Andrew Luck Discreetly Leaves Bottle Of Anti-Flatulence Pills In Center’s Locker

Updated: October 14, 2014

INDIANAPOLIS – QB Andrew Luck quietly snuck into an otherwise empty Colts locker room late yesterday evening to deposit a bottle of extra-strength, chewable Gas-X brand anti-flatulence pills in the locker of his starting center, 2nd year player Khaled Holmes, according to sources close to the team.

 In other news, Aaron Rodgers had a bottle of Vagisil delivered to Jay Cutler's locker early this morning.

In other news, Aaron Rodgers had a bottle of Vagisil delivered to Jay Cutler’s locker early this morning.

“I don’t want to embarrass Khaled, because he’s a good teammate and a great friend,” said Luck. “So I left him that bottle in his locker late last night when I knew he wasn’t there to see me do it. Let’s just say that a quarterback and his center have to work very closely at times during a game, and I’ve become acutely aware that Khaled must have, well, some sort of internal gastrological issues he’s dealing with. Because every time I walk up behind… you know what? Let’s just say that I have firsthand knowledge of his condition, and leave it at that.“


According to Holmes however, Luck’s gesture was entirely unnecessary.


“He left me anti-fart pills? That’s adorable,” said Holmes. “You can tell him that if he would just rub his hands briskly together a few times after each huddle, so that they’re not freezing cold when he presses them up against my junk, then maybe I might be willing to not eat a double bean and cheese burrito with brussel sprouts, cabbage, and a bran muffin every Sunday just before our games.”

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  1. Robert Sanders

    October 16, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    1.) Holmes has not had a single snap this season.

    2.) I’m not even against clever fart jokes, but this is the most overused cliche in all of sports jokes.

  2. UMadBro8

    October 15, 2014 at 6:04 pm

    Is that a jock strap in the bottom left hand corner?

  3. The real Andrew Luck

    October 15, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    Would be better if you put the right player in that I’m taking the snaps from.

  4. Jim in NYC

    October 15, 2014 at 11:12 am

    I don’t think there’s a single part of football more joked about than the QB-C exchange.

    When a quarterback and a backup center botched the snap a couple of years ago, Steve Beuerlein was doing analysis for the game. You could tell the poor guy wanted to find another way of expressing this, but he couldn’t. So he just came out and said it: “Every rear end is different!”

    I almost pissed myself from laughing so hard.

  5. Director Rick

    October 15, 2014 at 10:33 am

    Stay Classy PFM.


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