Convicted Sex Offender Ashamed To Tell People He Roots For Cleveland Browns
FRESNO, CA – Nathaniel Robbins, 25, a recently paroled felon who in 2008 was sentenced to six years in prison for possession of child pornography, reportedly suffers great personal humiliation whenever he’s forced to admit to anyone that he is a longtime fan of the NFL’s Cleveland Browns franchise.
“Hello there. My name is Nate Robbins. It’s nice to meet you” Robbins said after knocking on his next-door neighbor’s front door, his fifth such introduction today. “I just moved onto the block yesterday, and by court order I am legally required to inform you that I am a registered sex offender. I hope you won’t be too inconvenienced by having a convicted pedophile living right next door to you and… Excuse me? Well, yes, it is a Cleveland Browns T-shirt. To be honest, I kind of forgot I was wearing it. What’s that? Uh, yeah I guess I’d have to admit that I am a.. um, a Browns fan. But please, please don’t tell the other folks in the neighborhood I cheer for Cleveland. I’d be mortified if anyone else heard about this.”
Added Robbins: “Look, as you can imagine, I’m really uncomfortable discussing the Browns. Can we get back to talking about my taste in kiddie porn?
“I don’t know what I was thinking, wearing this shirt today,” Robbins later said of the humiliating meeting. “Normally, whenever I’m forced to go door-to-door informing neighborhood residents of my sexual crimes, I never wear anything that might associate me with the Cleveland Browns. But I just completely forgot this morning, and threw this shirt on before I left the house. Now the whole block is going to know exactly what kind of weirdo I am. Oh, the indignity!”
Robbins vowed to reporters that he had seen the error of his ways, however.
“The next time I get busted for possession of child porn, serve six years in federal prison, and am then legally forced to introduce myself as a pervert to a bunch of strangers, you better believe I’ll make damn sure I’m not wearing any brown or orange clothing that might associate me with the Cleveland Browns. Trust me, I’ve learned from my mistakes.”
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