Andrew Luck Discreetly Leaves Bottle Of Anti-Flatulence Pills In Center’s Locker
INDIANAPOLIS – QB Andrew Luck quietly snuck into an otherwise empty Colts locker room late yesterday evening to deposit a bottle of extra-strength, chewable Gas-X brand anti-flatulence pills in the locker of his starting center, 2nd year player Khaled Holmes, according to sources close to the team.
“I don’t want to embarrass Khaled, because he’s a good teammate and a great friend,” said Luck. “So I left him that bottle in his locker late last night when I knew he wasn’t there to see me do it. Let’s just say that a quarterback and his center have to work very closely at times during a game, and I’ve become acutely aware that Khaled must have, well, some sort of internal gastrological issues he’s dealing with. Because every time I walk up behind… you know what? Let’s just say that I have firsthand knowledge of his condition, and leave it at that.“
According to Holmes however, Luck’s gesture was entirely unnecessary.
“He left me anti-fart pills? That’s adorable,” said Holmes. “You can tell him that if he would just rub his hands briskly together a few times after each huddle, so that they’re not freezing cold when he presses them up against my junk, then maybe I might be willing to not eat a double bean and cheese burrito with brussel sprouts, cabbage, and a bran muffin every Sunday just before our games.”