“Ah, Tony Romo, My Old Friend, We Meet Again,” by The Month of December

Updated: December 3, 2013


Ah Tony Romo. Greetings to you, my old friend. Has it really been 12 months already since last you felt my wintery chill?


Well, here we are again. You, with your annual won-loss record that hovers right around .500, and me with my slate of crucial late season games, each fraught with more playoff pressure and high expectations than the last.


We make quite the pair, you and I, do we not?


I notice that you have won two straight games, against the New York Giants and the Oakland Raiders. Bully for you, dear chum! You and your star-helmeted compatriots have positioned yourselves nicely for a divisional title run and a shot at that elusive playoff glory you crave so deeply. But ah, now is when the game is truly afoot, is it not? For now is the time when I arrive to bring you a quartet of games against the Bears, Packers, Redskins, and Eagles. Each will test your mettle, and shine my harsh winter’s light on your flaws and shortcomings.

COWBOYS - TONY ROMO - Wearing wool cap for December weather, blue jersey


Perhaps you are telling yourself that this year will be different. Maybe you believe that your 2013 season will end with a six game winning streak that will propel your beloved Cowboys into the playoffs on a surge of momentum to carry you all the way through to a glorious Super Bowl victory. Is this the case, Tony Romo? Are these the championship thoughts you whisper to yourself in order to stay warm on these frosty nights of late?


If indeed that is the case, then I fear you have underestimated me, my old friend.


You see, I have rather large plans of heartbreak and failure in store for you over the next four weeks. Your Christmas stocking will be stuffed with quite the assortment of dropped passes, drive-killing penalties, and a fourth-quarter pick-6 or two. Additionally, your team will feature a defensive breakdown that will allow over 40 points and 500 yards, for which you personally will somehow be blamed.


And those aren’t the last of my seasonal treats, dearest Tony. Would you like to know which game will see you rolling on the ground on agony as a result of a vicious blindside hit, or the exact number of fractured ribs you will suffer as a result? Well forgive me, my holiday nemesis, but that information will remain my secret for the time being. Surely you can indulge the whims of a mischievous calendar month such as myself? I do so love my little surprises.


So in conclusion old friend, I suggest you prepare yourself for my usual end-of-year hijinks, for our long and storied rivalry is about to enter its greatest chapter. Set your sights high and dream your little dreams of greatness, because only when your goals are at their most epic can your tears of sadness taste their sweetest.


Oh, and if you see Matt Ryan, please inform him that my good friend the month of January is very disappointed that the two of them won’t be sharing their regular dance of disappointment during the new year, but that he very much looks forward to establishing a new relationship of failure and shame with Cam Newton and Nick Foles.

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  2. Kenny

    January 6, 2014 at 5:04 pm

    Referencing the Month of January part. I think it’s found a new dance partner in Andy Dalton.

  3. Tony Romo

    December 27, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    Dammit December leave me alone! Its not my fault out defense plays like shit and breaks down!

  4. Anonymous

    December 23, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    BREAKING: Adam Schefter just twitted Romo is done for the season… so PFM was right again on Romo’s December injury!!!

  5. Anonymous

    December 16, 2013 at 11:47 am

    Yesterday’s game just poured about a gallon of gasoline into the Romo-December fire. I can’t wait for them to put up the FB convo for this week.

  6. Anonymous

    December 16, 2013 at 11:37 am

    Why can’t the NFL just award 2 out of 4 games the Cowboys play in December to their opponents & save all the fuss?

  7. Anonymous

    December 16, 2013 at 10:20 am

    PFM, get on with it

  8. December

    December 16, 2013 at 12:45 am

    even more hilarious after the egregious perforamnce yesterday…

  9. SGT Caz

    December 15, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    Well, it’s not an injury, but TWO picks in the fourth quarter against the Pack means that PFM gets the Swami Crystal Ball award for this season. Such fail…


  10. AnonS

    December 15, 2013 at 4:51 pm


  11. Danny White

    December 11, 2013 at 9:43 am

    They lose in December because they have no drive. You can’t rely on money to be the motivation. They have to want to win and the ability to get it done. There’s just no motivation.

  12. Anonymous

    December 11, 2013 at 9:00 am

    Haha it’s never his fault, he just loses in December is all.

  13. Danny White

    December 10, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    I don’t see how this loss was Romo’s fault, he threw three td’s and no int’s. The O line was soft and the defense was offensive. Tony’s always the scapegoat. You look at his stats and he’s awesome, technically better than Aikman. He’s not the only guy playing, it’s as much on the rest of the team as it is him.

  14. Anonymous

    December 10, 2013 at 10:34 am

    “Additionally, your team will feature a defensive breakdown that will allow over 40 points and 500 yards, for which you personally will somehow be blamed.”Holy crap you guys called it again..the bears just did this last night lol

  15. bobman2

    December 10, 2013 at 12:31 am

    Looks like December and Soldier Field have some sort of partnership going. Romo did well but his D got torched… so clearly he’s to blame!

  16. anon

    December 9, 2013 at 1:20 am

    maybe he should play spring Football… no Decmber choke-ups there 😉

  17. Anonymous

    December 6, 2013 at 12:33 am

    The comments were just as good, if not, better than the article itself lol

  18. cheese

    December 5, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    Damn it this is reverse jinxing the Cowboys. Now they’re gonna go on a run, and win the Super Bowl I GUARANTEE IT

  19. bobman2

    December 4, 2013 at 11:14 am

    He never was very good at math.

  20. Anonymous

    December 4, 2013 at 6:27 am

    Dear The Month of December, I’m pretty sure it’s only been 11 months since you last visited.

  21. Anonymous

    December 4, 2013 at 5:55 am

    HA HA ! the comment about the Pats in Jan/Feb was better than the article itself. Even the Mark Sanchez led Jets eliminated them one of those years…Now thats bad

  22. Anonymous

    December 4, 2013 at 12:19 am

    Haha what that anon said about the pats in January/February was by far the best haha

  23. Seth

    December 4, 2013 at 12:05 am

    December and January been alright for the Ravens recently :)

  24. Vee Grafstein

    December 3, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    @James I love how colorfully you worded exactly my thoughts

  25. James

    December 3, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    Excel as you might Biff, problem is, your patriots have had quite the wearisome task over several seasons that you come within a hairs width of reclaiming a place in the Super Bowl, only to be superceded by teams like the ravens lol. And as if that weren’t bad enough, TWICE you have actually made it back to the Super Bowl in FIVE years, and TWICE have you derped it away to your superior arch nemesis, the trolls you know very well, the G-Men. In summation, HAHAHA!

  26. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 5:09 pm


  27. Anonymous

    December 3, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    Interesting you should say that, Biff. It seems as though January and February have turned against your Patriots the past 9 years or so.

  28. Biff the Patriot

    December 3, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    Epic story oh December Friend. We Patriot fans truly appreciate your presents to they who still call themselves “America’s Team” while blessing us with that gift of a QB that excels in the weather that others cannot play in. May January & February offer the same token of appreciation that you do.

  29. Big Ben Roethlisberger

    December 3, 2013 at 1:45 pm


  30. jiminnyc

    December 3, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    It’s Jessica’s Curse. Ever since Romo hooked up with Jessica Simpson, the Cowboys have found new and interesting ways to lose in December and (very rarely) January.

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