Colin Kaeperick: “Gosh, I Hope I Have The Stamina Needed To Rush For 181 Yards Against The Packers Again”

Updated: September 3, 2013


Well, it’s finally here, everyone. The new NFL season kicks off in just a couple of days. And like all of you, I’m excited to see what new surprises 2013 has in store for us. Will it be the Saints or the Falcons that earn the #2 seed behind us in the playoffs? Will it be a division winning team or an underdog wild card that loses to us in the NFC Championship Game? And I’m most cusious about which squad the AFC will offer up for us to beat in the Super Bowl. These are all good questions, and thankfully we’ll have our answers eventually.


But the new season also brings fresh new concerns too. There are lots of issues that, honestly, have been keeping me up at night lately. For example, I’m totally worried that I won’t have enough stamina to rush for another 181 yards against the Green Bay Packers in our game this Sunday like I did during last year’s playoff victory.


You remember that game, right? What am I saying, of course you do. Everyone remembers that epic contest when I personally shredded the Packers defense by galloping for a phenomenal 181 yards! As we all know, that is an all-time NFL record for quarterback rushing in a single game. Not just for a playoff game, mind you, but a record for any NFL game, ever. In history!

You see the way those Packers almost look like they're within 30 yards of me in this picture? This is what photographers call "forced perspective."

You see the way those Packers almost look like they’re within 30 yards of me in this picture? This is what photographers call “forced perspective.”


Whew! I get tired just thinking about all those yards I accumulated running untouched right through the middle of that porous Packers D. Which is why I find myself so troubled thinking about this weekend’s rematch. This is an early season game, after all. Our bodies are still worn down from training camp, and frankly, I’m not 100% sure I have enough stamina to run for all those yards again.


I mean, think about it. For three solid hours, drive after drive, play after play, I have to run at top speed through gaping holes in the Packers defense. Sometimes it’ll be gigantic seams right up the middle, while other times it’s enormous lanes opening up on option runs around the tackles, But the common denomintor is that I’ll be sprinting across wide open patches of turf all afternoon. And honestly, I’m not sure if I have the energy for such a marathon, you know?


Listen, I try to keep myself in good shape. I make it a point to eat right and get lots of exercise. But most of my training focuses on running short distances in quick bursts, not the extended, long-distance mileage that you need to cover when playing the Packers. Gosh, I  hope that my stamina will be able to hold up! I may have to consume an energy bar in the huddle before each drive just to make it to halftime!


Well, don’t worry too much about me. I’ll try to do the best I can. As long as I maintain nice long strides, I should be able to conserve my energy. Plus, sometime around the third quarter, I’m hoping to get that “runner’s high” that will block out the pain and give me a second wind to propel me through the second half. Plus, now that I think about it, there’s a pretty good chance that we’ll be winning by 30 or 40 points around the start of the 4th quarter, and Coach Harbaugh will be sending in all the second teamers anyway, so I should be able to get to the bench for some much needed rest by then.

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One Comment

  1. meh

    December 2, 2013 at 8:36 am

    the article is as unfunny as Kaepernicks interception in the Superbowl. The first ever for a 49ers QB… idiot!

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