ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Seahawks Fans Won’t Shut Up About Their Five Super Bowl Victories

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Updated: January 17, 2014

SEATTLE – Just two days before their teams square off in the NFC Championship game, the trash talking between fans of the Seattle Seahawks and San Francisco 49ers has reached a fever pitch, and according to several reports, 49ers supporters have become “absolutely sick and tired” of Seahawks backers constant bragging about their team’s five Super Bowl victories of decades past.

SEAHAWKS SUPER BOWL TROPHIES2

 

“Go ‘Hawks! Here comes Lombardi number six baby,” bellowed Seahawks fan William Garvey at a local sports bar populated with supporters of both teams. “The most successful team in the history of the NFC West begins a new era of dominance. Whooo!”

 

“Hey you guys? What do you call five shelves covered with nothing but dust and cobwebs? The 49ers trophy case!” howled Jason Quiroz, to the raucous laughter and cheers of his fellow ‘Hawks backers.

 

“Typical Seahawks fan. Always living in the past,” grumbled 49ers supporter Gabe Eggert. “Yes, yes, we all know that the Seahawks dominated the NFL a couple of decades ago. Jeez, let it go already.”

 

Behind the passing of Hall of Fame QB Dave Krieg (nicknamed “Dave Kool” for his unflappable manner in big games), Seattle earned dynasty status by winning four Super Bowl titles in an eight-year span from 1982-1990. The team then transitioned from one superstar QB to another when Krieg handed the reigns to Dan McGuire, who led Seattle to their fifth world championship in 1995 while establishing himself as one of the greatest QBs of all time.

 

“Oh god, that’s another thing the Seahawks fans never shut up about. All those ‘legendary’ QBs they’ve had,” moaned 49ers season ticket holder Kenneth Chalmers. “Look the Niners may not have had a couple of Hall of Fame quarterbacks like Krieg and McGuire, but we did have Joe Montana and Steve Young. And yeah, Young was a total bust, but people forget that Joe Montana actually had a couple of halfway decent seasons during the 80’s. Just because we never won any Super Bowls doesn’t mean we never had any moderately capable players, y’know.”

 

Seahawks fans, however, are unapologetic in their gloating.

 

“Hey man, when your team’s won FIVE Super Bowls like we have, then you can trash talk all you want. You Niners fans don’t like it? Well, if YOUR team ever manages to win the big game, then you can start running your mouths like we do. Deal?”

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32 Comments

  1. DanielKaz

    January 4, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    Aaron Rodgers: HAHAHA! I STILL WON THE LAST TWO SUPERBOWLS EVER SINCE THAT INTERCEPTION WILSON THREW IN THE ENDZONE!

    • DanielKaz

      January 4, 2015 at 10:58 pm

      It’s too bad too. He’s a really sweet guy.

  2. 2040 Ben Roethlisberger

    November 5, 2014 at 5:58 am

    BECAUSE THE SEAHAWKS HAVE NEVER WON THE SUPER BOWL, YOU SEE.

  3. San Francisco 49ers

    August 19, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    WHOOOOOO!!! WE GOT ONE!!!

  4. Buffalo Bills

    August 19, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    And seven total

  5. Buffalo Bills

    August 19, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    Five superbowls? That’s cute, we won four in a row.

  6. 07 lions

    April 23, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    hey remeber us only undefeated team ever unlike those 07 patriots or 72 dolphins who couldnt win 1 game shame we didnt win 1 preseason game

  7. Russell Wilson

    April 6, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    Soon.

  8. Tony Romo

    March 18, 2014 at 10:58 pm

    Remember when we scored the field goal and beat the Seahawks in the playoff game in 2007 and won the Super Bowl the next 2 years?

  9. Jimmy Lethal

    March 17, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    How about those 1976 Buccaneers? Came right outta the gate with a perfect season and a Super Bowl!

  10. ANONYMOUSE

    February 24, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    They need to make an Alternate Universe thingy where Terry Bradshaw just made a bunch of anti gay and anti black and anti women comments on A&E and he has a TV show where he hunts ducks and Phil Robertson used to be a really good NFL quarterback.

  11. Ryan Leaf

    February 14, 2014 at 8:26 am

    What about my charges and our Super Bowl wins in 06 and 09 yeah. Sux that Pey Pey is in Jail for raping a high school QB

  12. pksoze

    February 9, 2014 at 8:26 am

    At least the Giants still have the one SB where they beat the Ravens 35-7 with the greatest defense ever.

  13. Anonymous

    February 4, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    @ BEN ROETHESBEGER
    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE YOUR A RAPIST SEE……

  14. Anonymous

    February 4, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    This is retarded

  15. BEAST MODE

    February 2, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    49ers 5 – Seahawks 1 now

  16. Ben Roethesberger

    January 21, 2014 at 10:35 am

    ITS FUNNY BECAUSE 49ERS FANS WON’T SHUT UP YOU SEE

  17. Nemo

    January 20, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    Enough taunts, Brady. I’m gonna shoot you with my electric gun the next time you even go NEAR the sea.

  18. ChristieFan

    January 18, 2014 at 7:41 pm

    And of course, who can forget Jacksonville? The four Super Bowl titles in 05, 08, 09, and 2011 are unmatched by an expansion team.

  19. Anonymous

    January 18, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    I remember when the Cleveland Browns came back bigger and stronger in 1999 and have been sweeping the AFC North ever year. Ray Lewis was upset about retiring because he just wanted 1 victory against the Browns. Meanwhile the Browns enjoy being the champions of Super Bowls 35, 40, 43, and 47.

  20. Anonymous

    January 18, 2014 at 10:28 am

    I remember when Future Hall-of-Famer Ryan Leaf won a Championship in 2006 against the Bears

  21. Tom Brady

    January 17, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    I gotta get my teammates to stop high-fiving me too much! Maybe I should handoff the ball more to Beast Mode in the Red Zone, so he gets more high fives! I’m truly blessed to be with Beast Mode and to be with the Toronto Bills!

  22. Tom Brady

    January 17, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    I gotta go! On Sunday I’m facing one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time, Eli Manning! I’m honored to be facing him again, even if Eli Manning is the Sith Apprentice to Darth Belichick, but I’m on the Jedi Side, with Master Anonymous. May the best team win! Anyways, my wife, the former waitress at the Buffalo IHOP, is calling me! And she might not be Giselle Bundeswhateverhernameis, the world’s highest paid superdupermodel, or Lauren Tannehill, but she’s the only woman for me! I don’t even follow the NFL rules of sleeping with the losing quarterback’s wife. My pastor Tim Tebow says that’s adultery.

  23. Tom Brady

    January 17, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    Hey Nemo, I found you. And after winning 4 SuperBowls, I added 4 more for the Toronto Bills in the late 2000s after losing 2 to Kurt Warner’s Rams, finally finding the success that eluded me in my first years in the league. Don’t forget the Toronto Bills Perfect Season of 2007, which coincided with the return of the Stanley Cup to Toronto in 2004 and 2007 and 2013, when the city finally reversed the Curse of The Hockey Bambino after defeating the Montreal Canadians after being down 3 games to zero in the NHL Eastern Conference Finals! We also defeated the Giants and Peyton Manning for the Perfect Season. LOLs to Giants fans wanting to get revenge for SuperBowl 25, which the Bills won by the most famous kick since the Tuck Rule Game: Scott Norwood Dead Center!

  24. nemo

    January 17, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    What about the recent run of success by the Bills after winning 4 straight Super Bowls in the early ’90s?

  25. Ben Roethlisberger

    January 17, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE THE EXACT OPPOSITE IS TRUE IN REAL LIFE WHERE THE 49ERS HAVE WON FIVE SUPER BOWLS WITH MONTANA AND YOUNG WHILE THE SEAHAWKS HAVEN’T WON ANY, YOU SEE.

  26. Anonymous

    January 17, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    Even in an alternate universe the Vikings STILL can’t win the big one.

  27. Anonymous

    January 17, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    The packers envy the Hawks, not having won a title since the 50s

  28. Anonymous

    January 17, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    And what about Cleveland’s back to back titles that they won with future hall of gamer Tim crouch?

  29. Anonymous

    January 17, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    What About the Rams dominance with Kurt Warner? 3 trophies in 5 years!! there’s a story that went around about a Rams assistant who stumbled on videographer back in 2002. the Patriots claimed they had never heard of him and it was kept quiet. What life might have been….

  30. James

    January 17, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    And those 4 Lombardis the Eagles won? Two in just FOUR years! I can’t believe the Giants have had this embarrassingly long franchise, especially under bill parcells…

  31. @MatthewStafford

    January 17, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Yeah, but no one can beat Detroit’s SIX Super Bowl titles! Go Lions!

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