Drew Brees Revealed As “Yellow King” On HBO’s “True Detective”
"It all makes sense now," say fans of scar-faced Saints QB
NEW ORLEANS, LA – Leaked information from the set of HBO’s hit drama “True Detective” confirmed today that the identity of the murderous psychopath known only as the “Yellow King,” will be revealed during Sunday’s season finale as none other than Saints QB Drew Brees, according to sources within the pay-cable network.
“My god, it all makes sense now,” said Detective Marty Hart, (portrayed in the series by Woody Harrelson), in the episode’s climactic scene. “The clues were right in front of us all along. Louisiana resident. Yellow robes and a crown. A face horribly disfigured by scarring. How did we not see this before?”
Added Detective Rustin Cohle (played by Academy Award winner Matthew McConaughey): “We probably should have figured it out when we found the words, ‘Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gon’ brutally murder a bunch of innocent schoolchildren?’ scrawled in blood on that church wall.”
According to Brees, portraying the serial killer required a specific brand of method acting.
“Believe it or not, getting into character as a homicidal maniac wasn’t that tough,” said the thirteen-year NFL veteran. “Whenever the durector yelled ‘Action,’ I just closed my eyes and pictured Roger Goodell, Cam Newton, and the entire Seahawks defense standing in front of me. And that would instantly bring out a violent, murderous rage from within me.”
Added Brees: “Sometimes, they had to restrain me between takes to keep me from attacking the crew.”
Brees’ successful stint on the show has inspired HBO to offer several other NFL QBs acting roles on assorted series.
“We have a standing offer to Jay Cutler to play King Joffrey’s more annoying brother on ‘Game of Thrones,’ said Michael Ellenberg, Executive Vice President of HBO Programming. “We’re also trying to cast Tom Brady as a fashion-obsessed gigolo on our reboot of ‘Sex and the City.’ And naturally, we’d love to hire Eli Manning, Tony Romo, Ryan Tannehill and Philip Rivers as the four leads for our new version of ‘Girls.'”
- INTERCEPTED TEXT: Tony Romo And Drew Brees Discuss The Cowboys-Saints Game
- Jimmy Graham: “I’m Way Too Crappy As A Blocker To Be Franchised As A TE”
- Saints Prepare For Intense Crowd Noise By Inviting 80,000 Seahawks Fans To Practice
- ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Saints Fans Still Blame Super Bowl Loss On Botched Onside Kick