Drew Brees Revealed As “Yellow King” On HBO’s “True Detective”

"It all makes sense now," say fans of scar-faced Saints QB

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Updated: March 6, 2014

NEW ORLEANS, LA – Leaked information from the set of HBO’s hit drama “True Detective” confirmed today that the identity of the murderous psychopath known only as the “Yellow King,” will be revealed during Sunday’s season finale as none other than Saints QB Drew Brees, according to sources within the pay-cable network.

TRUE DETECTIVE DREW BREES

 

“My god, it all makes sense now,” said Detective Marty Hart, (portrayed in the series by Woody Harrelson), in the episode’s climactic scene. “The clues were right in front of us all along. Louisiana resident. Yellow robes and a crown. A face horribly disfigured by scarring. How did we not see this before?”

 

Added Detective Rustin Cohle (played by Academy Award winner Matthew McConaughey): “We probably should have figured it out when we found the words, ‘Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gon’ brutally murder a bunch of innocent schoolchildren?’ scrawled in blood on that church wall.”

 

According to Brees, portraying the serial killer required a specific brand of method acting.

DREWS BREES MONSTER TRUE DETECTIVE

 

“Believe it or not, getting into character as a homicidal maniac wasn’t that tough,” said the thirteen-year NFL veteran. “Whenever the durector yelled ‘Action,’ I just closed my eyes and pictured Roger Goodell, Cam Newton, and the entire Seahawks defense standing in front of me. And that would instantly bring out a violent, murderous rage from within me.”

 

Added Brees: “Sometimes, they had to restrain me between takes to keep me from attacking the crew.”

 

Brees’ successful stint on the show has inspired HBO to offer several other NFL QBs acting roles on assorted series.

 

“We have a standing offer to Jay Cutler to play King Joffrey’s more annoying brother on ‘Game of Thrones,’ said Michael Ellenberg, Executive Vice President of HBO Programming. “We’re also trying to cast Tom Brady as a fashion-obsessed gigolo on our reboot of ‘Sex and the City.’ And naturally, we’d love to hire Eli Manning, Tony Romo, Ryan Tannehill and Philip Rivers as the four leads for our new version of ‘Girls.'”

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31 Comments

  1. Tom Brady

    March 11, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    For the love of fuck Stafford! This isn’t twitter.

  2. Matthew Stafford

    March 11, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    #heythatsmylinebro #notcool

  3. @MattHasselbeckAlternateUniverse

    March 11, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    that’s also me

  4. Drew Brees

    March 11, 2014 at 11:34 am

    Wait so if matt hasselback is stafford what is alternate staford

  5. @MattHasselbeckAlternateUniverse'sLawyers

    March 11, 2014 at 8:33 am

    #allegedly

  6. Kacey Musgraves

    March 10, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    Really rivers you jacked off to taylor swift everybody knows im better looking and a better singer then that bitch

  7. Michael Sam

    March 10, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    Sorry Rodgers I’m into Jason Collins

  8. Aaron is Gay Rodgers

    March 9, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

  9. Time Magazine 2040

    March 9, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    Yes you are you said so on this* points to 2020 Aaron Comes Out Big News For Newley Weds Michael Sam And Aaron Rodgers In the Longest Headline In History*

  10. Aaron Rodgers

    March 8, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    I AM *NOT* GAY

  11. Anonymous

    March 8, 2014 at 8:33 am

    Fellow Anonymous? My partner in crime making fun of Philip Rivers?

    Now if you excuse me I’ll go have sex with every QB’s significant other….except of course Aaron Rodgers. Because I only fuck women you see.

  12. Ben Rothelisberger

    March 7, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE ITS TRUE… hey wait a minute did someone say my name?

  13. Anonymoose

    March 7, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    Philip Rivers? Suck-ass CHargers QB who always introduces people and who is becoming more popular to imitate on PFM than Rothlessburger?

  14. Philip Rivers

    March 7, 2014 at 5:57 pm

    Anonymous sort ass little bitch who stole my job on this site so it could give me something to do while I jacked off to Taylor Swift

  15. Anonymous

    March 7, 2014 at 5:06 pm

    Philip Rivers? The less talented Tony Romo of the AFC West?

  16. Philip Rivers, mediocre-at-best has-been QB of the San Diego Chargers

    March 6, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    WILSON, I WILL hACK INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AND CHANGE YOUR NAME TO “LOW LIFE INTERNET TROLL” OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT

  17. Russell Wilson

    March 6, 2014 at 8:34 pm

    Trolls? They’re just wannabes. They know nothing about trolling. And thanks for posting something rivers, I forgot to change your name to “Philip Rivers, mediocre-at-best-has-been QB of the San Diego Chargers?”

  18. Ben Roethlisburger form an alternate universe

    March 6, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    In an alternate universe, yes Hasselbeck still plays. Or I should say, from my universe. The Steelers lost to the Seahawks in superbowl XLII and so now Hasselbeck explains all the jokes and I am somewhat intelligent. Also for some reason Hasselback thinks he’s on twitter, I thought that was Stafford’s thing. We talked more about this on the one where the African village thought the Broncos won.

  19. Philip Rivers

    March 6, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    Anonymous the most common name on the site and used for bitchy internet trolls everywhere.

  20. Anonymous

    March 6, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    It’s funny because he doesn’t like Goodell, has to play Cam Newton twice a year, and got stuffed by Seattle’s defense you see.

  21. Bored

    March 6, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    Hasselbeck still plays?

  22. @MattHasselbeckAlternateUniverse

    March 6, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    #Becauserothlessburgerisarapist

  23. Ben Rapistburger

    March 6, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    BECAUSE ROMO IS SHIT, YOU SEE! AND SHAUB SAID OH SHIT

  24. poop

    March 6, 2014 at 3:43 pm

    I HATE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!111

  25. Matt Schaub

    March 6, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    Oh shit

  26. Peyton Interception von Foreheadstein

    March 6, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    Actually it has always been meant for you but I just always intercept it.

  27. Matt Interception von Foreheadstein

    March 6, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    Or Geno Smith… hey shouldn’t that have been for Manning?

  28. Philip Rivers

    March 6, 2014 at 3:36 pm

    Kenneth Smith-Brady? The son of Tom Brady and Alex Smith’s wife?

  29. Kenneth Smith-Brady

    March 6, 2014 at 1:12 pm

    Oucchhhhh, the Tannehill part *winces* but lol, don’t watch this show so i can’t relate, but him imagining Goodell or Newton was funny

  30. Ben Rothliesburger

    March 6, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    SHIT CANT MAKE FUN OF THIS

  31. mrskvall

    March 6, 2014 at 11:39 am

    ”We probably should have figured it out when we found the words, ‘Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gon’ brutally murder a bunch of innocent schoolchildren?’ scrawled in blood on that church wall.” Hahaha!

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