Bill Belichick Dresses As Ravens Mascot To Steal Baltimore’s Signals
BALTIMORE – As his team enjoyed their week 10 bye, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick was apprehended Sunday in M&T Bank Stadium, where he donned the costume of Poe, the Ravens official team mascot, in order to infiltrate the Baltimore sideline and steal John Harbaugh’s signals, it was reported earlier today.
“We first suspected it might be Bill when we noticed that ‘Poe’ was spending more time peeking over our coaches’ shoulders at their playsheets than he was cheering for our team,” said Harbaugh after his 20-17 OT victory over the Cincinnati Bengals. “Then later, we found Jerry Edmondson, the actor who normally wears the costume, tied up and gagged in the visitor’s locker room. His eyes were full of terror, and all the color had drained from his cheeks. Like he’d personally just seen the Devil himself.”
Belichick has been accused of underhanded tactics in the past, most notably during 2007’s “Spygate” scandal. Now, these most recent allegations seem to suggest that Belichick is looking to gain a competitive edge against the 4-5 Ravens, in preparation for their game later this season.
“He definitely wanted to fool us into thinking he was our normal mascot,” said Harbaugh. “He danced around a little, and tried to put on a show for the fans. But it wasn’t very convincing. Only someone with a heart as black and cold as Bill Belichick could dance around in a giant whimsical bird costume, and still somehow make it look grumpy and hateful.”
Added Harbaugh: “Plus, I’m pretty sure he wounded four of five kids when he started shooting the T-shirt cannon into the crowd. I think he loaded it with cantaloupes.”