Dan Snyder Denies That His “Fightin’ Injun” Halloween Costume Is Racially Insensitive

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Updated: October 29, 2014

POTOMAC, MD. – In a move his critics are calling, “racially insensitive and culturally inappropriate, even by his standards,” Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder showed up to a neighbor’s Halloween party Monday evening wearing what he called a “kickass fightin’ Injun” costume, complete with war paint, spear, and a “scalping axe,” according to shocked witnesses on the scene.

 

Racist Dan Snyder Indian Costume

“Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi, whoo-whoooo!” bellowed Snyder as he entered the celebration, in a mocking parody of a traditional Native American war chant. “Where’s the firewater in this here wigwam? I need a “Trail of Beers” to march their way straight into my mouth, and I mean pronto Tonto!”

 

“Mr. Snyder’s horrible outfit, as well as his incredibly offensive remarks, are just the latest on a long list of his disrespectful actions toward Native Americans,” said a spokesperson for the National Congress of American Indians (NCAI). “This man continues to show a bigoted, hateful attitude toward our people with the name of his team, his misguided attempts to buy our support, and now with this awful, awful costume.”

 

“Oh come on. Seriously? You think this bitchin’ outfit is offensive? Christ, there’s just no pleasing some of you PC whiners,” slurred a drunken Snyder to reporters later in the evening. “When I wear this costume, I am HONORING American Injun savages by portraying them as, I don’t know, brave and noble warriors who can dance the funky chicken without spilling a single drop of their cranberry vodka and Sprite, I guess?”

 

“But don’t take my word for it,” continued Snyder. “Just ask my gardener, Pedro. He’s Mexican, or Cuban, or something. But he looks red-skinned enough that he definitely might have some Injun blood in him. And when I asked him if he found my costume offensive, he replied ‘No hablo Ingles, senor,’ which I’m pretty sure means, ‘Mr. Snyder, that costume is as magnificent as your team’s wonderful nickname’ in the Apache language. So if HE doesn’t think it’s offensive, then why should you?”

 

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2 Comments

  1. Gary Hawkins - Landscaper Who Is Not Gary Hogeboom

    October 30, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    If it’s not offensive, then I’m Gary Hogeboom. And I’m not Gary Hogeboom.

    • MOIST

      October 31, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      Racial insensitivity leaves me dripping moist. Like mouth of tired dog, or sleeve of wizard.

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