Alternate Universe Update: Peyton Manning Turns Down Endorsement Opportunity

"I'm No Sellout," Says Marketing-Averse QB

Updated: September 20, 2013

DENVER – As is his norm, Denver Broncos QB Peyton Manning has once again resisted the urge to cash in on his gridiron fame by turning down a lucrative endorsement opportunity offered to him by the Pepsi Cola corporation, it was reported early today.


“I get these sorts of offers constantly,” said the twelve-time Pro Bowler. “It’s flattering that so many companies would like me to be their spokesman. But I’m just not comfortable being a corporate shill. That’s why I’ve never leant my name to any product, and I never will. I guess I’m just not a sellout.”


Among the numerous companies who have tried and failed to enlist Manning’s services are Buick, Direct TV, Mastercard, Kraft Foods, Oreo Cookies, Reebok, and Sprint.


“Look, I’m a quarterback. That’s where I keep my focus,” continued Manning. “If I let myself become distracted with every little endorsement deal that comes my way, I might not have played the error-free football that was needed to win my four Super Bowls.”


Even Papa John’s Pizza has been unable to recruit Manning to market their food despite the fact that the signal caller owns twenty-one of the fast food franchises’ Colorado locations.


“Papa John’s is a business investment for me, but I prefer to stay behind the cameras as an owner. It’s important for me to maintain a professional distance,” concluded Manning. “Besides, filming an ad might mean that’d I have to actually eat a slice of our pizza, and trust me, I’m never making that mistake again.”

Leave a Reply


  1. Anonymous

    February 5, 2014 at 10:16 am

    I just caught on to’s a joke even Eli said Peyton love during endorsement

  2. Isaac

    October 3, 2013 at 10:03 am

    I mean itz da Papa Johns maaaannnnn

  3. Anonymous

    October 1, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    Wasn’t sure this was a joke until he said ‘his four super bowls’

  4. Miffy

    September 21, 2013 at 9:01 am

    Haha. Considering how many endorsements he does, you’d think that those endorsements would be less valuable to the companies who hire him. He’s clearly willing to do anything for a buck.

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