Colin Kaepernick Calls In Sick To Watch Dolphins-Patriots Game
TAMPA – QB Colin Kaepernick, scheduled to start today for the visiting San Francisco 49ers against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, called in sick early this morning so that he could stay behind at the team hotel and watch his favorite team, the Miami Dolphins, play a critical divisional game against the New England Patriots, sources close to the 3rd year pro confirmed early this morning.
“Hi Coach? This is Colin. I’m uh, cough cough, not feeling so hot today. I’m think I’m gonna have to use a sick day,” Kaepernick, 26, reportedly said in a voicemail left for Niners head coach Jim Harbaugh. “I guess I’ll just stay back at the hotel today and, you know, rest. So um, good luck against Tampa Bay today. I’ll see you at practice on Tuesday.”
With three games left in the season, San Francisco’s 9-4 record virtually assures them of a wild card berth, while also likely prohibits them from winning their division, a situation that makes today’s game against the Bucs mostly meaningless. Miami’s matchup against New England, on the other hand, is crucial to the Dolphins’ playoff hopes.
“I hope no one gets too pissed at me for calling in sick like this,” Kaepernick admitted while settling down onto his couch with a pizza shortly after leaving the message. “But there’s no way I’m missing this Dolphins game. They’re playing at home against a Pats team missing their top 3 receivers? Hell yeah, I’m gonna watch that. We gonna kick Brady’s ASS in this game. Go Fins!”
Today’s false sickness claim is something Kaepernick says will not become a habit.
“I know I can’t get away with pulling this stunt too often, or someone in the front office is gonna get wise to me,” he claimed. “Luckily for me, we play at different times than Miami the last couple of weeks of the season, so I’ll still be able to see them on TV. But assuming Miami wins at least two of their last three games, which is definitely possible based on their schedule, I might need to use the old ‘dead grandma’ trick to get a day off in January so I can stay home and watch them in the playoffs.”
- PFM Extra: Julian Edelman Wants You To Check Out His Meat
- Richie Incognito Urges Rams To Sign Him Immediately So He Can Beat The Shit Out Of Michael Sam
- Jerry Jones Trades Cowboys 1st Round Draft Pick For Handful of Magic Beans
- INTERCEPTED TEXT: Bill Belichick Welcomes Darrelle Revis To The New England Patriots