW ONE OR NOT ALWAYS MAKE ME LAUGH AT LEAST 8 TIMES
November 17, 2013 at 8:14 pm
Omg, big ben at the end, this was the best one I’ve seen so far.
November 16, 2013 at 12:13 pm
One of the better convos this year!
November 14, 2013 at 12:27 pm
Godfather, and Pulp Fiction in back to back weeks? yall slippin
November 14, 2013 at 11:16 am
WRONG NEWTON. NO ONE PUTS BRADY IN A CORNER.”
Doesn’t that horseface of a wife of his do that nightly?
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November 14, 2013 at 4:25 am
Gtfo Goodell, we don’t take kindly to commissioners around here.
November 14, 2013 at 3:21 am
This shit crazy
Jeffrey M. Goodell
November 13, 2013 at 7:21 pm
This was hilarious. Love Darren Sproles’ picture with only his head at the very bottom showing and a simple “Hello”. XD and Cam Newton coming in with “Both of them”. And Incognito’s “What do you mean you people?” was perfect. I was cracking up the whole thing except when Philbin came in. Why did it get so serious? It killed it for me. I had a hard time chuckling after that. lt was like a group of friends sitting around laughing about your momma jokes and one of them stops and says, “My mom just died last week.” Regardless, great work. Now that I know this is a weekly thing, I will be eagerly waiting to read the next one. Thanks to Stumbleupon for bringing me here!
November 13, 2013 at 6:10 pm
Still love Phil Rivers parts in this. “Dolphins Head Coach, Joe Philbin?” Lol
November 13, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Nick Foles and Lynch were the best. I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard.”BEAST MOST AM HUMAN BEING”
November 13, 2013 at 5:35 pm
Awesome as always! NFL is definitely getting pussified.
November 13, 2013 at 3:01 pm
MORE BIG BEN!!
November 13, 2013 at 9:47 am
Mike Glennon should have got his word in instead of Chad Henne. Just saying. A suggestion, maybe you could do this on Tuesday so you can account for MNF. Otherwise, great convo. Makes me laugh my ass off every time.
November 12, 2013 at 8:57 pm
Works for Alex smith lmak
November 12, 2013 at 6:34 pm
The exchange that put tears of joy in my eyes:
WHAT DOES SENECA WALLACE LOOK LIKE?
November 12, 2013 at 3:39 pm
Goddell must see the coach philbin part, that shit was gold. Goddell aint doing shit but pussifying the NFL.
November 12, 2013 at 3:36 pm
That was a great one. Big ben is the greatest character.
November 12, 2013 at 12:08 pm
Quit F****** complaining about the F****** typos. BFD. This was Hilarious!!
November 12, 2013 at 10:47 am
One of the funniest ones yet. Great job
November 12, 2013 at 10:39 am
That Tampa Bay quip doesn’t really work anymore after what happened on MNF.
November 12, 2013 at 10:17 am
TERRIBLE. I think this thing has just about jumped the shark.
November 12, 2013 at 9:46 am
I loved all the Pulp Fiction quotes, that was hilarous!
November 12, 2013 at 7:07 am
Is that Blaine Gabbert in Chad Henne’s picture?
November 12, 2013 at 5:49 am
@Anonymous quiet. The last thing we need is for Stafford to figure out that you can post Tweets on Facebook…
November 12, 2013 at 5:36 am
I kind of miss Matthew Stafford’s gimmick where he thinks Facebook is actually Twitter.
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November 12, 2013 at 1:00 am
“A few good men” would have been funny if it hadn’t been on every radio talk show all week.
I thought this was pretty weak considering they set the whole convo up to get to Col. Jessup.
November 11, 2013 at 10:37 pm
The Texans suck.
November 11, 2013 at 7:07 pm
A small record to Cowboys fans. J.J. Watt has been getting shafted. As a Texans fan, the only reasons I now want success is so that Andre Johnson gets the Super Bowl game (even a loss) that he deserves, and J.J. Watt gets the franchise that he deserves.
Michael James Bejune
November 11, 2013 at 6:27 pm
look forward to these every Monday
November 11, 2013 at 5:33 pm
Who are these dumb fucks criticizing satire? Really dickless? Only an hour of seatbelt sign from KC to Denver? Who gives a fuck? Get that stick out of your ass and trade it for a sense of humor!
Keep up the great work, PFM people whoever you are!
November 11, 2013 at 4:44 pm
I caught myself reading in Jack Nicholson’s voice as imitated by Joe Philbin (whom I’ve never heard so I interpret as Regis Philbin). The worst part of these things is when you realize you have to wait seven days to read more.
November 11, 2013 at 4:22 pm
Eli throws so many ints. It’s just not worth it to mention them anymore.
November 11, 2013 at 3:46 pm
November 11, 2013 at 3:09 pm
“No one puts Brady in the corner!” I can’t believe no one mentioned that line yet. I lol’d.
November 11, 2013 at 2:38 pm
Got to admit, i was laughing so much, I almost choked. But Big Ben’s line at the end… perfect. Great job
November 11, 2013 at 2:05 pm
Eli threw a pick 6 and I couldn’t wait to read about it here… Oh well.. Still the best Monday quarterback read on the inter web !
November 11, 2013 at 1:22 pm
Wow, no one liked Stafford with the remember the titans and Hurt Locker bit which lead to Aaron saying the “say what again, i dare you…” That had me dying. so did Marshawn lynch all of it, calling Goodell a half ginger and calling Alex Smith a bus driver.
November 11, 2013 at 1:07 pm
This one is by far the best of the year. ZOMGAMAZING. Hahahaha. It’s *so* good!
November 11, 2013 at 12:56 pm
Nevermind, found it with Philbin near the end.
November 11, 2013 at 12:54 pm
Was the N-word/R-word comment removed from the QB Conversation? I don’t see it in the post any more.
November 11, 2013 at 12:50 pm
I thought “R-word” could be for retarded, since that’s a typical bullying term. Being called Romo or Redskins would also be pretty insulting, though.
November 11, 2013 at 12:48 pm
Haha the A few good men reference at the end cracked me up.
November 11, 2013 at 12:27 pm
@Anonymous, I thought “R-word” in this context meant ” redskin?” Maybe I’m wrong though.
Anyway, another awesome convo!
November 11, 2013 at 12:26 pm
PFM strikes again, good job guys
November 11, 2013 at 12:25 pm
I love these! Let’s see more old school QBs too!
November 11, 2013 at 12:23 pm
Oh, I thought the “R” word was supposed to be Redskins.
November 11, 2013 at 12:06 pm
Fantastic!! I wait to see these after a good weekend. Needs more Big Ben though.
November 11, 2013 at 12:04 pm
Oh my God Richie calling Goodell a “half ginger.” I nearly died.
November 11, 2013 at 11:33 am
You missed the point. IT’s QB rating number xxx.x ROF.L
November 11, 2013 at 11:32 am
Very enjoyable. These QBs have too much time on their hands if all they do is memorize movies (or cruise IMDB.com) all the time. Maybe that’s why they all suck! As always, the highlight of my Mondays.
November 11, 2013 at 11:30 am
Fasten seat belt sign on the flight from KCI to DEN would be on for an hour, tops. Now if you put Alex Smith on a bus across Kansas with diarrhea and no bus stop for four hours you’d have it!
November 11, 2013 at 11:27 am
this is one of the best ones yet this year…. between Russel wilson one liners and now Marshawn Lynchs beast mode as well keep it going guys!!!
November 11, 2013 at 11:23 am
It’s supposed to. As in digit digit digit (point) digit. 139.0, etc.
November 11, 2013 at 11:21 am
Once again, thanks Anonymous. The phantom question mark in Drew Brees’ line is fixed.
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November 11, 2013 at 10:58 am
The grammar in Drew Brees’ second comment is about as muffed up as that sewed up spaghetti knee cap of RGIII’s where it should say “you know what yours was? ROFL!” It says “you know what yours? Was? ROF.L”
November 11, 2013 at 10:55 am
I love the one line Russell Wilson blurbs in these.
November 11, 2013 at 9:55 am
^^I’m sure you can get a refund on what you paid to read it…
Great work PFM!
November 11, 2013 at 9:52 am
Fuckin hilarious as per usual. I love reading these on Mondays
November 11, 2013 at 9:47 am
The Riley Cooper Part
November 11, 2013 at 9:44 am
Beast mode is the highlight of these for me… making magnificence seem commonplace!
November 11, 2013 at 9:39 am
As a Cowboy fan, in one of these convos after a loss, it’d be nice to see Romo not act like a little bitch for once, but that’s just me. Also I liked the bit with D Ware “Only two years Watt? You’re adorable.”
November 11, 2013 at 9:27 am
Proofread some more, there’s about 10 misspellings in there. Not your best work, at least the ending was good though.
November 11, 2013 at 9:07 am
I wish you guys would use the Vikings more I think it would be great. Just my opinion
November 11, 2013 at 9:06 am
Loved the “R Word” as Romo
November 11, 2013 at 8:50 am
“say hello to my leetle friend”
That part killed me!! Thanks guys funny as usual.
November 11, 2013 at 8:42 am
This is clearly my favorite part of Monday.
November 11, 2013 at 8:40 am
INCOGNITO, started looking like GOODELL at the very end.
November 11, 2013 at 8:34 am
these have been inconsistent lately, but THIS week was a touchdown…they really ate it with some flava beans and a nice Chianti…
LOVED IT!!! Although I would like Monday’s game included too….although it would be hard to wait until Tuesdays for the funniest part of my week!
November 11, 2013 at 8:26 am
This had to have been one of the best ones from this season! Movie references were outstanding and Big Ben’s ending worked so well. And I actually enjoy the moral of the story that you guys presented.
Once again, however, I have to bring up the fact that the Monday night game has not yet been played and this could add an extra element if anything crazy happens with the Phins playing tonight….
I’m surprised there wasn’t more mention of Eli and the G-Men only 1.5 games back of the NFC East division leaders. Good one though this week
November 11, 2013 at 8:23 am
This was the best one of the year so far, loved the Wilson troll. Not forced at all. Nice work!!!
November 11, 2013 at 8:19 am
Thanks for the heads up Anonymous. I swear I proofread this thing 50 times, and still managed to miss that messed up photo. It’s fixed now. Thanks again!
November 11, 2013 at 8:16 am
the you want the truth line is messed up goddell pic
Daniel Coto (@Acotoz)
November 11, 2013 at 8:13 am
LOL Big Ben at the end
November 11, 2013 at 8:10 am
Another great convo. Screwed up on one Riche Incognito pic but awesome overall!
November 11, 2013 at 8:05 am
Big Ben never fails. GREAT ending.
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