Buccaneers Pre-Game Pep Talk Just Getting Sadder and Sadder
TAMPA BAY – Just prior to last night’s 31-13 loss at the hands of theCarolina Panthers, Buccaneers CB Darrelle Revis delivered a pep talk to his teammates along the sidelines that, according to multiple sources, started out fiery and impassioned before gradually devolving into a sad, gloomy series of mumbles.
“All right here we go! Time to go out there and kick some ass, Bucs style!” bellowed Revis to begin the speech, as he loudly clapped his hands several times. “And yeah, sure, some might say that ‘Bucs style’ hasn’t been all that great this year! Or last year! Or for several years now! In fact some might say that ‘Bucs style’ has, with the exception of a few brief years during the early 2000’s, been a steady string of laughable failure for almost four decades now! But that’s okay, because tonight we’re here to bring back Tampa Bay pride! Even though that might be tough to do when we’re starting a rookie quarterback against a surging Panthers team that’s won three of their past four games, and features one of the hotter quarterbacks in the league over the past few weeks! But all of that is just, you know, challenges for us to, um, overcome!”
Amid the slowly-decreasing whoops and hollers of his teammates, Revis continued, “If we believe in ourselves, and we work together, we can’t lose! Well, I mean technically we could! They believe in themselves too, obviously! And from what I’ve seen on film they certainly work together pretty well! But still, this is our game to prove all our doubters wrong! Even though they’ve been right each of the past several weeks!”
The Buccaneers, now 0-7 on the season and expected to fire head coach Greg Schiano before the year’s end, have endured a number of high profile mishaps in 2013, including a poorly handled split with former QB Josh Freeman, and a locker room contaminated with an MSRA infection. As both the injuries and the losses have mounted, the team’s morale has reportedly waned accordingly.
“So we’re gonna go out there and give it everything we’ve got!” concluded Revis. “And don’t worry about the naysayers who mock our troubled franchise! Ignore the so-called ‘experts’ who say we have a better than fifty-fifty shot of going 0-16. And just block out all those troublesome regrets you may have about any former big city, major-market teams that you might have once played for, that are now well on pace for an AFC playoff berth, while you suffer here in this muggy swamp! That kind of negative thinking isn’t going to get us anywhere! Because what we need to focus on tonight is that we have to go out and play an important game right here, right now! And win or lose it’s going to be over in roughly three hours or so, give or take, and then we can go home and watch an all new “Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” so at least we can look forward to that!
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