Colts T.Y. Hilton Vows Revenge On Fantasy Owner Who Benched Him
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Colts WR T.Y. Hilton is furious with IT consultant Jim Kaczynski, 31, of Ann Arbor, Michigan, following Kaczynski’s decision not to start Hilton this weekend for his fantasy football team, the “Polish Sausages,” sources close to the wide receiver confirmed early today.
“It’s bullshit,” Hilton reportedly said. “He picked me in the fourth round and just because I have one lousy game, along with several other lousy games, which if you look at it a certain way might make it appear that I’m a pretty unreliable #1 wide receiver and fantasy player, he benches me? Just bullshit, man.”
Sources in Ann Arbor reported that Kaczynski made the decision to bench the flashy but inconsistent Hilton after the Colts’ low-scoring Week 13 contest with the Tennessee Titans, in which Hilton posted a paltry five catches for 46 yards and no touchdowns. The Polish Sausages are two games behind the league-leading fantasy powerhouse “Sandy Duncan’s Eye Formation” and Kaczynski’s team needs a big game from multiple players to have any hope of getting back into the race.
”I didn’t want to take this step because I picked him so early,” Kaczynski said, “but, I mean, come on, I have to go up against Craig’s fuckin’ team this weekend, and he has Rob fuckin’ Gronkowski, and the Patriots are playing fuckin’ Cleveland this Sunday, so he’s gonna have like a million yards and fifty TDs and I’m gonna need all the points I can get.”
”Man, fuck Craig,” added Kaczynski.
Sources close to the Colts wideout confirmed that Hilton is not taking his fantasy benching without a fight. He reportedly plans to sabotage Kaczynski’s fantasy team by having a breakout performance in Week 14 against the Cincinnati Bengals.
”Oh man, it’s gonna be sick,” Hilton reportedly said. “Like, twenty catches for like two hundred fifty yards and five TDs. And that’s just the first half. Bench me, will you, Jim Kaczynski? I’ll go all Hall-of-Famer on your ass! It’ll be more than enough points to save your stupid fantasy team.”
When reached for comment, the Bengals defense simply laughed.