ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Brandon Weeden, Browns in 1st Place and… Holy Crap, They Really ARE?!

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Updated: October 4, 2013

CLEVELAND – In a crazy, alternate universe that’s completely opposite to our own in every way, Brandon Weeden and the Cleveland Browns defeated the Buffalo Bills to take over sole possession of first place on top of the AFC North, and… wait hang on. This isn’t a joke? Holy crap, they really are?

 

This photo was supposedly taken in our actual universe, despite the fact that there are no tears of sadness streaking down Brandon Weeden's face

This photo was supposedly taken in our actual universe, despite the fact that there are no tears of sadness streaking down Brandon Weeden’s face

 

“What impresses me most about this team is that when it comes time to make the plays to win a game down the stretch, we’ve been able to do that,” is an actual quote said by the actual coach of the Browns, Rob Chudzinski after Thursday night’s victory. And remember, this isn’t some imaginary, mixed-up universe in which this is occurring; this is actually happening, for real, in our actual dimension.

 

And get this: it wasn’t red-hot QB Brian Hoyer who led the Browns to their third straight victory, (which has to be some kind of franchise record, you would think). No, it was much-maligned second year signal caller Brandon Weeden, forced into the game when Hoyer left with an injured knee, who actually piloted the team with efficient, capable play, even throwing for a touchdown while not tossing a single interception. For real!

 

“He did a great job, and really got us going” said TE Jordan Cameron of Weeden, in what we assure you is our actual reality and not a parallel universe somewhere. And bear in mind that Cameron, 25, has quickly emerged as one of the top, if not the top, tight end in the league at the moment. And he plays for the Cleveland Browns. IN THIS UNIVERSE.

 

In conclusion, we’d like to remind you that that has not been PFM’s regularly scheduled update from an alternate universe. However, that will be rectified later today when PFM will bring you a report from a far-off, opposite dimension where the New York Giants, Pittsburgh Steelers, Atlanta Falcons, Washington Redskins, Green Bay Packers, and San Francisco 49ers are a combined 5-18 and… hang on, we’ve just been handed a note. WHAT?! NO FUCKING WAY.

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12 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    October 7, 2013 at 6:23 am

    My fantasy team next year – matt schaubs orgasms

  2. Anonymous

    October 5, 2013 at 10:32 pm

    my poor poor fantasy team.

  3. Anonymous

    October 5, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    Well we know the ORGASMs didn’t go to your wife

  4. Dude

    October 5, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    Hahaha nice ORGASMS reference

  5. IFHSS

    October 5, 2013 at 7:58 am

    LOL i kNOW they are jokes, I still dont like them because the other teams still have to play. Hence the MOCK.

  6. Anonymous

    October 5, 2013 at 5:51 am

    Wait, if this website isn’t real, where did my donations to ORGASMS go?

  7. bobman2

    October 4, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    Hey wait, you mean to say Vince Wilfork wearing the cone of shame is NOT real? Okay, maybe, that was just silly, but the TV yellow first down line writing an op-ed piece asking to be declared official, if that’s not real I’ll eat my hat.

  8. Anonymous

    October 4, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    ummmm This entire site is an NFL spoof page IFHSS. If you think they are actually being serious about anything written here, find another site :)

  9. Pingback: A Smooth Gentleman » ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Brandon Weeden, Browns in 1st Place and… Holy Crap, They Really ARE?! – ProFootballMock.com – ProFootballMock.com

  10. Rhound50

    October 4, 2013 at 9:59 am

    LOL IFHSSS, its a joke you dumbass.

  11. IFHSS

    October 4, 2013 at 8:43 am

    I hate this type of dumb articles, memes, pics, WHATEVER it is saying that a team is first place, even though other teams have yet to play, and have a chance at re-tying for first. YES they are in first place but to me it’s only technically.

  12. Carrie Piskur McKnight

    October 4, 2013 at 7:30 am

    FOR REAL!

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