BOO! HAHAHA. DID I SCARE ALL YOU HALLO-WEENIES?
Like . Comment . Share . 6 Hours Ago
Because I know I sure terrified the Bills defense with FIVE BIG ASS TD PASSES YESTERDAY! BWAHAHAHAHA
6 Hours Ago . Like
AHHH! NEVER MIND THAT! WHAT ARE YOU DRESSED AS?
What? Nothing. I’m not wearing a costume.
BUT YOUR FACE? WHAT IS THAT HIDEOUS THING ON YOUR FACE?
You know very well that it’s a BIRTHMARK you insensitive ghouls.
KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME!
AHH! I LOOKED RIGHT AT IT! NOW I ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK TO LIVE!
Your petty insults can’t frighten me. Not after I tootsie-rolled something called a Thaddeus Lewis and the Bills by 18 points.
You know what, Brees? If you were a Halloween candy, you’d be Peeps.
Hey, how you doing there Pixie Stick? That sure was an all-Hallow’s Eve of a game yesterday, huh?
Yep. And you’re a Summer’s Eve of a douche.
DID Y’ALL SEE CALVIN JOHNSON HAUNT THE DALLAS DB’S ALL DAY YESTERDAY?! HAHAHA
SUCK IT, DEZ BRYANT. Remember when you said you could do “anything Calvin Johnson could do?”
WELL CALVIN JOHNSON OUT GAINED YOU 329 TO 72, BUTTERFINGERS!
To be fair, Dez did beat you in the “sideline tantrums” stat 2-0
Wait you guys, stop, stop! Stop the convo!
Huh? What? Why are we stopping?
PSYCHE JUST KIDDING! TOUCHDOWN LIONS! HEE HEE HEE!
THAT’S A REFERENCE TO THE FAKE SPIKE STAFFORD DID RIGHT BEFORE HE SCORED THE GAME WINNING TD!
Once again, the Cowboys find a new and creative way to derp a defeat from the jaws of victory.
HAHAHA. DALLAS IS ON PACE FOR A 4th STRAIGHT NON-WINNING SEASON!
Spins in grave
So let me get this straight: Calvin Johnson had 329 yards, and the putrid Cowboys defense gave up 400 yards passing to a FOURTH QB this season?
THANKS A LOT ROMO!
YOU CAN’T BLAME ME! I DID NOT PLAY DEFENSE YESTERDAY!
I still can’t believe that I missed the all-time NFL record for receiving yards in a game by just SEVEN YARDS!
Do you have any idea how it feels to come so close to immortality like that, only to fall just a few yards short?
I CAN ONLY IMAGINE
6 Hours Ago . Like .
Eric Dickerson likes this
TRICK OR TWAT, BITCHES!
5 hours ago . Like
You’re asking? Then it’s clearly “twat.”
Guess who has a TWO GAME LEAD IN THE AFC EAST after sending Ryan Tannehill and his team of sandy vaginas back to South Beach with a big fat loss!
I HOPE YOUR DOG EATS ALL YOUR HALLOWEEN CHOCOLATE, BRADY!
5 hours ago . Like .
Michael Vick likes this
Hey Brady. I see you’re dressed as the Gorton’s Fisherman for Halloween. I assume that’s because your Pats skewered the Dolphins yesterday?
What? No, I’m just wearing this rain slicker because Ryan Tannehill’s wife is a squirter.
YOU LEAVE MY LOVELY WIFE OUT OF THIS, BRADY
That’s not what she said when I was spankin’ dat ass all night.
How do you think I got my right hand all swollen, anyway?
DID Y’ALL SEE THE MIGHTY AARON RODGERS KICK JOSH FREEMAN’S ASS IN PRIME TIME LAST NIGHT?!
Josh Freeman didn’t play last night I did.
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS DOZENS OF TIMES! I’M CHRISTIAN PONDER, QB OF THE VIKINGS
BULLSHIT! Josh Freeman has been the Vikings QB for as long as I can remember.
HE’S ONLY STARTED ONE GAME!
Listen Plumtree, are you sure you really want the credit for that rotting corpse of a game?
Hmm. Fair point. NICE JOB BLOWING THE GAME LAST NIGHT, JOSH FREEMAN
GREG SCHIANO likes this
Yo Eddie Lacy. Say what I told you to say.
I’d rather not.
SAY IT OR I’LL DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK YOUR FAT ASS BACK TO THE BENCH
Lace mode, mother F’ers.
IN ALL CAPS, AND WITH THE FULL SWEAR WORD
LACE MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS
Good. Now say the rest of it.
LACE MODE HAS RUN FAIRLY WELL THE PAST SEVERAL WEEKS. HELPED ESTABLISH BALANCE ON PACKERS OFFENSE. LACE MODE JUST PROUD TO BE PART OF WINNING EFFORT.
God you suck at this.
The fuck you trying to do Rodgers?
I’m showing that evil dwarf Russell Wilson that’s he’s not the only one with a power running game.
SUCK IT, “BEAST MODE.” THE PACKERS NOW HAVE “LACE MODE”
That is the worst nickname ever.
Still, it’s pretty surprising. The Packers are actually rushing the ball with mild efficiency?
I know right? Normally when you think “Green Bay” you think, “all passing, no running.”
WHATCHA GOT TO SAY NOW, WILSON? MY PACKERS ARE PASSING AND RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE FIELD. NOW THERE’S NOTHING YOU HAVE THAT I DON’T!
Except a defense.
WILSON, I WILL SLICE OPEN THE TOP OF YOUR SKULL, SCOOP OUT THE GOOPY INSIDES WITH A CURVED SPOON, SHOVE A CANDLE IN YOUR NOSE AND LEAVE YOU ON MY FRONT PORCH FOR HALLOWEEN NIGHT!
Hey, did all you pumpkinheads see me do my Jack the Ripper impersonation in London by CARVING UP THE JAGUARS LIKE A BUNCH OF DEAD HOOKERS? HAHAHA.
4 hours ago . Like
I rolled up 42 points against those feline failures to the tune of 42-10!
42 points? So, what were your stats? Like, 400 yards passing and 4 TD’s?
Naw, just 164 yards and 1 TD. The “49ers way” is to focus much more on power running instead of the passing game.
Well I hope all you Jack-O-Losers saw me HALLO-WHIP Robert Griffin and the Redskins yesterday.
354 YARDS! FOUR TOUCHDOWNS! I EVEN MADE A TACKLE ON DEFENSE!
(immediately tries to sign Peyton Manning to play free safety)
Listen Manning, we still picked you off three times in that game
Good thing you did. Otherwise we might have scored 38 unanswered points on you.
WAIT WE DID THAT ANYWAY. WOOT WOOT.
You know what Manning? If you were a treat in a Halloween basket, you’d be floss.
Oh Griffin, you sad little hobblegoblin. I remember when I was Rookie of the Year once, like you were last year.
But unlike you, that wasn’t the peak of my career. HAHAHA.
I HOPE ALL YOUR JELLY BEANS ARE LICORICE, MANNING.
Sucks to be you, PegLeg. Looks like your sorry-ass Skins are gonna miss the playoffs for the 18th time in the past 22 years.
Well you know who IS moving toward the playoffs in the NFC East? I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with NOT THE COWTOYS, BEAGLES, OR DEADSKINS. LOLOLOLOL.
Seriously Manning? You cannot talk smack when you were 0-6 just one week ago.
Oh but you can when you’re 2-0 IN THE PAST WEEK, DUM-DUM.
AND THAT PUTS MY G-MEN JUST TWO GAMES BEHIND THE LEAD IN THE NFC EAST
Wow. That’s amazing
That 2-6 is only two games back in the NFC East?
No, that 2-6 doesn’t actually lead the NFC East
IT’S NOT A VERY GOOD DIVISION
You guys wanna talk about a real crappy division?
3 hours ago . Like
The only worthwhile team in the AFC West is my awesome EIGHT-AND-OH CHIEFS.
After that, it’s just three also-ran squads fighting for wildcard scraps. HAHAHA
NO ONE IS IMPRESSED WITH YOUR ARTIFICIALLY INFLATED RECORD, ALEX SMITH
You’ve just been lucky your last two games were against opponents who were starting crappy backup QB.s
Meanwhile, opponents of the Atlanta Falcons have played SEVEN straight weeks against a crappy backup QB
Hey! I am NOT a backup QB
Well you sure played like one yesterday when you threw those FOUR INTERCEPTIONS. BAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!
STFU Palmer, you worthless journeyman. You’ve been passed around more than a Werther’s Original at Grandma’s house.
YOU TAKE THAT BACK RYAN.
Wait, never mind. I’m sure one my teammates will pick it off and take it back for you. ROFL.
I HOPE FREDDIE KRUGER GIVES YOU A PROSTATE EXAM, PALMER
Aww Ryan, are you sore because I drove a stake into the heart of your playoff hopes?
Well that’s what you get for being COUNT PICK-ULA, THE UNDEAD KING OF INTERCEPTALVANIA. LOLOLOLOL
Hey everyone. In honor of Halloween, I STUCK A RAZOR BLADE IN THE BIG APPLE. HAHAHAHA
What? Dalton, that’s terrible.
Yo, that’s messed up. Kids get killed that way.
ANDY DALTON MURDERS SCHOOLCHILDREN!
No you Milk Duds. I mean that I BEAT GENO SMITH BY FORTY POINTS! AHAHAHAHA
I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON A POISONED RED-HOT, DALTON
And while the GINGER NINJA threw FIVE TDs, the poor, hapless Jets only passed for a mere 173 yards and 2 picks.
Joe Namath isn’t dead.
Well, his liver is.
Hey, I wanna talk about the Oakland Raiders vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers
2 hour ago . Like
WHOO-HOO! WHAT AN EPIC CLASH OF NFL POWERHOUSES!
DID Y’ALL SEE HOW I RAN FOR 93 YARDS AND A TD ON THE FIRST PLAY FROM SCRIMMAGE?!
Chuck Noll isn’t dead.
Nope. He’s not dead either.
HE’S STILL ALIVE TOO.
DAMMIT, THE JOKE ONLY WORKS WHEN YOU USE SOMEONE WHO’S ACTUALLY DEAD!
There you go.
Well, I’m outta here.
Since I have some free time these days, I’m gonna spend this week jumping out of bushes to scare the shit out of the neighborhood kids.
Gosh. Is that something you do every Halloween?
Huh. Is it Halloween already?
Hey Ryan Tannehill, before we go. Do you have any naked pictures of your wife?
You want some?
SIT ON A TOBLERONE, BRADY
2 hour ago . Like .
Sam Bradford was gonna do that anyway.
October 28, 2013 at 9:08 am
I read half of this and honestly couldn’t finish reading without boredom. Get your shit together guys.
October 28, 2013 at 9:11 am
Brady’s last line made me piss in my pants ahahahaha
October 28, 2013 at 9:23 am
Ummm, you guys realize the Packers actually have a pretty good defense, right? Wilson’s “burn” on Rodgers doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if you think about it. “A healthy team” might make more sense, considering the Packer’s injury problem.
October 28, 2013 at 9:25 am
The two best lines: “ENTIRE COWBOYS DEFENSE: US NEITHER!” and “Sam Bradford was gonna do that anyway”
October 28, 2013 at 9:40 am
The icons are the best! Good job writers!!
Corey De Lee
October 28, 2013 at 9:43 am
Peg leg lmao
October 28, 2013 at 9:49 am
Love the costumes– Philip Rivers is the best. hahaha.
Oh, and Matthew? If you don’t like it, then don’t read it. The last thing the internet needs is another whiny little bitch like you. Mmmmkay Ducky-poo?
October 28, 2013 at 9:58 am
The profile pics LOL
October 28, 2013 at 10:00 am
October 28, 2013 at 10:02 am
Matthew, it’s not like you’re paying them to do this, so don’t complain if they put out [in your opinion] a few weak articles
The icons were killing it for me! Great job, again, guys!
October 28, 2013 at 10:35 am
Great as Always!
October 28, 2013 at 10:45 am
@Shinobi, the Packers just gave up 31 points to the Vikings. I don’t think their defense is very good. Especially when compared to the Seahawks.
October 28, 2013 at 10:54 am
@Anonymous: The defense didn’t give up 31 points. Are you new to football or something?
October 28, 2013 at 10:59 am
October 28, 2013 at 11:18 am
This should be moved to Lamebook
October 28, 2013 at 11:29 am
Love the Michael Vick “Like”.
October 28, 2013 at 11:41 am
Best one in a couple weeks, nice work.
October 28, 2013 at 11:45 am
Really enjoyed their icons, especially Ralph Wiggum picking his nose for Ben R. BTW, Peyton Manning was not OROY–Randy Moss was that year.
October 28, 2013 at 11:46 am
I luv Drew Brees! Poor thing with this scar!! lol hilarious guys.
October 28, 2013 at 12:20 pm
For those who complain, no one is forcing you to read these articles. ijs
October 28, 2013 at 12:28 pm
2 weeks now with subpar jokes. sigh
October 28, 2013 at 12:52 pm
LOL @ Steelers playoff chances!
Good one guys!
October 28, 2013 at 12:59 pm
And every week we have whiney little bitches like: Matthew Hajducky, L.Johnson, and Jeff. If you dont like it fingerbang yourself to something else.
Gene Beesley Kaschmitter
October 28, 2013 at 1:01 pm
it was great this week. more russell wilson
October 28, 2013 at 1:22 pm
“ANDY DALTON MURDERS SCHOOLCHILDREN!”
October 28, 2013 at 1:28 pm
Wilsons one liners are the best. I’m pretty sure Rodgers isn’t going to let go of the immaculate catch W for the Hawks for years! Way to keep playing on that emotion guys
October 28, 2013 at 1:55 pm
Profile pics were the best part! LOL
October 28, 2013 at 2:15 pm
Wilson’s profile pic is perfect for his usual one-liner for Rogers.
October 28, 2013 at 2:56 pm
these are great! keep these covos coming. i love reading them. dont listen to the haters. these keep me laughing. i loved the profile pictures. and i love how everyone has a character. my suggestion is give cam newton a character. like i said keep these posts coming. another hilarious week like usual
October 28, 2013 at 3:20 pm
Needs more sam Bradford
October 28, 2013 at 3:28 pm
Genius as always.
October 28, 2013 at 4:30 pm
Loved it like usual!
October 28, 2013 at 4:36 pm
“Steelers playoff chances” and Daltons response were greatness. Loved the icons!
October 28, 2013 at 4:40 pm
No Sam Bradford = Sad Panda
October 28, 2013 at 4:50 pm
the Schiano like and Philip rivers’ joker painted face are the best
October 28, 2013 at 5:34 pm
Greg Schiano likes this
Sam Bradford was gonna do that anyway
Killed me! lol
October 28, 2013 at 7:54 pm
Steeler’s Playoff Chances *lols*
October 28, 2013 at 8:01 pm
Agree with Anon = Brady’s last line was hilarious!!
October 28, 2013 at 9:48 pm
Lacy Mode sounds like something Sam Bradford would be into….
October 28, 2013 at 9:57 pm
The earlier ones were great, but I feel like recently these have declined. Before all the fanboys attack, I’m just speaking my opinion. Anyways, they just don’t have that spark like they used to have. I used to lol at these, but now I just grin every once and a while.
Alex Big-Al Breton
October 28, 2013 at 10:18 pm
To all the morons complaining saying these aren’t funny and crap like that, 1st off, NOBODY is forcing you to read these. And 2nd, Like any of you are funnier, because these are funny as hell, and I always look forward to reading these every Monday. So Keep Hating & PCE OUT!!
October 29, 2013 at 12:24 am
lol. Nice job losing to the Packers, Freeman.
October 29, 2013 at 6:15 am
Good stuff…even the Cowboys jokes hahaha!
October 29, 2013 at 6:24 am
So wrong, but so darn funny.
October 29, 2013 at 7:21 am
Eli Manning as Gazoo. Genius.
IT’S BECAUSE ELI’S HEAD LOOKS HUGE COMPARED TO HIS BODY.
October 29, 2013 at 7:50 am
Aaron Rodgers was hilarious in this one, especially “Lace Mode”, Funny stuff!
October 29, 2013 at 9:06 am
Good stuff. Keep them coming!
October 29, 2013 at 9:27 am
These have been great all season, but this one was a major dud. Not even worth sharing.
October 29, 2013 at 9:32 am
Brilliant as always – love the ‘Lace Mode’
October 29, 2013 at 11:19 am
LACE MODE, woooh.
October 29, 2013 at 12:34 pm
L. Johnson wants his money back.
October 29, 2013 at 1:18 pm
Andrew Luck should’ve been a MLP… just sayin’
the costumes were okay.
October 29, 2013 at 1:23 pm
October 29, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Holy shit. That was so hilarious! The pictures made the jokes even better! Great job, writers!
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October 29, 2013 at 8:28 pm
keep tannehill in these its funnier
October 29, 2013 at 8:36 pm
Tons better from last week! Great job guys! The FB profiles pics had me in stitches! Glad you didn’t go all “blue” this week with the humor!
October 29, 2013 at 9:32 pm
Everyone bitches about how bad these are…did you get a laugh? Yes? Then stfu, not like you could do better. Seriously
October 30, 2013 at 8:33 am
Christian Ponder as the invisible man??? Brilliant!!!
So was the reference to RGIII having peaked already! (Though Manning did not win ROY, but the joke was worth the oversight)
October 30, 2013 at 12:30 pm
This was awesome. Having the dead coaches spin in their graves was a nice touch. Those who found it boring are probably not even football fanatics to get the jokes. Keep up the great work!
October 31, 2013 at 1:08 pm
HILARIOUS! Keep it that way! The coaches spinning on their graves and last Brady’s comment were the best parts
October 31, 2013 at 6:27 pm
OMG, peg leg! Hilarious! Love the profile pics.
November 1, 2013 at 3:25 am
Needs more Bradford.
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November 1, 2013 at 8:36 am
Excellent job! Every week you make me Laugh my freakin pants off. That final line of Brady was hilarious!!!!
November 4, 2013 at 3:06 pm
If you aren’t a paid subscriber then shut up and don’t log on. Big Ben and Cutler are f’ing hilarious.
November 7, 2013 at 3:36 pm
Lmfao! Best one of the season so far!
November 8, 2013 at 11:28 am
Dude. I totally thought that Kapernick looked like Squidward! I’m glad I’m not the only one to see this striking similarity.
November 8, 2013 at 9:54 pm
he was sqidward, dumbass.
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