ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Bills vs. Jags Flexed to Sunday Night Football

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Updated: December 12, 2013

JACKSONVILLE, FL – In what is widely considered a preview of this season’s AFC championship game, NBC announced today that this weekend’s game between the Buffalo Bills and the Jacksonville Jaguars will be flexed into the primetime “Sunday Night Football” slot, replacing the previously-scheduled contest between Cincinnati and Pittsburgh.

BILL JAGUARS FEATURED IMAGE

 

“We’re committed to showcasing the finest teams in the NFL on ‘Sunday Night Football.'” a spokesperson said, “And this season, it’s hard to find any teams that have played better than the Bills and Jaguars. We’re excited to show America a game that promises to be an instant classic.”

 

Currently at 11-2, the Buffalo Bills’ season appeared to be lost following a Week 4 injury to red-hot rookie QB E.J. Manuel. However,  journeyman Thad Lewis and rookie backup Jeff Tuel have shown elite levels of play in guiding the Bills to wins over the likes of the Cincinnati Bengals, New Orleans Saints, and Kansas City Chiefs, before turning the reins back over to Manuel for a Week 10 win over the Steelers. It’s expected that after the season is over, the Bill will be able to trade both superstar backups for first round picks to QB needy teams like New England and Green Bay.

 

At 12-1, meanwhile, the Jacksonville Jaguars are one of the most dominant teams in the league. Veteran signal-caller Chad Henne has guided the team to spectacular victories, including a rare win against the Seahawks in Seattle, a brilliant seven-touchdown performance against the floundering Denver Broncos, and a blowout win over the San Francisco 49ers in front of 90,000 screaming fans at London’s Wembley Stadium. Behind a defense that allows less than fourteen points per game, a sensational year from RB Maurice Jones-Drew, and the heroics of WR Justin Blackmon, the Jags have cruised through most of their contests this season.

 

Much looks to be at stake in the Week 15 matchup. A Bills win over the Jags could go a long way in helping the Bills clinch the AFC East for the first time in eighteen years, especially as the New England Patriots play a united and unflappable Miami Dolphins squad. A Jaguars win over the Bills, meanwhile, would likely put the AFC South out of reach for disappointing second-year QB Andrew Luck and the struggling Indianapolis Colts, and could possibly lock up the number one seed for Jacksonville entering the playoffs.

 

“Obviously, we’re taking everything one game at a time, but we’re thrilled at the opportunity to play in front of the entire country on Sunday night,” said Bills head coach Doug Marrone. “You know, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with this awful nightmare that we’re actually 4-9, our first round QB is tossing interceptions like parade candy, and that we’d actually lost by three touchdowns to the Buccaneers, of all teams. But it doesn’t take long for that fear to pass and I remember how blessed I am to coach a team with so much talent. Go Bills!”

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15 Comments

  1. Dan Bridgland

    December 23, 2013 at 4:55 am

    C’mon London – Jags are playing the totally talentless and perenially irrelevant Cowboys next season. By then the Boys will have been eliminated from playoff contention but will have new ownership in the form of a collective of north Texas football fans who will wisely spend the no 1 pick on the best D-lineman available & trade their other first round pick, 2nd & 3rd round picks for more picks later on in the draft to select linemen & linebackers who won’t just by around so the team can sell replica jerseys.

  2. London

    December 16, 2013 at 12:51 am

    We’re so glad you put the Jags over here for home games thru 2015. and not some second rate bullsiht squad like you know Denver or Indi or the Seahawks (sob)

  3. Anonymous

    December 13, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    On this site, there will ALWAYS be a guy not realizing that it’s a joke website, and a Big Ben impersonator explaining why the article is funny.ALWAYS.

  4. Anonymous

    December 13, 2013 at 9:56 am

    Two people both didn’t notice this was a joke site AND are still living in 2012…

  5. Steve

    December 13, 2013 at 5:39 am

    This is hilarious: “a united and unflappable Miami Dolphins squad”

  6. Anonymous

    December 13, 2013 at 3:48 am

    You guys have a bad habit of ruining these articles at the very end. Marrone’s comment about being 4-9 was completely unnecessary & unfunny. If these are “alternate universes”, there should be no references to the actual universe that exists in real life.

  7. bobman2

    December 13, 2013 at 1:27 am

    I think Gabbert made the right decision to move to Italy when he was elected Pope. Sure it was a surprise, but the team gets a compensatory 1st round pick from the Vatican (and a framed DaVinci sketch) in exchange, plus they’re playing for a playoff bye, so it’s a wash. They really want to rest their players at home in four weeks. Those guys sure are planning on sitting on their couches, relaxing, watching the scrubs play wildcard weekend. (sob)

  8. Anonymous

    December 12, 2013 at 10:03 pm

    This is an absolutely terrible decision. WAS-ATL was a lock for this game. RGIII is tearing up the league, Mike Shanahan just got a huge contract extension, and Tony Gonzalez is poised to get to the Super Bowl with one of the best seasons all-time for a TE. That’s a superstar-filled game being played in the Dirty South. NBC is dropping the ball big time here.

  9. Anonymous

    December 12, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    Yes. In an alternate universe.

  10. M_J

    December 12, 2013 at 4:32 pm

    Wait is this serious?

  11. Ben

    December 12, 2013 at 4:28 pm

    IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY ARE FAILURES IN REAL LIFE

  12. Kenny

    December 12, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    I lost it at win in Seattle, floundering Broncos and blowout against the 49ers.

  13. Anonymous

    December 12, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    Why is your alternate universe the dream of my fantasy team?

  14. Anonymous

    December 12, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    I was going to watch reruns of Oprah, but now I’m compelled to tune in!

  15. Anonymous

    December 12, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    Tough to believe this game got the bump as opposed to the battle between ATL and WAS which should decide home field advantage throughout the playoffs. And Chad Henne as the Jags stating QB? What happened to the Pro Bowl calibur season that Blaine Gabbert is having?

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