Donovan McNabb Announces Retirement From Philadelphia Eagles Trophy Room

"Thank you, Philly!" says McNabb, as voice echoes off empty walls

Updated: July 29, 2013

PHILADELPHIA, PA – Longtime Eagles QB Donovan McNabb signed a ceremonial one-day contract with Philadelphia today, and officially announced his retirement from the NFL at a press conference from within the Eagles cavernous, though to this point unused, Trophy Room.

The press conference ended abruptly when McNabb got tired halfway through, and puked on the floor.

The press conference ended abruptly when McNabb got tired halfway through, and puked on the floor.


“It’s a thrill and an honor to return here to the Philadelphia organization, where I enjoyed so much success over the years,” said McNabb, his voice echoing off the unadorned walls. “So may great years, so many wonderful memories. My career here was so special, and I can’t think of anything that was missing from the time I spent as an Eagle.”


McNabb, 36, was chosen by Philadelphia with the second overall pick of the 1999 draft, a selection that was roundly criticized at the time.


“To all you fans and media folk who thought the Eagles made a mistake when they chose me, who thought that I would never be the quarterback to take Philadelphia to the top of the heap, well, I accept your apology,” McNabb smiled, as reporters shielded their eyes from the glare coming off the team’s empty trophy case. “During my tenure here, we won a lot of games, and went to a bunch of playoffs. I don’t know what more you could have asked from me.”


Added McNabb: “Damn, it feels good to prove my doubters wrong.”


When asked about the odd choice of venue to announce the McNabb retirement, Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie remarked, “Well, we just wanted to get some use out of this trophy room. I had it built as soon as I took over the team in 1994. It was meant to be a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, I guess. Since then, we’ve just been using it to play handball.”


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