Doug Marrone Hoping To Be Hired By Team With Slimming Colors

“I don’t want to make the same mistake that Andy Reid made,” says chubby coach

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Updated: January 3, 2015

BUFFALO – Free agent coach Doug Marrone, who abruptly opted out of his contract with the Bills on December 31st, is hoping to land a new head coaching job with an NFL team, “whose color palette is slimming, and can flatter a ‘big-and-tall’ gentleman,” according to the hefty 50-year-old.

FAT DOUG MARRONE AND FAT ANDY REID SIDE BY SIDE

 

“I definitely want to avoid making the same mistake that Andy Reid did,” said Marrone, referring to Reid’s move from the dark green of the Philadelphia Eagles to the bright red of the Kansas City Chiefs. “That vivid shade highlights every curve of his belly, and it’s definitely not a good look. That’s why the Atlanta Falcons are not high on my employment wish list at the moment. There’s already one ‘Angry red tomato coach’ in the NFL; we certainly don’t need another.”

 

Marrone, whose weight is estimated to be in the 270 lb. range, is reportedly considering offers from Chicago and Oakland, as well as the New York Jets.

 

“The Bears and Raiders certainly have the advantage of dark, weight concealing colors going for them,” Marrone told reporters while eating a Dunkin Donuts’ glazed cruller. “The Jets, on the other hand… I don’t know. Before Rex Ryan lost all that weight, he looked pretty silly in those bright green and white shirts. If New York is serious about signing me, they’re going to have to change their color scheme to dark blue with vertical grey stripes sometime before mini-camp opens in May.”

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One Comment

  1. Ben Roethlisberger

    January 5, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE HE’S FAT.

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