ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Seahawks Fans Won’t Shut Up About Their Five Super Bowl Victories
SEATTLE – Just two days before their teams square off in the NFC Championship game, the trash talking between fans of the Seattle Seahawks and San Francisco 49ers has reached a fever pitch, and according to several reports, 49ers supporters have become “absolutely sick and tired” of Seahawks backers constant bragging about their team’s five Super Bowl victories of decades past.
“Go ‘Hawks! Here comes Lombardi number six baby,” bellowed Seahawks fan William Garvey at a local sports bar populated with supporters of both teams. “The most successful team in the history of the NFC West begins a new era of dominance. Whooo!”
“Hey you guys? What do you call five shelves covered with nothing but dust and cobwebs? The 49ers trophy case!” howled Jason Quiroz, to the raucous laughter and cheers of his fellow ‘Hawks backers.
“Typical Seahawks fan. Always living in the past,” grumbled 49ers supporter Gabe Eggert. “Yes, yes, we all know that the Seahawks dominated the NFL a couple of decades ago. Jeez, let it go already.”
Behind the passing of Hall of Fame QB Dave Krieg (nicknamed “Dave Kool” for his unflappable manner in big games), Seattle earned dynasty status by winning four Super Bowl titles in an eight-year span from 1982-1990. The team then transitioned from one superstar QB to another when Krieg handed the reigns to Dan McGuire, who led Seattle to their fifth world championship in 1995 while establishing himself as one of the greatest QBs of all time.
“Oh god, that’s another thing the Seahawks fans never shut up about. All those ‘legendary’ QBs they’ve had,” moaned 49ers season ticket holder Kenneth Chalmers. “Look the Niners may not have had a couple of Hall of Fame quarterbacks like Krieg and McGuire, but we did have Joe Montana and Steve Young. And yeah, Young was a total bust, but people forget that Joe Montana actually had a couple of halfway decent seasons during the 80’s. Just because we never won any Super Bowls doesn’t mean we never had any moderately capable players, y’know.”
Seahawks fans, however, are unapologetic in their gloating.
“Hey man, when your team’s won FIVE Super Bowls like we have, then you can trash talk all you want. You Niners fans don’t like it? Well, if YOUR team ever manages to win the big game, then you can start running your mouths like we do. Deal?”
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