NFL QBs on Facebook: “DRAFTITUDE”

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Updated: May 12, 2014

DRAFTITUDE 475

JOHNNY MANZIEL

Cleveland? I got drafted by fucking CLEVELAND?!

THE STEELERS, RAVENS, and BENGALS like this

JOHNNY MANZIEL

DAMMIT! I WAS SUPPOSED TO END UP IN EITHER HOUSTON OR DALLAS, WHERE ALL THE GOOD TITTY BARS ARE!

ELI MANNING

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF BIG-TIME PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL, JOHNNY MANZIEL.

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Wait, I thought he got drafted by the Browns?

ALEX SMITH

Yep. And now everyone in Cleveland is jizzing their triple-XL Walmart sweatpants over the arrival of Johnny Manziel.

RGIII

I hear that the dumpster fires around Cleveland all burned just a little hotter this week in celebration.

CLEVELAND BROWNS FANS

YESSSSS!!!! THANK GOD WE DRAFTED JOHNNY FOOTBALL!

CLEVELAND BROWNS FANS

FINALLY, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP FOR THE BROWNS!

JOSH GORDON

(Gets suspended for year)

NATE BURLESON

(Breaks arm)

REST OF BROWNS RECEIVERS

(suck ass)

CLEVELAND BROWNS FANS

(commit suicide by throwing selves into nearest dumpster fire)

JOHNNY MANZIEL

This is BULLSHIT. That first round was the worst experience of my life!

DREW BREES

Manziel, are you mad because Blake Bortles was drafted ahead of you?

NICK FOLES

Or are you mad because you went from being a top five draft pick to falling all the way down into the 20’s?

MATT RYAN

Or are you mad because now you have to play in Cleveland?

JOHNNY MANZIEL

YES, YES, AND FUCKING YES

JOHNNY MANZIEL

I’m also pissed that I was only the third player from my own school to get picked.

JAKE MATTHEWS

Go Aggies!

MIKE EVANS

Three players in the first round!

TEXAS A&M

(goes 4-8 in 2014)

BLAKE BORTLES

How’s it going there, Johnny Draft Slide? I watched you on ESPN drink, like, fifty bottles of water while you waited to get chosen waaaaaay down there at #22.

BLAKE BORTLES

Me, I’m a little parched ‘cause I got picked all the way up at #3 by the Jaguars. LOLOL.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

FUCK YOU BLAKE BORTLES YOU GOOFY NAME-HAVING MOTHERFUCKER.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

If I accomplish nothing else in Cleveland, I VOW to have a better career than you.

BLAKE BORTLES

IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU SQUINTY FACED FUCKWEASEL.

DREW BREES

Guys, guys, there’s no need to fight. Remember, you’ve been drafted by Cleveland and Jacksonville, respectively. You’re BOTH destined for shitty careers

AARON RODGERS

Manziel, I TOTALLY relate to what you’re going through.

AARON RODGERS

Back in ‘05, Alex Smith got picked at the top of the draft, and I slid all the way down into the 20’s just like you did.

AARON RODGERS

Only difference is, I proved the world wrong by becoming a superstar, while you and Bortles both suck anyway, so it doesn’t really matter who got drafted where.

ALEX SMITH

BLOW ME, RODGERS. I was the first overall pick that year and you were 24th, and that PROVES I’m a superior QB to you.

AARON RODGERS

ALL IT PROVED WAS THAT A SUPER BOWL CHAMPION QUARTERBACK IS ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF SLIDING ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE END OF THE FIRST ROUND

RUSSELL WILSON

Or even the third.

AARON RODGERS

WILSON, ON SEPTEMBER 4th, I AM GOING TO JAM THAT LOMBARDI TROPHY UP YOUR PEEHOLE LIKE IT’S THE WORLD’S LARGEST METAL CATHETER.

CARSON PALMER

Holy crap, that’s right. The Seahawks and the Packers play each other on opening night of the new season.

MATT STAFFORD

It’s the “Fail Mary” rematch!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

I hear Seattle will be adding the replacement refs to their ring of honor that night.

REPLACEMENT REFS

We prefer to think of ourselves as “The 13th man.”

JOE FLACCO

In other schedule news, did you notice that the Cowboys play the Redskins on the last week of the season?

MATT RYAN

Really? Well then, congratulations Washington.

RGIII

WHOO-HOO! WASHINGTON REDSKINS, 2014 NFC EAST CHAMPS BAYBEE

TONY ROMO

Hey! Playing us the final week of the season does NOT guarantee that you will win the NFC East!

THE 2011 GIANTS, 2012 REDSKINS, and 2013 EAGLES beg to differ

ANDREW LUCK

Well I would like to welcome Jadeveon Clowney to the NFL. Congratulations on being the first overall selection in the draft, Mr. Clowney!

ANDREW LUCK

I look forward to competing against you twice a year and wish you great success in your career!

JADEVEON CLOWNEY

SHUT YOUR SUCKHOLE, ANDREW LUCK. A WORM DOES NOT WISH GOOD LUCK TO A TIGER. A WORM SIMPLY GETS DEVOURED.

RGIII

I’m pretty sure tigers don’t eat worms.

NICK FOLES

What do tigers eat then?

PHILIP RIVERS

A cold serving of first round playoff defeat every January.

ANDY DALTON

INTRODUCE YOUR DICK TO A BLOWTORCH, RIVERS

JOHNNY MANZIEL

Well I’m gonna get my revenge on every single team that passed on me in that first round!

ELI MANNING

You know Manziel, the Browns chose a CB with the 8th overall pick. So technically, they passed on you too. Does that mean you want revenge on Clevelend also?

JOHNNY MANZIEL

I ESPECIALLY want revenge on Cleveland. Now that they’ve picked me, I have to actually live in that armpit of a city? YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS, BROWNS!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

Don’t worry. The monster salary you’re going to make while leading them to 3 or 4 wins next year will be revenge enough.

E.J. MANUEL

Ain’t that the truth.

JAY CUTLER

Look Manziel, quit your whining. Cleveland is welcoming you to town as its hero and savior. Just embrace it.

BATMAN

He's not really the hero that Cleveland wants. But he is the one that they deserve.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

I HAVE TO EMBRACE BEING A HERO IN CLEVELAND? FOR HOW LONG?

LeBRON JAMES

Six, seven years tops.

MATT RYAN

What a wild story that Johnny Manziel pick was. The Browns executed a bunch of trades with different teams, moving all over the first round, just to end up picking the guy they really wanted all along.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

IT WAS JUST LIKE IN THAT MOVIE!

RYAN TANNEHILL

“Draft Day” starring Kevin Costner?

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

No, “Boogie Nights” starring Mark Wahlberg’s penis.

DREW BREES

Ben, “Boogie Nights” is about a guy who rises to national fame only to end up failing miserably and disappointing everyone around him.

NICK FOLES

So you’re right. It is just like the Manziel pick.

ALEX SMITH

LOLOLOL. Johnny Manziel’s gonna shit the bed in Cleveland worse than Peyton Manning in a crucial playoff game.

PEYTON MANNING

FUCK YOU SMITH, YOUR TEAM WASN’T EVEN IN THE SUPER BOWL

RUSSELL WILSON

Neither was yours, from what I saw

PEYTON MANNING

WILSON, I WILL SHOVE THAT LOMBARDI TROPHY UP YOUR PEEHOLE LIKE IT’S THE WORLD’S BIGGEST…

AARON RODGERS

I already did that line.

CAM NEWTON

Ooh, ooh: “Things Michael Irvin says when someone asks, “hey where did my cocaine go?’”

CARSON PALMER

I wonder how the Browns decided to pick Johnny Manziel anyway?

BROWNS OWNER JIMMY HASLAM

That’s a funny story, actually. I was walking down skid row last week, and this homeless guy stopped me and told me to draft Johnny Manziel. So I did.

VINCE YOUNG

You could’ve at least given me a dollar for the advice.

BROWNS OWNER JIMMY HASLAM

Screw that. GET A JOB, YA HOBO.

VINCE YOUNG

I HAVE A JOB. YOU SIGNED ME TO YOUR ROSTER LAST WEEK!

BROWNS OWNER JIMMY HASLAM

Really? Oh good. Can you play receiver?

VINCE YOUNG

Oh trust me, I can catch passes just as well as I can throw them.

BROWNS OWNER JIMMY HASLAM

So that’s a no, then?

HOUSTON TEXANS FANS

FUCK YOU, MINNESOTA VIKINGS! YOU STOLE OUR QB!

HOUSTON TEXANS FANS

If you hadn’t traded with the Seahawks at the last pick of round one, then WE would have had Teddy Bridgewater in round two!

MINNESOTA VIKINGS

Would it make you feel any better if we gave you Christian Ponder?

HOUSTON TEXANS FANS

We’re mad because we lost a QB. How would getting Christian Ponder make us feel any better?

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THEY'RE SAYING HE SUCKS

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

Tsk tsk, my fine Houston fellows. There’s no need to lament the misfortune you suffered during that fateful selection process.

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

Your failure to secure my services for your gridiron endeavors is in the past now, like so much "water under the bridge."

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

Tee-hee. I hope you rascals enjoyed my oh-so-clever wordplay on that comment. Oh, but I do enjoy a hearty pun.

JAY CUTLER

What the hell is he babbling about?

COLIN KAEPERNICK

I think this Bridgewater idiot wants his “thing” to be, “Guy that talks like he’s gargling a thesaurus.”

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

Oh, on the contrary, chaps. Have you fellows not read the plethora of scouting reports on yours truly floating through the world-wide ether? Everyone agrees that **I** am the most “cerebral” and intelligent quarterback of the entire 2014 rookie assemblage.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

YOU’RE NOT THE SMART ONE HERE, TEDDY BONGWATER. I OUTSCORED YOU ON THE WONDERLIC!

BELIEVE IT OR NOT this is true

DREW BREES

To be fair Manziel, I think the hundred bucks your Dad stapled to the test might have helped push up your score.

ANDREW LUCK

Fellas, if anyone deserves to be branded as the "smart” QB, well, I did go to Stanford and all…

JAY CUTLER

SHUT UP LUCK WE’RE ALL SICK OF YOUR ARROGANT BOASTING.

ANDREW LUCK

Of course. I’m sorry for acting so rudely.

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER

You ruffians can say what you will, but I fully intend on dazzling the American sports-viewing throngs by producing the finest rookie season in NFL history come this autumn.

RYAN TANNEHILL

Who does have the all-time greatest rookie season by a QB, anyway?

PEYTON MANNING

PEYTON MANNING!

RGIII

RGIII!

HODOR

HODOR!

JOHNNY MANZIEL

GODDAMMIT, WE’RE LOSING TOUCH WITH THE REAL ISSUE HERE, WHICH IS I DON’T WANNA PLAY IN CLEVELAND!

ANDY DALTON

Hey, you wanna hear another thing that sucks about getting drafted by the Browns, Manziel?

ANDY DALTON

In Cleveland, you’ll actually have competition for the starting job from Brian Hoyer.

ANDY DALTON

If you’d been drafted by Dallas, you could’ve walked right into the starting role with no competition from anyone whatsoever.

TONY ROMO

THAT'S NOT FUNNY YOU ASSHOLE!

TONY ROMO

I am one of the PREMIER quarterbacks in this league, and even if we had drafted Johnny Manziel he never would've stepped foot on the field because I gregyyrsdhjurrggwrthjjjjjgg

ALEX SMITH

The fuck?

TONY ROMO

Dammit. I was in the middle of putting together a perfect thought, but at the very end I screwed up and fumbled the keyboard off the table.

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

HIS POOR INTERNET COMMENTING SKILLS MIRROR HIS SHODDY ON-FIELD PERFORMANCE

MATT STAFFORD

HAHA TONY ROMO DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO USE SOCIAL MEDIA CORRECTLY! #whataloser #RT this to everyone you know

DEREK CARR

HEY EVERYONE, I GOT DRAFTED BY OAKLAND!

DEREK CARR

This is so cool. I get to play for an expansion franchise, just like my big brother.

NICK FOLES

The Raiders are not an expansion franchise.

DEREK CARR

Whoops, sorry. I meant to say an “expired“ franchise

MATT RYAN

Did you guys see the Ravens picked some slouch QB named Keith Wenning in round six?

ELI MANNING

Well, that pretty much signals the end of the disappointing Joe Flacco era in Baltimore.

JOE FLACCO

MY ERA IS NOT DISSAPPOINTING NOR IS IT ENDING. THIS WENNING KID ISN’T QUALIFIED TO CHALLENGE ME!

DREW BREES

He was drafted in the sixth round. If anything, he’s overqualified to challenge you.

JOE FLACCO

SLURP MY BALLS, BREES. NO SIXTH ROUND QB IS EVER GOING TO BE SUPERIOR TO JOE FLACCO

TOM BRADY

‘Sup?

TOM BRADY

WHAT A GREAT DRAFT THIS WAS. ALLOW ME TO BID A WARM WELCOME TO ALL OUR WONDERFUL NEWCOMERS!

PEYTON MANNING

Okay Brady, why are you being so nice to the new QBs?

TOM BRADY

What? New QBs? Fuck those guys. I’m talking about their WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS.

TOM BRADY

I like to think of each new draft as my own personal “erection selection.” And this year, we had a very deep crop of hot new tail.

TOM BRADY

I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN A.J. McCARRON’S SEXY LITTLE SQUEEZE?!

TOM BRADY



BRENT MUSBERGER

(Jizzes into his adult diaper)

RYAN TANNEHILL

Hey! My wife is just as hot as her!

MATT SCHAUB

Hey! My wife is just as hot as her!

AARON RODGERS

HEY! Her earrings are fabulous!

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THE “AARON-RODGERS-IS-SECRETLY-GAY” JOKES LINGER ON

CARSON PALMER

So I guess this is as good as time as any to discuss Michael Sam?

MICHAEL SAM

‘Sup fellas?

LEVEL OF ACCEPTANCE OF GAYS IN SPORTS

(takes small, long-overdue step forward)

MICHAEL SAM

I just wanna say it’s an honor to be joining you all in the NFL as a member of the Rams.

RILEY COOPER

Ugh, really? Michael Sam got drafted? God, I hate people like that.

ANDY DALTON

People like what?

RILEY COOPER

Black guys.

DONALD STERLING likes this

DREW BREES

Well congrats on being the first openly gay player in the NFL Sam. And don’t worry, we won’t act any differently toward you than we do to any other player in these convos.

MICHAEL SAM

You mean…?

DREW BREES

Yep. We’re going to treat you just as shitty as everyone else.

MICHAEL SAM

That’s all I’ve ever asked.

RGIII

Trust me Sam, you would've been better off going undrafted.

RGIII

Now you're stuck playing on the same team as Sam Bradford. Good luck hanging out with that freak show.

MICHAEL SAM

I don't follow

JOE FLACCO

Dude, Sam Bradford is the most twisted, perverted, pansexual degenerate you've ever seen.

MICHAEL SAM

Oh come on, that's not fair. A lot of small-minded bigots say the same things about gay people like me.

MICHAEL SAM

Just because Sam Bradford has sexual preferences that differ from our own, I refuse to prejudge him, or label him as some sort of freak.

SAM BRADFORD

‘Sup guys? Sorry I’m late.

SAM BRADFORD

I was busy spreading Nutella on my bunghole to get a rimjob from my neighbor’s diabetic poodle while simultaneously masturbating my comatose Grandma with the dug-up legbone of her 2nd husband, and well, you know how time flies when you’re doing that.

MICHAEL SAM

OH MY GOD THAT IS SO DISGUSTING

JOE FLACCO

Told you

MICHAEL SAM

YOU MAKE ME SICK, SAM BRADFORD! PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION. YOU'RE CORRUPTING OUR SOCIETY BY SPREADING YOUR FILTHY, UNNATURAL LIFESTYLE!

BEN ROETHLISBERGER

THAT’S SEXUAL TOLERANCE IRONY!

DREW BREES

Hey Brady. You still haven’t told us how you feel about Jimmy Garoppolo

TOM BRADY

WHO?!

PHILIP RIVERS

Jimmy Garoppolo? The Eastern Illinois QB chosen by the Patriots in the 2nd round?

JIMMY GAROPPOLO

I’m looking forward to learning a great deal from you Mr. Brady

TOM BRADY

Okay fine. Lesson 1: marry a hot chick I can bang. Lesson 2: don’t get busted for double homicide. END OF FUCKING LESSON.

TIM TEBOW

He gave me the same advice last season. I’m still working on number 1.

PEYTON MANNING

I don’t know Brady. This Garoppolo kid might just unseat you as the starter one day.

TOM BRADY

Oh yeah? Well then ask him where he went to college.

JIMMY GAROPPOLO

Eastern Illinois University

TONY ROMO

Hey, just like me!

TOM BRADY

I rest my case.

NICK FOLES

HA HA ROMO SUCKS!

ALEX SMITH

HA HA MANZIEL BLOWS!

HA HA CLINTON DIX

HA HA CLINTON DIX!

COLIN KAEPERNICK

So what "things" are the rest of you new guys gonna have?

JOHNNY MANZIEL

I’m the hard partying badass who loves to pound the brews and nail the bitches, brah!

TOM BRADY

Hey! That's MY schtick, rookie

A.J. McCARRON

I'm the guy with the smoking hot girlfriend with the giant jugs that everyone wants to bang!

RYAN TANNEHILL

That is MY schtick rookie!

MATT RYAN

Well I'm pretty sure that Derek Carr is going to be ”second round draft pick who struggles to adjust to the pro game and ends up being a colossal failure"

GENO SMITH

Hey, that is MY schtick, rook... I mean, that sounds like a great “thing” for him and is not at all identified with anyone else in the league in any way at all.

ELI MANNING

Well I hate to break it to you Manziel, but you’re pretty much stuck in Cleveland

CARSON PALMER

So you might as well make the best of it.

JOHNNY MANZIEL

OKAY, FINE! FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE, FINE!

CAM NEWTON

Ooh, ooh: "Things Roger Goodell says while orgasming?"

NFL QBs on Facebook: “DRAFTITUDE”

Leave a Reply

103 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    July 27, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    love the cam newton lines.

  2. Ih9theoffseason

    July 6, 2014 at 6:45 am

    Goddamn the offseason lasts too long

  3. Mark Sanchez

    June 7, 2014 at 7:42 am

    Did somebody hopelessly say sad and stupid?

  4. Anonymous

    June 3, 2014 at 8:12 am

    “IFHSS = I Feel Hopelessly Sad & Stupid.”
    Somebody said it best earlier.

  5. Anonymous

    June 1, 2014 at 6:25 pm

    What is ifhss

  6. Anonymous

    May 30, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    *crying like a baby*
    I’m a big loser because I get so pissed when people pretend to be the QBs from the fake facebook conversation.
    *crying harder like a baby*
    It-it-it’s because I have nothing to contribute to the comment section so I have to rip hard on those who f-f-f-find ways to kill time while waiting for the next article during the long and boring offseason.
    *crying even harder like a baby*
    I’m s-s-s-s-such a loser that I accuse these copycats of living in my mom’s basement when I’m the real loser who lives in her basement. I’m a 42 year old virgin and I’ve n-n-never even kissed a girl. Not even a fake one.
    *pitching a temper tantrum and is now grounded by his mother*

  7. Blanket man

    May 27, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Blankets

  8. Anonymous

    May 26, 2014 at 1:09 am

    There are 3 types of people in the world: those who know how to count and those who don’t.

  9. Anonymous

    May 24, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    Vagina

  10. BrandonEDovW

    May 22, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    Is it me or did I expect brady to show up with wilson when rodgers said to smith: ALL IT PROVED WAS THAT A SUPER BOWL CHAMPION QUARTERBACK IS ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF SLIDING ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE END OF THE FIRST ROUND

  11. Madden Curse

    May 20, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    Looks like Richard Sherman will be on the cover.

  12. Random Cleveland Brown Fan

    May 20, 2014 at 8:21 pm

    Okay sounds great!

  13. Dr. Anonymous

    May 20, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Hey suicide isn’t a joke! Come to my office for some serious counseling Cleveland Browns fans. I will teach you guys how to accept failure, enjoy life outside of football. And if that doesn’t work I will teach you the ways of bandwagoning so you guys will always be a fan of a winning team. Such as the Seahawks all you have to do is guy a bunch of gear, and claim to be part of the 12th man to be considered a “fan”. And if they suck in the next couple years then just jump on the next bandwagon!

  14. Michael Sam's boyfriend

    May 19, 2014 at 12:44 pm

    It’s ok Michael. *kisses Michael*

  15. Michael Heard

    May 19, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    I was waiting for a LeBron comment the whole time

  16. Michael Sam

    May 19, 2014 at 8:10 am

    I know I should of listened!

  17. Robert Quinn

    May 18, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    I warned you about Sam Bradford! I WARNED YOU!

  18. Anonymous

    May 18, 2014 at 9:53 am

    Micheal Sam’s reaction to what Sam Bradford said was priceless.

  19. Larry Fitzgerald

    May 16, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Man, it sucks to have a mediocre QB every season. I miss Kurt Warner.

  20. blakertull

    May 16, 2014 at 9:51 am

    I don’t know why… but the “Hodor!” and “Ha Ha Clinton Dix!” lines had me rolling. Unexpected, yet fitting, & hilarious. Great read.

  21. Anonymous

    May 16, 2014 at 7:25 am

    The batman thing was great lol

  22. Jay Cutler

    May 16, 2014 at 7:01 am

    Either that or, “Hillary Clinton choked on this.”

  23. Anonymous

    May 16, 2014 at 12:18 am

    I think you missed an opportunity on the HaHa Clinton Dix comment. That should definitely have, “Monica Lewinsky likes this.”

  24. Brett Favre

    May 15, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    I’m willing to sign with any NFL team!

  25. Anonymous

    May 15, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    Another awesome one! Even got treated to a present of having 2 trollings by Wilson. Just for these alone, I can’t wait for the season to start.

  26. Darth Anonymous

    May 14, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    You are correct Jordy Nelson. I have also granted Jerry Jones immortality so in 100 years someone will say exactly what you just said.

    Sorry Cowboy fabs but you will see Johnny Manziel and the Browns winning a Super Bowl before you see Jerry Jones retire. In reality that won’t happen either. Sorry Brown fans.

  27. Anonymous

    May 14, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    Well done! Very funny :)

  28. Pingback: Draftitude!!!!! - Blowout Cards Forums

  29. Anonymous

    May 14, 2014 at 11:29 am

    ^Because IFHSS gets butthurt over the comments you see.

  30. Anonymous

    May 14, 2014 at 9:43 am

    IFHSS = I Feel Hopelessly Sad & Stupid.

  31. Philosopher Jordy Nelson

    May 14, 2014 at 5:56 am

    I have a theory, I wonder if the Cowboys just win to much in the normal season, so they lose the games in december purposely to finish 8-8 every year! Just so Jerry Jones can remember their record? Just my theory

  32. Johnny Manziel

    May 14, 2014 at 12:44 am

    Haha “Donald Sterling Likes this” that was hilarious

  33. Xzibit

    May 13, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    Yo, T.O., I heard you like to jerk off to yourself, so here’s a picture of you jerking off so you can jerk off while watch yourself jerk off

  34. Anonymous

    May 13, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    Terrell Owens is just gay for himself if he could he would totally have sex with himself.

  35. Terrell Owens

    May 13, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    I LOVE ME SOME ME! (I’m totally not gay).

  36. Pingback: NFL Quarterback Conversation on Facebook: Draft Edition | Total Pro Sports

  37. A Hopeless Cardinals Fan

    May 13, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    That Riley Cooper line was hilarious. I hate people like that…..black people.

  38. Anonymous

    May 13, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    ^Or he has 30 browsers open.

  39. Anonymous

    May 13, 2014 at 9:46 am

    is this just one person logging out then back in as different people?

  40. Derick

    May 13, 2014 at 8:41 am

    no josh mccown jokes. FAIL

  41. Anonymous

    May 13, 2014 at 8:41 am

    I mean the CIFL

  42. Ryan Leaf

    May 13, 2014 at 8:27 am

    Johnny Douchebag…only a matter of time before you’re crying like a woman, having temper tantrums in front of the media, and serving hard time in state prison for breaking-and-entering. Enjoy your spotlight while it’s on you…it won’t last, jackass.

  43. Anonymous

    May 13, 2014 at 8:22 am

    Hey Jamarcus just go the UFL that’s were big fat qbs like Jared Lorezen go.

  44. Ben Rapelesburger

    May 13, 2014 at 8:10 am

    BECAUSE HE’S FAT, YOU SEE

  45. Donald Sterling

    May 13, 2014 at 7:35 am

    I would’ve sign him if his name is Jay Marks Russell

  46. Jamarcus Russell

    May 13, 2014 at 7:30 am

    But coach I was hungry and I ended up eating my playbook and training camp tapes.

  47. Bill Belichick

    May 13, 2014 at 7:25 am

    Jamarcus Russell! Give me your Raiders playbook and training camp tapes!

  48. Philip Rivers

    May 13, 2014 at 7:22 am

    Jamarcus Russell? The biggest body mass and draft bust ever?

  49. John Elway

    May 13, 2014 at 7:21 am

    No thanks JaMarcus. We’ll pass.

  50. Rafael Septien

    May 13, 2014 at 7:00 am

    I think I’ve served my time…those kids are all grown up now, anyway. Can I come back and play, Mr. Jones?

  51. Jamarcus Russell

    May 13, 2014 at 5:01 am

    I’m serious guys, I can play left tackle!

  52. bwburke94

    May 13, 2014 at 3:20 am

    Wow, Cristin Poonderp’s name got spelled correctly. TWICE!

  53. Adrian Peterson

    May 12, 2014 at 11:12 pm

    Bridgewater, your job is to hand me the ball. Just call Matt Cassell, Josh Freeman and Crisp Fonder for advices.

  54. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    QUIT THE STUPID FUCKING COMMENTS PLEASE

  55. No One Ever

    May 12, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    Personally, I liked CFM’s version of Teddy Bridgewater better.

  56. Cam

    May 12, 2014 at 9:10 pm

    I hope PFM changes Teddy Bridgewater ‘ s thing his awful. Makes him sound like he is a British or something.

  57. Ha Ha Clinton Dix

    May 12, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    The last 3 convos (Super Bowl, Free Agency, this one) have been some of PFMs best work. Maybe when they’re spaced out more you miss them.

  58. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 8:27 pm

    I lost it at the Ha Ha Clinton Dix bit

  59. Jerry Jones

    May 12, 2014 at 8:05 pm

    Because romo is clutch and can so no wrong and the d is amazing best gm ever this guy

  60. Stupid Cowboys Fans Everywhere

    May 12, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    Son of a bitch Jerry you know how much we hate Romo why didn’t you dradt Manziel!?

  61. Terry Francona

    May 12, 2014 at 7:52 pm

    Join the club i miss boston

  62. Dion Waiters

    May 12, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    Me and Kyrie also hate Cleveland. We’re with you on this Johnny.

  63. Drew Brees

    May 12, 2014 at 6:23 pm

    IFHSS has some serious problems

  64. Kyrie Irving

    May 12, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    Hey, don’t feel bad, Johnny. I am hoping to get out of Cleveland myself soon.

  65. ATL fans

    May 12, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    Sends “come back home” letters to Michael Vick.

  66. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    Also pfm blake bortles also has a super hot girlfriend

  67. Tim Tebow

    May 12, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    Can i please play qb while matts gone

  68. Matt Ryan

    May 12, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    (leaves the Atlanta Falcons to go into hiding)

  69. Philips Rivers

    May 12, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    Incredible angry NFL Tight End thinking about murdering someone?

  70. Russell Wilson

    May 12, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    College version of me? Did he also beat college version of Aaron Rodgers and Peyton Manning?

  71. Q

    May 12, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    Brilliant

  72. Mark Sanchez

    May 12, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Anyone interested in a former USC Top 10 pick QB? *tackle by a butt*

  73. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    Um maybe cause your the college level version of Russell Wilson. Its not super hard to win titles as a game manager. When you have the best defense, and a strong running game every year…

  74. Tony Gonzalez

    May 12, 2014 at 3:49 pm

    Did you guys see Matt Ryan, I finally have enough free time to kill him

  75. AJ McCarron

    May 12, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    I don’t understand I won BCS titles why did I get drafted so low…

  76. Aaron Murray

    May 12, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    “I tore my ACL, but still got drafted higher than AJ McCarron.”

  77. No One Ever

    May 12, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    Personally, I like Greg Little as our #1 receiver.

  78. JaMarcus Russell

    May 12, 2014 at 3:18 pm

    Any NFL teams in need of my talents?

  79. The one guy who noticed a typo

    May 12, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    TYPO ALERT (Eli Manning): Justin Gilbert was drafted #8 not #9.

  80. Everyone who follows PFM

    May 12, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    Yay it’s back! Now please do another one sometime within the next three months please?

  81. Guy Who Whispers "Penis"

    May 12, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    *Whispers* penis

  82. jiminnyc

    May 12, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    Newton’s last line makes the convo…

  83. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    I guess Michael Sam doesn’t like Sam Bradford then. Well there goes all my jokes about how they were going to have gay butt sex after every practice….

  84. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    It’s not BACK guys. It won’t be back until preseason

  85. IFHSS

    May 12, 2014 at 11:52 am

    and mccarrons girl does not have huge jugs…

  86. IFHSS

    May 12, 2014 at 11:49 am

    see by not stoping this asswipe who thinks he’s super funny commenting as ROETHLISBERGER, the comments in the real convos are not funny at all anymore.

  87. Johnny Football

    May 12, 2014 at 11:34 am

    Lol Vince Young just got cut today

  88. Hunter

    May 12, 2014 at 11:34 am

    That ha ha clinton dix jolke hilarious great job

  89. Bill Parcels

    May 12, 2014 at 11:26 am

    Romo learnt from me to bad i nevet got up to winning in clutch

  90. Brandon

    May 12, 2014 at 11:22 am

    It’s Back!!!!

  91. Hodor

    May 12, 2014 at 11:20 am

    Hodor!

  92. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 11:13 am

    But unlike Romo, Garoppolo is going to learn from one of the all-time greats.

  93. Vince Young

    May 12, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Fuck! I guess it’s back to my cardboard box!

  94. Ben Roethlisberger

    May 12, 2014 at 10:20 am

    ITS IRONIC BECAUSE VINCE YOUNG JUST GOT RELEASED BY THE BROWNS

  95. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 9:39 am

    Vince Young was the best part of this convo. Well played, sirs, well played.

  96. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 9:03 am

    LOL THE HAHA CLINTON DIX

  97. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 8:52 am

    If I was Johnny I wouldn’t wait 6 or 7 years I leave Cleveland right after my rookie contract is over.

  98. smokeamus prime

    May 12, 2014 at 8:50 am

    Man, I missed this

  99. alexgiobbi

    May 12, 2014 at 8:42 am

    Damn. No Vick or Tajh Boyd jokes? Still, way to bring the “A” game today!

  100. xomar80x

    May 12, 2014 at 8:03 am

    Good convo, miss beast mode though

  101. Anonymous

    May 12, 2014 at 7:57 am

    that was awesome, way to bring Lebron into it

  102. Nemo

    May 12, 2014 at 7:53 am

    YES! It’s back. Perfect jokes abound.

  103. ACW

    May 12, 2014 at 7:46 am

    TAMU can’t go 5-8. That should be 4-8, 5-7, or, at best, 6-7.

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