America Remembers How Boring Preseason Football Is Ten Minutes Into First Game
CANTON, OH – After enduring a long, boring off-season, fans across America celebrated the return of football Sunday by tuning in to the annual NFL Hall of Fame game between the New York Giants and the Buffalo Bills, only to have their joy turn to apathy after ten minutes when they remembered just how boring preseason football is, sources across the nation confirmed earlier today.
“Whoo-hoo! Football is finally BACK! Thank God,” declared diehard NFL fan Dante Hawthorne of Woodland Falls, NJ. “Sure it’s just preseason, so what? After six months of nothing, this is awesome baby!”
Added Hawthorne, just 12 minutes later, “Goddamn, this game is boring. What else is on?”
“After halftime, I barely recognized a single name out there,” said Brockport NY Bills fan Elena Monahan, while watching A Buffalo player named Thad Lewis complete an 8-yard pass to a WR allegedly named Tori Gurley. “God, we have to sit through four more weeks of this shit? It’s so dull.”
The Hall of Fame game traditionally features first-string players for just a single drive or two, followed by a nearly full game played by second, third, and occasionally even fourth string backups.
“These guys are all going to be cut by the time the season starts,” observed Bills fan Robert Thurmond during the fourth quarter. “Nobody cares who wins or loses. Even the coaches look bored. Why the hell am I still watching this crappy game?”