GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!
Like . Comment . Share . 6 hours ago
How are all you fine gentlemen feeling on this wonderful January day?
6 hours ago . Like
Rodgers… you, um, you okay?
And why shouldn’t I be, Drew my friend? It’s a beautiful Sunday morning, the sun is shining brightly, and my Packers are going to DESTROY Russell Wilson and his Seahawks later today in the NFC Championship game.
Aaron, that game was actually yest…
Hey, you guys wanna hear about a crazy dream I had last night?
It was the strangest thing. I dreamt that in our game:
• Wilson threw 4 interceptions
• We had a 16-0 lead at halftime
• I passed for 3 TDs with no picks
• We had a 12-point lead with less than four minutes left to play
And yet, we still somehow lost after Seattle pulled off one of the most improbable comebacks in NFL playoff history.
HEH HEH. WHAT A KOOKY NIGHTMARE, RIGHT?
Should… should we tell him?
YES. I want to see if his head explodes.
Tell me what?
It wasn’t a dream, Aaron.
Russell Wilson did beat you with a miracle comeback, and now his Seahawks are going back to the Super Bowl.
You’re saying all that stuff actually happened?
Yes. Except for the part about you throwing 3 touchdowns.
You actually only had 1 TD with 2 picks.
Oh. I see.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
See now,this is more the reaction I was expecting.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Sigh. This could take a while.
Wake me up when he’s done.
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
Any of you guys see “Girls” last night?
TiVo’ed it. Hannah’s new hairstyle is really starting to grow on me.
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!
Oh good. I think he’s done.
AARON RODGERS RAGE MODE ACTIVATED!!!!!!! AUUUUUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!
HOW IN THE MOTHERFUCKING NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY DID WE LOSE TO THOSE GODDAMN, MOTHERFUCKING, SON OF A BITCHING SEACHICKENS?!?!?!?!?!?!
Wow, that game has to be the second greatest comeback of all time.
With the first one being?
When Cutler's mom returns a month’s worth of my jizz to me in a diamond encrusted Tupperware bowl.
Oh hey, if you throw that in a pot with some potatoes and a chicken bone, it makes a great broth.
IT’S NOT FAIR. IT’S JUST NOT FUCKING FAIR!
5 hours ago . Like
I WAS THIIIIIIS CLOSE TO FINALLY GETTING MY REVENGE AGAINST… HIM.
"Him?" Him who?
The guy who stood you up at your high school senior prom?
YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL I MEAN THAT LITTLE SEA-IMP RUSSELL WILSON.
And now he’s just waiting… WAITING to pounce on me with one of his smarmy little three-word troll comments.
Three words? Naw, for a game that epic, I’ll bet he would need at least five words.
After that comeback? I say he needs ten words, minimum.
Guys, it was one of the greatest games of all time. He’s gonna need forty or fifty words to really do it justice.
And until Wilson shows up, Rodgers is just gonna keep whining and moaning like the little bitch he is, I assume?
WHAT WAS THAT? I DIDN’T CATCH THAT?
Ooh, ooh. “Things Brandon Bostick says when trying to grab an onside kick?”
IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE HE DESTROYED THE CHAMPIONSHIP DREAM OF THE ENTIRE PACKERS ORGANIZATION.
GODDAMN IT BOSTICK, YOU PISS FLAPPED GASH OF A MAN!
YOU LOST THIS GAME FOR US! HOW COULD YOU NOT CATCH THAT FUCKING BALL?
I’m sorry. Coach told me my job on that play was to block.
I assumed he meant that I should block the ball. Towards some Seattle players. Was that not correct?
IF I EVER SEE YOU ON SPECIAL TEAMS AGAIN BOSTICK, I WILL SLICE YOU OPEN LIKE A TAUNTAUN!
5 hours ago . Like .
HAN SOLO likes this
Heh. “Brandon Bostick?” More like “Brandon No-Stick.”
Here’s a list of people with better hands than Brandon Bostick:
- Captain Hook - Jaime Lannister - Buster Bluth - That guy from “127 Hours” - Edward Scissorhands
I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY OKAY? WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP?
Bostick, your best chance at redeeming yourself from that game is Superman flying around Earth to reverse time.
Fuck that. I won fifty bucks on Seattle.
DAMMIT, BOSTICK! YOU COULDN’T CATCH AN STD IN SAM BRADFORD’S UNDERWEAR DRAWER!
YOU’RE NOT OFF THE HOOK EITHER MIKE McCARTHY, YOU INFECTED TOOTH OF A MAN!
It was your chickenshit play calling that burned us BIG TIME yesterday.
You wussed out of going for it on not one, but TWO fourth-and-half-the-length-of-my-cock plays. YOUR COWARDICE COST US THAT GAME JUST AS MUCH AS ANYTHING ELSE DID.
YOU ARE SUCH A GODDAMNED VAGINA, THAT EVEN YOUR VAGINA HAS A VAGINA, McCARTHY!
I COULDN’T HELP IT. Going for it on fourth down is super-risky!
My philosophy is to avoid risks like they were salads and/or cardiovascular exercise.
McCARTHY, I WILL MUTILATE YOU WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW, THEN BURY YOUR BONES AT THE 1 YARD LINE!
Well at least you'll die the way you lived Coach McCarthy. Just three feet short of the end zone.
LOSER INTERRUPTUS TIME.
Enough about Rodgers’ epic Discount Double Choke. Let’s talk about how TOM BRADY CASTRATED THE COLTS 45-7! HAHAHAHA!
Congratulation Mr. Brady. (sniff)
I admit that I wanted that victory more than anything else in the whole world. For my teammates, my coaches, and for the entire city of Indianapolis. (sniff)
But you were the better quarterback, and you earned that win with your truly brilliant play.
“Good?” Luck, I wasn’t just good. I was BRILLIANT yesterday.
But that's what I just said…
GODDAMMIT LUCK, QUIT BEING A BAD SPORT AND JUST ADMIT THAT I PLAYED BRILLIANTLY YESTERDAY.
Of course sir. You were brilliant. I’m sorry for ever implying otherwise. (sniff)
Are.. are you crying, Luck?
4 hours ago . Like
(sniff) I… I just feel sad that I might have let some of my fans and teammates down.
“Some?” Oh no, Luck. You’re a horrible disappointment to ALL your fans and teammates.
AW, FIDDLESTICKS! I FEEL LIKE SUCH A GOSH-DARN FAILURE!
Whoa, whoa Luck, easy on the language there. You kiss Peyton Manning’s ass with that mouth?
Well, I do have to give you credit, Luck. Your plan to take the crowd out of the game by getting blown out right from the opening kickoff worked just like you drew it up. HAHAHAHA.
I, on the other hand, was smoother than Jimmy Garoppolo’s prepubescent nutsack.
226 YARDS. THREE TOUCHDOWNS! EVEN WHILE GETTING DRENCHED IN THE SECOND HALF!
Yeah, that sure was a major rainstorm in New England yesterday.
Those guys looked wetter than Cutler’s Mom on bukakke night at a junior college frat party.
Oh no, that wasn’t rain. I was just so fucking awesome, I had every woman in the stands SPLOOSHING from the third quarter on. LOLOLOL.
But you know, I should congratulate you too Luck.
You’ve been humiliated by me twice this season, gotten crushed in the playoffs, and let a statistically dominant season end in total failure.
So it looks like you’ve truly proven yourself worthy to be called Peyton Manning 2.0 with the Colts. HAHAHAHA.
GET FUCKED, BRADY.
YOU ONLY WON THAT GAME BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR CHEATING SHITHEAD SQUADRON OF A TEAM LET THE AIR OUT OF A BUNCH OF FOOTBALLS TO MAKE THEM EASIER TO THROW IN THE RAIN!
Yep. Apparently the Patriots were secretly playing with deflated balls yesterday.
Kind of like how Mike McCarthy was coaching with deflated balls?
BECAUSE OF HIS COWARDLY PLAYCALLS, YOU SEE.
FIRST IT WAS “SPYGATE,” NOW IT’S “DEFLATE-GATE.”
What next, Brady? Is your crooked coach just going to demand playoff victories at gunpoint?
Wait, can we do that?
(immediately buys ski-mask and 12 gauge shotgun.)
QUIT WHINING MANNING, YOU WART COCKED DONKEY FELCHER. We didn’t need to cheat to win that game.
The only reason those balls were a little low on air is because of how hard we kept SPIKING THEM AFTER ALL OUR TOUCHDOWNS.
GRONK GONNA GRONK.
Well seeing the stupid Patriots win that game certainly deflated my balls.
Hey, Coach Ryan. Congrats on getting the Buffalo gig.
Rex Ryan and the Bills? Seems like quite an interesting combination.
Pffft. I gave that thing about two weeks before it explodes.
Ooh, ooh: “Things Andy Reid’s heart doctor says during a routine physical?”
Oh, and hey, did everyone hear that I now HAVE THE MOST PASSING YARDS IN NFL POSTSEASON HISTORY?! WHOOOOOO!
Man, I am so hot right now, a couple of Hobbits just came around and tried to throw a ring into me.
HE’S COMPARING HIMSELF TO J.R.R TOLKIEN’S MYTHICAL VOLCANIC LAND OF WESTEROS.
THANKS DREW BREES. MORE DOOR TO YOU TOO.
Roethlisberger, you have the IQ of an empty Gatorade bucket
HEY, I ONLY KNOW THREE THINGS: TOUCHDOWNS AND MATH.
(sniff) I… I’m just so miserable that our season came to such a crushing end yesterday.
Oh, quit feeling sorry for yourself Luck.
3 hours ago . Like
Yeah. Obviously, the reason you lost is because you probably menstruated all over your team’s game plan.
No sir, I don’t feel sorry for myself. I just wish that I didn’t let my teammates down. Those guys are like family to me, and disappointing them is the worst feeling in the world.
DON’T TRY TO OUT “TEAM-PLAYER” ME, LUCK. I’M EVERY BIT AS MUCH OF A TEAM PLAYER AS YOU ARE.
Oh yeah? Well if you’re such a team player, then tell me the names of just one of your offensive linemen.
Hmmm… I want to say, “Steve?”
BLUNT FORCE, MOTHERFUCKERS
LeGarrette Blunt? Patriots RB and weed aficionado whose 148 rushng yards and 3 TDs spearheaded New England’s “Puff-Puff-Pass” offense yesterday?
148 yards? Jeez, how many Colts defenders does it take to tackle that guy anyway?
More than 11, apparently.
BLUNT FORCE EXCITED TO CRUSH PUNY SEAHAWKS IN BOWL OF SUPER. CAN’T WAIT TO SHOW WORLD WHO BEST RUNNING BACK IN NFL TRULY IS
BEAST MODE MOTHERFUCKERS.
BEAST MODE LAUGH AT NOTION OF LEG CARROT BLUNT AS PRETENDER TO NFL RUSHING THRONE.
BEAST MODE KNOW THAT ONLY BEAST MODE IS ONE TRUE UNSTOPPABLE FORCE IN NFL.
BLUNT FORCE EVERY BIT AS UNSTOPPABLE AS BEAST MODE, AS LONG AS COACH BELLY CHECK CONTINUES TO FEED ME THE BALL.
I KNOW I CAN GET THROUGH THAT HOLE IF YOU JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE.
Ooh, ooh: “Things Tom Brady says when he’s trying to talk Giselle into anal?”
You’re really laying your “game show shtick” on heavy today, Newton.
I’m practicing. After football, becoming a game show host is my #2 fallback career choice.
Oh, that reminds me Luck. You’ll need to chauffeur your little honeypot of a girlfriend over to my place for a celebratory humpfest tonight.
Of course, Mr. Brady. Should I have her bring wine, or a nice dessert maybe?
You're okay with Brady having sex with your girlfriend, Luck?
Oh no Mr. Brees. Far from it.
In fact, just thought of my beloved Nicole surrounding herself to the wanton desires of Mr. Brady is causing what’s left of my aching soul to wither and die.
But I do understand that this is Mr. Brady’s customary method of celebrating his victories, and I certainly don't want to be rude and break tradition.
Well shit, Luck. The way you're being so cooperative about this is kind of taking the fun out of me nailing your girl.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m still going to bang the crap out of her. But I’m going to like it just a little bit less now. THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLE.
I’m so sorry for spoiling your good time, sir.
Whatever, Just make sure she shaves her junk before she comes over.
If I wanted to stick my dick into a vagina covered with scraggly, overgrown pubic hair, I'd make you give me a blowjob.
And now it’s ON TO SUPER BOWL XLIX! THE MIGHTY NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS VERSUS RUSSELL WILSON AND HIS SEATTLE FISH PIGEONS, WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Hey Seahawks, here’s to a good clean loss by you guys. HAHAHA.
LEGION OF BOOM, BITCHES.
Get ready Tom Brady, you custard-armed trouser gerbil, because at the Super Bowl, our L.O.B. is gonna swipe enough turnovers from you to START A FUCKING BAKERY.
SHERMAN, WITH THAT HOBBLED ARM OF YOURS, YOU COULDN'T STEAL A GRAPE FROM THE PRODUCE SECTION AT THE GROCERY STORE.
I’M HEALTHY ENOUGH TO EXPOSE YOU FOR THE INFECTED VAGINAL LINING OF A QB YOU ARE.
Hey Sherman, here’s an idea: your team should just print up a shitload of “Super Bowl Champion” shirts right now, and send them directly to Africa to avoid the rush after we beat you 55-3.
Yeah, ha-ha. Go ahead and get all this trash talking out of your system now, Brady.
Because after the Super Bowl, the only things that are gonna be coming out of your mouth are my dick, and “thank you.”
WRONG, YOU SLIMY TAINTWAFFLE. Because by the 2nd quarter, I’ll have you and your team of sopping wet vaginas crying like a bunch of Jets fans!
2 hours ago . Like
WE’RE LOSING TRACK OF THE BIG PICTURE HERE, DICKNUGGETS.
I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that my Packers loss is the WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF EVER!
I’m still SO PISSED. Now I’m going to have to shower 6 or 7 times to rinse off all my teammates’ failures from yesterday.
Rodgers, all the soap in the world won’t wash the stink of that loss away from your bloated flesh for a long, long time.
I have NEVER been so furious! If my blood pressure gets much higher, I'm going to FUCKING EXPLODE.
THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IF WE HAD A REAL OWNER TO GET US A REAL COACH AND A REAL SPECIAL TEAMS UNIT.
Instead we’re stuck working for a few thousand slack-jawed, stock-owning small town bumpkins who wouldn’t know a smart football decision if it kicked them in their sloshy cheese guts.
Oh come on. You don’t really believe that myth about the Packers being a publicly owned team, do you?
Nah. I wouldn’t trust Wisconsin residents to use non-plastic forks and knives, much less own a professional sporting franchise.
So if it’s not them, then who really does own the Green Bay Packers?
WILSON, I WILL… I WILL…. ARRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, what do you know? He did it in under three words.
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January 20, 2015 at 10:10 pm
Blount force only exists against the Colts and thats a fact. Last year after burning the colts in the playoffs he was a non factor in the AFC Championship game between the Broncos and Patriots. And I expect the same in the Superbowl. He will be shut down by the Seahawks defense.
January 20, 2015 at 6:43 pm
Hobbit line was my favorite comment! Will definitely be using that one! Lol
January 19, 2015 at 6:21 pm
Oh yeah? Well if you’re such a team player, then tell me the names of just one of your offensive linemen.
Hmmm… I want to say, “Steve?”
LMAO. it’s true, everyone wants to give the QB credit when there are dozens of other players that contributed to the win. I find it funny how Wilson and also Luck keep saying they’re glad to be A PART OF IT as if they aren’t the quarterback and team captain
January 19, 2015 at 5:42 pm
That was the greatest comeback in the biggest game I’ve seen, the greatest playoff game in my lifetime. I don’t think any SB has topped it either, but that’s the only stage that could possibly be bigger.
And I didn’t feel it was complete until the very end of this convo.
January 19, 2015 at 2:29 pm
Was definitely looking forward to the Russell Wilson troll today. Didn’t disappoint.
January 19, 2015 at 2:17 pm
That was pretty good, but I saw the Wilson troll coming from a mile away. Looking forward to next week, rumor has it that there could be an Alternate Universe QB Convo.
Typical Seahawk Fan
January 19, 2015 at 1:52 pm
All I have to say is God is good. When everyone started to doubt us I still believed. When I burned my Russell Wilson jersey after his 3rd pick, I still believed. When I was ready to burn my #12 jersey, I still believed . When I saw a guy wearing a Shaun Alexander and I asked him where I could get my name on a jersey and he glared at me, I still believed. I’m so humbled by this game that I can’t even trash talk properly. It’s a shame I have to wait two weeks now to see my humble Seahawks beat a team that can’t win out unless they cheat but I will. Because my unquestionable faith and devotion keeps me going.
Typical Patriots Fan
January 19, 2015 at 3:55 pm
Yea, you’re a real fan alright. You just proved that the #12 is also to tell every other fan in the NFL what year you Seahawks fans started to care about their team. You’re a moron if you think you have any chance of beating the Pats. Did you not witness the epic beatdown we unleashed on the Colts? While the Packers took their foot off your throats and choked that game away. You barely won. And you’re an even bigger moron if you think we can’t win without cheating. That Colts reporter is full of crap and so are haters like you. You Mark My Words, You will NOT repeat because we will demolish you in Arizona. You should worry about your team. Russell Wilson threw 4 INT’s, Earl Thomas and loudmouth Richard Sherman won’t be 100%, and the Pats will take advantage of that. And Lynch is the only reason you’re even in this game. We’re not the Denver Broncos buddy. GO PATS! #youwillNOTrepeat #youmarkmywords
Typical Trolling Fan
January 19, 2015 at 4:42 pm
How about you both put your dicks away, quit the trash talking, sit down, shut up, and save the gloating for AFTER your team wins?
January 19, 2015 at 11:05 pm
Bring it on! We’ll take your team no matter how many spy cameras you put on us or deflated balls you throw our way. And when it’s over my man Sherman will troll your whiny QB like he did the last time we beat you.
January 19, 2015 at 6:18 pm
I suppose you were also there from the beginning?
January 19, 2015 at 1:11 pm
My favorite line: ANDY DALTON (immediately buys ski-mask and 12 gauge shotgun.)
You could make Wilson say just one word: Me.
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