Bartender Concerned Johnny Manziel’s “Football” Lifestyle Interfering With His Party Commitments

"We only see him three or four night a week lately," complains local mixologist

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Updated: August 13, 2014

CLEVELAND – Randy “The Randster” Calloway, a late-shift bartender at Cleveland’s The Empty Glass Saloon, has grown increasingly concerned that the “football” habits of Jonathan Manziel, one of his most dependable customers over the past several months, may be interfering with his party obligations within the popular tavern, according to area sources.

Bartender worried about Johnny manziel

 

“I’ve spoken to Johnny and let him know in no uncertain terms that his recent behavior is unacceptable,” said Calloway, while mopping up a congealed pool of vomit near the bar’s karaoke stage.  “Lately, there have been several photos popping up in the media of Johnny wearing shoulder pads, a helmet, and throwing what appears to be a leather foot-ball with other guys wearing similar equipment. Clearly, he’s engaging in some sort of extra-curricular football lifestyle, and if he’s not careful, it’s really going to interfere with his development as one of our top party animals.”

 

Added Calloway: “I mean, last week he was over half an hour late for our regular Wednesday night two-for-one Jello shots promotion. I just don’t know where his priorities lie anymore.”

 

According to other patrons of the tavern, Manziel’s reputation as a participant in athletic events was well known at the time of his acceptance to the bar’s social scene.

 

“We knew Johnny had a reputation for occasionally engaging in these football activities when he first joined our pub,” said Harvey Burnett, one of The Empty Glass’s regulars. “He’s young, he’s fit, and he has a right to go out and enjoy himself by playing sports when he’s not at our bar. But if those activities start getting in the way of his commitments here at the bar, as they have been recently, that’s when we have a problem. He didn’t even bother to show up for our Saturday night “Drunken Games” competition this past weekend.  If he keeps that kind of behavior up, we won’t be calling him Johnny Fooz-ball” much longer.

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19 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    August 25, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    hey PMF – is there a way to block people from trolling the comment section? Namely they guys who wispers “(stupid things)”? I know they can always create a new account and post some other stupid irrelevant comment, but it would atleast be an effort to keep them away. Yes, I know I don’t have to read the comment sections. That arguement is lame as well. If I went and took a shit on your porch would you complain about it? I could always respond with, “just don’t use the porch” -or- “just don’t smell/step in it”

  2. Name

    August 22, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    The Ben Hater, actually what ruins these comment sections is guy who whispers penis, girl who whispers vagina, guy who spoils movies, guy who says “moist”, poop, haiku, and copycat. if they would all just go die in a hole then the comments would be much more intelligent. in fact for all I know it might be just one or two people doing it.

  3. A Mother's Basement

    August 13, 2014 at 11:35 pm

    Tell me about it. Why couldn’t they stay in their bedrooms? My walls have stains that no wall should ever be subject to and how they got there….the horror! I wish a flood would come through and drown me out of this misery.

  4. Guy Who Spoils Movies

    August 13, 2014 at 8:31 pm

    “Rosebud” was the dude’s sled, assholes.

  5. Anonymous

    August 13, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    God seriously the person/troll who keeps doing the stupid penis, vagina, copycat, and etc. shit has no life. I’m really starting to believe that in real life this guy really is some fat ass ugly mother fucker who has no job and probably does live in his mothers basement like someone else said.

  6. Josh McCown

    August 13, 2014 at 4:03 pm

    Hash tag suck it haters.

  7. Copycat

    August 13, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    *whispers* penis

  8. Guy Who Whispers "Penis"

    August 13, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    *whispers* penis

  9. Ted, Division Manager

    August 13, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!

  10. Anonymous

    August 13, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Johnny Manziel has to make money. Dude can’t party without cash. Needs to work hard so he can party hard lol.

  11. Girl who whispers "vagina"

    August 13, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    *whispers* vagina

  12. Brett Favre

    August 13, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Oh what the hell. 8—|>

  13. Brett Favre

    August 13, 2014 at 10:58 am

    Too bad I can’t post dick pics in the comment section. You’re all due for one.

  14. Marshawn Lynch

    August 13, 2014 at 10:39 am

    BEAST MODE MOTHER FUCKERS!

  15. It may or may not be funny. And I’m not Gary Hogeboom.

  16. The Ben Hater

    August 13, 2014 at 10:12 am

    IT’S NOT FUNNY BECAUSE ALL THESE IDIOTS IMITATING BEN ROETHLISBERGER RUIN THE COMMENT SECTION.

  17. Ben Roethlisberger

    August 13, 2014 at 9:45 am

    IT’S FUNNY CUZ JOHNNY MANZIEL PARTIES SO MUCH THAT THE BARTENDER THINKS HIS PROFESSION IS PARTYING AND NOT PLAYING FOOTBALL, YOU SEE

  18. Walter Sobchak

    August 13, 2014 at 8:53 am

    AM I THE ONLY ONE GETTING FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT JOHNNY MANZIEL!!?

  19. Joe Namath

    August 13, 2014 at 4:01 am

    Hey lay off the kid…. football never got in the way of my partying! He’ll soon learn once he’s back on the bench*!

    That’s park bench, passed out drunk and gripping the hand of his shopping trolley even when asleep.

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