ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Eagles Fans Described as “Warm, Friendly” To Visiting Cowboys Fans

Updated: October 25, 2013


PHILADELPHIA – While attending last Sunday’s 17-3 Dallas victory over Philadelphia, visiting Cowboys supporter Jasper Lee Davenport was enthusiastically welcomed to Lincoln Financial Field by the home town Eagles fans, who gave the Texas native an “incredibly warm, friendly” greeting and did everything they could to make their NFC East rival feel right at home, alternate universe sources reported today.


“Gosh, it sure is true what they say: the Philadelphia Eagles have the nicest fans in the entire NFL by far,” said Davenport, while drinking a beer purchased for him by one of his many new friends in section 137, row 14. “Everyone I met at the game was just so kind and welcoming to me. They even gave me high-fives when Tony Romo threw that TD to Terrance Williams in the fourth quarter. Man, what a bunch of sweethearts.”



“That’s just the Philly way,” said Eagles fan Paulie Lockhart, 26. “Whether it’s Rangers fans coming to a Flyers game, Boston fans here to see the Celtics take on the Sixers, or Pirates supporters catching a Phillies series, we want visiting fans to feel right at home here in our wonderful city. That’s why every sports fan in this town takes pride in being such a gracious host to anyone who cheers for an opposing team.”


Eagles fans have long been known as the classiest, most warm-hearted supporters in the NFL. Some of the oft-repeated anecdotes about Philly backers include the time when they showered Santa Claus with long stemmed roses, and of course, the famous moment in 1999 when the entire stadium chanted “Get well soon, Playmaker!” to an injured Michael Irvin as he lay motionless on the Veterans Stadium turf.


According to Davenport, last Sunday’s game was completely in line with Eagles fans’ reputation for hospitality.



“I showed up to ‘the Linc’ wearing full Cowboys gear, as well as blue and silver paint all over my face and body,” said Davenport. “Well, as soon as I walked to my seat, Eagles fans around me began saying, ‘Hey look everyone, it’s a Dallas fan! Howdy, pardner!’ And before I knew it, a bunch of folks wearing Brian Dawkins jerseys were shaking my hand, patting me on the back, and telling me how much they respected and admired the Cowboys franchise. I felt like a tiny blue speck in a sea of green love.”


“Heck, I was even teasing them a little bit about our two teams’ history,” continued Davenport. “You know, just reminding them how my Cowboys have five Super Bowl championships, while their Eagles don’t have any. They took it all in stride, and we had a good laugh.”


Davenport claimed to have thoroughly enjoyed his experience, and said he would encourage all rival sports fans to consider making a road trip to Philadelphia for a game.


“Oh definitely. It doesn’t matter if you root for the Cowboys,  Giants, or Redskins. You should make it a point to come to Philly and enjoy rooting for your team as they play against the Eagles. And be sure to wear as much swag as you can to show everyone that you’re cheering for the opposition. Trust me, they love it, and will treat you as if you’re family. In fact, if you’re not careful, they just might kill you with kindness!”

Leave a Reply


  1. DanielKaz

    January 4, 2015 at 11:09 pm

    I feel a song coming on

  2. BigJayB

    November 26, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    If they have cheesesteaks in the alt. universe Philly, they have to be better than in real life. Sorry Philly, but your cheesesteaks suck. Seriously, cheese whiz and steak-ems? What the fuck? You want a real cheesesteak, come on down to Baltimore, and I’ll show you a REAL cheesesteak. I have a friend from Philly, and he said ours was better than anything he ever got back home.

  3. Anonymous

    November 26, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    Its funny how the media has so much to say about eagles fans and the santa thibg was like 50 years ago and santa showed up late and drunk. Meanwhile other fans riot and beat the hell out of ppl and its all good. Im a season ticket holder and we have fans from all over sit near us from time to time and if anything they’re usually the drunk ones causing issues and getting the boot. Any player will tell you how much they love playing for this citt because were real fans. Winning or losing were there in the heat rainsnow and freezing cold… were there cheering our boys on and if they suck we let them know because we pay lots of money and put lots of love and passion into our teams. Cowboys fans are a bunch of phony fans.

  4. DirectorRick

    November 25, 2013 at 12:44 am

    In this universe, do cheesteaks even exist?

  5. John Holmes

    October 30, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    I encourage all cowboy fans to do the same

  6. Chrth

    October 25, 2013 at 11:28 am

    “But Seriously Those Maniacs Will MURDER You If You Wear Cowboys Gear in Philly” is a great Tag and I look forward to more articles with it

  7. Seattle Muse

    October 25, 2013 at 9:14 am

    They’re going to have to re-shoot Silver Linings Playbook now

  8. alexgiobbi

    October 25, 2013 at 8:35 am

    That’s a scary thought.

  9. Nemo

    October 25, 2013 at 7:17 am

    Someone destroy this Alternate universe now.

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