Dan Snyder Changes Team Name To “The Washington Filthy Backwards Savages”
Responding to repeated calls to change his team’s racially insensitive nickname, Dan Snyder rechristened the Washington Redskins as, “The Washington Filthy Backwards Savages,” early Thursday.
“I like to think that we, as an organization are sensitive to the concerns of Native Americans,” said Snyder at a press conference held at team headquarters. “So after much internal deliberation, I am proud to unveil our new official team name and logo. America, I give you the ‘Washington Filthy Backwards Savages!'”
“You’re welcome, Indians” beamed the NFL owner.
The Filthy Backwards Savages had used the controversial “Redskins” moniker since 1933, despite numerous protests through the years that the term was a slur directed at Native American peoples. Thursday’s announcement did little to placate that outrage.
Jefferson Keel, President of the National Congress of American Indians, told reporters, “Today’s announcement by the Washington Fil… Jesus, I can’t even say it. Today’s announcement by the NFL team formerly known as the Red…nope, not saying that either. Today’s absurd announcement by the NFL team whom I refuse to name directly is an enormous slap in the face to the proud, indigenous people of this land. Dan Snyder and his racist organization have taken what was already an unacceptable situation and multiplied it by a factor of a hundred! In what universe does this man live that he thinks ‘Filthy Backwards You-Know-Whats’ would be an acceptable alternative to ‘Redskins?'”
“No, no, the name HONORS them, you see,” replied Snyder when informed of Keel’s sentiments. “It’s designed to embrace their, you know, their history as warriors and whatnot. I can’t see how anyone would take this offensively.”
“And besides, this name change is just phase one of an extensive rebranding project.” continued Snyder. “Soon, we’ll be introducing our lovely new cheerleaders, the Squawpettes, along with our zany new mascot Eddie Injun. Your kids will love old Eddie and his hilarious catch-phrase, ‘Me big heap-um crazy!’ So remember: HTTFBS! Hail to the Filthy Backwards Savages!”
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