BATTLE OF THE BOARDS: PATRIOTS-TEXANS

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Updated: November 26, 2013

By Guest Author Chris N.

GO PATRIOTS!

GO TEXANS

HUMILIATE HOUSTON!

WIN OR SOMETHING, I GUESS

TRAMPLE THE TEXANS!

TRY TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE GAME WITHOUT THROWING UP ON YOURSELVES

UM...CRUSH CASE KEENUM?

*SIGH*

ARE YOU OKAY? YOU'RE HARSHING OUR POST-BRONCOS-BEATDOWN BUZZ

LIFE IS A MEANINGLESS SERIES OF POINTLESS AND CRUEL TRAGEDIES

YOU SOUND LIKE A BILLS FAN

DESPAIR IS THE ONLY GENUINE HUMAN EMOTION

THIS GAME IS SUPPOSED TO BE A BIG PLAYOFF REMATCH FROM LAST YEAR. YOU'RE STEPPING ALL OVER THE AURA.

HAPPINESS IS A DECEPTION

KNOCK IT OFF! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TRASH HERE!

THE FIRST NOBLE TRUTH IS THAT ALL IS SUFFERING

QUIT STEALING QUOTES FROM ARIAN FOSTER'S LIVEJOURNAL!

FAILURE IS OUR DESTINY

COME ON, IS THIS JUST BECAUSE YOU GUYS SUCK THIS YEAR? YOU CAN'T BE THAT BAD.

WE LOST TO THE JAGUARS LAST WEEK. AT HOME.

HOLY SHIT

DEFEAT IS INEVITABLE. EFFORT IS POINTLESS.

CHEER UP GUY, YOU COULD STILL TOTALLY… WAIT HOLD ON. ARE YOU SAYING YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY TO WIN?

WHAT’S THE POINT? OUR SEASON IS LOST.

SO THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO A DEPRESSED FOOTBALL TEAM? HOPELESSNESS, LETHARGY AND LACK OF EFFORT?

ALONG WITH HEAVY DRINKING

HMMM. SAY, DO YOU MIND LAYING SOME OF THIS “WOE IS ME” CRAP ON THE BROWNS, DOLPHINS, RAVENS AND BILLS FOR US?

AREN’T THOSE THE FOUR REMAINING TEAMS ON YOUR SCHEDULE?

ARE THEY? WOW, WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

SO BASICALLY YOU WANT US TO DEPRESS ALL YOUR FUTURE OPPONENTS INTO GIVING UP WITHOUT A FIGHT?

IF IT’S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE

SURE

GREAT. JUST MAKE ‘EM THINK THAT LIFE IS EMPTY AND THAT ALL THEIR CHAMPIONSHIP DREAMS ARE FUTILE.

DON’T BOTHER. WE’RE WAY AHEAD OF YOU

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9 Comments

  1. Matt Stafford

    March 5, 2014 at 8:39 am

    This was hilarious #Texanssuck

  2. Anonymous

    December 18, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    Browns ending was hilarious! Luckily the Texans’ depression didn’t affect the Fins

  3. Matt

    December 4, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    The Browns ending KILLED it! :)

  4. Seth

    November 28, 2013 at 2:37 am

    I don’t think his salary actually has a big cap hit for another few years, but point taken. Either way, 2nd Superbowl win in my lifetime, I’m damn satisfied right now (and our defense ain’t half bad at the moment too)

  5. Jason Allred

    November 27, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Plus a bloated Joe Flacco salary without any money left for other players. The Ravens sucking was inevitable.

  6. Seth

    November 27, 2013 at 7:55 pm

    Can’t really be depressed considering we’re still the defending champs, just got the Superbowl hangover + a bunch of bad injuries this year

  7. Sholly73

    November 27, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    I’m a Browns fan, and I’m LMAO at the ending!

  8. Anonymous

    November 27, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    Like this guest author

  9. Nemo

    November 27, 2013 at 8:18 am

    Perfect ending.

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