Colin Kaepernick Calls In Sick To Watch Dolphins-Patriots Game

By
Updated: December 15, 2013

TAMPA – QB Colin Kaepernick, scheduled to start today for the visiting San Francisco 49ers against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, called in sick early this morning so that he could stay behind at the team hotel and watch his favorite team, the Miami Dolphins, play a critical divisional game against the New England Patriots, sources close to the 3rd year pro confirmed early this morning.

COLIN KAEPERNICK WATCHING TV

 

 

“Hi Coach? This is Colin. I’m uh, cough cough, not feeling so hot today. I’m think I’m gonna have to use a sick day,” Kaepernick, 26, reportedly said in a voicemail left for Niners head coach Jim Harbaugh. “I guess I’ll just stay back at the hotel today and, you know, rest. So um, good luck against Tampa Bay today. I’ll see you at practice on Tuesday.”

 

 

With three games left in the season, San Francisco’s 9-4 record virtually assures them of a wild card berth, while also likely prohibits them from winning their division, a situation that makes today’s game against the Bucs mostly meaningless. Miami’s matchup against New England, on the other hand, is crucial to the Dolphins’ playoff hopes.

 

“I hope no one gets too pissed at me for calling in sick like this,” Kaepernick admitted while settling down onto his couch with a pizza shortly after leaving the message. “But there’s no way I’m missing this Dolphins game. They’re playing at home against a Pats team missing their top 3 receivers? Hell yeah, I’m gonna watch that. We gonna kick Brady’s ASS in this game. Go Fins!”

 

Today’s false sickness claim is something Kaepernick says will not become a habit.

 

“I know I can’t get away with pulling this stunt too often, or someone in the front office is gonna get wise to me,” he claimed. “Luckily for me, we play at different times than Miami the last couple of weeks of the season, so I’ll still be able to see them on TV. But assuming Miami wins at least two of their last three games, which is definitely possible based on their schedule, I might need to use the old ‘dead grandma’ trick to get a day off in January so I can stay home and watch them in the playoffs.”

21 Comments

  1. alexgiobbi

    December 15, 2013 at 10:33 am

    Ok ok, I know I’m not Roethlisberger but IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE COLIN KAEPERNICK IS THE QUARTERBACK FOR THE 49ERS AND YET HE OWNS A DOLPHINS HAT FOR WHATEVER REASON!!!

  2. Anonymous

    December 15, 2013 at 11:53 am

    You forgot the “DOLPHINS RULE! WOOO!”

  3. austinwasnothere

    December 15, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    What that guy said ^

  4. Anonymous

    December 15, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    This was great! And im under the impresion that the Vikings guy coming for AP has had a rly good game, so it’d b hilarious if they make a “Adrian Peterson released” article like they did w/ Andy Reid. Imagine how many ppl will think its legit and flip! But they do whatever they want

  5. Anonymous

    December 15, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    Ok just looked at the stats, never mind what i stated up there^!

  6. ray

    December 15, 2013 at 11:13 pm

    From the headline I thought it was because Kaepernick didn’t want to catch a MRSA infection.

  7. Tigerfire

    December 16, 2013 at 8:46 am

    Alexgiobbi, you can change your screen name. I am variously known as Tigerfire, Snowtigerfire, and Will.

  8. M_J

    December 16, 2013 at 10:48 am

    Wait is this…..true ???

  9. Anonymous

    December 16, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Shut up M_J. This is the second time you’ve asked it. You’re either stupid or just trolling the site. This is a satire site. It’s the Onion of profootball.

  10. Seattle Muse

    December 16, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    Alexgiobbi>>> props!

  11. Anonymous

    December 16, 2013 at 6:27 pm

    Kaep’s dolphins hat needs a flat-brim

  12. Anonymous

    December 16, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    Cuz he’s a hood-rat, you see? He only wears flat-brims.

  13. M_J

    December 17, 2013 at 2:14 am

    Soooooo…I take it that you’re mad. Btw, this made my third time

  14. Anonymous

    December 17, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    M_J I WILL INFECT YOUR ACCOUNT WITH SPAM PICTURES THAT INVOLVE NUDE PHOTOS OF REX RYAN DOING THE MACARENA!!

  15. M_J

    December 17, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    With all due respect Anonymous, that is cyber bullying

  16. Anonymous

    December 18, 2013 at 11:01 am

    “With all due respect”….who do you think you are? Andrew Luck?

  17. M_J

    December 19, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    No I’m M_J short for M_J

  18. artie

    January 2, 2014 at 6:22 am

    Way to finish up, Dolphins!

  19. Ben Worthlessburger

    February 8, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE KAEPERNICK IS A DOLFINS PHAN… OH WAIT… I MENT TO SAY DOLPHINS FAN

    AND THAT WAS FUNNY BECAUSE BEN ROTHLISBURGER IS STUPID

  20. Peyton Manning

    March 24, 2014 at 9:17 am

    Hey, way to be eating Papa John’s Colin! Well done. See? That wasn’t so bad.

  21. Colin Kaepernick

    April 7, 2014 at 3:01 pm

    *vomits* This is worse than Sam Bradford doing a porno.

ProFootballMock Talk: