49ers Celebrate Not Having To Play In Stupid Pro Bowl
After defeating the Atlanta Falcons 28-24 in the NFC Championship Game on Sunday, the jubilant San Francisco 49ers raucously celebrated not having to play in the stupid Pro Bowl, it was reported Tuesday.
“Whoo-hoo! We did it! We’re out of our Pro Bowl commitment,” chanted the victorious team in the locker room moments after the win, as players drenched each other with champagne and donned the official, “No Pro Bowl For Us” ball caps that team officials pre-ordered in case of a win.
“They said we couldn’t do it, fellas,” elated head coach Jim Harbaugh said to his squad. “They said we’d never be able to avoid those annoying Pro Bowl obligations. But this team stuck together and we found a way! That’s teamwork, baby!”
Despite a general lack of interest from players, the NFL Pro Bowl is consistently a strong ratings performer on television, and the league is adamant that the tradition continue. According to NFL rules, players who are voted into the Pro Bowl and who do not have a legitimate injury exemption are required to compete in the game, as well as participate in all promotional activities during the rest of the week. The 49ers, however, were desperate to find some means of avoiding the contest.
“There’s a loophole in the Collective Bargaining Agreement that states you don’t have to play in the Pro Bowl if your team wins the NFC Championship, for whatever reason,” said S Donte Whitner. “So we used that as bulletin board material to motivate our squad.”
A total of nine San Francisco players were voted to the NFC Pro Bowl roster, and several others might have been appointed to the team as alternates, had it not been for the team’s victory on Sunday.
“Thank god we’re out of that stupid game. It is SUCH a pain in the ass,” said LB Patrick Willis, a six-time nominee for the NFC. “Every day that you’re there, they make you get up early, give interviews, pose for photos, sign autographs. And all while wearing one of those ridiculous leis. It’s like, ‘man my season is over. I just want to go home, chill out and watch Spongebob, not do a bunch of work stuff all day,’ you know?”
“Getting a free trip to Hawaii may sound cool, but trust me it blows,” echoed RB Frank Gore, himself a four-time participant. “Look I make, like, a jillion dollars a year. I can afford to take my own vacation to Hawaii, without having to spend all day being trotted around like a show pony to promote the league. And I don’t have to get all taped up and put on pads just to play in some meaningless game that no one gives a crap about.”
Asked what he would do now that his Pro Bowl obligations have been lifted, Gore replied, “I dunno. Take a vacation for a couple of weeks I guess. Head to Europe, maybe Asia. I should be back sometime around the second week of February.”