BREAKING: Roger Goodell Leads Police On Chase In White Bronco

By
Updated: September 23, 2014

NEW YORK – The scandal plagued 2014 NFL season took another strange turn Tuesday when league commissioner Roger Goodell fled his Manhattan office in a white Ford Bronco, leading police on a two-hour chase across local roads and state highways while news helicopters tracked his every move.

Roger Goodell White Bronco

“He says he’s not going to turn himself in until you agree to his demands,” said Sports Illustrated analyst Peter King, who accompanied Goodell on the chase. “First, he wants all investigations into his handling of the Ray Rice situation halted immediately. Second, he wants to be named NFL commissioner for life, with a contract that exempts him from ever being removed from power, questioned for his decisions, or criticized in any way whatsoever. And finally, he insists that the NFLPA agree immediately to an 18-game season, starting this year, and continuing without negotiation until the end of time.”

 

Added King: “Also, he says that everyone currently watching this on CNN is suspended without pay from whatever job they happen to have for at least six weeks.”

 

Observers watching the chase unfold on the city streets compared the scene to another famous pursuit from the early 1990s.

 

“It was very similar to the O.J. Simpson chase from twenty years ago,” said local commuter Olivia Janney. “People were lining up on every highway overpass, waiting to see the Bronco drive by, and holding up these huge homemade signs. Except this time, instead of saying, ‘Run Juice Run,’ the signs read, ‘You Suck.’”

Leave a Reply

6 Comments

  1. Confused Guy

    September 24, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    But Roger Goodell’s super rich. Wouldn’t he hire a driver in a situation like this? And with perhaps a nicer vehicle?

  2. toadofsteel

    September 24, 2014 at 8:33 am

    What? No “Most Yards Gained By a Bronco” joke? PFM, I am disappoint.

  3. Ralph Wiggum

    September 24, 2014 at 8:27 am

    “When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.”

  4. Ben Roethlisberger

    September 23, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    I CAN’T EVEN DO MY USUAL “EXPLAINING THE JOKE” THING BECAUSE THE ARTICLE EXPLAINED THE JOKE.

    • The real Andrew Luck

      September 24, 2014 at 10:10 am

      You know what would really help Mr. Goodell out greatly right now, Ben. If you went and hung out at a few clubs this week.

  5. Jim in NYC

    September 23, 2014 at 11:05 am

    There is not a single street in New York City with that little traffic…

You must be logged in to post a comment Login