Oh Christ. What have I done? I’VE INJURED MY STARTING QB!
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
I MIGHT BE WITHOUT MARK SANCHEZ FOR SEVERAL WEEKS!
6 hours ago . Like
And they say wishes don’t come true.
It’s your own damn fault, Ryan.
Why the HELL did you send Sanchez back into a meaningless preseason game in the fourth quarter?
Behind a 3rd string offensive line, no less?
I DON’T HAVE TO ANSWER YOUR STUPID QUESTIONS.
Thanks to your gross mismanagement, he injured his throwing shoulder.
PLUS HE TOOK TWO BALLS TO THE FACE!
He took two whats to the where now?
HE GOT NAILED BY TWO FOOTBALLS RIGHT IN HIS STUPID FACE! HAHAHAHA. LOOK:
SHUT UP YOU ASSHOLES! GETTING HIT IN THE NOSE WITH A FOOTBALL TOTALLY HURTS!
Tell me about it.
HAHAHA – IT’S LIKE THE BUTTFUMBLE, BUT WITH HIS FACE.
So, basically, another buttfumble.
MATT RYAN IS SAYING THAT MARK SANCHEZ’S FACE LOOKS LIKE A BIG ASS!
LET’S WATCH IT AGAIN:
IT JUST GETS FUNNIER!
How come that .gif won’t play on my phone?
Maybe your phone keeps dropping the signal?
Oh, so it’s the new iWelker?
6 hours ago . Like .
The 2011 World Champion New York Giants like this.
THIS IS HORRIBLE! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!
Because you exposed your starting QB to an unnecessary risk, you flea-brained footfucker. WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME?
I’M NOT GOING TO KEEP ANSWERING THAT OVER AND OVER!
I MADE THE DECISION THAT WAS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE TEAM!
Oh, I get it. You’re referencing that bizarre “sideways” press conference from Saturday night.
You mean this one?
What is this, .gif day now?
THIS ONE WON’T LOAD ON MY PHONE EITHER.
You probably need to go into your General Settings screen and change the “Allow Videos of Dipshit Coaches” option to “yes”
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? THE SEASON IS LESS THAN TWO WEEKS AWAY!
I still don’t understand why you would be so upset to lose a completely worthless QB like Mark Sanchez.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY OTHER OPTION?
NICE GAME, ROOKIE! BAHAHAHAHA!!!
SCREW YOU GUYS. I WASN’T THAT BAD!
YOU THREW THREE INTERCEPTIONS IN ONE HALF!
THAT WORKS OUT TO AN AVERAGE OF SIX PER GAME!
OR 24 PER MONTH!
OR 96 PER SEASON!
You’re approaching Brandon Weeden figures at that rate.
So I threw three measly interceptions. It’s not THAT funny, assholes.
Newbie, the only way that abortion of a game you played could have been any funnier would be if you had given up a safety by stepping out of the back of the end zone like a total spazz.
I, um… did do that.
I KNOW! THAT’S WHAT MADE IT FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!
Oh my god. I think I just “Lizzed” myself.
Laughed and jizzed.
WHO IS GOING TO BE MY QUARTERBACK NOW?
5 hours ago . Like
Gosh, if only you had a
Heisman Trophy owning, playoff game-winning QB somewhere on your roster.
Oh, that reminds me Tebow. I wanted to congratulate you on your OUTSTANDING game this past Thursday. It was your best performance so far this preseason!
But I didn’t play in the game this past Thursday.
Exactly. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, CHURCHY.
Hey Tom Brady, why don’t YOU come play QB for the Jets?
You’d love it in New York. We have the highest supermodel-to-douchebag ratio of any major city in the U.S.
Ryan, I would rather put on a low-cut dress and let Ben Roethlisberger roofie me in his hotel room than play one single down for your ass-tacular team.
IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE I’M A RAPIST!
ALLEGEDLY, THAT IS!
5 hours ago . Like .
ProFootballMock's lawyers like this
Anh, you guyth? My nose is starting to feel really thore.
I need to find another QB, pronto. WHO’S AVAILABLE?
Not me. I suffered a concussion in Saturday’s game against the Redskins.
Yeah, but haven’t you already had dozens of concussions?
No. What makes you say that?
I’ve seen you play. So I just assumed that’s why you keep forgetting how to throw a football.
THAT IS NOT FUNNY, BREETARD!
Concussion trauma is one of the most serious issues facing NFL players today, and it is absolutely not a laughing matte…
... wait, what were we talking about again?
FOR FUCK’S SAKE. ISN’T THERE A NON BRAIN-DAMANGED QB OUT THERE I CAN SIGN?
That leaves Matt Stafford out.
Well, I know that I’m not available.
After the way I SHREDDED the Bills defense, it looks like I’m now part of the three-way race to be the Redskins’ starting QB.
It is NOT a three-way battle, Grossman! It’s just a two-man race.
Aw, don’t be so hard on yourself Cousins. You’re not out of it yet.
I’M NOT THE ONE WHO’S OUT OF IT FUMBLENUTS, YOU ARE. IT’S A TWO MAN BATTLE BETWEEN ME AND RGIII.
IT IS NETHER A THREE MAN RACE NOR A TWO MAN RACE YOU BENCHTURDS. THE REDSKINS' STARTING QB POSITION IS MINE AND MINE ALONE TO… um…
Also, can anyone remind me why my knee looks like a pile of mangled roadkill?
LAME. That’s not funny.
Now THIS is funny:
MAH NOATH ITH TARTING TA THELL OP!
He said his nose is starting to swell up.
But… why would he type it like that?
Maybe his caps lock key is stuck?
DAMMITT. I STILL NEED A QUARTERBACK
4 hours ago . Like
Well you can’t have me. I suffered a concussion Saturday.
YOU ALREADY TOLD US THAT
Aaron Rodgers, why don’t you come play for the Jets? You have a pretty good track record with former Brett Favre teams.
Ryan, I would rather walk through a kennel of rabid pit bulls wearing a Michael Vick mask than play one game for your pathetic squad of FailTards.
So that’s a no, then?
Changing the subject to something that actually matters, I CAN’T BELIEVE WE LOST TO THE GODDAMN SEAHAWKS! AGAIN!
4 hours ago . Like .
Last Season’s Replacement Referees like this
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY REVENGE GAME! ARGGGGHHHHH!
It was just a meaningless preseason game, Aaron.
WRONG, DOUGHFACE! IT WAS A GAME THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO SIGNIFY NFC DOMINANCE FOR THE COMING SEASON!
And it did.
DON’T BE SO SMUG, SHRIMPBAIT. I STILL OUTPLAYED YOU IN THAT GAME!
REMEMBER, OF THE TWO OF US, ONLY YOU TURNED THE BALL OVER!
So just to recap: the Seahawks won with a late 4th quarter TD despite the fact that Russell Wilson threw an interception?
Sounds vaguely familiar.
SO HELP ME WILSON, I WILL BECOME AN NFLPA CERTIFIED PLAYER REPRESENTATIVE, PURCHASE YOUR MANAGEMENT CONTRACT FROM YOUR CURRENT AGENT, AND ORCHESTRATE A TRADE TO SEND YOU TO THE NEW YORK JETS!
Of all the threats you’ve made to him, that is definitely the scariest.
GODDAMMIT, WHO IS GOING TO BE MY NEW STARTING QB?
Not me. I suffered a concussion Saturday.
YES, WE KNOW.
I need to find a new QB, NOW, DAMMIT. I’m getting desperate! YOU HEAR ME? DESPERATE!
So whaddya say, Jay Cutler?
Wow. That IS desperate.
YES, THAT’S THE JOKE, BEN.
Ryan, I would rather use my tongue to clean Andy Reid’s toilet the morning after All-You-Can-Eat-Taco night at the Sizzler than sign with your crap-tastic team.
Hmm. I’ll put you down as “weighing the offer.”
I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!
Last year, I signed a huge free agent contract with Seattle. But then that pint-sized turd Russell Wilson stole my job during training camp.
So this year I signed with Oakland. AND NOW A NEW LITTLE SHIT NAMED TERRELLE PRYOR IS STEALING MY JOB AGAIN?!
HOW IS IT THAT EVERYTIME I SIGN WITH A TEAM, THEY MAGICALLY FIND SOME HOTSHOT YOUNG SUPERSTAR QB TO REPLACE ME?
Rex Ryan immediately tries to sign Matt Flynn to the Jets roster
Hey Matt Flynn, hearing you trash Russell Wilson like that kinda gave me a hate boner.
You know how they say “the enemy of my enemy is my friend?” WELL YOU JUST BECAME MY NEW BEST FRIEND IN THE UNIVERSE.
Seriously man, you and I need to meet some day.
We’ve met Aaron.
Have we? Where?
On the Packers sideline. I was your backup for four seasons.
Not ringing any bells.
How can you not remember me? We carpooled to practice every day!
I thought you were my chauffeur.
I STOOD RIGHT NEXT TO YOU DURING EVERY GAME FOR FOUR YEARS!
Wait, the ugly guy with the clipboard from ‘08 through ‘11? That was you?
Get outta town!
Look, I don’t have time to memorize the names of every single doofus backup who puts on a Packers helmet. Glorious full-bodied porn-staches like mine don’t just wax themselves, you know.
Well you better remember MY name, Rodgers, because this former rookie of the year is now gettin’ paid to be your official #2!
The Collection Agencies Trying To Recoup Some of Vince Young’s Massive Personal Debt like this
Oh really, Vince Young? Well that means YOU’RE the one to blame for letting the stupid SeaCocks steal that game from us on Saturday!
Hey, don’t blame me for losing that game. I had GREAT stats. I can’t help it if Brady Quinn threw a late game winning touchdown.
So basically, you were the Aaron Rodgers of the 2nd half?
And I was the Russell Wilson.
I WILL SHOVE MY CLIPBOARD UP YOUR ASS SIDEWAYS, QUINN!
THE DECREASE IN JOKE QUALITY MEANS THAT THE CONVO IS WINDING DOWN, AND I’M STILL NOWHERE CLOSER TO FINDING A NEW QB!
3 hours ago . Like
YES WE KNOW!
Ow. Ow. OW!
LOOK, I’M BARELY CLINGING TO THIS JOB! I NEED SOMEONE TO PLAY QUARTERBACK THIS WEEK!
Coach Ryan, give me another chance. I won’t let you down, I swear.
Well… it’s not like I have much of a choice here.
Okay kid. Make me proud. Go out there this week and save my job!
Holy crap Newbie, did your profile picture somehow move out of the designated profile image territory?
Profile Picture illegally steps out of bounds near the end of the convo. That’s a two-point safety.
So anyone know of any defensive coordinator jobs available?
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